# Chapter 31
“What kind of bullshit is that.”
Devan’s face contorted. Having let his guard down while silently listening to Jiman’s words, he now stared at the other man with cold eyes. His eyebrows rose fiercely as if trying to figure out what the other’s intentions were. Despite the aggressive gaze directed at him, Jiman remained unfazed.
“I know it’s hard to believe.”
“You call that an explanation…?”
Suddenly, a scene flashed through Devan’s mind. His breath caught at the memory that hit him like a shock.
‘Hey, what’s wrong with you?’
‘Does it hurt?’
The image of someone collapsing, unable to control their labored breathing. The sight of someone suffering from a high fever yet desperately trying to get up, begging to be taken to the temple. Though he hadn’t known how much time was left, Devan hadn’t been unaware that Ludin was sick. At some point, rather than worrying, he had become more obsessed with finding ways to bind Ludin to himself.
The blood drained from Devan’s face.
“I just need to save him.”
The resolute words, almost like a pledge, escaped his lips without thinking. Jiman sighed with a troubled expression. Even though he had never forgotten, telling someone else made it all the more real. The fact that the day to witness Ludin’s end was not far off was something that never became familiar no matter how many times he dwelled on it.
“Do you think I’ve been sitting idle? There is no solution.”
“I am a magician. If medicine doesn’t work, I can find another way. Somehow I’ll save him and…”
Devan’s frantic words abruptly stopped. He couldn’t think of what to say next. The image of Ludin, as he had last confirmed before turning away, came to mind. That corpse-like face, limp and lifeless.
When Devan first set up a hideout in the cave with Ludin, he hadn’t allowed even the faintest glimmer of light. He thought that if Ludin could see anything of the outside world, he might have second thoughts. If Ludin couldn’t see only him, Devan had decided he shouldn’t be able to see anything at all, confining him in merciless darkness.
Sometimes, when Ludin closed his eyes and fell asleep, Devan would put his ear against Ludin’s chest for hours, listening to his heartbeat. Even through the slowly continuing rhythm, he knew that Ludin’s body had become empty. Despite knowing that something had permanently left Ludin’s body, he couldn’t stop. It was easier to possess an empty person. He was grateful for the fact that Ludin had begged him for Kadilen’s life, constantly provoking his sense of guilt.
When Devan left the room, the heavy darkness instantly vanished. Ludin merely blinked a few times slowly, not noticing his vision had brightened again. For him now, the absence of light was no longer the only form of darkness.
But now, was it simply a matter of saving him?
Devan exhaled a stifled breath as he fell into a state of panic. His brain spun from the lack of oxygen. His aimless thoughts flowed chaotically in all directions. Everywhere they touched was Ludin’s face. Though the clearing was bathed in sunlight as morning arrived, Devan couldn’t see anything. For the first time, he understood Ludin’s darkness.
“Calm yourself. All we can do is be with him in his final moments.”
Jiman, noticing Devan’s confusion, captured his gaze with a strong voice. Jiman genuinely felt sorry for him. He recalled the moment when he first learned of Ludin’s illness. There wasn’t a trace of sadness on Ludin’s face as he delivered the news. Only firm resolve was visible. Unable to show his tears, Jiman turned away, and as soon as he left the palace with staggering steps, he collapsed, looking up at the yellowed sky. He had thought that even if everyone were to lose the war, as long as Ludin lived, nothing else would matter.
That was the reason he had been able to endure the long war. The victory they achieved had only widened the status gap between Ludin and himself, but he had never felt resentful about it. It wasn’t a feeling he had ever tried to have in the first place. Just being able to stay by his side, just being able to watch him live and breathe happily was enough.
Jiman deeply resented the situation that had taken even that away from him.
“If you help us, we might be able to find Prince Luan quickly. And if the betrayal isn’t discovered, we can get the prince’s help. There are bound to be those who still cling to the former royal house.”
“Betrayal…”
Of all Jiman’s calmly delivered explanation, the only word Devan caught was “betrayal.”
‘Save Kadilen.’
It would be a lie to say he hadn’t gone mad when he heard those words.
The deal Ludin had proposed to him was a choice that betrayed Devan. At the time, he hadn’t hesitated to destroy Ludin, thinking it was a painfully selfish choice. He thought that, just as he had done with Ludin, Ludin was making a choice to possess Kadilen. Ludin’s feelings toward Kadilen had fueled Devan’s revenge and jealousy, and yet he was deliriously happy that Kadilen had abandoned Ludin.
He had convinced himself that his actions were justified because Ludin had promised to pay the price. It was Devan who was hurt, and Ludin was the object of both punishment and possession. He hadn’t realized that what he believed was betrayal was actually a choice Ludin had made to abandon even himself.
Ludin hadn’t tried to stop him. He had let Devan do whatever he wanted. Even as his remaining breath diminished day by day, Ludin kept his promise to Devan, who had granted his last wish before death.
‘This is what you wanted, Ludin. So you should smile.’
‘Are you happy too?’
What had he said to him? Devan remembered that pale face with trembling corners of his mouth forced into a smile.
“So even when he was a mess…”
“He knew about his illness. He wanted to cleanly pass his position to Prince Luan.”
“…and then he met Kadilen.”
“I don’t know the details myself. However…”
“…”
“I know that his last wish was Kadilen’s life. I also know what he was willing to give up to fulfill it.”
Even while Devan was taking him with burning desire, Ludin had been looking at his own end.
While claiming to love him, he hadn’t done anything for Ludin during his remaining time. He had given him expensive food, but Ludin had been in a state where he couldn’t swallow anything. He had wrapped him in luxurious bedding but restricted his every move as if dealing with a blind person. Sometimes through shame, sometimes through guilt, he had driven Ludin to give up everything with nowhere to escape to. There had been no physical violence, but neither had there been any respect. At some point, affection had turned into filthy obsession, choking Ludin. Looking at his emotionless eyes, Devan had been satisfied with his choice.
Thinking that he finally possessed Ludin with each moment he drew closer to death.
“You… go to the palace for now. Jiman, was it?”
“Why are you telling me to go to the palace?”
Without realizing it, Devan had instructed Jiman to go to the palace. He felt strangely angry. Unable to suppress the fury that rose to the top of his head, not knowing who it was directed at, Devan shouted at the innocent Jiman.
“Just go there for now! I’ll bring Ludin myself.”
“What? He should be in the palace right now…”
This was the worst. Feeling as if he had hit rock bottom, Devan turned away without giving Jiman any explanation. As he squinted, trying hard to recall a destination that wouldn’t come to mind, a firm hand grabbed Devan’s arm.
“Why is Ludin with you? What have you done to him?”
Devan was somewhat taken aback by Jiman’s voice, which had suddenly turned fierce. When Devan remained silent, Jiman gritted his teeth and drew the dagger he had brought for emergencies. There was no way he could win against a magician without being skilled in martial arts. Yet Jiman’s eyes were filled with murderous intent as he slowly pressed the knife against Devan’s nape.
“Tell me.”
Devan couldn’t blame him. It was only natural that he couldn’t provide any answer to the question about what he had done to Ludin. Even he could hardly believe it himself. But he couldn’t waste time explaining everything to Jiman now.
Devan sighed and pushed Jiman away with all his might. With a simple gesture, Jiman’s body was helplessly pushed back as if hit by a strong wind. Sensing something was wrong, he gripped his knife tighter and rushed at Devan, but by then, the spot where Devan had been standing had returned to an empty clearing without a trace of presence.
Devan immediately teleported to the front of the cave. The sun had fully risen, and quite some time had passed.
He was suffocatingly afraid to enter the room again and face Ludin. His head still felt waterlogged and chaotic, but he couldn’t contain the boiling anger. It was directed at Kadilen, at Ludin who had unhesitatingly destroyed himself for that fool, and also at himself, who had been blinded by desire and dragged down the one he loved. He knew that after this surging anger subsided, an even more unbearable despair would follow.
Ludin is dying.
He had done crazy things to keep Ludin by his side, even if it meant breaking him. If he couldn’t even do that, if he really had to let him go forever, what was left for him to do?
Devan squeezed his eyes shut and entered the room. He planned to take Ludin, who would be collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut, to the palace. He would clearly tell Kadilen what Ludin’s sacrifice had achieved, and find a way to save him somehow by getting the best doctors.
But when he forced his trembling body to open his eyes, only an empty bed lay before him. As if he had never stayed there, Ludin had disappeared without a trace.
Devan staggered forward to the bed. Though he immediately realized Ludin was gone, he couldn’t stop his feet from moving toward it. His knees buckled as his legs gave out, and Devan sat down awkwardly. The neatly arranged blanket showed not even a strand of Ludin’s hair.
He felt as if he would lose his mind at any moment. Devan shook his head desperately and got up. Barely supporting his body that nearly collapsed several times as everything went black before his eyes, he walked outside. Despite frantically looking around, Ludin was nowhere to be found.
Ludin had vanished without a trace, making all the effort Devan had put into binding him seem futile. Letting out a painful groan, Devan circled the cave several times. By the time he accepted the fact that Ludin was no longer nearby, everything in the world terrified him.
Unlike his mind, which was trying to think of places where Ludin might have fled, Devan’s body lost its center and crumbled.
The last sight he had of Ludin when leaving this place couldn’t be his final memory. Devan chewed the inside of his mouth until it bled.
* * *
Wimu succeeded in bringing Ludin down the mountain.
With Ludin’s body lacking strength, it wasn’t easy to ride the same horse. Above all, fearing that Devan might chase after them at any moment, he had hurried, causing them to roll on the ground a few times. As they finally made it down the mountain, feeling the limits of his physical strength, Wimu saw soldiers anxiously waiting for him. Their eyes widened when they spotted Ludin, sitting limply in front of Wimu.
“How did you find him?!”
“Was there no one attacking?”
Seeing the familiar faces, his tension eased, and he collapsed right there. The soldiers’ movements quickened as they caught Wimu falling from the horse. Trying not to lose consciousness, Wimu drank cold water and gave them orders.
“We leave this place as quickly as possible.”
“You’re in bad condition. There’s a decent village nearby where we stayed.”
“There’s no time. We’re being chased by someone called Devan.”
Wimu briefly explained the situation. The soldiers’ faces hardened. They had heard that such a magician was affiliated with the royal court. He wasn’t a combat magician, so he probably wouldn’t pick a fight against a search party of considerable size. But it was true that the journey back to the palace had become quite troublesome.
“We will escort you safely to the palace, no matter what.”
The soldiers formed ranks to protect Wimu and Ludin. They weren’t too far from the palace. Nevertheless, their tense expressions showed firm determination. Wimu tightly held onto Ludin, who was about to slide off, as he rode the horse. Soon, all truths would be revealed. Though afraid of the moment when he would face the inevitable truth, Wimu adjusted his grip on Ludin’s arm several times, at least relieved that he had found him.
Ludin was still alive. Without the curse eating away at his body, there would probably be enough time to atone for his mistake. He was prepared to do anything to ensure Ludin could live happily for the rest of his life.
If only he would stay alive like this.
