We were practically family.
Won Dogyeong and I had lived next door to each other since we were 7 years old, attended the same school from elementary through university, and had been roommates since I started working.
We were so close that it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say there wouldn’t be much left of my life if I erased Won Dogyeong from it.
Whether we could continue living as comfortably as before even after mixing our bodies was uncertain. Even though it had been nothing more than an accidental, sudden incident.
Well, worrying about it after the fact was pointless. Right now, all I could do was try to return to daily life.
I groaned as I got up and sat leaning against the bed. The ruined blankets came into view and troubled me.
It wouldn’t just be this place either, so when would I clean it all up? I’d have to strip the covers from the bed and sofa and put them in the washing machine… what about the rug? Even at a glance, it was definitely going to be a major cleaning.
Ah, whatever. Let’s eat first.
I was putting aside my overwhelming worries for a moment and picking up my phone to check my backlog of messages when—
“Sorry.”
Won Dogyeong spat out while chewing his lips. His eyes, ambiguously fixed in the air, were trembling faintly.
He looked unusually anxious. On his shadowed face with clenched teeth, I could even glimpse resignation like a young child who’d committed a grave mistake and was waiting for punishment.
This too was a Won Dogyeong I didn’t know.
The one I knew was always confident, self-assured, and the type of person who generally knew how to get what he wanted.
Not this raw, wavering appearance.
“What for.”
“Everything. Everything I did to you. Biting you up like this, knotting you too… I, …should have held back.”
Won Dogyeong’s expression darkened as he traced with his eyes the marks he’d left on my body one by one. He unconsciously tried to place his hand on my nape again, then hastily pulled back.
Guilt dripped down from his fingertips that couldn’t reach, falling drop by drop.
Only then did I understand where his deflated attitude came from. Won Dogyeong seemed to think all of this was his fault.
“I’m sorry…”
He roughly rubbed his own face, then closed his mouth like a clam again and bowed his head.
“…Why?”
I was, well… flustered.
Does he think he’s some kind of superhuman? Holding back rut isn’t something that can be done through willpower.
If that were possible, Won Dogyeong should either become a Buddha in some temple instead of in the secular world, or get captured by academia as research material. Then humanity could finally overcome the animalistic mating periods called rut cycles and heat cycles, seriously.
Besides, Won Dogyeong had already warned me not to come home, and I was the one who completely forgot. I was also the one who made things worse by not taking my suppressants properly. No matter how I thought about it, if we were assigning fault, 99 percent was on me.
…Let’s leave 1 percent for my pride.
“If that could be endured, why would suppressants exist? It’s not that kind of problem. And why are you apologizing? I’m the one at fault for forgetting and coming home.”
Won Dogyeong just quietly listened to my sharp words with his mouth firmly shut.
“It’s not like you forced me, I was the one who first… asked you to help me.”
The embarrassing display I’d made sitting in the entrance came back to me in fragments. How I’d called Won Dogyeong’s name like it was instinct.
Ugh. My face felt hot from embarrassment. I kept my head down and roughly messed up my hair.
“Ah shit… do I really have to say all this with my own mouth?”
“…You’re not upset?”
“Ah, I said it’s fine. What’s there to be upset about?”
“…You don’t regret it?”
Won Dogyeong slightly raised his head and examined my expression. He looked just like a dog watching nervously after doing something wrong, making me keep letting out absurd sighs.
Who are you?
This is a meekness I haven’t seen since puberty.
“I said I wouldn’t.”
“Ha, you remember that too?”
He finally let out a small, low laugh as if relieved. With a more relaxed expression than before, he looked at the window where dawn was brightly breaking for a moment as if thinking about something, then turned to look at me with a slow movement.
His cold face, which usually gave off a chilly impression, somehow looked soft as if white skin would come off if you poked it with your finger. It was because relief mixed with faint shyness was seeping out.
…A shy Won Dogyeong.
I thought I’d never see such a thing in my lifetime. Spending his rut with me must have been quite a shocking experience.
Won Dogyeong opening his mouth after hesitating for a long while and me trying to reassure him happened simultaneously.
“Then we—”
“So let’s pretend it never happened.”
“…What?”
Won Dogyeong stopped mid-sentence and hesitated, then slowly furrowed his brow.
With the sharply honed expression I was familiar with.
“Pretend it never happened?”
“It was an accident.”
“So?”
“You wouldn’t want things to get awkward for no reason either.”
He tilted his head at an angle with sharp eyes and jerked his chin as if telling me to go on.
What am I going to do with that attitude?
But regrettably, I was more familiar with this side than the shy Won Dogyeong. Rather, it felt like he’d finally returned to the Won Dogyeong I knew.
What was that from earlier?
“We were both out of our minds.”
“Ah~ and?”
“There’s no need to feel uncomfortable about sleeping together once by mistake.”
“It wasn’t once though.”
“…Then let’s say it was several times… Anyway, my point was don’t think of it as burdensome. I won’t either.”
“Ah, is that so?”
“You don’t need to apologize either.”
“Mm, I see.”
I was clearly trying to soothe him, but I felt like something was going wrong. Because Won Dogyeong’s head was tilting more and more, and his voice was getting lower and lower.
Won Dogyeong looked angry. If earlier he seemed angry at himself, now it seemed like the target was me.
…Why?
I continued speaking while pretending to be calm, but my hands, having lost their destination, were awkwardly fiddling with my hair on their own.
“So let’s pretend it never happened and act like usual. That’s more comfortable for both of us.”
By the time I spat out the last words, I was unconsciously avoiding his ice-cold gaze and muttering.
Won Dogyeong stared at me blankly with a hardened face, then slowly swept his short hair back, let out a short snort, and nodded.
“Easy and good. Like usual. Comfortably.”
“…Are you angry?”
“No? Why would I be? When you’re wrapping this up so cleanly, what would I have to be angry about?”
At his sarcastic tone, I pondered deeply. He was definitely angry at me.
After struggling for a while, something suddenly occurred to me.
Ah, is it because I didn’t apologize?
“Sorry, I forgot the message you sent and came home, so that’s how it ended up.”
“…”
“I’ll be careful from now on.”
Won Dogyeong had an expression like he was barely swallowing down his rising temper, but at my words that I’d be careful from now on, he released his hand that had been gripping the sheet so hard his knuckles turned white.
Like someone who’d realized something, his face hardened frighteningly in an instant. Then, thinking something, he started biting his lips messily. His gaze, wandering over the blanket before meeting mine, rippled quietly.
I swallowed my saliva, wondering what that bastard was going to say now. I hoped this conversation was wrapping up in a decent direction.
“That means… you’ll continue staying in this house, right?”
Is he telling me to leave?
I opened my eyes wide in surprise. Strictly speaking, I was closer to being a freeloader, so if told to leave, I’d have to go without complaint.
Right, he might not want to live with a friend he accidentally slept with.
But to get a decent place in a location this convenient for commuting, the monthly rent would be…
My mouth felt parched as I swallowed.
“…Should I leave?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m just asking… for confirmation.”
“I’ll leave if it’s uncomfortable.”
If possible, I liked the location, facilities, and even the housemate enough that I didn’t want to leave until I was kicked out, but this was Won Dogyeong’s house after all. You have to be tactful for friendships to last long.
I quickly weighed living alone versus going back to my parents’ house. Either option was equally headache-inducing.
“Stay. You know I hate living alone.”
He answered firmly and let out a long sigh.
I secretly felt relieved. It seems I can stay.
A moment of silence passed, but the conversation seemed roughly settled.
Forget the sex, I stay in this house.
It was a simple conclusion. The one I’d wanted.
He rubbed his face with his palms as if tired, then stretched and returned to his usual tone to ask.
“Let’s eat. What do you want?”
I felt a little relieved inside as I could finally breathe. Anyway, Won Dogyeong is difficult, so difficult.
“Black bean noodles?”
“You don’t like black bean noodles.”
“I suddenly want them. You don’t want them?”
“No, that’s fine. I’ll just order something. Sleep more until it comes or whatever.”
“I want to wash… it keeps flowing.”
“What, ah.”
Won Dogyeong quickly turned his head to the opposite side. His ears turned red in an instant. Seeing him act like a greenhorn when he usually maintained an indifferent attitude was quite funny.
