# Chapter 63
If he continued making such a commotion, there would be problems. Devan kept cursing endlessly even as he complied with me forcibly dragging him out.
“Calm down. There’s nothing to gain from being hostile.”
“Will he like me if I behave quietly?”
“Devan!”
At my stern call, his tail lowered a bit.
“…Fine. I’ll be good.”
Reaching the door, I looked back to see Arzel still watching us. I deliberately moved closer to Devan. He noticed my intention and skillfully put his arm around my shoulder. Arzel stood like a statue, quietly staring at us until we completely disappeared from his sight.
I led Devan into the dining hall, the building right next door. Nobles with no remaining meeting schedules were gathered there eating. Although we had hurriedly entered to escape Arzel’s gaze, fortunately everyone was too busy eating to notice our arrival. Now that I’d dealt with Arzel, my tension dissolved and hope welled up inside me. Devan was rotating his wrist regretfully as he watched me move away from him. I naturally pushed away his hand as he tried to approach me again and said:
“I’m glad it ended quicker than expected. I thought we wouldn’t be able to meet Luan directly.”
He nodded awkwardly while waving in the air the hand I had pushed away.
“Yeah. He doesn’t seem to be particularly loyal.”
“When it comes to loyalty, there’s a real one elsewhere.”
When it came to loyalty toward Luan, that man couldn’t be left out. The man who spouted nonsense like a half-mad person. Even when exhausted in prison, I could easily distinguish that his words were nonsense. He was a man blindly devoted to Zendal and Luan. And there was a high probability that he was the man Wimu had seen at Arzel’s castle.
‘In truth, the succession struggle is only natural, but he, with his kind heart, said he would give you a chance.’
That’s what that man had said when I first heard Luan’s proposal. To call someone who tried to slowly poison his brother as having a ‘kind heart.’ I felt it was fortunate that Ludin had passed his body to me and disappeared without knowing the truth. Devan frowned as if realizing who I was talking about.
“That guy who came looking for you then?”
“Yes. He didn’t seem quite right in the head.”
“Quite the party of madmen.”
He clicked his tongue. Anyway, thinking we’d overcome one hurdle made me feel relieved. He seemed to have been tense as well, briefly stretching by rotating his shoulders. Standing beside Devan and looking at the view of the dining hall, a memory suddenly came to mind. The day I first met Devan, I attended a banquet with him. And he had offered me food.
‘Try this.’
‘No.’
‘It’s delicious, I tell you.’
‘The color looks strange.’
I really thought it looked unappetizing and couldn’t understand why he offered it.
The reason this memory suddenly surfaced was because that food was now right in front of my eyes. Among the nobles sitting around the circular table eagerly eating, I spotted a familiar green shape.
“Since work ended smoothly, why don’t you eat that? You like that, don’t you?”
I casually suggested as the tension had eased, intending to return to my room while he ate, but something about Devan’s expression seemed odd. He stared at me with a face full of emotion, unable to continue speaking for a while.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
As I tried to step back in embarrassment, Devan persistently gazed at me. His eyes were filled with emotion. Devan spread his arms wide and whispered to me.
“Can I hug you?”
“As if!”
A sharp rejection followed by his laughter. But after that brief laugh, Devan’s face set into a complicated expression.
“Kadilen is right.”
“What?”
I asked in confusion, unable to adjust to the sudden change in atmosphere. His attitude changed instantly as if something had occurred to him. Devan muttered in a voice that suddenly dropped.
“He’s an unpleasant bastard, but he said something right. I don’t have the right to yell at you.”
He crumpled his face and ran his dry hands over it.
At the gathering, Devan had learned that I had kept three of Kadilen’s beads. I knew he had gotten angry out of concern without knowing the exact situation, but he seemed to have taken Kadilen’s words seriously. The question of what he had done while I was dying, and his command not to raise his voice at me. Devan continued to blame himself.
“Actually, the crazier one is me. I have no right to criticize anyone.”
“Stop it. I don’t hate you.”
I quietly comforted him. Resentment and hatred were already stale emotions for me. Now other things were more important. Saving Rio. Getting closer to happiness as everyone wished. Moving on to the next step.
Devan smiled bitterly.
“I know. That’s what’s killing me.”
“What?”
“You have a talent for driving people crazy.”
He reached out to me as before, then quietly dropped his hand to the floor. Even though I hadn’t pushed him away. I had heard similar words from Kadilen not long ago. He worried that I didn’t hate him enough. He said that was the only way he could detach himself from me. Feeling somewhat confused, I asked:
“Would you prefer if I hated you?”
“…No.”
Devan looked at me weakly.
“I’d like you to keep looking at me like you do now.”
“…”
“Without regret, resignation, or fear. Like you used to look at me.”
His gaze, gently sweeping over me, contained calm sincerity. I followed him in recalling our past. Him, who had given me a moment to catch my breath when I was running non-stop. That time when I had accepted Devan’s feelings without misunderstanding and honestly revealed my vulnerable side.
Remembering that time was no longer purely sad. I didn’t spew emotions covered in regret and resentment, thinking it was an irreversible past. Only affectionate gratitude came to mind. I could certainly look at him the same way as back then. Devan was the first person with whom I had built a relationship here. He treated me purely without minding Ludin’s previous appearance. He was grateful that he could build a new relationship with me. That’s why I could see him as himself.
But it was a bit embarrassing to say all of this. Especially at a moment when he was looking at me so earnestly. With a slightly awkward feeling, I joked:
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll look at you until my eyes fall out.”
At my obvious attempt to break the awkward atmosphere, Devan’s stiff expression loosened and he chuckled. As I turned away with relief, he caught me and suddenly came very close.
Instinctively holding my breath at the too-close distance, he lightly kissed my forehead.
* * *
The next day, Devan came directly to my room. He even dragged me out despite Jiman’s frowning face of disapproval. Together with him, I made more detailed strategies for dealing with Luan. What aspects to emphasize more, what to conceal more. A detailed and long discussion followed. And we called in Wimu, who was passing by, to specifically determine what he should monitor in the castle while we distracted Luan, and what aspects he should observe on his way back.
After the meeting, Devan escorted me to my room. His explanation was that we should stay as close as possible since it was better for us to appear close. Wimu frowned, but not wanting to create another Devan opponent, I hastily agreed. However, to make matters worse, when we arrived at the room, Jiman was sitting firmly in a chair, quietly watching Devan who had brought me like an escort.
“I’ll go now.”
“Yeah. Go quickly.”
I drove Devan away and awkwardly approached Jiman. His expression troubled me. I wondered how to improve the relationship between the two. The one saving grace was that Devan no longer picked fights with Jiman, Wimu, or Kadilen. He suppressed his emotions and focused on me even when the other party expressed clear hostility. I did my best to praise him for such behavior so that it would continue.
Jiman remained silent even as I cautiously approached him. I anxiously moistened my lips. While it seemed like the relationship between the two had crossed an irreversible river, I found it difficult to maintain this cold war state as I felt the burden would eventually fall on me. I quietly called his name.
“Jiman. Are you angry?”
After a moment of silence, he smiled and shook his head. Encouraged, I moved closer to him.
“The meeting was quite long. Still, Devan is working hard.”
“…”
“I think he wants to look good to you too. He probably wants to make up for past evaluations.”
He still maintained his silence. I moved my chair to sit beside Jiman. I even tapped his hand lightly, but Jiman remained frozen with a dark face. There was something strange about it that seemed beyond his long-standing anger toward Devan. Just as I noticed something subtly different and was about to ask him:
Jiman slowly spoke. His tone was gentle as always.
“If it’s acceptable to be so greedy like that, I should have changed a bit too, Ludin.”
“What…do you mean?”
He gazed at me intently.
“I mean I should have acted according to my own desires.”
