My vision was still white.
It was strange. I’d received power from him going so far as to use a more laborious and embarrassing method than usual, and thanks to that, I was able to recover the Chaos Meter that had been cut away in chunks.
In return, he said he wouldn’t be able to visit me for a while. He’d have to sleep for at least ten days or so, and he earnestly instructed me to be careful during that time.
But why is it so dazzling?
‘What?’
The first sensation that came was pain. To make an analogy, it felt like being grabbed by a giant and violently shaken up and down while having swallowed hundreds of glass shards. The discomfort of glass shards contained in my body seeming to poke my insides kept surging up.
But then, something very strange happened. That pain, which seemed like it would keep gnawing at my nerves, gradually subsided.
Like someone was diligently scooping away what was swelling like a snowball, I could feel the pain that made my whole body tingle decreasing, albeit unevenly.
Each time that happened, a flash of pure white, soft light would form on my eyelids then disappear repeatedly. A feeling warmer than the white I’d seen in my dream, like sunlight…
‘…Healing power?’
The moment I felt something was off and opened my eyes wide, a system window that appeared before my eyes greeted me.
[The conditions for the second event, ‘Manifestation of Lenox’s Healing Power,’ have been met.]
[Recovery Status: ■■□□□□□□□□]
What should have happened five years later according to the original had happened. Right now, before my very eyes.
A cluster of pure white light that approached gently landed on the tip of my nose. I turned my eyes toward where the tiny light had flown from.
At my bedside, someone holding my right hand where the pain was felt most severely was sitting there.
“…Hic.”
Lenox, whose nose had turned bright red from crying so much, was fidgeting with my hand. Each time the child sniffled and frowned, magical power that bloomed from his fingertips transformed into healing power and flew to me.
“People, why they hate Hyungnim, hic, I, really, didn’t want to understand at all…”
When our eyes met, Lenox began to mumble. Tears like chicken droppings were falling ceaselessly from his round eyes.
“Just for today, I hate Hyungnim…”
“……”
“Why…”
Lenox cried loudly while holding my right hand with his small hands.
“Why did you save me?”
“……”
“You said you weren’t going to raise me. You told me to leave. If you’d thrown me out, if you’d closed the castle gates like that…”
What sorrows filled that tiny ten-year-old for tears to pour endlessly? I was worried that at this rate, all the water in his body would drain out.
“Then, whatever came, you wouldn’t have had to care…”
“How could I do that?”
After several attempts, my voice came out. It was terribly hoarse, but at least it was understandable enough.
“You came to see me.”
“……”
“No matter how I acted, you wanted to be by my side…”
But if you got hurt while wanting to be by my side, wouldn’t you become too sad?
“I did what I should naturally do as an adult. It was irresponsible to send out a child without a plan in that situation. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry to me?”
“……”
“Are you very, very sorry, Hyungnim?”
When I carefully sat up, Lenox quickly shook his head. Teardrops that had formed around his eyes flew off in both directions.
“Then please accept me now…”
I had no more words to refuse.
Perhaps we were destined to be like this from the beginning.
On the day we walked together when you said let’s look at the zelkova tree together, maybe the pathetic confrontation between half-brothers in Pavane for a Dead Princess had long since melted away somewhere.
I’d just been preoccupied with hiding behind the shield of not wanting to cherish anyone anymore, only putting effort into not accepting you until this mess happened.
“Okay.”
Still, you’ll leave this place someday. The day when you have no choice but to turn your back on this freezing cold nest for the story that will unfold before you will surely come.
When that day comes, I just won’t hold you back. When you leave after I let you in after all, I just need to not let my world collapse from the feeling of losing you. As long as I don’t love you that much, wouldn’t it be fine?
“Live, here.”
“……”
“You can live in the North.”
It must have been the words he’d been hoping for, but Lenox didn’t smile. He let go of my hand, covered his face with both hands, and began crying miserably.
His voice was so booming that Billy and Albert, who were waiting outside the room, slightly opened the door to peek inside and smiled awkwardly.
I, who didn’t know what to do in front of the bawling kid, eventually spread my arms slightly. Since I wasn’t a particularly attentive guardian, I didn’t know very well how to soothe the little one.
What I’d done recently was…
“Come here.”
Lenox quickly approached and hugged me. Then he wrapped both arms around my shoulders and buried his face deeply in my embrace.
“Hyungnim.”
“Yeah.”
“Hyungniiim…”
“Yes.”
I stroked the kid’s head with my bandaged hand, then scolded him quietly.
“Wipe your snot moderately.”
“…Is that what’s important to Hyungnim right now?”
“What can I do about how wet it is—can’t ignore it.”
“Hng…”
“I won’t give allowance to a crying ten-year-old, Lenny.”
“I don’t need allowance. When I came, I brought money, and precious things, and gold items, and also, Mother’s relics… Huh?”
Lenox lifted his head sharply to look up at me. His face was a complete mess, smeared with tears and snot.
“Wh-what did you just say…?”
“I said I won’t give you allowance.”
“No, no. Not that!”
“A crying ten-year-old?”
“Not that either!”
It was amazing. Both the Emperor and the Crown Prince had blue eyes, but they didn’t sparkle like this. Lenox’s two eyes were like stars that had learned how to shine on their own.
“Please call me that one more time.”
“……”
“Just once more. Please?”
I answered as if sighing.
“I won’t be able to play the role of a good older brother. Just trying to be a decent lord is overwhelming enough. Still…”
Fortunately he wasn’t crying anymore, I thought as I added.
“I promise I won’t leave you helplessly abandoned in a dangerous situation like earlier. So from now on, live where you want to live, as much as you want, in the way you want to live.”
Since I’d accepted this changed fate, would you also accept this newly rolling flow? If so, wouldn’t the future where I harm you and the future where you kill me and leave become useless?
“Lenny.”
At that short call, Lenox burst into tears again.
This time it really didn’t stop easily, so I eventually had to call Billy outside the door and ask him to bring some snacks.
“Yeoioo ah i euyeo oyeyo.”
“I’m fine. You eat a lot.”
“Ieo aieoyo. Eoaie.”
“I know it’s delicious too. So eat it yourself.”
“Eoeoeh ah ahaeuyeyo?”
“I can understand enough to understand. But you’ll get indigestion, so drink something while you eat.”
When I held a mug of warm milk to his mouth, Lenox put down the cookie he was holding and drank diligently.
Though he looked very happy now, his eye sockets were still swollen from crying and making a fuss until 30 minutes ago.
“Hyungnim must be hungry too…”
“I had breakfast.”
Thanks to spending an incredible afternoon, I did feel hungry, but still, I wasn’t low enough to snatch snacks from a ten-year-old who’d become a water dumpling.
But Lenox tilted his head as if he couldn’t understand my restraint.
“How did you have breakfast? You were unconscious? I saw it all from beside you?”
“I fainted in the afternoon.”
“No you didn’t?”
Lenox counted the days, folding his small fingers one by one.
“The afternoon when the wyvern appeared, and the night, and the next morning, and lunch, and dinner… and the next morning again? And lunch?”
“…What?”
Billy, who’d brought more cookies saying he’d gotten some more, stopped in the middle of setting down a plate on the table and gauged our reactions. More precisely, Lenox’s small hand with five fingers folded then two fingers extended again, and my appearance looking bewildered at that sight.
“His Little Majesty is correct. Your Grace has been unconscious for about three days.”
Unconscious? For three days? Continuously?
…Me?
