“……You’re leaving?”
Lenox seemed a bit shocked. Of course, that didn’t change anything though…….
“You’re LEAVING?!”
I stand corrected. He seemed very shocked.
Slightly startled, I looked down at him. Lenox’s face, which had let out a shout, was deathly pale.
“Wh-wh-when? Where to? How come? With who? Do you have to go? Why?”
He clenched his small fists tightly and shouted at me.
“Why?!”
It was a reaction as if I’d said something absurd. Even if the world ended tomorrow, he’d probably be less surprised than this.
‘……Is this something that needs explaining?’
I was the one who wanted to ask why. A bad-tempered—no, utterly trashy—half-brother was disappearing, and even if he couldn’t cheer, why was he jumping around like that? Not even knowing what kind of relationship we were destined to have in the future.
“Well. I don’t know the exact timing, but I have to leave before winter begins.”
The North’s winter is long and harsh. If I went before the severe cold hit in earnest and distributed some food supplies, people’s winter survival would be much better.
You have to win the people’s hearts to build a solid foundation. My opinion was that if I fastened the first button properly, everything would unfold smoothly.
“I’m going to the North. I’ll restore the wasteland in the border region, proclaim it as a Grand Duchy, and I’ll…… mm, this is too hard to explain. Anyway, you just need to know I’m going far away. Very, very far away.”
I deliberately emphasized ‘far away.’ That I’d be stuck in a very distant place. So I wouldn’t tactlessly interfere with your journey as the future protagonist or foolishly get in the way.
“As for how it came about, mm. If I was going to go anyway, it would look better in many ways if I went on my own feet. So I said I would go.”
“…….”
“Excluding attendants, I’m naturally going alone.”
“…….”
“The reason would be very long to explain. It’s all just bothersome circumstances you don’t need to know, so it’s easier to just think it’s adult matters…… Lenox?”
As I answered, folding down my fingers one by one, I looked at Lenox, puzzled by the lengthening silence, and ended up flustered.
“Why, why are you crying?”
Tears were welling up in Lenox’s large eyes.
“Are you…….”
“…….”
“Are you abandoning me?”
……Why is this becoming like this?
“Wait, wait. I’m sorry to say this while you’re crying, but let’s get this straight.”
I replied as calmly as possible.
“I never picked you up. We’re not in a relationship where living together is natural, so saying I abandoned you doesn’t make sense in the first place. So don’t feel sad for no reason either…… Oh no.”
I said it meaning don’t cry, but it had the complete opposite effect. Lenox’s face crumpled all at once and tears began pouring from his round eyes.
“……Hic.”
“…….”
“Hic, wahhh, huuuuuh.”
“H-hey. Lenox…….”
“Waaaaah!”
When Lenox began crying out loud, I felt the guards who had been watching us and slowly approaching become very tense. They closed the distance even more so they could intervene between us at any moment, and clear contempt was rising in their eyes.
‘I didn’t make him cry!’
He cried on his own! I didn’t bully him!
I understood he could feel hurt. Lenox had one-sided affection for me, who was in a similar situation, and that effort only bore fruit today. He’d lost the hope he barely grasped right before his eyes, and it wouldn’t be easy for a nine-year-old to be composed.
But we only just became friendly today at best. A relationship where walking together was not just novel but suspicious.
To Lenox, who experienced having tea thrown on him more often than hearing kind praise, wasn’t I closer to a wicked enemy than a dear brother?
“Don’t cry.”
I began clumsily comforting him, wiping Lenox’s cheeks with both hands. I was used to handling children, but not used to comforting crying children, so I was a bit troubled.
“A boy shouldn’t cry over something like this. Hm? Stop now.”
But contrary to my wish, Lenox became even more miserable. Tears like chicken droppings fell plop plop.
“Boys shouldn’t cry?”
“That’s…….”
“Shouldn’t I cry?”
“…….”
“Am I being scolded?”
“……No, that’s not it.”
A system window floated up before my eyes with a cheerful sound, then disappeared. It was to inform me that my Chaos Meter had broken through 90 percent in an instant.
For my peaceful possession life, it was better to manage it at a high level, but raising it this way was truly unwelcome.
“Ahem. Rather than saying you can’t, I’m saying save it. As you live, countless sad and unfair things will happen, and if you cry like this every time, will there be a day when your tears dry up?”
If you became sick of crying and got so tired that when you really wanted to cry you couldn’t, there would be nothing sadder and more frustrating than that. I hoped this kid at least wouldn’t feel that way.
“So save them and cry when it’s worth crying over.”
“To me, this is worth crying over.”
Lenox said tearfully.
“Does His Majesty know about this too, Hyungnim? And he didn’t stop you?”
“……I suppose so?”
He’d be rejoicing, thinking what a windfall it was that the troublesome tooth suddenly pulled itself out so properly.
“Why?”
“Why, you ask…….”
I deliberately avoided his tearful gaze. I even felt like I was making excuses.
“I’m different from you, Lenox.”
“…….”
“I’m older than the Crown Prince and even of noble birth. It means that regardless of my will, just existing here can be a threat to the Crown Prince. You’re probably the only one who wants me to stay in the Imperial Palace.”
Lenox seemed to understand my words, yet also seemed not to understand, and at the same time seemed not to want to understand.
“Anyway, well. That’s how it turned out. I’m saying again, I’m going alone.”
I said as if driving in a nail.
“You can’t go.”
“…….”
“I said it clearly. You can’t go.”
“Hyungniim…….”
Lenox’s cheeks were puffed up. He trembled while clenching his fists tightly, and the lower jaw beneath his tightly closed mouth was all wrinkled like a walnut.
No matter what, my will wouldn’t change. This couldn’t be helped.
‘Don’t pick up lives you can’t take responsibility for.’
How could I not know pitiful things, even if they lived wretchedly? No, rather because I’d lived without, I was often swayed by pitiful things.
But I’m not a god. There’s a limit to taking in weak and young things. The reality was that if you only put compassion first, you’d end up ruining things rather than helping.
So I had to leave this kid behind. That was right even for Lenox’s sake.
“Let’s end the walk here.”
It was no longer an atmosphere to enjoy autumn scenery. I stepped back slowly with my hands clasped behind my back.
“I remembered something to do, so I’ll be going now. Even if it’s daytime, don’t stay out too long. You’ll catch a cold.”
Worried he might follow, I hurried my steps and glanced back.
I thought he might burst into tears again, but Lenox was surprisingly docile. He wasn’t looking at me with eyes full of lingering attachment, nor was he fuming. He was just hanging his head low as if pondering something deeply.
‘Surprising.’
Thinking that, I muttered as I moved away from the zelkova tree.
“Well, if I’ve said this much, he’ll give up soon.”
No matter how lonely his situation or how much he likes people, he’s only nine years old after all. Originally, childish hearts feel sad over trivial things but forget completely once they turn around.
So he’ll know soon too. How much of a nothing I am. How worthless it is to cling pathetically to one bad-tempered Imperial Prince.
If only he could push such trivial things far away and fill his life with even slightly better things, nothing could be better.
‘He’s the protagonist, after all.’
He’ll do well, of course.
This was before I realized that thought was a huge misconception. It was the moment the battle with the stubborn nine-year-old raised its curtain.
