“Well. When you ask me like that, I don’t know how to answer.”
Park Seongwoo shrugged his shoulders while taking off his work gloves.
“Well, anyway, I don’t have a weak stomach. I wouldn’t have been able to do this work otherwise.”
That’s true. Working at construction sites or interior sites, we were frequently exposed to everything from dust to bugs and filth.
I decided to trust Park Seongwoo’s words and get an objective evaluation of my face. No matter how much I thought about it, there was no one else I could ask.
“This might sound strange, but this is important to me.”
“…Suddenly? What on earth are you trying to say?”
After hesitating for a moment, I placed my hand on my mask as if I’d made a decision.
“Please evaluate my face.”
“Suddenly? What kind of evaluation do you want?”
“Just, to what extent. Whether it’s too unbearable to look at, or tolerable enough to endure.”
“Hey, all people’s faces are about the same. What do you mean unbearable?”
“Still, I need an objective opinion.”
“When you put it that way, I’m tempted. Honestly, I’ve been curious why you’ve been covering it all this time.”
“……”
“Alright. Let’s see it.”
I took a deep breath and lowered my mask.
At the same time, my heart started racing like crazy. This was the first time since becoming an adult that I’d voluntarily shown my face to someone.
“……”
“……”
I felt Park Seongwoo’s startled gaze focus on my face. It felt like his gaze had become insects crawling all over my facial skin.
“Paha, haaa.”
Having held my breath while exposing my face, I couldn’t endure it any longer and pulled the mask back up. Then I gasped for air.
I felt heat rise throughout my face from tension and shame. I watched Park Seongwoo’s reaction while breathing heavily as if I’d been running at full speed.
“How is it?”
“……”
“I asked how it is.”
“…Didn’t you definitely say before that you cover it because of acne?”
“It’s relatively okay now, but it was worse when I was younger.”
“Ah, shit. This is fucking bizarre….”
“Is it that strange?”
“I don’t know if you’re messing with me or being serious.”
“I’m not messing with you.”
“If you’re messing with me I’d be pissed, but if you’re serious then there’s a huge problem with your mental state, Hyun Taeyoung, and that’s unsettling in its own way….”
“What are you talking about? So, is it unbearable to look at?”
Park Seongwoo stared at me quietly with an expression that said he wanted to hit me.
I chewed my lips like a criminal waiting for a judge’s sentence, waiting for Park Seongwoo’s next words.
“You’re handsome.”
“I’m handsome?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t need to speak that positively. Tell me objectively.”
Then Park Seongwoo’s expression became even more complex.
“Should I really be honest?”
“Yeah.”
“That drama that’s airing now, what is it. You look like the omega actor in The Bitter Taste of Love.”
“Omega…?”
Did it show? But I’d never been asked if I was an omega in my life. My pheromones were exceptionally weak and my build and strength were sturdy for an omega.
Could it show in my face? It wasn’t easy to interpret Park Seongwoo’s words.
“No, do you really have some mental illness or are you just fishing for compliments? You’re fucking handsome, so why have you been wrapping yourself up tightly all this time, fuck.”
“Ah. So it’s not bad? And not disgusting either.”
“You’re fucking handsome like a noble young master. Not disgusting, and girls would fucking love it.”
“Really?”
“This guy, who are you trying to fool. So you’re handsome and pretty and noble-looking and popular and all that, but only I don’t know. What… what kind of world is that? I don’t know much about that stuff though.”
Park Seongwoo spun his finger around his temple while making a strange expression. I watched his action carefully and then shrugged my shoulders.
“You keep exaggerating so I don’t know if you’re serious or joking.”
“That’s what I should say, fuck. No…. I’m so frustrated.”
“……”
“If you can’t believe it that much, go out to the subway or Hongdae or somewhere and try getting someone’s number. That’ll prove it, right?”
Hearing that, it seemed like a decent method too. Park Seongwoo has a friendship with me, so he might be speaking positively.
“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll definitely try it.”
“Hey, Hyun Taeyoung! Just take off the mask and go around from now on. Seriously, why do you live wearing it?”
As I turned around to return to where we were working, Park Seongwoo shouted from behind me.
***
As the day I was supposed to meet Kwon Yujin drew closer, I became increasingly anxious.
Why on earth did I do that? Why did I say that nonsense about obediently taking off the mask next time? When I won’t even be able to keep that promise.
At the time, I said I would in order to somehow escape from the difficult situation, but as time passed, regret came flooding in. Is there really a reason I need to show Kwon Yujin my face? It would only cause him discomfort.
Just the thought of standing in front of him without a hat and mask made cold sweat form on my spine.
“Haaa.”
But didn’t he say his practice records noticeably recovered after that contact at the movie theater? And it seems he participated well in the training he’d been struggling with.
I know in my head that Kwon Yujin’s condition needs to remain like this for a while before we can start treatment for his rejection reaction to other people’s pheromones. Nevertheless, it was difficult to accept the situation of having to show my face and kiss him.
While working, while sleeping, while eating, regret kept surging up. I ended up sending Kwon Yujin a text.
[I don’t want to do that thing. I’m canceling what I said about taking off the mask•]
[I definitely•canceled this]
Since I usually had no reason to text anyone, it took a long time even to write those sentences.
But unfortunately, there was no reply from Kwon Yujin at all. That made me even more anxious.
We already made a promise, and it has a positive effect on Kwon Yujin’s records, so I can’t pretend not to know or change my words.
‘When you come next week, take off the mask. If you don’t, I’ll take it by force.’
There was also Kwon Yujin’s threat. No matter what excuse I made, there didn’t seem to be any way out for me.
So after much deliberation, I decided to go to a dermatologist for the first time. First, I wanted to hear from an expert exactly what state my face was in.
It’s a bit better now, but when I was young, I had severe acne and rashes, and my face was all red and bumpy—maybe they could tell me a concrete treatment method. Technology has improved a lot these days, so there should be a way.
After completing the registration, I sat among the people in the waiting room and waited a bit, then my name was called.
“Hyun Taeyoung-nim.”
“Yes.”
“Please come into the consultation room.”
I nodded with my back straight and headed to the consultation room the nurse guided me to. The doctor, who had been typing while looking at the monitor, looked at me and smiled brightly.
“What brings you in today?”
“I’d like to get treatment for my facial skin.”
“I need to see the condition in detail, so could you take off your mask for a moment?”
The gentle doctor’s words eased my tension a bit. This was my first time at a dermatologist, but thinking about it, the doctor would treat patients like me every day. That meant I might not be a very special case.
Repeating that to myself internally, I slowly removed my mask and waited for the doctor’s words with a trembling heart. The few seconds the doctor took to look over my face felt unusually long.
Soon, a puzzled look appeared on the doctor’s face.
“Um, which area exactly is bothering you?”
“My whole face. It’s a bit better now, but when I was young I had severe hives and acne.”
“Ah, I see.”
The doctor nodded seriously and typed on the keyboard while looking at the monitor.
“There are still some scars left, and I don’t know when acne might appear again. If possible, I’d like to receive treatment.”
“Then let me take a look.”
This time the doctor leaned toward me and examined my face thoroughly in various places.
“I also had atopy and the rash was really severe, so there are still bumpy scars left on my cheeks.”
“Which side?”
“Both sides.”
“Hmm… Let me take a look.”
Silence continued for a while. Only after several dozen seconds passed did the doctor finally take their gaze off my face and straighten their posture.
I immediately put the mask back on. Only then did it feel like I could breathe again.
Even though I’d explained the problems in detail in my own way, the doctor tilted their head with a somehow unconvinced expression.
“Could you roll up your sleeves?”
“Yes.”
When I rolled up my sleeves and extended my arms, the doctor carefully observed around my elbows and then alternated gazing between my face and elbows.
