# Chapter 60
The first words Rio spoke when he regained consciousness were an apology. With a face drenched in sweat from being sick for days, he told me he was sorry. Sometimes Rio seemed truly like an adult. Even though he didn’t need to be at his age.
When I remained silent despite his repeated apologies, the child anxiously uttered a few more sentences.
“I didn’t know he was a bad person. He said he was Ludin-nim’s friend. He said if I didn’t come with him, you would be in danger…”
“Rio. It’s alright.”
I stroked the child’s head. His hair, which was always smooth, had lost its luster and become rough. I had to be careful not to put too much strength into my hand. I needed to hide the tender feelings that arose at the sight of Rio fretting about whether he had caused me harm. As I continued to gently stroke the child, Rio’s expression, which had been full of worry, became a little more relaxed.
“Did Jiman explain it to you?”
Rio nodded. Jiman had kindly managed to say things that I couldn’t bring myself to say. I knew he had explained the situation in terms that wouldn’t agitate the child, but it was natural for Rio to be frightened by his pounding head and rising breath.
“Aren’t you scared?”
But he shook his head from side to side.
“I’m okay. His Majesty also told me that I’m brave. That I’ll get better soon.”
“Kadilen came by?”
Jiman, who was watching us from the side, answered instead of Rio.
“He came by while you were sleeping.”
“Ah…”
Rio had always liked Kadilen. I was grateful that he had come to visit personally while the child was so sick. Rio’s expression brightened considerably as he mentioned Kadilen.
“Ludin. Can we talk for a moment?”
Jiman whispered to me, glancing at Rio. I patted the child a few more times before getting up. Even as I followed Jiman out of the room, I kept looking back at Rio, whose image lingered in my mind. Fortunately, Rio seemed not to be experiencing symptoms yet, lying peacefully with a calm face, fidgeting slightly.
Standing in the corridor, Jiman looked around to see if anyone was there. As my room was in a somewhat secluded place, there was no one around for him to worry about. I quietly watched Jiman as he hesitated, his lips moving slightly.
“His Majesty has called you to his office. After dinner this evening.”
“Alright.”
Although I answered readily, there was no reason to worry this long about such words. Intuitively feeling that he still had more to say, I waited for him patiently. Jiman carefully chose his words.
“The situation has changed a lot.”
“Yes…”
He raised his downcast eyes to look at me. Indeed, many things had changed. Just days ago, I couldn’t have imagined such a situation. Not only Rio’s condition, but also that I would need help. And I really had no idea that I would gather in one place with those willing to help me, looking in the same direction.
“I remember you saying we should just be together without any worries. Was it a small island you mentioned?”
“Yes. Wimu seemed to have made a lot of preparations. I never thought it would turn out like this…”
If this hadn’t happened, I would have boarded the ship Wimu had prepared with Jiman and arrived at that island. And as promised, I would have spent peaceful, somewhat sad days quietly waiting for the end.
“That’s not all,” Jiman added quietly.
“Seeing Devan making unnecessary remarks again, it seems your relationship has improved.”
He gazed at me calmly. I stuttered in confusion.
“Jiman, he…”
“I’m not trying to get angry. Of course, even thinking about him still dampens my mood. I’m not someone who easily forgets or shakes things off.”
Jiman’s gaze went down again. I knew what he was recalling. I understood why he couldn’t help but feel that way. But I didn’t want him to suffer anymore over something that no longer hurt me. Jiman had always protected me, and yet he was angry at his own inadequacy. His anger toward Devan was ultimately him blaming himself.
I grabbed Jiman’s arm. His gaze, which had been cast down to the floor, turned to me again.
“But on the other hand, I also think that if I alone am not enough to hold onto you, then it doesn’t matter who it is.”
“It’s not… that kind of issue.”
I hastily shook my head, but he spoke calmly.
“We will definitely obtain the medicine.”
His firm resolve was evident in his words, which sounded like a pledge. With the solid voice that had always supported me, he gave me the words I needed most right now. But the next moment, a sentence followed that made him hesitate.
“After that, I will follow your choice, Ludin. But if it can shake your heart, I will be grateful even for that terrible Devan’s actions.”
“…”
“Whether it’s for him, or for His Majesty. Or even to watch over Rio. Please tell me anytime if your mind changes.”
Only then did I realize why Jiman had worried for so long before speaking. When he decided to leave with me, he accepted my death. He agreed with my thought that it was the only complete closure. But he must have felt it too. The situation had changed, and I was wavering. He must have noticed my hesitation as I looked at those who had become my allies. He must have thought that after obtaining the antidote from Luan, I might make a different decision. And he believed that it wasn’t he who was holding me back.
“Jiman. There’s something you don’t know…”
“…”
“The person who shakes me more than anyone is you.”
His eyes widened. I looked straight into Jiman’s eyes and spoke in a voice as firm as his.
“If I decide to live, it will be to be with you.”
“…I didn’t expect you to say such things.”
“I mean it. Even when thinking about the end, I wanted to die by your side. But now, I’m not sure either. I don’t have the leisure to think deeply about that issue yet. Rio comes first. After we get the medicine, it won’t be too late to decide then.”
When I escaped from Devan’s cave and returned to the palace, Jiman begged me to live. After that, for a long time, only those words prevented me from making an extreme choice. Without him, before dying naturally from illness, I would have chosen an even more terrible path. In the end, it was Jiman who extended my life. And if I wanted to continue living here even after saving Rio, the reason would naturally include Jiman. He was my most precious relationship.
Jiman hesitated a little, then carefully embraced me. Feeling his gentle hands stroking my back, I hugged him back.
“Don’t be afraid. Luan can never win.”
“That’s right.”
“Because our hearts thinking of Rio, of you, are much greater than his desire for the throne.”
His voice did not tremble. I buried my face in his shoulder and felt my heart tilting endlessly. Toward greater happiness. Toward a way everyone could be more comfortable. Along with the thought that my previous decision might have been a misconception.
* * *
After dinner, I headed to Kadilen’s office. Despite not having eaten much, my stomach quickly became unsettled. The aftermath of removing the beads was gradually approaching. The one bead he had given me, I had saved for a time more necessary than now. There would surely be occasions when medicine would be desperately needed while dealing with Luan.
The soldier guarding the door opened it mechanically, as if he had already been informed of my visit. Kadilen was alone in the quiet room, attending to his duties. He raised his head to check who had entered. And calmly smiled.
“You’ve come. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine now. He’s sleeping with Jiman.”
I was on my way out after watching Rio fall asleep. But Kadilen’s expression seemed a bit strange after hearing my answer. He gazed at me intently.
“I was asking about your condition.”
I quickly composed my face, which had momentarily gone blank. These days, all thoughts and conversations were focused on Rio.
“I am in good health.”
His gentle smile turned into a soft laugh. Kadilen rose from his seat and slowly walked toward me. Following his slow steps, his quiet voice continued.
“Your skill at lying is improving. Before…”
For a moment, his voice abruptly stopped. Surprised by his halted steps, I looked at Kadilen. His expression had suddenly hardened.
“What are you thinking about?”
“…It’s nothing.”
The pleasant smile quickly disappeared. Kadilen stood frozen in place with a terrifyingly sunken face. Though the situation was sudden, it wasn’t entirely unimaginable. I quietly asked.
“Are you recalling my lies?”
I no longer needed the bead to read his emotions. I could now understand Kadilen a little. I understood the emotion that had clawed at him along with the casually uttered joke. I was suddenly back at the temple with him. To that time when I knelt before him, and he pointed his sword at me.
Kadilen took another step. I quietly waited for his slow steps to reach me. Finally, his eyes, as he stood before me, were completely stained with regret.
“I am thinking of myself, who believed your sincerity to be a lie.”
