It was something of a monologue, spoken just loudly enough for the person beside him to hear — almost as if to say that for all my looks, I wasn’t worth much on the inside. But I chose not to pick at it. I decided to take it as a clumsy attempt at complimenting my face. It happened to be the right moment to prepare the second-coat plaster anyway, and I was busy….
Actually, if I’m honest, the bigger reason was that this kind of bickering had started to feel pointless. I just wanted to stop with the needless friction.
A short while later, the second-coat plaster Seon Eunhu made was far thicker than what had been used for the first coat. The texture was similar to heavy cream — the consistency I’d mostly worked with last year.
“For the second coat, you apply it with a knife, not a brush. Get a sense of the overall thickness and spread it evenly from the top down. Like this.”
Seon Eunhu demonstrated first, scooping up a generous amount of plaster with the knife and spreading it on. Rather than copying him right away, I watched the movement of the hand holding the knife.
Since it wasn’t being spread flat on a surface but applied to a slanted face, it was easy for the plaster to drip and slide off — but Seon Eunhu handled the thick plaster with practiced ease and didn’t allow a single drop to fall to the floor. His meticulous yet fluid hand movements had no wasted motion at all.
I was watching the plaster, with its heavy cream-like texture, do as the knife directed. Then I suddenly noticed that Seon Eunhu’s hands were still clean. I’d assumed he wasn’t wearing cotton gloves because he couldn’t be bothered, but it was simply that nothing got on his hands to begin with, so he had no need to wear them.
By comparison, white plaster water had seeped into every crease of my hands.
…How is he so good at this?
It turned out his claim that no one among the current students could match his work wasn’t just hot air. Even though we’d only just entered the early stages of a long process, he showed a level of skill that made it easy to believe the end result would be excellent.
I applied plaster to the areas Seon Eunhu hadn’t touched yet, clumsily trying to mimic his technique. I kept my wrist motion smooth and gentle to avoid air bubbles, filling in the gaps. The more absorbed I became, the narrower my field of vision grew.
If I’d learned this way from last year, the work would have been so much easier. Feeling the loss, I spread the plaster carefully into every corner, including around the split balls. Even though it wasn’t going to be finished right away, I was so full of anticipation wanting to see the result that I forgot I was even in another year’s studio and lost myself in the work.
“Are you enjoying it?”
So the voice that arrived without warning startled me. As I broke out of my focus, the first thing my eyes landed on was Seon Eunhu, staring straight at me.
“You were so concentrated you didn’t even notice someone watching you. I’ve been getting a good look at your face this whole time.”
At that unhurried voice, I registered in quick succession everything I’d lost track of — starting with the fact that I was here helping Seon Eunhu with his work — along with all my other senses. I was surprised at myself for having concentrated that deeply, and at the same time, embarrassment mixed in at the mention of him having been watching my face.
Seon Eunhu continued, unbothered by whether I was flustered or not.
“Have you ever thought about doing something like entertainment? It seems like a waste to just live as a regular person when you’re that good-looking. I’d imagine you’ve gotten a lot of offers…. Are you just really shy?”
“…Why do you keep teasing me.”
“Teasing? I’m not teasing you.”
Seon Eunhu laughed lightly, but I kept my eyes on him without dropping my suspicion. I couldn’t figure out why he was suddenly saying things he clearly didn’t mean. Flattering me wasn’t going to get him anything.
Then, glancing at me without particular thought, Seon Eunhu actually laughed out loud this time. He turned his head back, but the smile stayed on his face. Even as he checked whether the plaster had been applied everywhere without gaps, the strange compliments kept coming.
“You’re really good-looking. When I first saw you, I honestly thought you were some kind of idol.”
He turned the turntable this way and that to check, then stepped back slightly to assess from a distance — which told me there were no more spots left to work on. Seon Eunhu bent at the waist to carefully check even the bottom of the sculpture, then exhaled deeply and finally looked at me fully. Within the eyes that met mine again, I could see down to the floor of a mysterious pool.
“So, being that good-looking — just live comfortably off your face. Being precarious doesn’t suit you at all. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“…….”
“Take care of yourself so you don’t get hurt. Your body, and your mind.”
Seon Eunhu said it with weight, as though the last part he’d added was the whole point.
There was no way he could know, and yet it felt like he was speaking with some knowledge of me. As though he already knew that I’d be putting an end to my life before long. It was something I’d never let slip to anyone, so it couldn’t be — but still.
As I sat with that uneasy feeling, Seon Eunhu slipped the knife smoothly out of my hand. I reflexively closed my now-empty fist, and I was suddenly, freshly aware of the flesh of my own palm pressing against itself.
“And if you’re enjoying the work, show it a little. If you’re always like this, other people will have no idea you’re having a good time. You’re too still.”
Seon Eunhu offered the advice while stabbing the knife he’d taken from me into the plaster bowl. His tone was that of someone who knew the truth of me that others didn’t.
“No reaction, no sign of being affected. And yet your head is going a mile a minute. Isn’t it?”
“Me?”
“There’s more going on in your head than there is plaster powder in this sack.”
He said it in a rhythmic, teasing lilt, then began tidying up the surrounding area with a dry brush. The conversation that had started with a compliment — one any other person would have been simply pleased by — ended with him talking as though he knew me through and through.
It was unsettling, having someone assert with such certainty what kind of person I was, right to my face. It was a confidence that couldn’t come from having opened my head up, or from being possessed by a spirit.
Just when had Seon Eunhu started paying attention to me, for him to make these guesses and be this sure of himself?
Eyeing him with suspicion, I watched him clean up. He kept calling me good-looking, but anyone could see that the one with the more striking features was Seon Eunhu. His skin, without a pore in sight, was smoother than white rice cake, and sometimes I had the urge to touch it. Like right now.
“…….”
With me saying nothing and quiet settling over the studio, all that could be heard for a while was the sound of plaster scraps being swept into a burlap sack.
So it was true that cleanup speed improved by third year. Seon Eunhu, who had swept the area around the worktable clean in an instant, picked up the burlap sack now full of waste and walked out of the studio.
“Sss, haah….”
Alone in the empty studio, I buried my face in the maple-colored apron, telling myself it would be the last time. I breathed in deep, and the sweet scent that had been teasing me just out of reach all through the work finally filled my lungs completely.
Could a person’s natural scent really be this intoxicating. Entirely unlike whatever feelings I held toward Seon Eunhu, the smell soaked into the work clothes was terrifyingly to my liking. For someone who had lived without knowing what personal taste even was, it was a feeling I was experiencing for the first time.
It was my nose doing the smelling, and yet my chest swelled and my solar plexus ached. I learned for the first time that a scent too exquisite could actually cause the body pain.
The more I breathed it in, the less satisfied I felt — starving rather than fulfilled — and I finally managed to pull the apron off. Then I placed it back on the worktable as if nothing had happened, playing it completely straight. Anyone watching someone press their nose to another person’s belongings and sniff would find it far from normal, so I moved quickly.
When Seon Eunhu comes back, should I ask him what perfume he uses?
Chasing the lingering trace of scent at the tip of my nose, I settled into Seon Eunhu’s chair. The moment my feet touched the floor, the wheeled chair spun left and right in lazy circles. Having stayed a while, the space had grown familiar, and things I hadn’t noticed before were starting to come into view.
The armatures and work pieces on each worktable, the sacks of plaster and talc stacked in neat rows in the corner of the studio, clay bins and such — it was a scene not much different from the second-year studio.
Through the window that opened to the outside, a lawn was visible. Spring had stretched the days out enough that the sky was still bright even as six in the evening approached.
If I move quickly, I might have enough time to boil a packet of ramen before heading to work….
I looked at the analog clock on the wall and tried to estimate the time. I was so deep in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice someone nearby.
“You have a different feel from the back.”
The moment I registered that the sudden voice was far too close, and before I could even process that its owner was Seon Eunhu, his face appeared right in front of me. Seon Eunhu, who had materialized from behind with perfect ease, had leaned in close enough that his breath could almost have touched me, and was looking at me.
“From the back, from the front, with your eyes closed — you look different every time.”
“…Pardon?”
“What’s going on here? Come here.”
