# Chapter 69
Kadilen detested ostentatious modes of transportation. I strongly agreed with his opinion, having nearly been forced to ride in a carriage adorned with large gold decorations and hanging fabrics. The only thing the attendant could compromise on was the number of soldiers escorting us. Kadilen smiled adorably as he fastened his scabbard, but the attendant stubbornly completed the preparations. It seemed he would absolutely not give up the three guards, no matter how excellent a swordsman Kadilen might be.
Since we couldn’t leave the palace for long, it would be a short journey. Kadilen was busy until the last minute, meeting with various officials to handle state affairs. I had my own things to organize as well. I helped ensure Devan could interact with Arzel without conflict and shared Wimu’s surveillance plan. After finishing preparations, I planned to visit Jiman to collect the medicine he had prepared. And when I opened the infirmary door, a small boy ran straight to me.
“Lord Ludin!”
Though his head was buried against my waist, I could feel the child’s bright smile. With a lump in my throat, I lifted Rio up. I was overjoyed to see Rio’s clear eyes after such a long time. Rio seemed to read the expression on my face and smiled even more brightly. I forgot about going to the temple and spent a long time chatting with Rio. Eventually, Jiman had to hand me a package of medicine and shoo me out the door.
“Please go now. It will be dark if you delay any longer.”
Though his tone was calm, it was laced with his usual gentle concern. I nodded and checked on Rio one more time over his shoulder. The child waved playfully to see me off. I prayed that Rio would still be healthy when I returned.
When I got back, Kadilen was now wearing his outdoor clothes. He quietly entered the room and stared at me.
“You seem to be in a good mood.”
“Rio has woken up. He’s walking around healthy.”
The same joy appeared on Kadilen’s face. I was grateful that he was genuinely happy.
“It’s all thanks to Your Majesty.”
“He’ll be safe from now on too. Didn’t I promise you?”
Looking at his smile, an indescribable confidence blossomed within me. I wasn’t afraid of the journey ahead with someone who valued what was precious to me. Whatever Luan wanted, it felt like we could quickly devise a plan after just a brief look at the temple.
But the problem soon became apparent. Even before reaching the temple.
It wasn’t related to Luan. Rather, it was a serious issue that could make the next few days away from the palace miserable. A somewhat funny but urgent problem: I had no idea what to talk about with Kadilen.
We had never spent this much time together. And in a space where, excluding the three tense and silent soldiers, only the two of us remained. It was also the first time we were having normal conversations without emotions weighing us down. So the more I tried to act natural, the more unfamiliar it felt. It was better while riding horseback, as I could use the bouncing motion as an excuse. But whenever we stopped to rest or eat, the soldiers would leave us alone, and we maintained a heavy silence.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried. I racked my brain and tried to recall the contents of novels. I pondered various topics for good conversation, but anything I thought to bring up felt unnatural. It was strange how words had flowed so easily in desperate situations, but now I couldn’t think of a single trivial thing to say.
By the next day, I was riding ahead in a half-given-up state, just looking forward. After crossing mountains all day, I was exhausted and had no energy left to worry about the awkwardness with Kadilen.
“Ludin.”
Kadilen called my name and gestured to the soldiers. At his signal, the guards riding ahead slowly reduced their speed.
“We’ll rest here for a while.”
A sigh of relief escaped from the soldiers. Seeing their flushed faces, I felt guilty. Unlike yesterday, we had traveled somewhat hurriedly today. Whether it was because I was impatient or because I wanted to avoid time alone with Kadilen, I had galloped at a rapid pace, pressing my heels down hard. But Kadilen had followed me without complaint. Perhaps he thought it was my determination to reach the temple quickly and find a way to strike back at Luan.
I sat under a tree and shook my stiff wrists. A horse with glossy brown fur made a soft sound as it drank water. The air filling the forest smelled of earth and grass. Small stones pressed against my flesh, but I lay down regardless. When I looked up, I saw the sky spread out in blue. Though the sun wasn’t visible, it was dazzling. As I squinted and turned my face, I saw Kadilen looking at me.
“Aren’t you tired?”
“I’m fine.”
He plopped down beside me. The clothes that had fluttered neatly even on horseback now trailed on the ground. Kadilen lay down in the same position as me without bothering to dust off the dirt. Now I was looking at him. At his face, resting his head on both hands, quietly gazing at the sky.
There was a time when just looking at him made me breathless, but now I could travel to the temple with him. It was awkward, but at least there was no reason to be sad. Realizing this fact, I smiled. Feeling my gaze, Kadilen turned his head to look at me.
“Have I made you uncomfortable?”
“Not at all.”
Sunlight filtered evenly through his eyelashes. His voice, gentler than usual, carefully moistened the wind. It occurred to me that perhaps he had been wrestling with the same concerns as me all day. Hesitating, not knowing what to say, opening his mouth countless times only to give up lightly.
“Do you remember what I said before?”
Kadilen turned to me with a curious expression.
“I said I wanted to have trivial conversations with Your Majesty.”
“Yes…”
“And Your Majesty came to find me every day.”
Kadilen’s face reddened slightly as if remembering that time. Seeing him squinting awkwardly made me laugh. While the novel described him as endlessly perfect and composed, in reality, he could be more childlike than anyone. Recalling that clumsy, innocent side of him somehow made me want to tease him a little.
“Though the story about spilling the water glass was a bit…”
“It was inappropriate… I know.”
Kadilen readily admitted his mistake. The corners of my mouth crept upward. Kadilen awkwardly ruffled his hair and turned away. His half-visible cheek was red. The breeze blew gently, and somewhere birds were singing, making me feel quite good. Pausing briefly from the relentless rush of being chased by many things, I could see our real relationship. I thought I wouldn’t need to struggle finding things to say for the rest of the journey.
“Then what did you want to talk about?”
“Well…”
I recalled the time when he was my teacher. On the day I learned important principles that elevated me from Kadilen, what was I curious about?
“I wondered how you could be so certain. The sword is large… and heavy too. I really didn’t know where to aim it.”
“…”
“How did Your Majesty come to measure that direction?”
Kadilen, who had seemed willing to answer any question, maintained silence for an unusually long time. I looked at him, noticing the slightly changed atmosphere. An indescribable emotion was clearly visible on his face. Noticing my confusion, Kadilen skillfully composed his expression.
“It’s not such a trivial matter.”
He smiled gently. I wanted to ask more, but somehow felt I shouldn’t. Kadilen’s suddenly subdued voice was packed with layers of something pressed down tightly. I suppressed my human curiosity and changed the topic.
“There are many more trivial things too.”
“Such as?”
“Well, whether you were popular when you were young…”
No sooner had I finished speaking than Kadilen burst into laughter. He buried his face in his arm and laughed for quite some time. Not having expected such a reaction, I sat up blankly. Kadilen grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him. My posture collapsed, and my body leaned toward him.
“I wasn’t.”
“That can’t be… I’m sure you were…”
“Why did you think that?”
I looked at him dazedly, with our gazes suddenly much closer. The answer was right in front of me. Silver hair that reflected light and perfectly matching black eyes. How many times had I been enchanted by those eyes? Kadilen silently endured my gaze as it meticulously examined his features. Feeling as though I’d confirmed obvious evidence, I grumbled:
“You’re handsome, aren’t you?”
Pleasant laughter echoed through the forest once more. It was the first time I had seen Kadilen laugh so freely. I could see the soldiers looking this way curiously. I sighed and waited for him to stop laughing. Isn’t there a mirror here? I never dreamed that a fact I had taken for granted would make him laugh like this.
Still, I shared in the joyful mood. The sky was still clear, and birds quickly took flight following the scattered sounds of laughter. The wind tickled his forehead and mine, gently enveloping our bodies. My stiff legs touched the moist grass and loosened. Right now, at this very moment, I felt like I wanted to stop time just like this.
