# Chapter 46
“Your complexion…”
“Nothing to worry about.”
He cut me off abruptly and forced himself to rise. Seeing him stagger, I came to my senses. When I hastily grabbed his arm to support him, Kadilen turned his face away from me, looking troubled.
“Are you injured?”
“This… this is…”
I couldn’t properly hear Kadilen’s words as I was busy holding his unsteady body. Concerned he might have been injured during training, I tried to examine his wounds, but his face, which had been pale as paper, quickly flushed red.
“Your body is hot.”
“That’s… my arm…”
Kadilen’s gaze, as he hesitated and whispered, was directed at my right arm that was gripping him for support. I hurriedly removed my hand from him. He cleared his throat and regained his balance. My mind was still in disarray from the sudden situation. Before Kadilen discovered me, I had been watching his training. It hadn’t been excessive movement that would make someone collapse, unable to breathe.
“You should see a doctor. You don’t look well.”
Kadilen had already moved far away from me and was staring blankly. When there was no answer, I opened my mouth to add more words out of concern.
“I didn’t know you enjoyed dancing.”
“Pardon?”
Kadilen spoke first with incomprehensible words. The concerned words I was about to say were swallowed back as I examined his face in bewilderment. Kadilen continued, almost mumbling, touching with his own hand the arm that I had grabbed.
“I heard you visited for Rio.”
“Are you referring to yesterday’s banquet?”
If it was a place I went for Rio, that was the only one. When I asked dumbly after grasping the situation, Kadilen quietly nodded. Only then did I understand what his earlier words meant. He must have seen the scene where Devan and I danced together.
“I don’t enjoy dancing.”
“Someone who doesn’t enjoy it wouldn’t stay so long, so close together…”
Kadilen was no longer looking at me. His face held an emotion difficult to comprehend as he gazed somewhere into the void, reciting softly. I stared blankly at him. After mumbling to himself for a while, Kadilen suddenly turned his head as if finally realizing his own behavior. A silence flowed between us for a moment. Seeing me struggling to think of a conversation to break the awkwardness, Kadilen calmly spoke.
“Rio was lost and wandering, so I told him where to go.”
“Ah…”
Thinking of Rio reminded me of why I was here. I had been watching what might be his last moments. Since coming here, I had been taking one final look at Kadilen, who had been the standard and reason for all my choices.
Not once had I imagined what he would look like after becoming king, other than my death. I had pictured him surviving and implementing the politics he dreamed of, but that was all. I didn’t exist in that picture. So essentially, even if I escaped with Wimu’s help and this moment was the last between Kadilen and me, nothing would change. Since I had never pictured a future with him, there was no need for anyone, including myself, to be sad about the farewell I was about to bid.
But Kadilen suddenly called my name with an anxious face. As I looked at him calmly, he hesitated before gently pleading.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what? I’m not doing anything.”
Despite my calm response, Kadilen couldn’t hide his anxiety and approached me again. His examining gaze swept over my entire body. His voice trembled unstably.
“You’ve forgotten something. You can’t hide anything from me.”
With this low warning, my stomach filled with hot heat. Understanding his meaning, I hurriedly lowered my eyes. However, Kadilen reached out and lightly held my face. I didn’t resist and weakly raised my head, following his touch. Our gazes met. Beautiful eyes that made me lose my mind every time I saw them, no matter how many times.
“What have you discarded to be so light-hearted…”
His voice broke off abruptly. Eventually, as if realizing a painful truth, Kadilen’s black pupils were tinged with agony. I didn’t run away. He checked my emotions countless times as if in disbelief, and I silently greeted him. Soon after, Kadilen whispered weakly in a subdued voice.
“Are you abandoning me?”
An endless silence followed. No answer was needed.
If this was our last moment, I could be certain. That he too had come to like me, at least a little. That my abandoning him was meaningful enough to cause him a small wound. That even if I couldn’t bring Kadilen joy, I could momentarily be his sorrow. Just as he could read my heart, for this moment, I could clearly see the emotion showing in him. It was definitely close to sadness.
Kadilen finally trusted me completely only when our connection was ending. And the first feeling of mine he accepted without distrust was the one furthest from him.
* * *
When the king’s visits stopped, the only person who felt sad was Rio. The child missed Kadilen, who often visited, gave delicious snacks, and told fascinating stories. He asked me why the visits had stopped, but I lacked the skill to explain the situation to a young child. When I hesitated, unable to answer, Jiman smoothly handled the situation.
“It’s normal that we can’t see him often.”
“But he used to come frequently…”
“If you study hard and become a good doctor, you might be able to get closer to His Majesty.”
The child nodded with bright eyes. Though he pretended to work diligently by rummaging through medicinal herbs, I laughed out loud when he soon overturned the box with a crash. Rio looked at Jiman with his face burning red. Sighing, Jiman approached the child and picked up the scattered herbs from the floor.
I still hadn’t told him about Wimu’s proposal. I had been in a daze for a while after the incident with Kadilen, and I was also worried about when and how to bring it up. Knowing he wouldn’t welcome it, I found it difficult to speak. Jiman, as if sensing my worried gaze, paused while organizing the herbs and observed me.
“Did something happen with him?”
I shook my head in alarm. To talk about the incident with Kadilen, I would have to mention Wimu as well. I never dreamed of proposing escape so suddenly. However, despite my repeated denials, he didn’t remove his suspicion. Sighing, Jiman approached and whispered in a small voice. He seemed concerned that Rio might hear.
“The infirmary has been noisy lately. They say His Majesty isn’t well…”
“Kadilen?”
“He refuses to be examined, so everyone is worried.”
I recalled how he collapsed, unable to regulate his breathing even with minimal movement. As I suspected, it wasn’t because of excessive training. Whether because he had spent a long time striving for other achievements rather than taking care of his own body, he seemed unable to cherish his own health.
“Why is he being so stubborn?”
“Are you worried?”
Though he asked casually, his expression sank into complexity. Aware of the heavily flowing atmosphere, I deliberately answered without thinking too deeply.
“Why would I worry about the king? I’ve got my own problems.”
Jiman smiled a little. As he was about to return to Rio, he suddenly asked as if something had occurred to him.
“Have you had any discomfort lately?”
Only after hearing this did I assess my physical condition. I took deep breaths and swung my arms widely, but everything was fine without any issues.
“Come to think of it, not once…”
The last time I had been ill seemed like ages ago. The day I was severely ill and barely escaped death, before meeting Rio, I had been at my lowest point, and when I opened my eyes, I saw Kadilen. It was right after he saved me with the bead.
He had said he would find a way to maintain my health until capturing Luan and obtaining the drug. There was no exact explanation, and even he said he didn’t know the detailed effects, so I hadn’t been paying attention. But had Kadilen finally found that method? Since then, symptoms of illness had never returned.
“Really, not even once…”
“That’s fortunate then.”
Feeling strange, I unnecessarily took a few more deep breaths. If a complete cure had been possible, Kadilen would certainly have told Jiman. He must have just found a way to hold it off temporarily. Once I became conscious of my lightness, my body felt somehow unfamiliar. While I was lost in thought, Rio’s youthful voice was heard.
“Should I take this?”
His small fingers were cheerfully pointing at a box much larger than his own size. It was the box Jiman had clearly instructed to open and move items from one by one to the infirmary. I stood up smiling.
“Let’s go together, Rio. You can’t carry that alone.”
Jiman stepped forward, but it had been quite some time since I’d walked with Rio. Even on a familiar path, when the child moved his mouth chattering and shared pure gazes, it became a precious scene. For me, who had forgotten the ordinary things while desperately enduring, it was valuable time. That’s why I liked Rio and was grateful to him.
On the way to the infirmary, the child unfailingly burned with curiosity. Answering his whimsical and cute questions, I found we had already arrived. It was the place where Jiman held all responsibility and Rio’s first workplace. Stepping in slightly out of curiosity, I saw multiple people moving chaotically.
Unlike what I had expected, I slowly retreated to a corner due to the tangled movements and disorganized atmosphere. Rio casually put down the box and took out the necessary items.
“I’ll just leave this and come back.”
“What about the box?”
“I can just leave it here.”
I followed the back of the child with my eyes as he confidently spoke and disappeared. Rio’s steps toward his destination were without hesitation, as if such a complex situation was familiar. After the child disappeared, I roughly looked around. The doctors were discussing something with serious faces. Even when I listened closely, their conversations were incomprehensible.
When I took a few steps out of interest, I noticed a small door on the wall behind me. I had intended to wait quietly for Rio, but curiosity inevitably stirred. Glancing around, everyone was still busy moving around doing their own tasks. It seemed no one was paying attention to me.
I stealthily approached the door and peered through the slightly open gap. I thought it might be a secret space untouched by people’s footsteps, but it was just an ordinary storage room with various instruments. As I turned back, laughing dejectedly, I heard a rustling sound from inside.
“Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t know someone was here…”
I apologized awkwardly and retreated, but my steps tangled due to hurried movement. Though I barely touched it with my foot, the door pushed inward with a creaking sound from the old hinges. I carefully approached to grab the handle and close the door again. But someone roughly grabbed my hand and pulled me into the storage room. It happened so suddenly that I couldn’t even scream.
As the door closed, I felt a dull impact on my back as it hit the wall. When I raised my head, squinting my eyes, against the background of the storage room stacked with all kinds of medical instruments, stood a person completely out of place in this situation.
“Ludin…?”
Eyes full of confusion trembled, and the hand of the person who had been restraining me slowly fell to the floor.
