One of the characteristics of this sickly body was its low body temperature. Because of that, no matter how many layers of clothes he wore in winter, the cold seeped in. When a cold wave struck, it was no exaggeration to say he almost froze half to death. How much he’d suffered to safely get through winter between the inadequate boiler and the alarming heating costs. This situation was the same even in summer, so Saehyeon’s body was always lukewarm.
When burning hot skin touched such a body, it was like pressing a branding iron against it. Even amidst the fatigue and drowsiness that pressed down on his body like a thousand pounds, his eyes flew open. The first thought he had was this:
‘This bastard?’
There was no way an Alpha who constantly acted like he was in heat, as the saying goes old habits die hard, would miss an opportunity. Moreover, wasn’t he in a position where he owed a debt?
‘Still though.’
No matter what, you had to choose the time and place. It meant this wasn’t something to do in this one-room that probably didn’t even have good soundproofing, with a soundly sleeping child right nearby.
Saehyeon, who had lifted his head in such fury, stiffened and froze. It was because he discovered eyes brightly open in the dusky surroundings. But that clearly had a difference from what he’d expected.
Those eyes weren’t sharpened like a blade. They were round like almonds and then narrowed freshly. The body stuck to his skin was the same. Not hard and rough but soft and tender.
Only then could Saehyeon identify the person lying next to him and staring at him intently. That it was Lee Taesol, not Gil Taeseo.
Saehyeon, who glanced behind him, slightly curled his body toward the child. And whispered in a deliberately lowered voice.
“Tae… sol. Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Taesol’s gaze was in the middle of rolling around blankly. It stuck to the yellowed stained ceiling, then touched the hem of clothes and skin of the father lying beside him. He also slightly extended his small hand to the clothes and arm. This was the identity of the hot body temperature Saehyeon had felt.
Saehyeon, who had been watching the hand moving as if playing patty-cake and the pale face, asked once more. He became curious about what thoughts were behind that blank face. For the first time in a very long while. Perhaps, for the first time since the day he’d opened his eyes in the 28-year-old body.
“What are you thinking about so much?”
Taesol slowly chewed on that question. Receiving the excited voice and gaze of his drowsy father all at once, his tightly closed mouth easily opened.
“Uh… huuuuuuh!”
And that poured out, opening the floodgates vigorously with wailing. Waterways opened again, flowing down the clean and fluffy cheeks.
“…Huh? Huh huh?!”
Saehyeon made a dumbfounded sound and bolted upright. He’d completely forgotten that he’d been speaking in a lowered voice just moments ago.
Though his whole body ached as if it had been thoroughly beaten and he had no strength, so he flopped back down. But getting up again was no big deal. The scene before his eyes was more important than his shabby body.
“Uh why, why… does it hurt somewhere? Why all of a sudden…!”
It was also true that his heart sank. Wasn’t he himself the very person who had put the child through both physical and mental hardship in a double set on this fine night?
It was when his pale, thin hand floundered without being able to reach the child.
“Uuuuuh Daddyyy…”
Taesol turned his body and burrowed right into the thin embrace nearby. It seemed like he thought if he burrowed in a little tighter, he could hide from something. It was truly regrettable to have a body that easily lost balance even at the motion of being embraced. Because he couldn’t even properly support this child who was depending on him with his whole body.
Saehyeon wrapped his arm around the child’s back and curled his body slightly. It was to bear alone the shock of being slammed into the floor again.
“…Hm?”
But what touched his body wasn’t the floor that still felt hard even with blankets laid down. Though of course it was as hard as the floor. When he quickly lifted his head at the feeling that struck his back, there was already a familiar face there.
Naturally, the identity was the prime suspect Saehyeon had first suspected. For some reason, he had a clear face with no trace of sleepiness, identical to the face held in his arms.
As if Saehyeon himself had been the only one who’d been asleep.
“…What. The kid, you’re hurt?”
Gil Taeseo, who had been scanning the situation for a moment as if assessing it, furrowed his eyebrows. A large hand suddenly extended, and Saehyeon flinched reflexively.
But the hand merely stuck closely to the soft and damp face. It moved as if gauging something, wrapping around the forehead, cheeks, and nape of the neck.
“There’s no fever. Did some ghost chase you in your dream?”
Unlike his serious face, only his voice was as usual. It even felt like he was teasing a bit deliberately mischievously.
“Huh… uuuuh… Daddy… I’m scared…”
And, those words seemed to be the correct answer. Saehyeon frowned while patting the child who clung even more tightly.
‘He woke up from a nightmare?’
This had never happened before. The child always fell asleep quickly, and once asleep, rarely woke up. There had also been zero instances of him complaining that he’d had a bad dream. Either he was too greatly shocked by the recent incident, or…
‘He originally had them often but didn’t show it and endured it.’
It was an ominous assumption. At the same time, it was a probable possibility. Saehyeon felt his chest tighten just from the thought. It was a sensation quite similar to what he’d felt while eating ice cream.
It stung and tingled. Like being stabbed by something or burned. Such a dull pain crossed his chest.
“D-don’t go… Daddy can’t go…”
Whether this was the child’s first time experiencing this, or whether he’d consciously suppressed and endured it. He knew it was all happening because of himself.
If the former, it would be because of today’s strange behavior, and if the latter, it would be because he himself had been sick.
“…Yeah. I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be here.”
The words surged up in an instant. But bringing them out was difficult. He didn’t know if it was because he was doing something he hadn’t done before or because of guilt. In any case, it was clear that he had to do it nonetheless.
“Originally, living people are scarier than dead people. You know?”
“…Won’t you be quiet?”
That he also had to shut that mouth.
Saehyeon tried to swat away the finger that lunged as if to poke Taesol’s cheek again. But the opponent was one step faster. Before the tip could even touch, the hand quickly withdrew backward.
‘…Annoying bastard.’
Saehyeon glared fiercely. He was irritated by the sight of him not even properly letting himself be swatted away. But now was the time to focus on the mini-me held in his arms.
Only after soothing him for quite a while did the child fall asleep again, purring. All while stuck closely to his body as if he were a baby koala whose survival would be threatened if he fell off.
“…Phew.”
“Haah…”
Saehyeon, who had been checking on the child’s condition, let out a sigh. The man who had been tossing out words from the side was the same. There was one mouth but two sighing sounds, so his gaze reflexively lifted. Then their eyes met as if they’d been waiting.
Saehyeon was lying on his side again from soothing Taesol back to sleep. Behind his back was the wall, in his arms was the warm child. And before his eyes was Gil Taeseo sitting leaning against the wall.
The man was in a somewhat relaxed posture. At the end of the pale arm draped over one raised knee, his fingers occasionally twitched. It was a habit the man had when thinking about something. Complex emotions passed over his face that was clearly tired.
‘Complexity… emptiness?’
Saehyeon barely fished out a few from that flow. It felt like scooping up goldfish with a paper net. They flapped frantically on the paper membrane that was soaked so thin it seemed like it would tear at any moment.
There was no mirror so he couldn’t confirm. But he clearly felt like he could filter out something similar from his own face too.
“Hey.”
After soothing back to sleep the child who had woken from a nightmare shuddering, he let out a sigh of relief. Saehyeon realized that at least in that moment, he and Gil Taeseo were sharing the same sensation. Until now, he’d only thought they were always misaligned.
Those thoughts, this atmosphere, and the warmth in his arms. They pushed Saehyeon’s back and made him open his mouth.
“Let’s talk for a bit.”
His mouth felt excessively heavy. Even more than when he’d promised Taesol earlier that he’d ‘be here.’ But he knew that just the same, these were also words he had to say.
Saehyeon extended his hand toward the pale form lying on the blanket. It was an old and tacky blanket with even flower patterns engraved on the primary-colored cloth. The aesthetically formed hand lying on it was easily noticeable even without deliberately trying to find it. Whether viewing him as a whole or tearing apart and looking at every corner of his body, he was truly a man with no aspect that suited this house. The intention of extending his hand was simple. Whether tapping or lightly tugging. He intended to make light contact to draw his gaze.
If only Gil Taeseo hadn’t mercilessly swatted away the approaching hand, he probably would have done so.
“……!”
Saehyeon bit his lip at the hand that was slapped away in an instant. If he hadn’t been lying down, he surely would have flopped over to the side like a tragic heroine. The pale back of his hand swelled up red in an instant. Nevertheless, not making a sound was a result of being conscious of the child in his arms.
Saehyeon, who had swallowed his cry like that, lifted his head again. A different appearance fleetingly passed over that expression. For example, a Chihuahua whose gum had been snatched right before its nose.
