From arriving at the airport, stopping by the hotel, to now sitting on this walking path bench. Seonwoo had rushed here in one breath and had no time to think about other things. But perhaps because he was taking a rest with his body stretched out while leaning back like this. The words Taejeong’s mother had said came to mind.
She said you don’t know what will happen when you actually see his face. Seonwoo had intentionally avoided those words that awakened him to reality while preparing to go to Jeju Island. He focused only on the immediate tasks in front of him—getting permission from Grandmother and Grandfather, booking a plane ticket, looking up the travel route in advance.
But now that he had approached right up to one step ahead of where Taejeong was, he could no longer pretend not to know.
Whether by absurd coincidence or persistent obsession, what words would he say when he met Taejeong? No, he didn’t even know whether words would come first or if his hands would move first. Even at this moment when Seonwoo had come to Jeju Island without a plan, he had no regrets about his choice. However, he couldn’t easily imagine what would happen after actually meeting Taejeong.
“…….”
While countless people came and went on the walking path behind him, Seonwoo was lost in thought. He stayed like that for a long time. The sun began to set before he knew it. The sky gradually turned red. Only then did Seonwoo come to his senses and opened the taxi app, thinking he should go back to the city center today to get lodging or go to a jjimjilbang.
But perhaps because the location was remote, no matter how long he waited, he couldn’t catch a taxi. Seonwoo decided to return to the hotel. He planned to try calling once more at the hotel entrance, and if he still couldn’t catch one, he would ask the front desk for help.
He was going back the same way he came, but perhaps because the sun had set. The feeling was different from when he walked here when the surroundings were bright. When he arrived in front of the hotel, the sun had already completely set, so the lobby lights looked exceptionally bright.
Just in case, he looked around inside the lobby once more. The lobby was less crowded with fewer people than when he came earlier, but he still couldn’t see Taejeong. As expected, things wouldn’t work out easily from the first day. Feeling the stares of employees looking at him strangely, Seonwoo left the hotel first.
He was about to call a taxi when the sea visible across the way caught his gaze. There were no clouds, so the moonlight was bright. It was a different atmosphere from the sea seen during the day. Thinking about it, he hadn’t gone to see the sea even once despite living in Busan for two years. Seonwoo approached to see the night sea up close.
Seonwoo put his cell phone in his pocket and approached the night sea. He didn’t know how long it had been since he felt the sensation of stepping on a sandy beach. With each step he took, the ground sank deeply, and his mood strangely and calmly settled.
He had thought there would be nothing new since he had been to Jeju Island on a high school field trip. But that wasn’t the case. Back then, when he moved in a group on a set schedule, and now were completely different trips. There was no constraint that he had to go somewhere forcibly. Now he could walk alone leisurely wherever his feet took him.
The surroundings were deserted without a single person. Seonwoo walked well along the coastline, not even afraid of the desolate night sea. He kept listening to the sound of waves hitting steadily.
After walking for a long time and reaching a secluded spot, Seonwoo plopped down on the sand. He took pictures because the sea looked pretty. He was thinking of sending them to Grandmother. After taking several pictures, he thought he should have taken some during the day too. I’ll do that from tomorrow.
Seonwoo checked the night sea photos he had just taken. Because the surroundings were dark, they didn’t capture as beautifully as what he actually saw. Which one came out best? It was when he was choosing photos to send to Grandmother with his gaze fixed on the cell phone screen.
He heard the sound of sand being pushed aside with a crunch next to him. At the same time, someone plopped down in the seat next to him.
His head naturally turned to the right.
He saw the profile of someone wearing a black cap pulled down low. Because it was pulled down deeply, even the bridge of the nose was covered. But Seonwoo recognized him at a glance. That was Taejeong. There was no way not to recognize him.
In an instant, Seonwoo’s gaze turned downward. He saw a shoulder no longer wearing a brace. His arm was also spread out perfectly fine. Two years had passed, so it was more than enough time for the bone to heal.
However, Seonwoo couldn’t take his eyes off it for a long while. Taejeong stubbornly looked only at the sea as if deliberately ignoring that gaze.
The phone screen turned off by itself. No one opened their mouth first. Seonwoo was quite surprised. So he was frozen like someone who’d seen a ghost. Of course, he hadn’t thought he’d be able to meet him on the first day, and he even more hadn’t expected Taejeong to reveal himself of his own accord.
There were definitely many things he had to do when he met Taejeong. But nothing came to mind, as if his head had become a blank page. Seonwoo only took in the visible information. Even though Taejeong’s face was half-hidden by a hat, he couldn’t take his eyes off him.
For some reason, feeling a sense of emptiness, his gaze went to the back of Taejeong’s head. He saw the clearly exposed nape. Had his hair gotten a bit shorter? By the time he thought that, he was already reaching his hand toward the hat.
As if possessed, he removed the hat. Belatedly, Taejeong raised his elbow to block it, but the hat was already falling back behind his head.
“…….”
Seonwoo closed his eyes and opened them as if to clearly confirm the fully revealed appearance. Even with short hair, this guy is gloomy. So length wasn’t the issue. Taejeong’s bangs had become short enough to see his eyebrows. The disheveled hair that used to cover his eyes no longer existed.
So he could see everything clearly—the wide-open pupils, the furrowed eyebrows. The moment their eyes met, Taejeong, who had sharply turned his head, muttered a curse and pressed the hat down deeply again. Even though he covered it, he’d already seen it.
“What did you come here for?”
“…….”
“If you have business, resolve it now and go.”
Right. That’s right. He’d come here because he had business. What was it? Beat him to death, ask why he lied, and also…….
“Your shoulder?”
“…….”
“Is it fine now?”
What actually came out of his mouth was a completely different question. Taejeong’s mother had been right when she said she didn’t know what would happen once he saw his face. No matter how much he thought about it, there was nothing he wanted to ask besides that.
“…….”
However he took those words, Taejeong even turned his head to the side.
“Hey. Look at me.”
“…….”
“How long are you going to be like that? You came next to me first.”
Even when Seonwoo grabbed his forearm, he stubbornly jerked his arm away.
“……Just resolve your business, and fuck off quickly…….”
So that’s why things were going easily. Seonwoo also got angry because of Taejeong, who had been repeating the same words like a parrot. As if anger became the driving force, his stopped mind started working. The words he wanted to confront Taejeong with poured out in an instant.
“You said you’d follow your mom to America.”
“…….”
“You said you wanted to feel comfortable. So did you go to prison? To cultivate yourself?”
“…….”
“How many lies have you told me exactly? What you said about instigating it and all that…….”
“No.”
The stubbornly closed mouth finally opened. Taejeong, who turned his head, spoke toward Seonwoo. Because of the hat, he still couldn’t see above the bridge of his nose.
“That’s real. What Father did is because of me. This isn’t a lie. So, that’s all…… because of me…….”
“What? What’s because of you?”
“Your family……. What happened to them…….”
Seonwoo let out a hollow laugh.
“Really? Then did you tell him to kill? Did you grab the truck steering wheel?”
“…….”
“Now that I’m listening, it’s absurd. Does the way the world turns seem like it’s all what you did? So that’s why you’re holed up? Hey, have delusions in moderation. You barely got out of that house and next is a hotel? Are you going to live as a social misfit for the rest of your life?”
“Then what about you? What did you come here for? Whether I live holed up in a room like an idiot, what’s it to you? Don’t presumptuously try to meddle. Just resolve your business and fuck off. How many times do I have to say…….”
“Right. I came with that intention too, but seeing you, that feeling disappeared.”
“…….”
“I don’t feel like that anymore, so what do you want me to do?”
Taejeong was always like this. Talking back even though he couldn’t win. In the end, when he had nothing to say, he stubbornly shut his mouth.
“Stop covering it and just show me your face.”
“…….”
“Ah, you’re fucking not listening……. Hey!”
Seonwoo shouted and sharply pulled Taejeong’s arm. Taejeong’s body was dragged along powerlessly.
“If you’re really sorry to me, you shouldn’t act like this. You only say sorry with your mouth but you don’t do anything I tell you to. Is showing your face that difficult?”
“I told you, when I look at you, it’s too hard. Too…….”
Taejeong, who lowered his head powerlessly, spoke in a pitiful voice. It was hard to believe it was a voice Taejeong made. However, Seonwoo didn’t soften his heart. Now wasn’t the time for that. He deliberately widened his eyes and faced Taejeong directly.
“Me too. When I look at you, I think of your father and it’s fucking shitty.”
“…….”
“But, still, I want to see your face.”
“…….”
“We can’t make everything like it never happened. You too.”
“…….”
“Stop thinking about it being your fault or whatever……. Can’t you just do what you want? Can’t we be together?”
Taejeong shook his head.
“We can’t. Logically, we shouldn’t be together.”
“Hey. It’s just funny that you of all people are talking about logic. Just make a different excuse.”
“You, fuck, when a person is talking seriously…….”
Taejeong, who reflexively raised his head, lifted his face up and then down. His moist eyes were briefly visible.
“How can I……. How can I be by your side when I haven’t done anything well, when I’m not good at anything? I’ll keep feeling anxious, so I’ll just lean on you, just eat away at you…….”
“…….”
Seonwoo listening to those words wasn’t at a loss for words—he slightly frowned and tilted his head. His expression showed he genuinely didn’t understand.
“If you can resolve it by clinging to just me……. Isn’t that extremely rational?”
It was the same for Taejeong. The two looked at each other like they were looking at crazy bastards.
“I’m a psycho. A fucking crazy bastard. Why should you handle that?”
“Why can’t I? You can just rely on me. Why are you taking the long way around?”
