Certain that I hadn’t misheard, I bolted upright. I thought I didn’t even have the strength left to open my eyes, but such a huge shock managed to make my body, which seemed about to collapse, rise up anyway.
“Your Highness, what did you just say… I am, I’m not Tiel.”
Words that shouldn’t be spoken swirled in my mouth—wasn’t Sir Tienas dead, and hadn’t His Highness disposed of that corpse with his own hands?
“I am not Tiel.”
After filtering out all the words I couldn’t spit out, I ended up repeating the same words like a parrot. My body, which I had barely managed to raise, couldn’t withstand the overwork and collapsed backward again. If His Highness hadn’t reached out his arm to protect me, I would have rolled off the bed.
“You need to be careful.”
Perhaps surprised by my sudden action, His Highness’s hand trembled slightly. Even so, he patted the back of the one held in his arms to soothe them. Yet all I could say was, “I am not Tiel, Your Highness.”
“Yes.”
His Highness’s affirming voice seemed ready to crumble at any moment. The lonely voice that sounded alone even though we were together was painful.
“I know well even without you saying it so many times.”
“Then why did you call me Tiel?”
I couldn’t just let this pass. My entire body stiffened and died, and the image of His Highness embracing my corpse again appeared before my eyes like a premonition. Even knowing it was my delusion, I was simply afraid.
“I think I’ve mentioned this before, but you have aspects similar to Tiel.”
“Me?”
“Yes. Your sparkling silver hair, for instance…”
Beautiful fingers swept through the silver hair that sparkled especially brightly in the moonlight.
“Doesn’t Sir Tiel have short hair? I heard the color is also duller than mine.”
I tried to refute very slowly. Even to my own ears, it was such a trivial refutation, but His Highness neither stopped the hand stroking my hair nor cut off my words.
“And how loyal you are…”
“All of Your Highness’s knights are loyal.”
We were hearing each other’s words with our ears, but our minds weren’t registering them at all.
“Your manner of speech is similar, and sometimes those hazy eyes that seem to see the future are similar too.”
“That’s…”
“Despite being smart, you’re also similarly oblivious. And yet it’s admirable how you know only me.”
“……”
The ‘Tiel’ His Highness was describing gradually approached my essence. As truths I couldn’t refute came out one after another, my mouth simply wouldn’t open.
“Most of all, the fact that all of that feels lovely is the most similar thing.”
I didn’t know whether what His Highness was looking at was the already dead Tiel or Aila who resembled him, but it was certain that affection was contained in that gaze. Now I couldn’t even say “I am not Tiel” and waited for the next words.
“Can you become a substitute?”
“Pardon?”
The words that fell were in a range I couldn’t have imagined.
“I’m not asking you to pretend to be Tiel. Sir Aila is enough just being Sir Aila. I just mean, please allow me to find traces of Tiel in you.”
I was confused. His Highness, who was declaring he would find traces of the dead Tienas in the living Aila, was both heartless and affectionate. The reason the cruel words felt compassionate was probably because I was Tienas.
“I dare say, that person would not want Your Highness to think of him while looking at someone else.”
It was the sincerity of Tienas speaking through Aila’s body. It was something I said while painfully aware it was a deception. Even if His Highness became angry, I was prepared to accept it fully.
“I know that too.”
However, this time too, His Highness showed a reaction I hadn’t expected. His calm appearance as if stating an eternal truth felt even bewildering.
“Then why are you doing this?”
“If you wanted to tell me to forget the dead and live, you should have survived to say it.”
His Highness’s touch caressing my face was careful, but his eyes were very fierce. In those pupils mixed with all kinds of emotions, I could clearly read the anger and love-hate directed at Tiel. It was the first negative emotion I had seen since becoming Aila.
“Tiel made a mistake. He shouldn’t have died.”
Perhaps because he was looking directly into my eyes, it somehow felt like words spoken to me rather than to the dead Tienas. He was now preserving me in words.
“I have no intention of denying that I was the one who drove him to commit that mistake. However…”
His Highness’s face drew closer and closer. The moment he approached close enough that I thought he might lick my eyeballs, he buried his face in my neck.
“If you have demands to make, you must survive first. You remember that too.”
Though it was a low voice, it sounded like a plea or a scream telling me not to die. I couldn’t bear to look at him directly and lowered my eyes. The contents of the book I had read in the Marquis Caesius family’s secret study tore through my mind.
‘Is there any guarantee I won’t become like that?’
Because of that anxious doubt, the easy words of promising to do so simply wouldn’t come out. It would be so nice if I could see the distant future like Father, but the furthest future among the premonitions I’d seen recently was only estimated to be about a month away.
‘Since I don’t know when I’ll die, I shouldn’t continue to stay by his side. It would be better if he thinks I’m alive somewhere.’
That’s how I came to resolve it again.
“Then… must I remain as Tiel before Your Highness for the rest of my life?”
“No. Once I’ve mourned him sufficiently, I’ll stop doing this too.”
It was fortunate there was an end, but the phrase ‘once I’ve mourned sufficiently’ was too vague. When I remained silently unresponsive, His Highness’s eyes drooped. My heart ached at that pitiful sight.
“After burning the corpse, it’s become harder to bear that Tiel is not by my side.”
Even that was something I had requested, so guilt crept up. I had a premonition that those emotions might not be the pure truth right now, but even that suspicion felt impious.
“Your Highness…”
At the same time as thinking I couldn’t continue like this forever, the intuition that it would be best if we could explicitly establish a time limit flashed through my mind.
“If we set a deadline, I will do so.”
At my proposal, His Highness gently raised his drooped eyes.
“How about until the enthronement ceremony?”
The enthronement ceremony. His Majesty the Emperor was steadily preparing to become the previous king, so even if he miraculously recovered, the enthronement wouldn’t be postponed indefinitely. At most two years—I felt hopeful that such a period might be acceptable.
“I will do so.”
“Good.”
His Highness moved away from me slightly, looking very satisfied. The love-hate that had seemed to be boiling was also perfectly settled. This time too, I was the only one shaken for long.
“Then, may I return to my original position afterward?”
“Yes. Unless something unusual happens, let’s do that.”
“Something unusual being?”
“When something related to state affairs happens.”
As I was trying to gauge what might be related to state affairs, His Highness added as if to explain.
“Such as if I’m assassinated, or though it’s a very low probability, if I’m stripped of my Crown Prince status.”
“That won’t happen.”
No, if such a major incident really occurred, I would have a premonition, so I was confident I could prevent it by any means necessary. That had been my usefulness for a long time, after all.
“I will make sure that doesn’t happen.”
I said it once more, as if making a vow or steeling myself.
“Yes. Try hard.”
His Highness answered like that, as if responding to a child’s joke. I was somewhat displeased, wondering if he didn’t trust me.
‘Well, Aila’s swordsmanship skills are terrible, and His Highness doesn’t know I have the ability of premonition.’
After disciplining myself like that, my dissatisfaction quickly disappeared.
“Now let’s stop talking and sleep. Your body must not be in good condition either.”
After hearing those words, my body ached here and there as if by magic. It was to the degree I wondered how I had forgotten this pain.
‘I thought I was accustomed to pain.’
Perhaps because they were places that didn’t usually hurt, I couldn’t quite get used to it. His Highness carefully laid my body down on the bed, then personally closed my eyes.
“Forget the troublesome matters and rest comfortably today.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but these words were the signal flare for what would follow.
