The Road to You
“What should we do, Seonjae? It looks like he already left.”
“……You said you were sure this time, didn’t you?”
“He was definitely staying here until this morning, I swear……”
……Damn it, Han Yeoul.
You knew I was coming and you still ran away……? Leaving me behind?
I looked around the house—no, the ‘room’—where Han Yeoul had been living. A hollow laugh escaped me.
My Yeoul lived in this ridiculous place?
The room, less than two pyeong, had outdated floral-patterned accent wallpaper plastered on one side—who knows when it was last papered. Moreover, traces of mold adorned the ceiling here and there, evidence of water leaking…… An already empty makeshift wardrobe and a small table with half-eaten gimbap on it, as if he’d left in a hurry. Nothing matched Han Yeoul.
The only clean thing in this room was the blanket neatly folded to one side.
And yet, what made me certain that Han Yeoul had been here was his faintly remaining pheromones. Though faint, his unmistakable pheromones made me feel even more desperate.
I would have rather it not be true.
I hoped and hoped again that it wasn’t true that he hated me enough to flee to such a ridiculous place.
My legs gave out and I sank to the floor.
Watching me grimace while pressing down hard on my throbbing head, Uncle Irang let out a low sigh. It had already been five months since Han Yeoul disappeared from before my eyes. I never thought searching for my husband who ran away without giving a reason would become my daily routine.
The last morning I spent with Han Yeoul was no different from usual.
Every morning was happy.
The pretty face I saw first when I opened my eyes. The person I loved most in the world, fallen into a deep sleep, breathing evenly with long eyelashes lowered.
Seeing that face put my heart at ease.
“Yoo Seonjae.”
Not the usual honey, darling, Seonjae… but Yoo Seonjae. He rarely called my full name, so why did I let that slip by?
“I have something to say.”
I just thought it was cute when he said with a sort of resolute face that he had something to say. We’d never been apart even once since we were born. From the moment ‘memory’ existed, we’d always been together, and being together was natural in our lives.
Because of that, I never expected that the words coming from his mouth would be ‘that kind of’ words.
“I love you, Seonjae.”
He looked at me with the same face as always, confessing his love for me as he always did.
“So let’s get divorced.”
After flustering me with words I never expected, Han Yeoul went to work as if nothing had happened. And then he never came home again.
I should have followed Han Yeoul right away. I shouldn’t have just let him go like that. I didn’t need to attend something like the company’s shareholders’ meeting that I had no interest in anyway. If it weren’t for the promise I made with Father…….
“Uncle.”
“Yeah.”
“Where have we been so far?”
“Incheon, Taean, Heuksando, Oedaldo.”
“Wow…… I didn’t realize Han Yeoul liked the sea. Even though I’d known him for so long.”
“Seonjae.”
“Let’s go to the hospital, Uncle.”
I didn’t want to think about anything. I was getting tired of following Han Yeoul’s shadow. If only I knew why he left me, I wouldn’t feel this frustrated. We were a more perfect couple than any other, and we loved each other.
No, we love each other.
Love… do we?
My love for Han Yeoul is unchanged. But what about Han Yeoul? Does Han Yeoul, who’s been hiding from me for months without showing me even a strand of hair, still love me?
[I love you, Seonjae.]
This was the only thing I could cling to. On the morning he left, even at the very last moment when he said those words to me… even while bringing up those ridiculous words “let’s get divorced,” he said he ‘loved’ me. So I had no choice but to hold onto those words and search for him.
Like a madman.
No, maybe I’d already gone mad. Since Han Yeoul disappeared, I’d done nothing but cling to finding him. If I’d known it would be like this, I would have imprinted on him beforehand, but then I felt relieved thinking that because we hadn’t imprinted, Han Yeoul wouldn’t be in pain even though he’d left me.
As a recessive omega, if we’d imprinted, Han Yeoul would have suffered from severe imprinting pain the longer we were apart.
No, wait. If we’d imprinted, wouldn’t Han Yeoul not have thought about leaving me at all?
Everything was jumbled. I had no idea where or how things went wrong.
Even tracing Han Yeoul’s actions before he disappeared, I couldn’t find any signs of our separation. Except for one thing I didn’t know.
“Yeonwoo hyung.”
I hadn’t asked until now because of the debt I owed him. Or more precisely, I was confident I could find Han Yeoul without his help. Because I, Yoo Seonjae, knew Han Yeoul better than anyone in the world.
But as time passed, I realized. I, Yoo Seonjae, knew nothing about Han Yeoul. Did I miss every opportunity to know Han Yeoul because I was caught up in the fantasy that we’d spent more time together than anyone and were each other’s perfect match?
Everything from one to ten was in my hands. Han Yeoul’s world was my world.
Han Yeoul was a solid castle I permitted to no one. That castle was mine alone, where only I could enter, only I could look at. It was my beautiful castle that existed only for me, solely for me.
But… how did it come to this?
“I need Yeoul’s medical records.”
Yeonwoo hyung sighed and answered.
“I can’t tell you unless it’s the patient himself.”
“Even though I’m his guardian?”
“Even if you’re the guardian. Without the patient’s consent, I can’t tell you anything.”
He turned his gaze to the monitor. I knew well that just meeting me when I’d shown up out of the blue was him being considerate, but I couldn’t back down like this.
I looked at him quietly. Even though he knew I was looking for Han Yeoul, he couldn’t tell me……
“Then can you answer me not as a doctor, but as a close hyung?”
Yeonwoo hyung took off his glasses and looked straight at me. His gaze wasn’t the warm look I usually knew, but somehow sharp, as if seeing through me. Did he have this side to him?
He was someone who smiled warmly at me even in life’s most unhappy moments, even when I was the decisive cause of those moments. After that day, until now, he’d stayed by my side, or perhaps by my hyung’s side, and remained a ‘family-like hyung’ no different from before.
But what was this? This bleak feeling.
“A close hyung……”
“……”
“What do you want from me, Yoo Seonjae?”
My heart pounded violently at Yeonwoo hyung’s question. He definitely knew something. Yeonwoo hyung knew what I hadn’t known about Han Yeoul.
“I need to know why Yeoul left me.”
“Why are you looking for that reason from me?”
“Because you’re the person who knows the only information about Yeoul that I don’t know.”
“The only information……”
Yeonwoo hyung laughed. It was clearly a smiling face, but it wasn’t a smile. What was it, what exactly didn’t I know? What were Yeoul and Yeonwoo hyung hiding from me?
“Seonjae. Do you really think you know everything about Yeoul?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“No. Let me ask differently. Do you know anything about me?”
My head throbbed. The headache that had started this morning hadn’t gone away yet, and I had no intention of playing twenty questions with Yeonwoo hyung.
“What are you saying, Yeonwoo hyung? Speak so I can understand.”
“People often make mistakes. They think what they know is the ‘truth.’ When it’s just a ‘fact.'”
“Hyung! Please…… I don’t have time to play word games with you. You know better than anyone how desperate I am!”
I raised my voice without realizing it. Even as I cursed lowly while rubbing my face dry, Yeonwoo hyung remained silent for a long time.
I knew well enough that this wasn’t something to get angry at him about. Even if I was tired enough to take out my frustration on him because Han Yeoul had disappeared from before my eyes, I shouldn’t have done that to him. Thinking about what I’d done to Yeonwoo hyung, I should never get angry at him or say unpleasant things to him.
And yet I couldn’t control myself. I was that desperate. The fact that Han Yeoul had left me continued to eat away at me. Being abandoned without knowing why was too miserable.
The constantly passing time felt cruel. If I couldn’t get anything here either, I couldn’t stay any longer. Even at this moment, Han Yeoul was heading somewhere to avoid me, and I was too busy chasing after him.
