Because of that, the ball cap I’d pressed down deeply became crooked. I was so startled that I immediately twisted my body to shake off Kwon Yujin.
“Let go, of this.”
“Don’t want to.”
No matter what he did or how much strength I put in to push him away, Kwon Yujin didn’t budge at all. Only the grip strength of the hand holding my chin grew stronger.
“Don’t, I said don’t! Why are you doing this?”
I stammered at the sudden pain and surprise.
“Why? You’re asking me that now?”
“I said I didn’t want to.”
“Have you ever stopped when I told you not to?”
Kwon Yujin scoffed dismissively at my struggling. When he brought up the old story, I had nothing to say. At this rate, it seemed like he would really forcibly take off my mask.
That absolutely couldn’t happen.
“I don’t want to, I was wrong. Okay?”
“……”
“Kw-, Kwon Yujin… Don’t, please….”
I couldn’t bear to show my disgusting face to Kwon Yujin.
When I desperately begged and muttered quietly, Kwon Yujin, who had been staring down at me intently, soon released the strength in his hand. As soon as I, who had been held powerlessly, could move freely, I stepped back and fled to the end of the living room.
Even though we were both adult men, perhaps because Kwon Yujin was a swimming athlete, he was very strong. To the point of becoming powerless in an instant.
I take after Father, so I’m the type to get told I have good strength wherever I go, but in front of Kwon Yujin, such an evaluation became meaningless.
Kwon Yujin left the house without even saying goodbye while I obsessively readjusted my hat and mask.
Was he angry because of the mask? Or did he dislike that I grabbed his coat without permission?
“That’s right. I have chocolate.”
Only belatedly did I realize there were snacks. When I ran to the kitchen and opened the drawer, there were plenty of unopened new chocolates.
I should have given him chocolate with tea. I’d completely forgotten.
I closed the drawer regretfully. Only the cigarette butt that wasn’t even half-burned remained like the only trace he’d left behind.
“Swimming athletes shouldn’t smoke.”
I muttered to myself and cleaned up the cigarette butt. Then I took off my mask and hat.
After washing my face in the bathroom, I went to the entrance and checked my face reflected in the mirror. My expression naturally crumpled.
The acne was gone now, but the afterimage from before still seemed to be overlaid on my face. The reddish hives and acne that had densely filled my cheeks and chin. It was too painful to keep looking, so I stopped staring at the mirror.
But what on earth was going on anyway? From Kwon Yujin’s sudden visit to the imprinting. It was still full of things I didn’t understand. It had been a full 14 years since I’d faced Kwon Yujin this closely and conversed, so I was still dumbfounded.
Whenever I suspected it might be a dream, I went out to the living room and checked the cigarette he’d left half-smoked.
With my dull head, there were still many things I didn’t know, but since we agreed to meet again next week, I would know in more detail then than now.
Maybe Kwon Yujin misunderstood something. Right, until I went to the hospital, it was still unknown. So I hoped it was a misunderstanding.
***
On the first day when Kwon Yujin was captured by Father and dragged to our house, he only cried pitifully. As if crying was the only thing he knew how to do.
It made sense. Father would have used violence when kidnapping him, and the child was only ten years old, so being terrified was natural.
“Shh. If you keep crying, Father might come back later and hit you…”
Even after watching for a long time, there was no sign of the crying stopping. After much deliberation, I reached out my hand to comfort the child who kept shedding tears like glass beads.
“D-don’t touch me! Monster! Huuuh.”
But my clumsy consolation only startled the child more. The child recoiled in fright and crawled on the floor to escape from me.
At that time, I was thirteen years old and lived in a house full of mold and always filled with cigarette smoke, so my skin was full of rashes and acne. Father too, and my school friends all said I was dirty and disgusting, so the child’s reaction wasn’t surprising to me at all. Rather, it felt natural.
“Scary. Sniff. D-disgusting…”
It seemed like the child was becoming more anxious because of me, so instead of touching the child, I went to the kitchen. I filled a cup with tap water in case they were thirsty, and gave them leftover uncooked ramen in case they were hungry.
This time, instead of approaching closely, I reached out my hand from far away. But for some reason, the child didn’t eat what I offered.
The child had a very pretty and precious appearance. I guessed that Father might have brought the son of the person he usually called “hyungnim” from the organization he worked for.
Because Father always had a lot of complaints about the person called hyungnim. The reason was that he could freely handle money and women while Father couldn’t. When on calls, he was always respectful to hyungnim, but turned around and cursed him.
Contrary to my expectation, I only learned much later that the child was the second son of a famous entrepreneur.
When I stopped approaching, the child, who had stopped crying, glanced at me. I examined the wounds on the child’s cheeks and various parts of the body. Father probably caused this.
It was heartbreaking to see wounds on such pale and delicate skin. I watched that sight and then brought bandages and medicine.
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“……”
“Should I put medicine on it?”
“…Wh-when is that scary ahjussi coming again?”
“Father will probably come at night. He might come soon…”
“……”
“I don’t really know either.”
As soon as the child heard my words, they stood up abruptly.
“Why? Do you need something?”
“No, I… bathroom…”
“Need to pee?”
“Y-yeah.”
“The bathroom is over there.”
I told the child the direction of the bathroom. There was no need to go far. In the narrow house, all movements were resolved within just a few steps.
The child, who nodded with swollen eyes, took steps in the direction I indicated. Then immediately ran toward the entrance.
“Huh?”
Flustered, I stood up. The child, who had quickly run to the shoe cabinet, was opening the door.
Click-click. Urgent metallic sounds rang frantically throughout the house.
But whether not knowing how to unlock the rusty and old entrance door, the child fumbled in place for a few seconds. I hurriedly chased after and dragged the child back to the room.
“Let go! Let this go!”
“Sorry. But if you run away, I’ll get scolded by Father later.”
Although thin, I took after Father and was tall for my age. Moreover, the crying and struggling child at that time was much smaller than me, so it wasn’t difficult to subdue them.
I thought they knew nothing because they were small, pretty like a doll, and looked innocent, but it seemed they knew how to act more cunningly than I thought. I had to watch them better so they couldn’t escape.
As time passed, the child eventually collapsed and fell asleep, exhausted. I began to examine the child, who was curled up asleep in fear, in detail.
“Woow…”
The child was the prettiest among peers I’d ever seen. So small and lovable that it was hard to believe we were the same species. Like a prince or princess from a fairy tale.
Unlike my face, bumpy with acne and hives, the child’s skin was pale and soft. It seemed like it would taste like milk or fresh cream if I took a bite.
I scratched my face oozing with discharge and held my breath in case the child woke up. While wrapped in anxiety and secretly watching the child who had fallen asleep as if fainting like a thief, I had the carefree thought that they were like a doll. It seemed like I could keep looking like this for hours.
I hope they keep staying here.
Maybe, this child might come to like being with me too.
Without taking my eyes off the long lowered eyelashes and the tears formed between them for even a moment, I harbored such foolish and vain hope.
***
“Alright, let’s stop here and have lunch now!”
“Yes sir.”
“Oh my, my body aches.”
As soon as the director’s words ended, the people at the site put down the equipment they were holding. I also stacked the planed lumber to one side and dusted off my hands.
Today I did lumber cutting all morning, so the area was full of dust. It felt like my whole body was covered in powder.
Originally, we should have finished this a long time ago, but because of the words Kwon Yujin left behind, I couldn’t focus on work at all for the past few days.
“Hyun Taeyoung. Going out to eat alone again today?”
When someone called my name, I turned around to see Park Seongwoo, who was in charge of the facilities team at this interior construction site, approaching. At twenty-seven, the same age as me, from the time he introduced himself, he naturally spoke informally and has treated me especially comfortably since then.
“Yeah.”
“Why do you always eat alone? Because you don’t want to take off your mask?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it true you don’t take it off even in midsummer? The director said he’s never seen your face even once.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have some big scar or something? Like burn marks.”
