*
This is too hard.
It had already been five days since we started sleeping in the same bed. Things should have gotten better as I got used to it, but there was no sign of that happening at all.
When I buried myself in the blanket and was mercilessly surrounded by Won Dogyeong’s pheromones and body scent wafting up, physical changes inevitably came. Won Dogyeong seemed completely unbothered, but I alone felt like the lecher of the century, and I even felt a bit of self-loathing.
The only thing I’d gotten used to in that room was the one wall I pressed my body against every day to keep my distance and avoid touching him.
Won Dogyeong seemed busy with something—except for the first day, he always came in late after flipping through scripts in the living room. After entering the room, he always left a light goodnight kiss in secret and lay down. Pulling my hand over to hold it was also a daily occurrence.
Sometimes I waited while pretending to be asleep, and sometimes I fell asleep while waiting. Regardless of how much it bothered me, I hadn’t been sleeping properly for days in a row, so I seemed to have reached my physical limit. The area around my eyes had definitely gotten darker.
During lunch break, I clutched my phone on the rooftop and called Kim Sekyung. He’s a freelancer so he’s almost always stuck at home—he’ll probably answer.
—What.
“Hey, I think I’m a pervert.”
—Fuck, I don’t want to hear this.
He hung up abruptly, but I deliberately pressed the call button again.
“I’ll exempt you from the wedding gift money.”
It’s a lie.
—…What is it.
“A few days ago, Won Dogyeong and I decided to sleep together, and there’s a problem.”
—What problem.
“That kind of problem.”
—What… oh.
After a moment of silence, Kim Sekyung burst out yelling.
—Deal with it yourself!!
“I know I have to deal with it myself, but… it’s too hard.”
—Then just do it with Won Dogyeong…. I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do.
“Just listen. If you listen for 10 minutes and get exempted from the wedding gift, it’s a high-paying part-time job.”
It’s bullshit.
I knew that just venting would make me feel a bit more stable, so I planned to use it effectively. Considering how I drank with him every time Jia broke up with him, Kim Sekyung should shut up and listen, wedding gift exemption or not.
—…Go ahead and ramble.
“So… I’m so conscious of it I can’t sleep. And since it’s like this every day, it’s embarrassing.”
Of course, I also knew Kim Sekyung couldn’t solve this. This was just a confession booth, an anonymous forum—something like that.
Kim Sekyung made a weird “huh?” sound and asked.
—Don’t tell me you still haven’t done it? ……Why the hell do I have to ask about this shit….
Listening to Kim Sekyung’s grumbling in passing, I thought “oops.” Now that I thought about it, unlike Myeong Haemin, Kim Sekyung thought we were dating. If I said we were even living together while dating but still haven’t done it, it would sound strange.
“That’s not it, but there are circumstances where it’d be a bit troublesome if we did this.”
—What circumstances?
My pride.
“There are some. So I can’t sleep well.”
—What circumstances?
I didn’t want to correct the simple explanation that we were dating by starting from the heat thing and going through a long-winded explanation, so I deflected again.
“It’s a secret. Anyway, I’m tired to death, but Won Dogyeong is.”
—Ah, what are those circumstances!!!
“……I’m not consulting with you anymore. Just fuck off.”
—Hey!
I repeatedly hit the red button to hang up. I opened the messenger app, left a text saying I was dissatisfied with the consultation so I’d take three times the wedding gift money, and turned off the chat room notifications too.
I ruffled my hair roughly.
Should I just sleep facing the wall?
I seriously considered it even while going home, eating dinner, and showering. Should I really back off? But somehow that felt like my dignity would crumble in its own way, so I couldn’t bring myself to do it and just came out after showering.
Seeing him sitting in the living room, I figured Won Dogyeong would go to bed late today too, so I went to his room early with a book and sat on the bed.
However, for some reason, today of all days, Won Dogyeong came in holding a script and sat down diagonally next to me.
“You’re going to… read it here?”
“Yeah.”
He flipped through the pages, holding a pen in one hand and occasionally writing something down.
I should have timed it to come right before bed. I repeated that regret, but it was spilled milk.
I clutched my book and secretly stole glances at the spot next to me now and then.
His hair, dried and disheveled, created a strange atmosphere. Under his black short-sleeved tee, his solid arms were tense, and his expression looked sharp because he was slightly frowning in concentration.
He lightly bit the end of the pen he’d been twirling between his fingers with his front teeth. Without realizing it, I followed that movement and stole a look at his slightly parted lips and their elasticity, then jumped and hurriedly looked away at the sigh he let out as if contemplating something.
Won Dogyeong smelled good today too and was handsome as always.
I took a deep breath to calm my lightly pounding chest.
Don’t tell me I’m getting butterflies over Won Dogyeong right now?
…Or do I want to do it?
Either way, I was flustered. Anyway, he looked really handsome today. I always thought he was handsome, but today, somehow, somehow… he was moistly handsome.
…I really am like a pervert.
I wasn’t actually reading, but I felt like I should turn the page soon, so I turned one.
And it seemed like today too, I’d have trouble sleeping without the blanket.
It’s not even time to sleep yet, but what am I supposed to do if it’s already like this from now…
I gathered the blanket while subtly inching closer to the wall without making it obvious. Actually, there was nowhere left to go, but I still pressed as close as possible.
I was trying to redirect my attention and focus on reading the book when Won Dogyeong, who had seemed to be quietly reading the stack of papers, suddenly roughly set everything he was holding down on the nightstand.
The pen he’d practically tossed stopped just before rolling and falling off.
“Haa.”
Along with it came a sigh rising from deep within. I widened my eyes in surprise.
“If sleeping with me is uncomfortable, just say so.”
He slowly ran his hand through his hair. His upturned eyes were fiercely raised, but his pupils wavered with complexity. From his gesture of lightly biting his lips, it was clearly conveyed that he was hurt.
Facing that distorted expression, my own chest churned instead.
I felt sorry, but absurdly, I also felt hurt at the same time. His attitude, sharply bristling, stung, and the corners of my mouth naturally turned down.
“It’s not like that, I’m just awkward, awkward…”
I hurriedly shook my head, but Won Dogyeong just chewed on his lips with a distorted expression.
“You’re avoiding me this much and expect me to believe that?”
He spat out while gesturing at the gap between us. Looking down, the middle was so empty it was amazing we could maintain this much distance on a double bed meant for two adult men. It was because I was pressed too firmly against the wall.
I didn’t realize we’d gotten this far apart. Rather, I was so conscious of Won Dogyeong that I kept thinking the distance was too close…
“Are you going to sleep here tonight?”
His face was rigidly hardened. The look in his eyes as he looked down at me held a hint of resentment. Even as he asked coldly, his pupils shook, tinged with wretchedness.
I answered in flustered uncertainty.
“Yeah…”
“Sleep first, then.”
Won Dogyeong gathered up all the things he’d thrown down on the nightstand and stood up.
“Where are you going?”
“The living room.”
His unhesitating tone and actions stabbed at my chest, but I reached out my arm to try to grab him. But whether he didn’t see it or not, Won Dogyeong turned around without hesitation, so my hand grazed through empty air and fell back onto the bed with a thud.
And he went outside without a second thought. I just stared blankly at the door closing with a click.
I wasn’t avoiding him.
No, I was avoiding him, but it was because I was uncomfortable…
…That’s also true, but it’s not because I dislike it.
This was the first time Won Dogyeong had been this coldly ruthless, so I was flustered. It was an unfamiliar side of him.
I just sat there dazedly, glaring at the closed door.
Where does he get off leaving without giving me a chance to explain? And like that… so mercilessly.
While feeling aggrieved, his face that had seemed blatantly hurt kept circling in my mind. It seemed like I needed to talk to him properly.
Having made up my mind, I got off the bed but soon stopped at the sensation I felt below. I was startled by the sudden fight, so it had clearly died down from before, but it was still a bit bothersome.
…Like this?
Standing in the middle of the room, I looked down at my pajama pants and worried. Go out like this?
It wasn’t to the point where I couldn’t go out, but I was conscious of it.
Should I wait a bit before going out?
But suddenly, footsteps sounded from outside and began approaching this way. I looked around in panic, then hurriedly ran into the bathroom and locked the door.
Five minutes… no, 3… just stay for 2 minutes before going in…!
“Let’s talk for a bit, …Yeo Jeongwon?”
Won Dogyeong, who had flung the door open and entered, started to speak in a low sunken voice, then seemed flustered seeing the empty bed and looked for me. I glared at the door and gulped.
“……Yeo Jeongwon? Are you in the bathroom?”
He seemed to have noticed the light was on and started approaching this way.
“Yeah. Wait, just a moment!”
Not knowing what to do, I turned on the sink water, but perhaps noticing from the bustling sound that I hadn’t come into the bathroom to use it, Won Dogyeong knocked on the door.
“Come out.”
“Okay… just a moment!”
“Let’s talk. What are you doing hiding like this?”
“Just a moment! Whatever you’re thinking, it’s all a misunderstanding…!”
In anxiety, I unconsciously looked around the bathroom, but that wouldn’t solve the situation.
