# Chapter 194
“What.”
“Why are you… so hunched over?”
Sano only turned his head to look at Iyeon. There was a murderous intent in his eyes, so Iyeon quickly changed the subject.
“Oh, anyway… I happened to be with Jonghee-ssi when I heard about you. It seemed like an urgent situation, so I volunteered. I’m faster than finding another high-ranked hunter anyway.”
“Thanks to your meddling, that woman will be fired today.”
“No, why would she be fired…”
“Don’t speak for others.”
“…”
At those scathing words, the person who had actually fired Sano mumbled excuses.
“…I just meant that there was no reason for you to stay with me…”
At those words, Sano’s back, which was already walking far ahead, stopped. Not expecting a reaction, Iyeon also hesitated, and in that moment, Sano whirled around.
“Do I need a reason to stay with you?”
“Huh?”
“Say it yourself.”
Sano said, with his brows deeply furrowed, looking like he was already angry just from his expression. His tone was grinding his teeth.
“What the hell do I have to do to make you stop saying shit like that?”
‘Don’t pretend not to see Sano-nim’s intentions.’
Jonghee’s words from earlier suddenly overlapped, and Iyeon swallowed instead of answering. Unable to wait for Iyeon to spend time deliberating how to respond, Sano abruptly turned around again. His stride was fierce as he walked away briskly.
Iyeon stared blankly at his back.
Jonghee wasn’t wrong. Sano had clearly said he was fine several times and tried not to leave. It was Iyeon who had stubbornly driven him away.
But there were too many reasons why Sano shouldn’t be with Iyeon. The two of them differed in every aspect; Sano was too amazing, probably had a lot of work to do, and also…
“…”
Iyeon knew it too. It was just that those reasons didn’t explain everything. It was rationalization mixed with facts and excuses.
He had simply run away.
The past he thought he’d buried reached out with its rotten hand, bursting from the soil. The unfinished truth was strangling him. It was so terrifying, so horrifying that he closed his eyes first.
A child abandoned by his birth parents, raised in an orphanage. A troublemaker who led his kind adoptive parents to their deaths.
Perhaps his birth parents had been wise to abandon him first?
This imagining was a nightmare with imagination maximized. He kept picturing Sano resenting and despising him after learning the truth. What if Sano regretted ever meeting him right to his face? The scenario that had been constantly appearing under his eyelids was so vivid it gave him goosebumps.
He was afraid to face the reaction.
So after spewing words Sano couldn’t understand, he sent him away preemptively. Like an ostrich hiding only its head in the sand when confronted by a predator.
Iyeon never had anything to begin with. Things that should have remained nonexistent suddenly overflowed even when he tried to hold them with both hands, and then one day he suddenly squeezed them away. Only after everything had disappeared did he realize how light his hands had originally been.
He kept wanting to have it all back while simultaneously being too afraid of losing it again, not knowing what to do.
‘I wanted to try living like you.’
Suddenly remembering Young’s words, Iyeon smiled bitterly. That she could find courage thanks to him—it was too generous a compliment for Iyeon. Young was the brave one. Didn’t she try to move forward despite her fears? Unlike Iyeon. He wasn’t brave or positive like she thought.
Jung Iyeon was just a coward.
He hadn’t changed at all from back then, when he was so afraid of living in the future that he stopped time.
“…Hey, do you remember Young-ssi?”
Iyeon’s voice was soft, but since there was nothing else in the space except the two of them, it seemed to reach Sano who had already walked far ahead. Even in his irritated state, Sano turned his gaze as if asking what Iyeon was talking about.
Even after looking at Iyeon again, Sano didn’t ignore him. He might be annoyed and angry, but he would still answer when Iyeon spoke to him. It was different from his worst imagination.
That response gave him a little more courage. Iyeon hurried his steps to approach Sano. Sano didn’t stop walking, but his stride noticeably shortened. Soon, the two were able to walk side by side.
“You know, the person who came to see my Cho Jeonryeok. The one who was on my team.”
“So what.”
“I met her again recently. When we caught Kim Cheoljae-ssi, before I met you.”
Iyeon lowered his gaze to trace his memories. The story of meeting her again at the superpower factory, what she had said, meeting her again when he went to D.S.’s workshop… Sano silently listened to the story of Young that flowed out in gentle words.
“And you know what Young-ssi said to me? That I seemed to be shouting that it’s okay to be brave.”
Saying it himself made Iyeon feel somewhat embarrassed, and he laughed awkwardly. Undisguisable shyness coated his voice.
“She said she wanted to try living like me.”
“…”
“Honestly, I’d never heard something like that before. It felt strange.”
The human heart was truly strange. Iyeon wasn’t worthy of hearing such things from Young. When he first heard those words, the first emotion that came to mind was shame. He knew that better than anyone.
But after hearing Young’s story, Iyeon also wanted to try being brave.
He wanted to become someone who wouldn’t be embarrassed to hear such words.
So Iyeon was squeezing and wringing out his desire to run away as he brought up this conversation. To say that liking you and almost causing you harm was too great a trauma for me, that I was afraid of following in my parents’ footsteps—to say these things required more heart than the courage he had scraped together. Just as Iyeon shut his eyes tightly and was about to open his mouth, Sano’s voice was quicker.
“So that woman said such things.”
The temperature of the voice saying those words was much colder than expected, and Iyeon forgot what he was going to say and opened his eyes in surprise.
The face of Sano that he met with puzzlement was hardened to a frightening degree. He hadn’t even started the real conversation yet… why was he already angry?
“So you’ve let that woman into your home this time?”
“What?”
Sano approached fiercely and grabbed Iyeon’s shoulders. It was such a strong grip that Iyeon felt a dull pain. While Iyeon couldn’t keep up with Sano’s emotional changes, sharp words continued to pierce him.
“Have you started liking her? Because she said the words you’ve been wanting so badly? Because it made you feel recognized?”
“Huh? What?”
There was something odd about the flow of the conversation. Iyeon tried to correct it belatedly, but it seemed like Sano couldn’t hear him anymore.
“I guess the timing was perfect since you’d already driven me away. Did you come to say thank you?”
“That’s not it.”
“I knew you first!”
A thunderous roar struck down. Under the steeply raised thick eyebrows, his pupils glowed bright blue.
“You told me to get out alive!”
Black scales were rising unevenly on his smooth cheek that was trembling slightly. As if not knowing what to do with the boiling irritation, the grip on Iyeon’s shoulders grew even stronger.
Sano knew all too well how sweet and warm the hand that Iyeon extended was.
“You dare abandon me now?”
Despite knowing everything, anger welled up at himself for momentarily neglecting it. Iyeon would have reached out to many people not only during the period they were apart but also while they were together again. Without any special calculations of profit and loss, without showing off, simply shining his eyes while saying this is the right thing to do.
And among them, someone might have thought like Sano.
That they wanted to stand by this person.
“Just because of a few such words?”
That fact made him unbearably angry.
Sano liked Iyeon because he was that kind of person. The kind who couldn’t turn a blind eye to something that could be ended with just closing his eyes, who reluctantly opened his eyes wide to come save him. The kind who couldn’t stand by and watch others in danger.
But in this moment, he briefly wished Iyeon wasn’t that kind of person.
He wished nobody knew about the brightly shining Iyeon. He wanted to hold him in his arms and hide him away. Only he should know Iyeon’s good points. The world wasn’t full of fools like Jung Iyeon; if others found out, they would drool and try to take him away immediately.
And Jung Iyeon would realize that he had countless other options.
“I need you too.”
Sano finally realized what was included in his anger.
“I was first…”
It was anxiety.
