His father no longer existed in this world legally either. Seonwoo had made it so. The Vice Director said he should dust himself off and get up, but how could he dust off a heart that had lost family?
He only felt the empty space at every moment. To think that with his mother hospitalized, he was the guardian. Familiarizing himself with various things following the nurse’s instructions or hearing reports on progress were also things his father would have originally taken charge of.
Seonwoo’s role was to listen to the stories exchanged by adults from far away, and when his father appeared, to pretend to know nothing and wait for an explanation.
Hoping he’d pick and choose from among them and convey only reassuring stories. Even if it wasn’t the truth, if his father told him so, Seonwoo was ready to willingly believe.
His father must have known all of that childish heart. So when he sat staring intently at the floor like now, his father would gently stroke his round back of the head and say, “Why are you so downcast, son?”
“……”
He felt the hard wall touching the back of his head. Seonwoo leaned his body there as if slumping. The ward on a weekday evening was quiet. Since visits weren’t possible, there was no one coming and going, and he was placed there all alone.
Since he was doing something so conspicuous, he thought it would quickly reach the Vice Director’s ears. But until Seonwoo left the hospital on his own and returned home, nothing happened.
That wasn’t all. For some reason, after that evening, the Vice Director no longer provoked Seonwoo. He didn’t contact or try to meet him for frivolous reasons.
So to use Seonwoo’s expression, he no longer did ‘useless things.’ What influence Seonwoo’s words that day had on the Vice Director was still unknown.
Whatever it was, there was no reason to refuse the reduction in headaches. Seonwoo intended to stay quietly as if present or absent like now, unless something special happened.
Changes also appeared elsewhere. At a regular checkup he went to without particular expectations, he heard a positive diagnosis. The back of his hand, which had shown almost no recovery until now, was gradually healing.
Though slower than the bruise color that changed daily, there was a subtle difference when looking with the eyes. They said the sense of discomfort that felt natural even without moving his hand would also gradually improve.
Situations that had been stagnant without progress began to flow little by little. In the midst of that, Seonwoo’s spirit seemed to be somehow floating in mid-air. It seemed like only his body was moving here and there without settling anywhere.
Compared to how he looked when he stared straight into the Vice Director’s eyes and said what he had to say, he also looked like a deflated person. If someone didn’t tell him from the side, he didn’t try to actively do anything either.
Still, whenever he assigned Junyeong tasks to do during tutoring sessions, he moved his hands without complaint.
“If there’s anything you don’t understand even a little, don’t hesitate and tell me right away. That makes things easier for both of us.”
Junyeong, whom he met after a few days, instead of exchanging pleasantries, showed concern once for the bruises that still remained and immediately proceeded with the lesson. He seemed like someone whose words and actions were frivolous, likely to half-heartedly get through the tutoring sessions, but he was more systematic than expected.
The workbooks he said he’d prepare himself were also appropriate for Seonwoo’s current level. Since all unnecessary steps were omitted, it was much more efficient than academy classes. There were reasons why people paid expensive prices.
Like last time, Junyeong also studied his own portion during breaks. It was as if he’d split his brain in two and assigned each a role. Perhaps it was because he was a medical student, but his mind was exceptionally sharp. It was a place where only people who flew and crawled from across the nation gathered, so maybe that level was considered basic.
If so, was Taejeong, whom Junyeong highly evaluated, also like that?
From the moment he thought of Taejeong, his concentration broke and random thoughts intruded. Come to think of it, Junyeong, whom he met today, hadn’t looked for Taejeong nor asked about his whereabouts. Seonwoo wanted to know what had happened during the gap of several days, but he wondered if they were close enough for him to be curious about that.
“……”
Seonwoo, who had suddenly stopped his hand, frowned. Why am I even worrying about this? If he was curious, he just needed to ask.
“Have you been in contact with him?”
“Him? Who…… Ah, Taejeong?”
Junyeong immediately understood what Seonwoo was curious about. However, he spoke in a rather firm voice.
“Still, we can’t have idle chat in the middle of solving problems. I’ll tell you when you finish that page.”
It wasn’t a bad deal. Seonwoo finished all the problems in 20 minutes. Seeing that, Junyeong made an ‘oh~’ sound in admiration. Of course, there was no guarantee they were all correct answers.
“Were you that worried about it? You have a cuter side than you look, Seonwoo-ya.”
Junyeong tapped Seonwoo’s shoulder with the back of his hand holding the writing instrument. Seonwoo subtly turned his body to get away. Whether he’d already gotten used to such cold attitude, Junyeong didn’t whine or show signs of disappointment like before.
“You don’t need to worry about it anymore. It’s already been resolved.”
“Did you meet with him?”
“No? I didn’t meet him, but there’s no reason to meet anymore.”
Junyeong shrugged as if it were no big deal.
“Taejeong won’t be getting tutored anymore.”
Why? Could he prepare for medical school retake exams on his own? The heartwarming story of entering medical school without the help of private education and becoming an excellent doctor was something you’d only see in documentaries.
Moreover, he didn’t naively think the Vice Director had given up on saving face and let Taejeong go. Seonwoo looked at Junyeong, gauging whether there was more to dig out.
“Why? Is he not going to college?”
“Uh…… I don’t know about that? I only know what the Vice Director told me. He said from now on I only need to teach you.”
He thought they’d known each other for a long time, but he didn’t sense much regret from Junyeong. There was no point in asking more questions. Seonwoo just nodded silently, pretending to understand.
“What? Do I seem too cold-hearted?”
But then he heard unexpected words. Seeing how he’d caught emotions Seonwoo hadn’t shown, his perception wasn’t completely lacking. Looking at it now, Junyeong only pretended to notice others’ intentions when he wanted to.
“Don’t take too much interest in other people’s family affairs. It won’t be easy since you’re living under the same roof, but…… Just stay still. Like now, just get tutored, go to a good university, and then find your way out.”
“……”
“If I were truly cold-hearted, I wouldn’t even give you this advice, right? You know that?”
Junyeong smiled good-naturedly. Seonwoo looked at that smile suspiciously. He couldn’t tell if he was saying this knowing something or just making casual remarks. So he asked him to his face.
“Do you know why I’m living in this house?”
“I don’t.”
“……”
“I don’t need to know everything.”
Junyeong’s answer was simple and clear. Without adding anything more, he pulled the workbook that had been in front of Seonwoo toward himself.
“What you need to know right now is the answers to the problems you solved. Let’s see…… You got the first problem wrong. I knew it. You solved them carelessly because you wanted to hear the story, right?”
“……”
“From now on, I’m going to make you write wrong-answer notes, so if you solve carelessly, you’re the only one who loses, okay?”
The idle chat ended there. Junyeong graded without looking at the answer key, and after that, he took out a notebook and taught him how to write wrong-answer notes. Seonwoo divided the columns as Junyeong did and copied the solutions.
After that, he solved one more page of the workbook, and writing wrong-answer notes for the problems he got wrong was one of this week’s homework assignments. Even after class ended and Junyeong left, Seonwoo didn’t leave his seat.
It was the first thing he had to do in this house. Seonwoo wrote wrong-answer notes as he’d learned and solved problems up to the page Junyeong had marked. Just like during class time, while doing homework, he didn’t have to think.
Perhaps Junyeong’s words might be right. If you try to know everything, you’ll develop a mental illness. If you suppress your curiosity and compromise appropriately, life would become much easier.
All he had to do was stop being curious about the relationship between the Vice Director and his mom, do what he could do right now like this, and treat his constant concern for Taejeong as a variable in life that would disappear soon and be done with it.
