# Chapter 58
The atmosphere froze instantly. Despite Kadilen’s quiet command, Devan didn’t move. I awkwardly looked back and forth between them. Despite his cold voice, Kadilen, with his neat appearance, patiently waited for him. His eyes were fixed on Devan.
“Let go. Why are you suddenly acting like this?”
When I whispered, Devan quietly warned in my ear.
“Don’t think this will just pass. We’ll talk again next time.”
“…Alright.”
Carefully watching Kadilen’s expression, I twisted my wrist gently. This time, Devan willingly released me. To defuse the situation, I quickly stood up and moved as far away from him as possible. Devan moved slowly, returning to his posture with his arms folded.
Thinking that a disaster had nearly happened, I bowed my head to Kadilen. Previously, Devan had clashed with Jiman. Though Jiman rarely got angry, he had been provoked into drawing his weapon. Seeing Kadilen draw his sword here would be one of the things I absolutely never wanted to witness in my life.
“I greet Your Majesty.”
At my respectful greeting, Kadilen, who had been approaching, hesitated momentarily. He was no longer looking at Devan. He seemed to have no interest whatsoever in him, who was now separated from me. I raised my head quizzically at his gaze that quietly examined me. After a little hesitation, he spoke kindly.
“Speak comfortably.”
“Pardon?”
“Address me as you do when we’re alone.”
Devan’s expression visibly crumpled. I laughed awkwardly. It was true that from some point, I had addressed Kadilen casually when we were alone, but I couldn’t always do that. Back then, I hadn’t cared because I had been planning to leave him soon, but now those things were catching up to me. If I were to treat him like a friend out of habit, all sorts of awkward situations would unfold when we were with others. I carefully shook my head.
“I cannot do that.”
“Why not?”
“There are eyes around. From now on, I will observe proper etiquette even when I meet Your Majesty privately.”
He silently looked at me. Although I tried not to be conscious of it, a faint sense of disappointment was conveyed through the air. This was the most uncomfortable moment with emotions connected to him. In the ensuing silence, I wondered if Kadilen had also read my awkward feelings. Only Devan, unaware of the situation, was watching us both with a frown.
“…Very well.”
Kadilen nodded calmly, not rushing me. I could clearly see what he might be thinking. He would have felt that I was drawing a line. The reason he didn’t get angry or anxious was because he thought he had no right to. I moved busily, trying to shake off his emotions that were so starkly revealed. As I sat down with him, I gestured to Devan, who had been quietly watching me.
“You come and sit too.”
He walked over and sat in the seat across from Kadilen. Even in the slight bow of his head toward the king, his vigilance was evident. But Kadilen didn’t seem to mind much and just accepted the greeting. I brought up what I wanted to discuss first.
“Your Majesty. As you promised, would you remove the bead first?”
It wasn’t just because I felt uncomfortable. Being able to feel all of Kadilen’s emotions did make it harder to face him. But primarily, I was afraid that someone might discover this connection. Many people knew that the most prominent effect of the bead was the unilateral transmission of emotions. The moment Jiman learned that I had consumed a bead, he immediately worried about this. So it wouldn’t be good if Luan discovered the fact that there were actually three beads inside me.
Kadilen, who had been lost in thought, stared at me. He seemed to be trying to gauge my heart. Because I had also distanced myself in my tone just now, he appeared to be wondering if I had some other intention. I explained firmly.
“I have no other meaning. My worry precedes my discomfort.”
“The beads help reduce the speed at which the poison spreads. If you could leave even just one…”
“No. Please remove them all.”
When I quietly pleaded, Kadilen closed his mouth. But soon after, Devan’s voice was heard.
“What do you mean by ‘all’?”
He unfolded his arms that had been gently crossed and turned toward me. Devan didn’t know the circumstances of how the three beads had gotten inside. In fact, only Jiman and I knew about it. I hesitated a moment, not knowing how he would react.
“…There are three.”
“Inside you?”
“Yes.”
Devan laughed emptily. At his laugh mixed with a sigh, Kadilen also turned his head toward Devan. He didn’t back down and stared back at the king.
“Why are there three?”
As he asked as if demanding, I hurriedly explained the situation, feeling flustered.
“They were put in as a prescription when my life was in danger. Anyway, that saved me.”
“That saved you?”
“Yes.”
But Devan’s laughter grew even more aggressively loud.
“Do you know how dangerous that is? You could have been absorbed by that power if things went wrong. That kind of bead doesn’t just suck in poison. It also consumes your emotions.”
He glared at Kadilen as he finished speaking. With a chilling silence, their gazes locked. Devan unconsciously took my hand. His hot hand reached mine under the large table. I hesitated whether to tell him that I now knew everything about the bead’s absorption power, and that Kadilen had used it to bear my pain in my place.
While I was about to speak, Kadilen looked at Devan anew. He stared intently at Devan as if he hadn’t paid proper attention until now. Kadilen’s gaze fell on his naturally disheveled pitch-black hair and cold black eyes. He lowered his eyes as if measuring something, then raised them again. And he spoke calmly. His gaze still directed at Devan.
“Ludin. I will remove all the beads. There was sufficient discussion with Jiman about using multiple beads as medicine, so you needn’t worry. And…”
“…”
“Devan, was it?”
At the quiet question, Devan gripped my hand even more tightly. Kadilen, with no change in expression, opened his mouth once more.
“What were you doing when he was dying?”
Even a calm question sharply cut through the air in the quiet room. I anxiously watched the situation. Devan frowned but quietly suppressed his anger. When I had barely made it through the crisis, the relationship between him and me was at its worst. I thought the situation wouldn’t change, and Devan wanted to change my thinking. Right after he clashed with Jiman while urging me in his impatient heart, I collapsed. It wasn’t his fault, but Devan’s gaze wavered a little, as if recalling the same scene.
Kadilen looked at Devan, who had no answer, for a long time. Even as the cloud that had moved with the wind covered the sun once more, the room was filled only with heavy silence. He continued speaking as if admonishing a child, without any emotional fluctuation.
“You have no right to decide. That is, of course, something I don’t have either. No one can control Ludin’s actions and thoughts. Don’t act foolishly, trapped in the delusion that only you care for him. You’ll only repeat the same mistakes.”
“…”
“Above all…”
His downcast gaze swept over Devan.
“Never raise your voice to him again.”
I hurriedly grasped Devan’s hand before he exploded. But he merely stiffened, neither getting angry at Kadilen nor pressing my hand forcefully. The strange silence continued to flow.
* * *
When Wimu and Jiman entered the room, I was observing the three beads in an unbearably awkward atmosphere. After the commotion, Devan was unusually silent, and so was Kadilen. Only the luminous beads of light that he had magically extracted were placed on the table, showing off their warm colors.
“Your Majesty. You called for us?”
Wimu greeted Kadilen and also gave me a glance. While I was giving him a slight eye-greeting, a familiar and warm hand was placed on my shoulder. Turning to check, Jiman welcomed me with a smile. My awkward heart instantly relaxed at his comfortable smile.
“You’re here. How’s Rio?”
“He’s fine. Still sleeping.”
I slowly nodded my head and looked at everyone. At Devan who was too quiet, at Kadilen who was lost in thought, at Wimu who had just entered and was still assessing the situation. They noticed my gaze and all looked at me together. Suddenly, a strange emotion surged up.
Everyone had gathered to help me. They were all in one place, looking at me, to help ensure that the child I cherished wouldn’t have an unhappy life. Listening to my requests, keeping their promises to me. Sincerely wishing for my happiness.
It was a scene I once couldn’t have imagined. We had, in turn, been hostile to each other. I had created situations where that was inevitable, and we had all suffered for our own reasons. But the result of having each preserved their lives felt more real than ever. I was facing Kadilen and Wimu, who were alive and breathing. Although the process had been a mess, they were ultimately people I had saved. I remembered the time falling endlessly with Devan. I remembered Jiman’s tears. However, despite memories I thought could never be reversed and wounds that couldn’t even be touched, we were now facing each other, leaving it all behind.
“Thank you for coming to help me despite everything that has happened.”
My throat inevitably choked up.
“…And I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t just me who was confused by the sudden surge of emotion. Jiman noticed my voice trembling and worriedly bent his head toward me. His kind touch tickled my back.
“I told you not to do that. Ludin.”
Wimu said as if admonishing me.
“They’re all your people. Just remember that.”
He had said it clearly. That it was his choice. That they all loved me without any lies, and to please be happy. I tried to hold back my tears and control my emotions. Devan, who had been pacing by the window far away, was leaning against the wall and watching me. Kadilen, seated in front, was trying to soothe me with gentle eyes. Jiman’s warm hand was still stroking my back.
Perhaps my death wouldn’t be a smooth conclusion to an unfortunate narrative, but merely an ending that would sadden these people. Those who had finally become my people.
