“Excuse me, are you Won Dogyeong…?”
“…Yes.”
“Wow, I’m such a fan! I came to see the re-release for you, Won Dogyeong-ssi.”
“Thank you.”
They were the people we’d seen when entering the theater. Watching him smile softly at the two, I slowly turned toward the bathroom.
It looked like I’d have to wait a bit anyway, and it felt awkward to stand next to him.
While washing my hands, a thought suddenly occurred to me.
Come to think of it, don’t I need to tell the company about Yongyong? Fan cafes… and places like that?
Celebrities write handwritten letters and such when they get married, do they write them when they have a child too…?
No, in the first place, is it even okay to announce having a child? We’re not getting married but we’re having a child… I feel like only malicious comments would come. Won’t all of Won Dogyeong’s ads get cut?
If he wants to hide it, that’s fine too, but is it even possible…? We decided to raise it together, and we talked about seeing each other or not, so the baby, me, and Won Dogyeong will all keep being together.
As I came back out mulling over these suddenly surfacing worries, Won Dogyeong was alone leaning against the wall fiddling with his phone.
“Did they leave?”
“Yeah.”
It was already the middle of the night. The moment we left the theater and went outside, I shrank a bit at the still chilly night air. Won Dogyeong silently took off the outer layer he was wearing and carefully draped it over my shoulders.
“That’s why I told you to bring a jacket. It’s still cold at night.”
“You wear it. I’m fine.”
“I’m giving it because Yongyong might be cold.”
At the sulky answer, I obediently put my arms through the cardigan.
That’s right, yeah. I can’t just get cold anymore.
Ah, is this the kind of thing?
But even before, he’d lend me his clothes when I said I was cold.
…Maybe Won Dogyeong hasn’t changed at all?
Perhaps I’ve just come to realize it. The kindness melted into his indifferent actions, that is.
Making meals every day, trying to carry all the luggage himself, lending me his jacket—thinking back, he’d always been like that from the start.
As I thoughtfully recalled the past, I unconsciously raised my eyebrows.
……No, it’s still different after all.
That might be part of it, but he has changed. Before, he would have just thrown the coat at me and shut his mouth tight without listening to whatever I said. Not placing it on me with these ticklish touches like this.
Besides this, it’s definitely somewhat different.
His temper’s calmed down a bit? That’s right too. The nagging has increased, and he tries to take care of everything from one to ten. That’s all correct, but something more fundamental…
“Were those people earlier uncomfortable for you?”
Won Dogyeong, who’d been glancing at me pretending not to, asked quietly.
Ah, I know what it is.
He reads my mood. That’s the biggest difference.
“No, it’s not like it’s the first time.”
After walking silently for a while, I blurted out the question that had been circling in my head.
“Don’t you need to tell the company?”
“I’ll have to soon.”
As if he’d been thinking about this problem, an answer came back without delay even to the rambling question.
He glanced at me sideways while adjusting his cap and opened his mouth again.
“I was going to talk about it slowly.”
“Hm?”
“I don’t like hiding it. Then I can’t comfortably go out with you and Yongyong or go anywhere to have fun.”
“Ah… yeah.”
“But I thought you’d be uncomfortable receiving that kind of attention. I’ve thought about it a lot, but I’m still not sure what would be best.”
Won Dogyeong laid it out in a low voice, speaking carefully. His glance checking on me was cautious.
“I’m fine with it though.”
“…Are you saying that because I said I don’t like hiding it?”
He stopped walking and asked while chewing his lips. His face reflected in the streetlight was rippling with anxiety.
“No, I’ve thought about all that and I think it’ll be okay.”
Before confessing to Won Dogyeong that I was having a baby, when I was only thinking about raising it alone, I thought it would be a disaster if people found out, but now that we’ve decided to raise it together anyway, well, I was prepared for it to become known.
“I don’t like hiding it either. Yongyong won’t like it if dad doesn’t go to amusement parks together.”
“…Sorry.”
The voice that flowed out like a murmur sounded weak, completely drained of energy. Somehow, it seemed like I’d received more apologies from Won Dogyeong since spending the heat together than I’d heard in my entire life.
That fact struck me as a bit unsettling. Because suspicion was taking root on its own that Won Dogyeong might have decided to accept Yongyong out of guilt toward me.
Swallowing down my stirring heart, I asked the reason.
“Why?”
“Because it gets troublesome because of me.”
If I were the type to blame Won Dogyeong for something like that, I wouldn’t have even thought about giving birth. He sometimes treats me like I’m too cold-hearted.
“I like watching you act.”
“……”
“I was worried you decided without thinking about things like that.”
Not seeming very convinced, I grabbed and shook the hem of his clothes as he walked looking only ahead, forcing an answer.
“I said it’s fine, got it?”
“……”
“I asked if you got it.”
After scanning Won Dogyeong’s face as he stubbornly kept his mouth shut, I sighed and declared surrender.
Who can stop someone who wants to be sorry…
“If you’re sorry, cut me some melon when we get home. We need to eat the ones Mom sent quickly.”
“…Okay.”
“But what if all your ads get cut?”
“…Then you’ll have to support me.”
“I’ll have to work hard and get promoted.”
When I poked his side repeatedly with my elbow while saying this, Won Dogyeong grinned with a slightly relaxed face.
I said that, but with my salary I can’t even pay the monthly rent for the place we’re living in now.
Then we’ll just pack up and move together, what else can we do.
“You’re going to become a manager?”
“Just you wait.”
We walked down the night street giggling like that. Without having even an inkling of the ordeal that would soon arrive.
*
What had to come finally came. The time was 7 AM, when I came out to the kitchen to wash my face and eat breakfast as usual.
Breakfast was gomtang. Both Won Dogyeong and I loved that gomtang so much that we’d already eaten more than half of the box his dad had sent packed full by delivery about a month ago.
So it was a food I liked, definitely.
Even after washing up, I didn’t have any thoughts. I’m hungry. I should ask for lots of rice. My head was full of such leisurely thoughts.
However, from the moment I entered the kitchen and smelled the faint food scent, I strongly felt like something was wrong.
My stomach churned uncontrollably, and as I was pulling back a dining chair, the instant I caught the gamey meat smell of the gomtang that rose up sharply with the steam, my stomach flipped. Acid surged up and I covered my mouth in bewilderment and turned around.
For someone like me who doesn’t even get motion sick easily, it was a sensation I was feeling after a long time. Unable to bear the nausea pushing up, I ran to the bathroom and stuck my face in the toilet.
“Today’s black rice… Yeo Jeongwon? Hey, are you okay?”
Won Dogyeong, who’d hurriedly followed behind, sat down next to me restlessly and I felt him stroking my back.
I dry heaved several times, but since it was on an empty stomach, nothing came out. After gasping for a while, I belatedly spewed out only a handful of yellow bile.
The strength drained from my whole body and cold sweat dripped down my face.
Already struggling, damn it.
“Are, are you okay? Is your stomach bad?”
I staggered up from my spot, rinsed my mouth, and washed my hands. Won Dogyeong snatched the towel hanging behind and patted my mouth dry.
I can do it myself.
But seeing his tense face that looked like he needed to do something to feel better, I just left him alone.
After leaving the bathroom, I tried to go to the kitchen but the faintly wafting food smell made my stomach churn again, so I changed direction and plopped down on the living room sofa.
I know what this is. It’s morning sickness. I’d heard it could come around this time.
Wow, I have to… go through this for two or three months.
I heard some people have it until the last month, but that’s got to be a joke, right?
“Can you at least drink some water?”
While I sat on the sofa blankly in a daze, Won Dogyeong busily went to the kitchen and brought a cup of water. I took the glass and gulped it down.
I can drink water. Should I consider this fortunate?
“I think it’s morning sickness.”
“Do you feel like throwing up?”
“Yeah.”
Even now, away from the food smell, I feel queasy. How should I put it, it feels like gentle motion sickness continuing on a congested highway. My stomach also feels a bit sore.
I wasn’t the type to have much of an appetite to begin with, but right now my appetite gauge had hit rock bottom and felt like it had drilled underground.
Won Dogyeong looked at me worriedly as I kept my mouth shut with my head tilted back, then made a resolute face.
“Take the day off from work today.”
“I can’t.”
“A day or so is fine, isn’t it?”
“It’ll be like this for a while, I just have to endure and go.”
“No, there’s one more person in your belly, so shouldn’t you rest twice as much?”
Won Dogyeong fumed with an indignant expression. After finishing his words, he even sought agreement by saying “Right, Yongyong?” to my belly.
At times like this, he seemed to have gotten used to the fact that Yongyong was inside me faster than I had, the one actually growing a person in my belly. Especially after giving the nickname Yongyong, he’d constantly sit next to me and chatter away to my belly.
Won Dogyeong might unexpectedly be suited to being a dad.
“That’s how companies are. If I really can’t stand it, I’ll use a half-day and come back.”
Won Dogyeong pursed his lips with a dissatisfied face then opened his mouth.
“Can’t you rest until Yongyong comes out?”
“I can use maternity leave much later.”
“…The benefits are insufficient.”
“It’s like that everywhere.”
“Are you thinking of quitting…”
“Not yet.”
He made a dull expression with his brows furrowed, then soon grumbled in a dissatisfied tone.
“…Quit whenever you want to quit. I can support you.”
