Different Dreams in the Same Bed (12)
‘Disgusting.’
Dogyeom rubbed his lips roughly with the back of his hand, his face twisted in disgust. The moment those words echoed in his ears again, Sejin’s arms tensed up without him realizing it.
Flushed cheeks.
The mole under his eye.
Just the thought of that face made his chest ache.
“Ugh!”
‘Oh no….’
He’d used too much force during sparring. His opponent went flying far back.
“I’m sorry. I lost control for a moment.”
“Jeez, you’re like a monster.”
Sejin grabbed his opponent’s hand and helped him up as the man shook his head. He straightened his dobok and stood properly. After they bowed to each other, the master clicked his tongue and approached.
“Even when I tell you to seriously pursue judo, you won’t listen….”
“I’m not good enough to compete.”
Sejin scratched his head with an awkward smile. When he suddenly grew tall and bulky in middle school, people would often pick fights with him based on his appearance alone. It all started when the nun at the orphanage said he needed to know how to protect himself and sent him to the judo dojo. The master said Sejin had talent and didn’t even charge him tuition.
“The guy you just threw is here trying to get into college with judo, so what are you….”
Judo suited him quite well. But for Sejin, who needed to earn money as soon as possible, sports were a luxury. He only stopped by the dojo every day to repay his debt and, these days, to earn some transportation money.
“Thank you for your hard work.”
After changing out of his sweaty, worn dobok and leaving the judo dojo, he had quite a distance to go to his senior’s place where he was staying, but Sejin started walking.
‘An hour should do it.’
He hadn’t even eaten dinner, so his stomach was growling. He gulped down the water from his full water bottle. When he got there, he’d just close his eyes for a bit and then head to work again at dawn. The streetlights stretched out long along the road, and Sejin diligently moved his heavy legs forward.
The memories of his past with Dogyeom that he kept trying to erase followed him like a shadow.
“Whoa, Lee Dogyeom. That guy. He’s fucking hot.”
The back of the classroom. When Sejin heard vulgar talk mixed with Dogyeom’s name, his ears perked up. An all-boys vocational technical high school bustling with guys. Being an omega and prettier than most girls, Dogyeom was always the center of someone’s attention. Whether in a good way or a bad way.
“I heard he two-timed with that delinquent senior who graduated last year.”
“I heard he just dumped some guy recently too.”
“He’s a total slutty whore.”
Jeers and mockery spread. Sejin slowly turned his gaze toward the window. Dogyeom was playing basketball, laughing loudly. Fair skin and long, slender limbs. His summer uniform shirt was loose and bounced with every movement. Long eyelashes like a doll’s slightly covering his large eyes, a straight nose, plump lips. Despite his shortly cropped hair, a strange sensuality flowed from him.
Inside the classroom, dirty and vulgar words continued—calling him a slut, saying he looked fuckable—but Dogyeom himself was dribbling the basketball and laughing without a care. Sejin pressed his lips tightly together. One side of his chest felt strangely tight.
Clatter.
“Fuck, you scared me.”
When the large-framed Sejin suddenly stood up, the guys who’d been talking instantly fell silent. Sejin walked past the boys who were sneaking glances at him and silently left the classroom. When he walked to the end of the hallway, the quiet air settled in his chest. He had no right to criticize them.
‘When I’m the one who finds him hot too….’
Sejin pressed hard on his forehead. Shame and a strange heat surged up simultaneously.
Dogyeom and Sejin. The two were still close as fellow orphanage kids from the same year. But at some point, Sejin started feeling an inexplicable distance by himself. It began after they each manifested as alpha and omega. Lee Dogyeom, who innocently went around saying he’d marry Jeongbae hyung. He was quite disappointed and envious of Sejin who manifested as an alpha.
“If only I were an alpha like you… would that be nice?”
“……”
Normally he would’ve consoled him, saying it was unfortunate, but Sejin couldn’t get those words out until the very end. Deep in his heart, he was glad Dogyeom had manifested as an omega.
The fact that Jeongbae hyung and Dogyeom had become an impossible pair felt strangely sweet.
‘Jeongbae hyung and you can’t be together now. But… with me instead….’
The moment that thought arose, a chill ran down Sejin’s spine.
‘Me… when I’m supposed to protect Dogyeom….’
Dogyeom had been a terrible liar from way back. And Sejin knew that fact better than anyone else in the world.
In the distant past of childhood. When Sejin woke up in the middle of the night, he was startled to hear sobbing from somewhere.
‘Is it… is it a ghost….’
“Huh… huuk… huk….”
A thin, trembling crying voice. The owner of that voice was Lee Dogyeom, who always acted tough and strong. Sejin held his breath under the blanket and listened. Whether to talk to him or pretend not to notice—even his young mind couldn’t make that judgment. His heart was pounding so hard he was afraid even his breathing would be heard.
That’s when it happened.
A small voice reached him. Very faintly.
“Mom… Mom… Mom. I miss you, Mom.”
Sejin clenched his fingers gripping the blanket even tighter.
‘I don’t need a mom or anything.’
That was a blatant lie. Dogyeom was a child who endured alone, swallowing his tears like that. Sejin deliberately pretended not to know. Even with his young heart, he instinctively knew he shouldn’t carelessly touch someone else’s wound.
But….
‘I want to protect Dogyeom. By his side.’
That feeling that arose then always followed Sejin. Lee Dogyeom, who always fought for him. From now on, I’ll become strong and protect you.
Sejin let out a short sigh and organized his thoughts, returning to reality.
Hunger, loneliness, desolation. And his shabby, worthless self.
The cold air in the high school hallway.
The moment when he hid in the blankets as a tiny child.
‘…When I’m supposed to protect Dogyeom.’
He lowered his head as if mocking himself. This strange heat and guilt he was feeling now, all those emotions were things he needed to erase.
‘An orphan, poor, stupid, and incompetent alpha….’
At that moment, Jaehyuk’s instigation came to mind. When he thought another alpha might steal Dogyeom away, he lost his reason for a moment. But he was woefully lacking and insufficient. He pushed forward with just the feeling of liking him, when he had neither the ability nor the confidence to make Dogyeom happy.
‘I knew it would turn out like this.’
A clumsy kiss where their lips merely touched. But the warm sensation from that brief moment replayed in Sejin’s mind over and over again. And….
‘Disgusting.’
Even Dogyeom’s rejection wouldn’t leave his mind and kept circling endlessly.
“I like you.”
It was the stupidest thing he’d done since being born into this world. His confession and kiss to Dogyeom.
‘Idiot, regretting it now….’
Sejin continued walking as if nothing had happened.
As if the memories from just moments ago and the heat in his chest didn’t matter at all.
When he arrived at his senior’s place after walking for an hour, Sejin was already exhausted. When he carefully opened the front door and entered, the living room lights were off. That was fortunate. If he ran into his senior, he’d have to listen to more pointless drunken rambling or complaints about his life.
The dismissive jabs asking how long he planned to mooch off him came as a bonus. Those words weren’t wrong. Sejin entered the storage room and sat down on the floor without even turning on the light. When he turned on his phone screen, an alarm was set for 4:30 AM. If he lay down now, he could sleep for about three hours.
As he laid his body down on the sleeping bag, all the tension in his body released at once. His empty stomach was still making noise, but he didn’t even have the energy to get up. He stared blankly at the ceiling before closing his eyes.
But it was strange.
He clearly felt like he’d collapse from exhaustion, but sleep wouldn’t come. What kept appearing in the darkness was Dogyeom’s face.
‘Disgusting.’
Those words gouged at his chest.
Sejin brought his hand to his own lips. The place where Dogyeom’s lips had touched. That soft, warm sensation. Had it been just a few seconds? Even that alone felt like the world had stopped.
‘Was being kissed by me… that repulsive?’
Sejin covered his face with his arm.
Dogyeom smiling with someone, speaking affectionately, looking happy. All of it tore at Sejin’s chest. But he was just Dogyeom’s friend. Someone who was supposed to protect him.
‘I never had the right to say I liked him….’
Sejin took out his phone and went on social media to look for Dogyeom. His profile picture was a photo of Jeongbae awkwardly standing in new clothes. Looking at the otherwise empty profile, he entered the account of the hair salon where Dogyeom worked.
‘Ah, Jaehyuk hyung.’
Shortly cropped hair. An indifferent, sharp face. A photo of Jaehyuk looking like a professional model was prominently displayed at the very front.
‘I’m jealous. If only I… were this cool too.’
An elite university student and a successful alpha. Confident and honest, he’d properly secured the spot next to Jeongbae hyung, who was an expert at running away. When he scrolled down past photos of currently popular idol group members and celebrities, Dogyeom’s photo appeared.
[Salon de Layer’s mascot, ‘Lovely Lee Dogyeom’ designer. He volunteered to be the model for a new cut….]
He slowly traced the brightly smiling, pretty face on the screen with his finger.
The last text was from two weeks ago. Among Dogyeom’s endlessly pouring calls and texts, he’d left just one reply.
[I’m doing fine, so don’t worry about me.]
It was a lie. There were many times he couldn’t even eat one proper meal a day. But he couldn’t tell Dogyeom something like that. He didn’t want to make him worry. No, to be precise….
‘I don’t want to show him my shabby self.’
Sejin placed his phone on his chest and closed his eyes. In the darkness, it felt like he could hear Dogyeom’s voice.
‘Disgusting.’
Sejin gritted his teeth. His chest tightened.
‘Right. It was wrong for someone like me to have those feelings for Dogyeom.’
When he carefully curled up his large body, the chill in the narrow room seeped in. What really stung wasn’t his body but his heart.
