Cha Ihyun felt an inexplicable sense of pride. He’d just stopped by thinking he’d surprise him, but with good timing, he was able to extract his hyung. As he quietly chuckled, the car moved smoothly.
In the cramped space, the scent of alcohol was vividly felt. The smell of alcohol that would normally make him wrinkle his face transformed into a mature fragrance when mixed with his hyung’s breath.
“I thought you were going through puberty.”
Hyung’s voice broke the silence. Cha Ihyun, who had been stealing glances at his hyung with closed eyes, quickly averted his gaze and answered.
“Hm? Puberty?”
“You always keep your door closed, and you don’t come hang out in hyung’s room anymore.”
“Th-that’s not it. I deliberately… because hyung seemed busy…”
“Liar. You used to come in at night with the door open before. Saying you had problems you didn’t understand.”
Cha Minhyun smiled softly as if remembering that time.
“It was cute how you made excuses saying you didn’t understand.”
“…Hyung! You knew?”
The laughter grew louder. He felt like he could die of embarrassment, but because the laughing face was so pretty, Cha Ihyun only pouted his lips.
“Actually, I was going to go to hyung’s room today anyway. I need to return the book too.”
“Did you finish reading it?”
“No. I can’t read it. The protagonist is too… weird.”
This time it was sincere, not testing the waters. Aside from the fact that it was a man liking a man, the content was too stimulating for a minor to read. His face heated up recalling what happened that night because of the actions the protagonist boy took toward the hyung he liked.
A laugh like a sigh came from the side.
“Then are we weird too?”
“Hm?”
“I’m a man and Ihyun is a man too.”
The taxi driver was humming along to the music coming from the radio. Still, just in case, Cha Ihyun lowered his voice.
“Hyung, you’re drunk.”
“Am I?”
Am I? Cha Ihyun’s mouth jutted out sulkily.
Someone’s heart stops with a thump at every single word and then pounds on its own, while someone else treats kisses and marriage proposals as jokes… Hyung really doesn’t know anything. Cha Ihyun said in a sullen voice.
“Don’t keep s-saying things like that. What if I end up following hyung and say I won’t date either?”
Will hyung take responsibility? He tried to counter playfully the same way, but reacting like that to his one-sided crush was too difficult. So what came out ended up being words thickly coated with sincerity.
He was nervous. Even he himself didn’t know what kind of answer he wanted from hyung.
If a response like ‘that won’t do’ came back, he’d feel sad, but if he said something that left room for interpretation, he’d feel upset again. It was a heart bundled up in contradictions. A one-sided love for someone he shouldn’t like resembled puberty, which he’d never even experienced.
‘Am I really going through puberty like hyung said?’
He suddenly realized that hyung’s answer hadn’t come back for a long time. When he sneakily glanced to the side, their gazes immediately tangled.
“That’s a bit of a strange thing to say.”
The amber eyes the same color as his own looked especially deep.
“So were you planning to?”
He couldn’t tell whether the alcohol had worn off or not. One thing was certain—he felt like he needed to answer well. His learned unconscious immediately urged him to say ‘no.’ But…
He wanted to ask at least once. Cha Ihyun, who quietly swallowed his saliva, opened his mouth.
“What if I don’t?”
“……”
“What happens? To us…”
It was a question with the implication of what kind of relationship are we, is this really brotherhood?
Cha Minhyun silently gazed at his younger brother. Despite saying such bold words, the white downy hair that had risen on his cheeks made him look babyish to the point where it was hard to believe he was nineteen. When he caressed the white down with his fingertips, his cheeks trembled and turned rosy.
“Ihyun graduates in February, right?”
“Hm? Mmhm.”
Cha Minhyun smiled broadly.
“Come back after you graduate and I’ll tell you.”
Cha Ihyun, completely deflated, stuck out his lips fully.
“What’s that… You’re treating me like a kid again.”
“Ihyun is a kid though.”
“No I’m not. How is nineteen a kid?”
Even as he grumbled, only laughter could be heard. Cha Ihyun muttered to himself. He was still unclear about what hyung’s feelings were, but one thing was certain—he only saw his feelings as childish.
‘Still…’
Even after hearing a glimpse of his heart, hyung didn’t look at him strangely. He didn’t draw a line saying what kind of relationship, we’re just brothers. That means… at the very least, it’s no different from being allowed to harbor these feelings for hyung, right?
Even just that was tremendous progress. Originally, these were feelings he’d planned to secretly keep to himself. Thinking of it that way, it wasn’t unfair that hyung thought his feelings were just a momentary delusion.
‘Just wait and see.’
Since he gave permission, I’ll like him to my heart’s content, and as soon as I become an adult, I’ll ask right away. What that meant back then, and how hyung thinks of me.
On the off chance that hyung feels the same way… then I’ll really confess incredibly awesomely.
Into Cha Ihyun’s mind as he was strengthening his resolve, someone’s face suddenly popped up. It was the face of Cha Dobum grinning as he told him to ‘act friendly’ in exchange for keeping his secret.
…But then what happens with Cha Dobum?
There was no need to keep the secret anymore, and there was no reason to hang around with Cha Dobum any longer. Then would they go back to how it was before, that is, to the relationship where they were distant with each other?
That’s… I don’t want that. Because I still need to confirm whether Cha Dobum does well on the GED, and also…
“I think we’re here, is this right?”
Cha Ihyun snapped out of his thoughts. The car had already stopped on the shoulder in front of the house. He hurried to pay and get out when the taxi driver glanced back.
“You two are brothers, right?”
“Yes?”
“I usually try not to eavesdrop on passengers, but what you were saying was really, you know.”
It didn’t seem like he really wanted an answer, as the taxi driver looked back and forth between the two people and the house, then nodded. Then he started the car. Before he could even feel embarrassed, hyung, who was leaning his body against him, mumbled.
“Let’s go in.”
The scent of alcohol from hyung had faded long ago. But because he liked that hyung was relying on him, he unnecessarily supported him even more actively.
It was a time when Big Aunt and Big Uncle hadn’t come home yet. Since Cha Dobum also wasn’t home in the afternoons, he naturally thought the house would be empty. So the moment he opened the door and encountered the person, Cha Ihyun involuntarily hiccupped.
“Ah, fuck.”
It was Cha Dobum. Wearing outdoor clothes and putting on his shoes, as soon as he saw the two entering the front door, he smirked.
“The alcohol smell is insane.”
The Cha Dobum who said that smelled like cigarettes. It was that acrid smell that used to cling to his school uniform every afternoon when he attended school.
Cha Dobum sneered.
“Great job. Getting a high schooler drunk.”
“I didn’t drink. Only hyung drank a little.”
“Really? Then correction. Making a kid sit there while you get drunk—what a great look?”
Cha Minhyun, who normally wouldn’t even respond, gave a short sneer.
“Mind your own behavior.”
“I don’t think a bastard who got wasted from alcohol and is being supported by a high schooler should be saying that.”
In the middle, Cha Ihyun just rolled his eyes.
“Where did that bastard who was going on about being a guardian go? Seriously, fuck, what a creepy-ass bastard.”
“You’re the creepy one. Acting like a parasite.”
“W-wait a minute…”
Cha Ihyun grabbed Cha Minhyun’s clothes and stopped him. It seemed like he needed to mediate first.
“Hyung drank because of the professor. I wasn’t even there. So stop it. And hyung too—”
“Mmm… I’m dizzy.”
At him leaning against him, Cha Ihyun’s words trailed off. A worried voice naturally burst out.
“A-are you very dizzy? Should we go up?”
Hyung nodded. Cha Dobum wrinkled his face with a “Ugh” as if he’d seen something he shouldn’t have, but Cha Ihyun, whose heart had softened, hurriedly moved his steps.
Just as he was about to pass by Cha Dobum, their gazes locked. At the stare looking intently at him, Cha Ihyun felt a prickling in one side of his chest.
He didn’t need to watch Cha Dobum’s reactions anymore. It didn’t matter whether he told the secret or not. Yet he couldn’t take his eyes off Cha Dobum.
The one who turned his gaze away first was Cha Dobum. Cha Dobum, who clicked his tongue briefly, opened the front door and went outside just like that.
Cha Ihyun, who had been staring blankly at the closed door, also moved his stopped legs. As he slowly climbed the stairs, a gentle voice tickled his ear.
“I guess the group project is finished.”
“Hm? Ah…”
