Then when he met the nurses who came into the room, he heard things like “Please go get some rest,” “Go sleep for a bit.” Even though Seonwoo clearly came after sleeping soundly in a comfortable bed, it seemed that wasn’t how he appeared to others.
When the sun set, he left the hospital as if being pushed out. When he returned home, they unfailingly did that thing. Mainly in Taejeong’s room.
He had no choice. Even when he lay in bed, pulled up the covers, and closed his eyes, sleep wouldn’t come at all, so he naturally ended up seeking out Taejeong. After releasing his desires and finally falling asleep with his languid body became a daily routine.
Seonwoo thought it wasn’t bad. After doing it, he slept well. Best of all, he liked that he didn’t have to think about anything while doing it. They touched each other’s bodies close enough to feel each other’s breath, but to Seonwoo it was no different from masturbation. He didn’t perceive it as a sexual act with another person.
Since they did it every other day, the semen gradually became thinner and more transparent in color. The time it took to ejaculate also grew longer. After several more days passed, he felt a stinging sensation with just a little touch by hand. Whether Taejeong’s hands were thick, rough, or both, only Seonwoo had this problem.
When Seonwoo let out groaning sounds with a different meaning than pleasure, Taejeong readily hesitated to touch him. Then Seonwoo would overlap their hands and make him continue. Listening to Taejeong’s rapid breathing made his mind hazy, and the pain was quickly forgotten.
One day, Taejeong overlapped their cocks and stimulated them both simultaneously with one hand. Taejeong was so excited that he even thrust his hips, so there was nothing for Seonwoo to add. It was a different sensation from simply stroking downward with the palm. It wasn’t bad, so Seonwoo let Taejeong do as he pleased.
However, time flowed without a clear boundary between yesterday and today. The two always met at night, and it was always dim. Once the act started, there was no sign of it stopping. Neither of them hesitated or held back. Like a car with broken brakes, they went on endlessly without beginning or end.
The only time he came to his senses was when he was in the brightly lit hospital room. Under the bright lights, Seonwoo would zone out, and when he suddenly recalled what he’d done with Taejeong the night before, he sometimes wondered whether it had been a dream or reality.
When he lay in bed, closed his eyes, and opened them, it was immediately morning. Sunlight illuminated the entire room. As if the time he’d been asleep had been cut out entirely, he couldn’t remember anything. So what had happened the night before didn’t feel real.
But today was different.
He opened his eyes and the room was still dark. Seonwoo fumbled around on the bed and checked his phone. It was past 4 AM. He slowly sat up and leaned against the wall. Though he’d woken earlier than usual, any trace of sleepiness had already fled.
“…”
Seonwoo, who had been spacing out, smacked his lips. His throat was dry. His thirst was severe, so he immediately headed to the first floor. The house was dark enough that he unconsciously gripped the staircase railing. He went down the stairs relying only on the sensation in the soles of his feet.
It was when he was passing through the corridor. When a large figure caught in the corner of his vision, his footsteps stopped on their own. He couldn’t immediately tell whether what was standing in front of the living room window was a person or something else.
“…”
Seonwoo, who had stopped abruptly, opened his eyes drowsily. It was ambiguous whether it was an apparition or a person. Because it was dark around them, he couldn’t tell if a shadow was cast on the floor. He stared blankly, then approached that direction. He didn’t make footstep sounds to begin with, so there was no sign of his presence. So it wasn’t that he was deliberately trying to startle them.
Seonwoo, who had approached nearby, poked an elbow with his index finger as if to confirm whether this was real. In an instant, the startled body swayed greatly. Eyes wide open as if completely unaware of any presence, they let out a shout. Seonwoo lightly covered his ears and made an excuse.
“No, I thought you were a ghost.”
“Crazy bastard, then say something!”
Whether very startled, Taejeong fumed angrily. No matter how you looked at it, Taejeong’s guts were too small for his build.
“Well, why are you standing here at this hour anyway?”
When Seonwoo asked, the fuming mouth abruptly stopped. The momentum of his anger deflated and he hesitated to answer. Taejeong avoided eye contact downward and muttered.
“…I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me too.”
Unlike Taejeong who took a long time to answer, Seonwoo spoke nonchalantly. Only then did Taejeong raise his head and look at Seonwoo.
“You couldn’t sleep either?”
“No. I woke up from sleeping.”
“Then it’s different. Why are you pretending it’s the same, fuck.”
“When are you going to stop cursing whenever you have nothing to say.”
“…”
The conversation cut off there. Having nothing to say, Taejeong ignored Seonwoo’s words and looked outside the window again. The sky was still dark.
Was it because the area under his eyes was dyed pitch black? Taejeong’s eyes gazing outside were empty, as if looking at some distant place.
Watching those hollow eyes from the side, it felt as if that gloomy energy was rubbing off on him too. It felt like a weightless mass had settled on his chest.
Because of that, his insides felt stuffy and he wanted to go outside where there were no blocked walls to get some air.
“Want to go outside?”
The words didn’t come after deliberation. There was no special intention either. It might have been a whimsical impulse. What was certain was that Seonwoo didn’t put deep meaning into those words.
There was no answer in return. Seonwoo didn’t ask twice and walked to the corridor alone. When he arrived in front of the entrance, there were no shoes on the floor at all.
He looked around wondering if there were at least slippers, and Taejeong was standing in the corridor. Standing there silently and blankly, but Seonwoo wasn’t surprised. He only thought, so he followed.
Seonwoo gave up looking for slippers and just went out barefoot. He grabbed the doorknob to go out, but there was no sign of anyone following. When he looked back, Taejeong had stopped in front of the shoe cabinet.
“…”
Taejeong was hesitating, unable to cross the threshold. Unable to step forward or back away, he was stuck in that spot. Seonwoo looked at him, then opened the entrance door wide.
“I’m barefoot too. Just come out.”
Through the open door, a cool breeze rushed in and bluish light poured inside. It had seemed dark when viewing from inside the house, but coming outside felt different. Starting from the sky visible at that far end, morning was gradually breaking.
Because grass was laid down, it was comfortable to walk barefoot. Rustle, rustle—the sound of grass blades brushing against bare feet could be heard. The same sound overlapped from behind. Even without looking back, he could tell. That Taejeong was quietly following behind.
They didn’t go outside the main gate but just walked in circles around the spacious yard. Each time they circled back to the same spot, the sky gradually brightened. Occasionally bird sounds could be heard from far away. Yet the yard where the two were walking felt quiet, like a space cut off from the outside.
“The bed where guardians sleep at the hospital, you know. That thing is really narrow.”
Seonwoo, who had been walking ahead, suddenly opened his mouth. It was a story without any context. Seonwoo rambled on like talking to himself. About how he almost fell off while sleeping there, how his back hurts when he wakes up in the morning, how nurses come to check conditions even at dawn. He spoke in detail like reporting what had happened.
Since they weren’t words spoken expecting a response, he continued even though Taejeong showed no reaction. His voice muttering incoherently as if it didn’t matter if Taejeong just let it pass spread through the dawn air.
With no answer coming back, silence arrived when Seonwoo didn’t speak. The conversation, no different from a monologue, continued as if about to break off. It seemed like there was a lingering tension of not knowing when it would end, and it also seemed quiet because only Seonwoo’s calm voice continued without any scolding sounds.
He couldn’t control the vague anxiety that had seeped into his heart from staying at the hospital all day. Seonwoo himself wasn’t aware that he was becoming uncharacteristically chatty, continuing to talk without pause. The fact that Taejeong said nothing was the same.
