“Only after they all died did the higher-ups tell us to organize the results and report them. And they said to deliver the facts to the Knight Commander first.”
Not knowing how to react, my lips opened and closed several times. But Joel was already looking up at empty space slowly, as if he didn’t need my reaction.
“Isn’t it laughable?”
Joel’s laugh was like a breath mixed with bitterness.
“Those who faithfully followed orders all died, and I, who didn’t comply, survived. And I, left alone like that, ended up being the one who had to carry the message.”
His voice gradually became thinner. With each exhale, his chest swelled greatly then sank, and his fingertips trembled.
“I watched my comrades close their eyes one by one in that hellish trench. But all the higher-ups wanted was a single report. What was important to them wasn’t the soldiers’ deaths, but a single sentence to appease the public.”
“……”
“‘The cause of death for bodies found near the boundary line is poison.’ They tried to cover everything with that one sentence. To them, we were all nothing more or less than the casualty count written in a single line of a report.”
A brief silence flowed. His hands clenched white on his thighs, then slowly loosened.
“What I should have delivered to the Commander were the names of my dead comrades.”
“…Joel.”
“Not some talk about what the poison was or wasn’t.”
As those words ended, the inn became quiet. It was a silence without a single word mixed in. Only the sound of soup boiling in the kitchen continued softly, and steam rose from the pot into the air. Outside, the dawn wind seeped in and brushed the threshold. In that wind, Joel’s voice continued as if about to break.
“…So, I just left. The cause is only known to me anyway, so they can go to hell.”
When he, who had been hanging his head for a long time, raised it, only his eyes still burned like fire. However, like burnt ash, it was a faded flame.
“……”
What words should I say?
You did well? It’s okay?
Whatever it was, as comfort to give someone who survived that hell alone, the words I could say seemed too light. But just keeping silent felt like ignoring the sadness he carried.
After pondering for a while, I eventually slowly rose from my seat. Creak— The sound of the chair scraping the floor was particularly loud, but Joel didn’t raise his head.
I passed him and quietly entered the kitchen. Then I turned down the fire on the boiling pot and served fresh soup and rice. When I brought the bowls on a tray to the table where Joel sat, he looked at me with a surprised face.
“Eat more.”
“…What?”
“If you’re going to tell the world to go to hell, you need to fill your stomach first.”
Joel was silent for a moment. Soon, the fingertips gripping the spoon again were trembling very faintly.
“……Don’t you blame me?”
At those words, I shrugged my shoulders.
“Why would I? If you’re going to blame someone, blame the stupid superiors. They pushed it down to their subordinates because they didn’t want to run around themselves. They use people like that, only watch the higher-ups’ faces, and when things go wrong, they blame their subordinates again. That’s just incompetence, so blame them.”
Joel chuckled. It was better than before, but resignation and bitterness were still mixed in.
“You know what’s more infuriating? People like that always survive well until the end. That’s why they say you should be born well for a reason.”
When I made a retching motion, Joel smiled faintly at my exaggerated action. I caught my breath for a moment looking at his somewhat better complexion, then quietly continued.
“……But you know.”
“……?”
“Still, poetic justice or whatever, it sounds cliché, but it’s not like it doesn’t exist at all. Your Knight Commander is also a regular at our inn, and at least he’s not that kind of person, right? He’s not narrow-minded either.”
Joel’s eyes wavered very slightly. I didn’t miss that expression and quietly added.
“In my opinion, this story will also end up on Joel’s side. So just finish eating.”
I gently pushed the ttukbaegi while continuing.
“At least when you’re aggrieved, you should eat before getting angry so you’ll feel less wronged.”
Joel let out a hollow laugh as if dumbfounded. However, that laugh didn’t last long. His eyes quickly became moist, and a hot tear dropped. The ripple that spread over the steaming gukbap instantly disappeared into the white broth.
“…It’s hot.”
“Gukbap is originally more delicious the hotter it is.”
He didn’t answer and hung his head. Even as tears fell, he didn’t stop and put spoonful after spoonful into his mouth. Steam mixed with tears rose faintly.
I watched that scene silently.
Orphan Baek Sion.
How much oppression had I experienced living for twenty-four years? Of course, I have no intention of weighing whose life is more unfortunate between me and Joel. I couldn’t compare it to his world, having lived much longer than me. But one thing was certain.
After crying, you lose your energy. So before crying, you must eat well.
After emptying all the remaining rice like that, Joel exhaled deeply. After staying in place for a while, he spoke in a more energetic voice than before.
“…I should go back.”
“Okay.”
When I answered briefly, he slowly stood up and bowed his head.
“Thank you. Thanks to you, I came to my senses.”
“What did I do? I just gave you a bowl of rice.”
Joel smiled faintly. I scratched my cheek for no reason and awkwardly spoke while holding out the magic pouch containing meal kits.
“Go and curse properly. It’s unfair if you just run away.”
He waved his hands, trying not to accept it. But when I forced it into his hands, he hesitated for a moment, then eventually received the magic pouch containing the meal kits with both hands. On his face, which was deeply bowed, the determination to return was settled much more deeply than exhaustion.
The sound of Joel walking to the door and opening and closing it rang out with a click.
After he disappeared, the inn was filled only with the silence characteristic of early dawn. What remained were two empty ttukbaegi bowls, the smell of food still lingering in the air, and only the heavy afterglow that seeped into one corner of my heart.
Then.
Damian, who had his arms crossed beside me, slowly turned his head and asked.
“Aren’t you taking money?”
“……Ah.”
Right. I gave him two bowls and didn’t take money. Even the magic pouch is 1 silver. When I just flicked my tongue for no reason, Damian looked at me with puzzled eyes.
“I thought you were obsessed with money?”
I wondered how he knew so well, but thinking about it, he was here even when he was Happy. Then he must have seen everything I did at the inn, throwing finger hearts saying it was the spell of love and whatnot. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I scratched my head and muttered.
“You’re right, that’s true but….”
My words trailed off. Strangely, I didn’t feel it was a waste. And suddenly, Gilbert’s words came to mind.
‘Conviction isn’t something grand. If you’re not ashamed even selling a single bowl of rice, that’s your conviction.’
“…It really isn’t anything grand.”
Damian tilted his head. It was a puzzled expression.
I smiled for no reason and asked.
“Damian, do you have conviction?”
It was an answer far removed from his question about whether I wasn’t obsessed with money, but he didn’t hesitate for a moment.
“I do.”
“Oh, really?”
It was half a joke, but my eyes widened at the unexpected answer. Damian shrugged and said matter-of-factly.
“I don’t lie. Lies are the way the fearful deceive themselves.”
“…Ah.”
Right. In this world, demons instinctively don’t lie. Because they have power, they only make promises they can keep. The stronger the demon, the closer their words are to the truth. Even weak demons may confuse by talking in circles, but they don’t speak lies.
It was really different from humans. Because humans lie for relationships, for survival, to protect emotions. Because that’s how they survive.
“Human, what about you?”
I thought for a moment then answered.
“Just… if there’s a hungry person in front of me, I give them a warm bowl of gukbap.”
It was something I said without much thought, but when it came out of my mouth, my heart felt strangely lighter. Damian snorted beside me as if I was funny.
“Bland.”
“…Well… that’s true.”
I scratched my cheek for no reason to hide my embarrassment and added.
“And it’s Sion. Sion.”
Damian blinked a couple of times. He looked like he didn’t understand, so I put both hands on my waist and said again.
“My name. Stop calling me human. If you’re not going to call me boss, just call me Sion. Because that’s less awkward.”
After a brief silence, Damian readily agreed.
“Alright, Sion.”
I was inwardly surprised at how readily he called my name, my eyes widening. Then I soon burst into laughter, finding it absurd.
