# Chapter 98
As soon as I opened my eyes, a large body enveloped me. The one who rushed to embrace me was Jiman. He hugged me tightly as if swearing never to let me go. The intense embrace continued until Devan’s fake cough was heard.
“You’re late.”
Jiman’s eyes were brimming with tears. Even though the situation didn’t warrant it, I couldn’t help but laugh. I suddenly realized how much I had missed his childlike demeanor. I had been able to endure Arzel’s kicks and humiliation because there were people I absolutely had to meet again. No wound or pain could overcome longing. I raised my head. The faces I had so desperately wanted to see were surrounding me.
Devan standing against the wall with his arms crossed. Wimu beside him, struggling to hold back Rio. I nodded to Wimu and stretched out my arms. Rio came over with a bright smile and nestled perfectly into my embrace. A small but vivid pulse, gentle breathing. Every breath of the child was precious. Everyone silently watched as I became emotional seeing the healthy Rio.
“How long was I unconscious?”
“You regained consciousness after five days.”
A tearful voice answered. Jiman was looking at me as if I were a miracle. Since I had indeed been to the threshold of death, he must have been genuinely worried—afraid that I would leave them forever.
Although the cloth wrapped tightly around my chest made it uncomfortable, there was no difficulty in movement. Rather, I felt lighter than before. Rio’s cheeks, nestled in my arms, were also flushed with vitality.
“If Rio is this well…”
“I found the medicine. Now both you and Rio are healthy.”
“I see. That’s fortunate.”
It was fortunate that precious things could remain in their rightful places. Fortunate that I could feel this sensation again, that I could repay everyone’s concern. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the many fortunate things. While stroking Rio’s soft hair, I looked at each person surrounding me.
“Thank you.”
Devan raised his eyebrows briefly.
“You’re not asking more. Luan is dead. I thought you’d want revenge.”
He seemed both grateful and slightly perplexed that I wasn’t questioning things in detail. Adjusting his posture and staring at me, I muttered:
“Someone else will take care of that.”
While Luan receives his due punishment, his brother will be by his side. No matter how painful the process is for Luan, whether he repents or not, it no longer mattered to me. He would receive merciful forgiveness, and I would live faithfully the life I had chosen. Perhaps that was the ultimate revenge. Because he couldn’t take anything from me.
Confusion appeared on everyone’s faces at my strange answer. But I asked something more important.
“What about Kadilen?”
The warm gazes suddenly froze. Watching them struggle to speak, I sighed. Although I had vaguely anticipated this from Ludin’s ambiguous answer, I couldn’t help feeling scared when facing their solemn expressions.
“He still hasn’t woken up, has he?”
“He’ll wake up soon.”
Wimu comforted me. I shook my head, trying to gather my strength. Just days ago, I hadn’t even thought I could meet everyone safely like this, so there was no guarantee another miracle wouldn’t happen. Thinking about Kadilen’s last appearance, his very survival was a miracle. The image of Kadilen collapsed on a pool of blood with Arzel’s sword impaled in him flashed before my eyes. It was a moment so terrifying that just thinking about it made it hard to breathe.
“Can I see him?”
I nodded to Wimu’s gentle question. Rio scurried over to Jiman who was calling him. Gazes filled with both concern and joy persistently followed me as I approached the door. Trying not to look too sad, I walked to the room where Kadilen was.
On the way, Wimu explained the exact circumstances—how they had found me and how they had safely returned to the palace. While I was suffering under Arzel’s surveillance, they had all been working hard for me. Although most of the memories were terrible, it was somewhat comforting to think that during that same time, the people I cared about had been working tirelessly. In the end, I wasn’t alone, so there was no need to hold onto the pain for too long.
What was Kadilen thinking? I felt a mixture of concern and resentment. Even with soldiers and prearranged strategies, I could have lost him forever by a hair’s breadth. If Arzel hadn’t revealed my position, or if the soldiers had come even slightly later, Kadilen would have lost his life without ever meeting me. Considering how hard I had worked to save him, he should have valued himself more. There should never have been a situation where he offered his own life as bait just to draw me out. But Wimu quietly comforted me at my words.
“He was that desperate. I can understand.”
I turned to look at him. Eyes tired but gentle. Wimu spoke calmly.
“I would have done the same.”
His tone was so affectionate that I couldn’t find any more words to object.
* * *
Kadilen lay pale. In the room where the wind through the crack of the window could be faintly heard, he lay neatly, maintaining a long, long silence. Even as I stared intently at him with overwhelming emotion, the black eyes that had been fixed on me showed no sign of opening again. If I had known it would be the last gaze, I would have looked back at him more warmly. Instead of trembling in fear of his death, I would have met his eyes with all the love within me. That was the only regret I had left.
I stayed by his side for days. Every moment gazing at his tightly closed eyes, I sincerely begged him to come back soon. Sometimes I held his coldly chilled hand and cried. I wanted to be visible in his eyes. I wanted him to come running back immediately, unable to go far. That’s how I was by Kadilen’s side every day. Making his steps away from me so unbearably heavy that he would ultimately return.
Sometimes I had such thoughts. In that light where I had met the real Ludin. Though it was a space that was only white, my heart settled peacefully amidst the gently flowing waves. So perhaps Kadilen found that light too comfortable and wouldn’t return to me. From time to time, such worries arose.
But the thoughts that continued one after another always ended in faith. We had doubted each other, doubted and doubted, and realized our love too late. So this time, let’s just believe unconditionally.
I decided to deeply believe that our love—my love and his love—could create a miracle. And that we could be together forever. Days passed in unconditional faith, and Kadilen, neither coming nor going, still had nothing to say to me. My confessions of love piled up neatly in front of his sickbed without any response.
“Did you get some sleep?”
“Yes.”
Devan, who had come silently, stroked my head.
“That’s a lie.”
“…You’re right. I didn’t sleep today.”
“Get some rest.”
I gazed vacantly at Kadilen. His eyes, nose, and lips that I had memorized so well from looking at them too much, enough to draw them with my eyes closed.
“What if he comes back while I’m sleeping?”
A deep sigh escaped from Devan’s lips.
“You worry too much.”
“I know.”
“Then why don’t you kiss me instead?”
“What?”
My voice rose at the unexpected suggestion. Devan nudged me with a playful smile.
“He might come back out of intense jealousy.”
“You’re crazy.”
Devan burst into laughter. I was about to tell him to go away if he was just going to joke around, but after laughing heartily, he suddenly turned serious. The corners of his mouth that had been raised settled down, and his playful eyes grew heavy. While I was taken aback by his suddenly changed expression, he abruptly thrust his face forward. And in a voice full of conviction, he spoke as if casting a spell.
“Honestly, I’m not worried. Kadilen will definitely come back.”
“…”
“How could he not come back when you’re like this?”
His eyes, deep as the night, swept away the last traces of doubt in me. He had perhaps told me exactly what I most wanted to hear.
“He’ll surely know your sincerity.”
My sincerity. If Kadilen knew it, my heart that would never fail to bring him back. If only I could convey that to him, I felt I could do anything. If only Kadilen could feel how much I was waiting for him…
At that moment, something flashed through my mind.
“Yes! Sincerity!”
“What? What’s wrong?”
Devan looked at me in bewilderment as I suddenly shouted. Ignoring his expression changing from surprise to concern, I impulsively hugged him. The hot temperature transmitted from Devan’s body made my thoughts increasingly concrete. While Devan was at a loss, not knowing what to do, I hugged him tightly as if welcoming a dear friend and patted his back a couple of times.
“Thank you!”
Then I hurriedly turned around and ran to my room. Curious gazes followed me as I ran down the long corridor. But at the moment, I had no time to answer any questions. My heart was pounding, and my face was burning hot. Why hadn’t I thought of this before? Entering the room breathlessly in rhythm with my fluttering heartbeat.
I searched and searched the large drawer. I was sure I had put it in a visible place, but when I actually tried to find it, it wasn’t easily spotted. My fumbling hands finally grasped the round object. When I hastily lifted the clothes, the object hidden underneath revealed itself.
Kadilen’s bead.
He had given me this bead out of concern for my health. It was right after he had extracted as many as three beads from me. Two were given for Rio’s treatment, and one… was given to me in case of an unexpected situation.
This was the only way to convey my sincerity.
I swallowed the bead without delay. And returned to Kadilen. There was no one beside him, still lying silently. I filled that space. I held his cold hand and closed my eyes. Wishing that the warmth of my hand would be transmitted to him, I recalled the times of Kadilen and me. Countless scenes and turbulent emotions appeared and disappeared in short cycles. Just thinking of him, my heart collapsed countless times and then burned again. I truly, desperately wanted Kadilen. I sincerely wanted him to be by my side, to live together with me.
How much time had passed? Not a sound could be heard in the quiet room.
For a moment, I thought I had failed. It wasn’t a bad method, but I worried that my feelings hadn’t been conveyed sufficiently.
But in the next moment, I could feel something had changed.
Warmth circulated in his hand that I was holding tightly. His cheeks, which had been pale, took on a slight redness. His pulse, which had been flowing cruelly slow, now raced as if about to burst, just like mine. And after an agonizing time, I was able to face the dark eyes I had longed for so much.
