“Hey, you crazy bastard!!! What do you mean ‘private property,’ private property!! What, are you some kind of real estate agent? Did you register the deed?!”
“Yeah. I just did. Through the guild system.”
“Wow… this is seriously driving me nuts. Hey, this is a violation of human rights! Sir! Report this! Tell the admins!”
Doyeong was speechless too. Honestly, this had crossed the line a long time ago.
“Hey, 0. Stop messing around and let me go. Am I a piece of property?”
“If you don’t like it, leave. You’ll have to pay a penalty.”
“What nonsense about penalties! I just have to press the quit button and that’s it…”
That was when a cheerful ‘Ding!’ notification sounded, and Doyeong’s inventory gleamed.
[50,000,000 Gold Deposited]
Doyeong’s eyes nearly popped out. Fifty million gold. Converted to cash, that’s 500,000 won. One click sealed one-tenth of the tractor repair cost.
“……This is….”
“Maintenance fees. Appearance upkeep.”
0 added in a lax voice.
“If my property goes around sloppy, it makes me look bad.”
“….”
“Oh, of course it’s not free. It’s a prepayment. For the performances I’m going to show from now on.”
Doyeong quickly did the math. Keep your pride, and pay zero won. Endure and you make twenty thousand won per hour.
“…Fine. Whether I’m property or a pet, so be it.”
Doyeong answered calmly.
“As long as you pay my maintenance on time, I’ll bark when you tell me to and roll when you say so.”
“Hmm?”
“Deposit confirmed, sir.”
0 cracked up at his shameless role reversal.
“Ha. Is money really all it takes? I like that.”
The Governor was baffled and made a neck-grabbing gesture, and the Accountant shook his head, saying “Wow… monsters born of capitalism….”
Enjoying those reactions, 0 pulled Doyeong’s character close beside him.
“Now you’re truly family.”
“Not family, more like furniture….”
“Don’t even think about running away, bro. You can enter my house whenever you want, but leaving isn’t free.”
0’s character stroked Doyeong’s rabbit ears.
“Now, maintenance paid, time to earn your keep?”
Doyeong stared blankly at the screen. He came to earn tractor repair money, and ended up a work of art. Moreover, this crazy guild leader had maxed out the skill of draining a person’s soul with money.
This game made the ‘logout’ button feel truly desperate.
But Doyeong didn’t know. This guild membership was the sweet and perfect start of his breeding.
After being appointed the guild master’s ‘Private Property,’ Doyeong was immediately led by 0’s hand toward a new dungeon.
[Dungeon Entry: Screaming Mine]
In the dark mine, bats fluttered eerily, and the distant roar of trolls echoed. Normally, this would be a place to hold one’s breath and stay tense, but Doyeong’s headset was noisy like a crowded market.
“Ah, I really hate this place! The lighting sucks!”
The Gwanak District Governor waved a pink magic wand and complained.
“I can’t see my latissimus dorsi shadows! Hey, Accountant! Shoot some flares!”
“Wasteful! Each flare costs 500 gold… Don’t you see that guy’s just in underwear? It’s a loss!”
“Shut up! If I say shoot, you shoot! Three, two, one!”
Bang! Bang!
The Minus Account cried but fired flares begrudgingly. Whenever the blinding flashes went off, the orcs busied themselves striking poses.
“Wow, this angle’s killer. Look at those defined muscles. Hey, Zero! You filming?”
0 didn’t answer. His finger twitched on the mouse. He was deciding whether to hit the chatting comrade behind instead of the monsters.
“Sigh… the audio’s brutal. My eardrums are going to rot.”
Ignoring 0’s feelings, Doyeong trailed behind him picking up items. Of course, the ringing noise pulsing at his temples made his head throb. Like his blood sugar was crashing.
Did it really just crash?
Unconsciously, Doyeong grabbed a lollipop from his desk.
Rustle.
The sound of plastic peeling echoed clearly through the mic.
Suck.
At the candy-rolling noise, 0 paused.
“Bro, what are you eating?”
“Huh? Ah… just candy.”
Outside the monitor, 0’s owner frowned. His tone was tinted with irritation.
“Don’t eat anything without my permission. It’s a hassle fixing upset stomachs.”
“Are you the tyrannical master who starves me and then complains?”
Doyeong grumbled back, holding his ground. His irritation peaked after missing lunch.
“…Hey, I’m so hungry I’m dying. Can I have a break to eat?”
0 stopped.
“Oh. You’re out of fuel.”
0’s voice grew strangely serious.
“You should’ve said so earlier.”
“Huh?”
“Why endure when your performance drops?”
Unconcerned and relaxed, like ‘The owner of a luxury car who just spotted the low-fuel warning light’.
0 coldly glared at the dancing Governor and the distracted Accountant.
“Those noisy trash are wasting time. Bro needs to eat.”
0 raised his knuckle.
“Quick, clean up and refuel.”
0’s mind was already decided, but the Governor and Accountant didn’t realize. They were already lost in their own little worlds.
“Hey hey, Zero! Look here! Right in front of boss room, the lighting’s perfect!”
In front of the boss room entrance stood a mid-boss giant ogre threateningly wielding a war club. The Governor ignored it and casually tore off his armor. Flash. Underneath was a [Shining Pink Bikini].
Defense zero. Look score: 100.
“…That’s kind of scary.”
Doyeong muttered softly. To see a muscular orc wearing a bikini doing a booty dance was an incredibly rare sight that money couldn’t even buy.
“The Accountant went to the bathroom! I’ll dance in front of the boss, so you grab aggro and film! We need a thumbnail!”
0 nodded quietly.
“Alright. I’ll get you a once in a lifetime shot. A portrait photo.”
0’s voice was so gentle it sounded like he was just saying he’d take a picture. Only Doyeong who recognized the phrase shuddered. But the poor orc had no clue.
“Okay! Here I go! Music, cue!”
The Governor dashed right up to the boss and started [Zero Two Dance]. The ogre lord raised his war club in anger.
[Kroaaak!]
“Shoot! Now!”
Just before the war club smashed 0,
the Governor struck a V pose.
At that moment.
Swish.
0’s character blurred and vanished like smoke.
[Stealth]
- Effect: Resets all threat and hides appearance.
“Uh…?”
The Governor’s eyes widened.
0 disappeared right before him.
So where would the furious Ogre Lord’s war club land?
“Uh, uh?! Hey!!!”
The ogre lord’s gaze slowly lowered. Standing there was the bikini orc, bare-skinned with no armor.
Kraaaaang!!!
There was no time to argue with or be angry at 0. The colossal war club slammed down onto the orc.
“Ugh! My muscles!!!”
[System: Party member ‘Gwanak District Governor’ has died.]
With a scream, the Governor’s character turned grey and tumbled to the ground. 0 ended stealth and reappeared, lightly stepping over the fallen orc’s corpse.
“Ah, sorry. My hand slipped.”
“Hey you crazy bastard! You did that on purpose!”
“Your corpse’s color fits your bikini perfectly. Your personal color must be grey.”
0 chuckled, snapping photos of the grisly grey corpse in camera mode.
“Hey, Accountant! You better save him! Resurrect!”
The Governor screamed, but got no answer.
“Accountant? Hey, Park Donggoo?”
0 turned his head. In the corner, safely tucked away, was the Accountant’s character. He was staring blankly into the distance. The Governor sighed.
“Ah, that guy’s nose is buried in the auction house again.”
The bathroom excuse was nonsense, there was plenty of time for him to come back. The Accountant was definitely alt-tabbing to check the item market.
“Accountant.”
0 called softly again. No answer.
“You’re messing around instead of playing with the bros in the dungeon?”
0 grabbed boss aggro again. Then quietly lured it near the Accountant and nudged a ‘suicide goblin’ right next to him.
[Screeeech!]
The goblin turned red and began to swell. This mob has little health but explodes, instantly draining 100% of nearby characters’ HP with its nasty gimmick. 0 hit it just enough to be on the verge of death, then slid it beside the Accountant.
“Dereliction of duty.”
0 slipped away with invincibility skill and punched the goblin’s side.
“Here’s your retirement pay. Take it.”
Boom!!!
“Ugh!”
With a colorful explosion, the Accountant’s character flew into the sky.
[System: Party member ‘Minus Account’ has died.]
“Uh? Uh? What! Why did I die! I was checking the auction house!”
The Accountant shouted in shock, finally viewing the screen.
Oh no, what’s going on. When durability drops again I’ll have to pay up! The Accountant wailed, staring at his dead body lying in nothing but underwear.
“My experience! My durability! Aaaah!”
0 feigned surprise, covering his mouth with his hand.
“But Doyeong didn’t know. This guild membership was the sweet and perfect start of his breeding.”
Hey hey hey what tf do you mean by breeding? In the smut sense or training sense?