Regression
Seo Eunho was dragged along by Tae Shinwoo just like that. It was pouring rain so heavily that he couldn’t even see ahead properly, but there was no hesitation at all in Shinwoo’s steps toward their destination.
“Get in.”
Tae Shinwoo’s car was parked not far away. Seo Eunho opened the passenger door without protest and got in the car. He didn’t care that his whole body was soaked with rain. Soon, Tae Shinwoo’s condition as he sat in the driver’s seat wasn’t much different either.
“……”
The car departed in silence. There was no need to ask where they were going.
Whether they went to a hotel, to his house, or did it in this car, it didn’t seem particularly important. What mattered was the feelings he’d realized unwillingly.
The car moved at high speed. Tae Shinwoo’s clenched jaw stood out prominently.
He swore he never wanted to feel these emotions again. The sense of security arising from Tae Shinwoo’s possessiveness, the thrill from the anger expressed the moment he tried to escape from the palm of his hand, things like that.
He knew he hadn’t been able to escape from Tae Shinwoo. He thought his terrible first love had ultimately not let go of his ankle. It was fine. Living with those feelings alone was manageable.
It was just that he hated those feelings spreading into expectations, falling into the delusion that he might become his.
It was like that before too. Seo Eunho had thought Tae Shinwoo would become his. He’d believed his feelings were beyond doubt.
However, even though it was the same sexual desire, even though they both wanted to have each other, their purposes were different. Seo Eunho wanted a person, while Tae Shinwoo just wanted a toy.
Twelve years ago, even when that absurd contract started, his position, which he had understood precisely, had somehow become blurred, and Seo Eunho had wished for more than that.
How much had the price for that hurt? While vividly remembering that time, he was trying to do the same thing again. It was wrong to harbor expectations toward him as if he were a person when he was just a toy.
Having attachment to an owned toy, getting bored of it—these were ultimately things only humans could do. A toy couldn’t possess a human. Seo Eunho had learned that painfully. Tae Shinwoo’s emotions and his own emotions had no relation. Only Tae Shinwoo held the initiative in this relationship. It was something he could never have no matter how hard he tried.
How had he forgotten that? Of all things to forget. A laugh leaked out.
“Kim Junseong.”
At that moment, Tae Shinwoo, who had been keeping silent, suddenly opened his mouth.
“What did he say?”
The low voice sounded even ominous. Though the view was blurry with endlessly falling raindrops, Seo Eunho, thinking this wasn’t the way to his house as it was an unfamiliar road, answered without delay.
“Nothing.”
This time, it was Tae Shinwoo who let out a short laugh. He didn’t believe Seo Eunho’s words.
“He didn’t say anything at all, as if someone would rip his mouth apart if he said anything to me.”
Seo Eunho elaborated, leaning his back against the car seat. He didn’t know what the situation was, but it was the best he could do for Kim Junseong, who had kept his mouth tightly shut and begged to be taken away, trying to save himself. Tae Shinwoo would make the choice.
“And with the woman.”
Don’t you have a hobby of going to various hotels? As the car approached a familiar hotel, Seo Eunho thought indifferently. Because such frivolous thoughts, rather than deep and serious ones, helped keep his emotions from fluctuating.
“What woman?”
“How far were you planning to go?”
Seo Eunho kept his mouth shut with furrowed brows. How far was he planning to go? It was absurd that he was trying to confirm everything one by one when he already knew.
Tae Shinwoo had been watching him. Though he might not know what Kim Junseong had spouted, he would know that the woman from earlier and himself had nothing going on, that he’d really just held an umbrella for her.
Even so, the transparent intention to make him ramble excuses with his own mouth made him nauseous. Seo Eunho slowly closed his eyes and opened them.
“To a place where we could avoid the rain. It was the middle of the main street, wasn’t it? Kim Junseong told me to get lost, I had no umbrella, and it was raining. Was there a reason to refuse?”
The words he spat out couldn’t be more indifferent. Wasn’t there no problem at all? It felt like he’d returned to eighteen-year-old Seo Eunho, who set up his own standards and readily accepted others’ favors.
“…Ah, you’re still the same.”
As if feeling the same thing, Tae Shinwoo spoke while twisting his lips. Seo Eunho immediately shook his head.
“No.”
A crooked answer followed.
“The me you remember is a high school student from twelve years ago. How could I still be the same?”
It wasn’t just words directed at Tae Shinwoo. How could he still be the same? He shouldn’t be. Even stupidity had its limits.
He had to be different from back then. As long as his and Tae Shinwoo’s hearts were the same as before, Seo Eunho shouldn’t act like before.
Before, he’d been scared of losing Tae Shinwoo. So now, he had to be okay with losing Tae Shinwoo at any time.
“If you receive kindness, you should return it. Well… you ruined it though.”
“Ha.”
Even at the scoffing sound, Seo Eunho remained calm. Before he knew it, the car was entering in front of the hotel. The speed was so fast that it wouldn’t be surprising if they skidded on the wet road right now.
Screech! The car came to a sudden stop with a loud noise. Thanks to that, his body, which had been thrown forward, belatedly returned to its place. By then, Tae Shinwoo was already opening the car door and getting out.
Should he get out too? For a moment, Seo Eunho pondered. That was because the car was haphazardly parked in front of the hotel. He naturally hesitated, wondering if it was okay to leave the car like this and get out.
Of course, the moment the passenger door swung open and Tae Shinwoo grabbed his arm, that worry became meaningless. Seo Eunho could glimpse a hotel employee who had received the car keys getting into the driver’s seat. It was really brief. He didn’t have time to see properly as he was being dragged through the still-pouring rain.
There was no resistance because there was no reason to resist. Tae Shinwoo’s quick steps only stopped after entering the elevator. Seo Eunho took a deep breath in and let it out.
“What’s the big rush?”
Then he muttered in a somewhat annoyed tone.
He didn’t particularly want to provoke Tae Shinwoo. He just knew that his job was to do as Tae Shinwoo wanted but not have any expectations.
But today, he didn’t want to keep his mouth tightly shut. Because Tae Shinwoo would know, just as he had realized. That he was dying to occupy the seat next to Tae Shinwoo, not knowing his place, just like twelve years ago—Shinwoo must have realized that first.
How amusing must it have been? Was he satisfied? What would it feel like to discover that the toy that had been playing around and suddenly ran away was still interesting?
“I end up having sex every time I meet someone. Because you show up every time. At this rate, I’ll be too scared to even meet people.”
The crooked thoughts didn’t stop. So Seo Eunho didn’t keep his mouth shut. It didn’t matter whether the air in the elevator heading up at high speed became heavier or not.
Was this much at least okay? Couldn’t he redirect his resentment toward himself to Tae Shinwoo like this? Anyway, the cause of everything was Tae Shinwoo, who didn’t see him as a person. Seo Eunho wanted to pour out his resentment onto Tae Shinwoo, at least for today.
“You’ve gone crazy.”
Of course, there was no way Tae Shinwoo would know his inner thoughts, nor would he understand them. Seo Eunho let out a small laugh. It seemed like it might be better to go crazy.
“But I really don’t want to do it today. Do we have to?”
There was no way Tae Shinwoo wouldn’t know he was deliberately picking a fight. He’d even recklessly thrown a punch at Tae Shinwoo’s face earlier. A small wound from that was clearly visible at the corner of his mouth.
So he should be acting more calmly.
“I think it’d be better to shut up.”
Ridiculously, Tae Shinwoo was swayed by his words just like that.
This is why people get the wrong idea. Doesn’t it seem like he could control Tae Shinwoo?
“Ah, I don’t have a choice, that’s right.”
Seo Eunho shook his head and took the first step. It was the moment the elevator door opened.
“Ugh.”
However, Seo Eunho’s steps didn’t continue for more than a few. Because Tae Shinwoo’s hand firmly grabbed the nape of his neck.
“What are you…!”
There was only one guest room on this floor. But even so, there was no need to scuffle in the hallway. No, at least there was definitely no need for his clothes to be ripped off starting here.
“All that constant poking and prodding.”
Without time to chew over the incomprehensible words, his top fell to the floor in an instant. His lower garment, stiff from being wet, was also being pulled down. Seo Eunho wanted to look around in case someone appeared, but he couldn’t even move his head due to the overwhelming force.
Right in front of the hotel room, right in front of the elevator, Seo Eunho’s clothes were completely stripped off. He desperately tried to stop Tae Shinwoo’s hands, but it was futile.
“It’s like you’re protesting that the sex you’ve had with me all this time has been boring, isn’t it?”
The hand gripping his neck tightened a bit more. When he struggled, he became so breathless. Seo Eunho desperately tried to remove Tae Shinwoo’s hand. The pain was growing more and more, beyond the shame from the fact that someone could appear right now.
“You could have just said it with words.”
“Huk!”
The hand gripping the nape of his neck fell away. At the same time, Seo Eunho bent at the waist, but he wasn’t given much respite. Tae Shinwoo turned Seo Eunho’s body around just like that. Seo Eunho, who hit his head against the wall with a thud, reflexively put his hands up.
“Since this much isn’t enough to satisfy you, I can stop holding back.”
A sinister voice dug into his ears. At the same time, fingers slipped between his legs.
“Let’s do it, ah!”
Seo Eunho, who belatedly came to his senses after being swept up in the situation, only then realized. That Tae Shinwoo, who had recklessly shoved who knows how many fingers into his hole right now, intended to do it right here.
