“…Never mind if you don’t know. Don’t go spilling it just anywhere.”
Dooyoung, who had been dragging the back of his hand along his chin, looked at Hong Seungpyo — standing half a step away — through unfocused eyes. The walnut-shaped bob of his throat rose and fell as if swallowing.
Hong Seungpyo was nothing more than a loan shark come to collect on an ice cream debt. He could never be a friend. That was an unwritten rule not even God could bend. So he couldn’t let himself be fooled by whatever warmth showed on the surface. Just as nothing in this world comes free, friendly threats aren’t free either.
“For now, put it off and take your time — you just go to work.”
Seungpyo added, with a smile like junk food:
“And take care of yourself until then.”
He shrugged his shoulders and left the alley without a second thought. Dooyoung, left alone, stared at a piece of gum stuck to the ground with a grave expression. He had no idea what exactly Seungpyo meant by “take care of yourself,” and that left him at a loss.
Is he telling me to toughen up?
Dooyoung snapped his head up. He was starting to think Seungpyo’s purpose was to use him as a human punching bag. The arm Seungpyo had grabbed when he stumbled earlier still ached. That alone was enough to know how strong that grip was. The day those hands came at him in earnest would be the day he’d need to be put in the ground.
Dooyoung leaned against the wall and decided to wait in the alley until Seungpyo had completely disappeared from view. But from the other end of the alley came the sound of a group of people talking loudly.
Dooyoung was uncomfortable around people his own age. He was especially afraid of Lee Juhak’s crew and the kind of masculinity they carried. It was a visceral feeling that had been branded into him long ago — not something even he could easily undo.
After some deliberation, Dooyoung slipped out of the alley. Seungpyo hadn’t gone far, so he deliberately slowed his pace. And then it happened — Seungpyo, who had been walking along perfectly fine, suddenly turned around. Dooyoung gripped his bag strap. He pretended not to notice the gaze fixed directly on him and looked off into the distance.
Seungpyo let out a quiet laugh.
“Want me to hold your hand too?”
He said it as though he knew exactly what Dooyoung was anxious about. Dooyoung’s stomach turned. It felt like a trauma he couldn’t even bring himself to say out loud had been peeled open against his will, for someone else to see.
This is humiliating. He’s definitely going to think I’m pathetic……
Seungpyo glanced at Dooyoung — now abruptly subdued — without much concern, then turned and started walking ahead again. In the distance, an overpass was coming into view. He walked straight past it and kept going.
Pulling himself out of his spiral, Dooyoung began to pick up his pace little by little. He darted up onto the overpass and peeked his face out over the railing. Seungpyo, not once looking back, shrank to a dot in the distance and vanished.
Dooyoung tugged his shirt sleeve down and rubbed it against one cheek. The touch of Seungpyo’s hand against his bare skin had been like a piece of warmed-up jelly. The kind that’s thick and cloyingly sweet.
Still scrubbing at his cheek with a vague sense of discomfort, Dooyoung glanced up at the sky. It looked uneven, like paper that had soaked up water. The sun had come out briefly in the morning, but the sky had stayed an overcast grey all day. It looked ready to dump snow at any moment.
After finishing his evening shift, Dooyoung felt inexplicably restless — and with no particular plan, he found himself heading to the restaurant where Kim Chunnyeo worked. Even at an hour close to midnight, the place was full of customers. All of them middle-aged men, thoroughly soaked in drink.
He was loitering outside the entrance when Kim Chunnyeo, clearing a table, caught his eye. She blinked her eyes wide, then broke into a bright, girlish smile and came outside.
“Pup! Why didn’t you go straight home — what are you doing coming here? You’re already here, so come inside, why are you standing out here. Come on.”
Dooyoung glanced at the drunk men inside and shook his head.
“No, it’s okay. I just missed you — I was only going to stop by and see your face.”
“You must be hungry. Let me get you something to eat before you head home.”
“The boss gave me a snack, so I had that. But is it okay if I stay out here with you?”
“Of course, of course. I need to take breaks and work, not just work the whole time. But Pup, why do you look so drained? Was it a hard day?”
“Mm, a little?”
Dooyoung rolled his large eyes and gave a flat answer. Just then, from the building next door, a woman who looked to be around Kim Chunnyeo’s age came out clicking her tongue.
“Oh honestly! Someone left a huge mess in the bathroom and didn’t even flush! Filthy things, they need to come down with a real nasty stomach bug before they learn any better!”
The woman — whose hair was curled up like a nest of instant noodles — spotted Kim Chunnyeo and Dooyoung, and her scrunched-up face immediately smoothed over.
“My, who’s that pretty young man in front of you, Chunnyeo?”
“Who else! My one and only grandson.”
Kim Chunnyeo’s voice climbed a full note higher, thrilled to have an audience for her bragging.
“Goodness. You were always going on about him, so I wondered how impressive he could really be — he’s even prettier than I was in my youth!”
“Don’t even try to compare him to you back then!”
“It’s just a saying! Why are you going all stone-faced like you mean it? You’re going to embarrass me.”
“Hello.”
Dooyoung gave a small bow with a quiet greeting. Kim Chunnyeo, cheeks flushed pink, fussed over him more than usual — patting his backside, stroking his cheek, all the little touches she didn’t normally lavish on him.
“Oh my, he’s in high school, wasn’t it? What are you doing out at this hour instead of going home? Ah, that’s right, you said you work, didn’t you? Already bringing home spending money for your grandmother — what a good boy! Chunnyeo, what kind of luck did you have to end up with a grandson like this?”
“My luck, that’s what it is. All mine.”
At Kim Chunnyeo’s grandson-bragging, pitched a note higher than usual, Dooyoung felt something knot up in the pit of his chest. It felt so much like indigestion he wanted to heave it out.
The noodle-haired woman, with no way of knowing what was going on inside him, chattered on by herself.
“My youngest graduated from university and he still just lounges around the house doing nothing. What’s the point of a degree? He just stays cooped up at home every day eating whatever I put in front of him.”
“Right, right. They say these days having a degree doesn’t automatically mean you’ll find a job, don’t they? That tuition is all just debt. Nowadays, as long as you get the right certifications, you can make a decent living. Isn’t that right, Dooyoung?”
“Ah……”
Dooyoung mumbled and let out a single sound under his breath. At that, the noodle-haired woman gave Dooyoung an awkward smile and went back inside the restaurant.
“Grandma, I’m going to head out now.”
“Alright, get yourself home. Your eyes are all sunken — you’re exhausted.”
“Yeah.”
Dooyoung pulled Kim Chunnyeo’s small frame into a hug.
“What’s gotten into you today? Did something happen?”
Dooyoung, face buried in Kim Chunnyeo’s neck, shook his head. Just then, the noodle-haired woman, who had gone in ahead, called out impatiently for Kim Chunnyeo to hurry up and get back to work.
“I’d better go now. That woman can’t wait to eat me alive, already calling for me. Get home safe, Pup — alright?”
“Yeah, go on.”
Dooyoung waved his hand back and forth. He stood outside the restaurant without moving, still waving — until Kim Chunnyeo had no choice but to wave back.
The long goodbye came to an end and Dooyoung turned around. The walk home felt unusually long. For some reason his stomach felt unsettled. Like he’d gulped down a bowlful of murky water. The conversation between Kim Chunnyeo and the noodle-haired woman refused to leave his head. He didn’t want to hold onto it, but it floated around inside him like a foreign body that wouldn’t sink.
Right. Not everyone who goes to university makes it.
All of a sudden, he felt so drained that even walking was a struggle. Moving at a crawl, like he might collapse on the spot at any moment, Dooyoung let out a dry, bitter laugh out of nowhere. He found it funny — himself from this very morning, worrying about Seoul universities and tuition.
The winter wind cut bitterly cold. The sky that had done nothing but stay overcast released nothing at all. If not snow, then at least some pouring rain would have been welcome.
To cool this suffocating chest.
To wash away this awful feeling.
Lee Juhak received one week of school community service. He’d turned the school upside down swearing to find whoever had written his name down — and all it got him was extra hours tacked on. It was almost the college entrance exam anyway, and once break hit, graduation would come fast, so it wasn’t much of a punishment to speak of.
But Lee Juhak — someone who normally wouldn’t have cared — was out of his mind over this one, eyes practically rolling back in his head. Because what he’d done at the convenience store had gotten back to his father.
“The pig’s absolutely terrified of his old man. Said he ran away from home once and got beaten half to death — with a baseball bat.”
