The library hadn’t changed much from what I remembered. If there was a somewhat noticeable part, it was that one side where several bookshelves had been gathered cozily was now completely empty. Whether they’d cleared away desks broken in some accident, the books that had lost their places instead were piled up in the empty corner across from it.
The books also seemed to be newly categorized. Though not completely overhauling the previous system, I could see that those containing common knowledge helpful for survival were separately selected and gathered on one bookshelf.
After capturing all of that in my vision and turning my head again, Cha Woodan was sitting perched on the desk just looking down at me. The persistent gaze that wouldn’t fall kept poking my cheeks.
“Why?”
I asked softly, prying through the air laden with subtle weight. Then Cha Woodan, who had been moving his mouth, slowly raised his voice.
“Did I say? That we know you killed time all day long in the library.”
“…No. This is the first I’m hearing of it.”
“Then you also wouldn’t know there were two stalkers persistently following you around.”
Cha Woodan, who calmly added words, smiled gently. I quietly looked up at him like that.
“You really never felt it? Like someone kept staring at you… that kind of déjà vu.”
“I’m not really the personality type to observe my surroundings.”
“See? I told you you’re too fearless.”
I didn’t understand why the story came to that conclusion. As I just blinked lukewarmly, Cha Woodan leaned his body toward me while supporting the desk. His face that had been looking down at me from a distance drew considerably closer.
“And.”
As if he wouldn’t hide his movement, Cha Woodan’s finger approached exaggerating its presence. Soon his fingertip weakly poked my forehead then fell away. As I silently received Cha Woodan’s incomprehensible behavior, Cha Woodan burst into small laughter. Due to the close distance, the breath he exhaled reached me and tickled my lips.
“You still have no fear even now. You should know how to be wary of people.”
“……”
“I’ve been watching gloomily for over a year. Even if you don’t tremble in terror, shouldn’t you at least feel creeped out?”
I could see my face reflected in Cha Woodan’s pupils vividly. Looking at myself as if trapped inside those eyes, I responded slowly.
“You didn’t say one of those stalkers was you.”
“If I say I’m exactly that stalker, will you be afraid of me then?”
I didn’t answer immediately and closed my mouth. Then I recalled memories from the past that were only a few days ago.
I definitely had experienced fear that wasn’t quite fear toward Cha Woodan. But rather than fear to the extent of trembling in terror, it was closer to something instinctive that the body reacts to in the midst of facing something rough. If asked whether I came to feel fear toward the person called Cha Woodan himself because of that, I could answer no without hesitation.
Then, what if Cha Woodan revealed ‘Actually, I was exactly that stalker?’ What would be different then?
The contemplation wasn’t long.
“No.”
I faced Cha Woodan still positioned right before my nose without avoiding him.
“I know you, you guys won’t harm me.”
“…How are you certain?”
“You like me.”
Cha Woodan’s body flinched and bounced. His mouth moved lukewarmly.
“Li, like… like…”
The sight of Cha Woodan stumbling over his words several times was unfamiliar. Soon he who had fallen away from me creaked as he turned his head. Not satisfied with that, he even covered his mouth with his hand.
I narrowed my two eyes thinly and looked up at Cha Woodan. Because he covered half his own face with such large hands, it was difficult to read that expression.
“Like… you do. Strictly speaking, this would also be a type of love…”
Because the mumbled pronunciation was too garbled, I couldn’t understand. Just as I was about to throw a question toward him like that, Cha Woodan asked me first.
“Did you know?”
“Know what?”
“That we… like you.”
“How could I not know? Because you like me, you showed me a positive attitude from our first meeting.”
“Right, positive attitude… wait, what?”
Cha Woodan’s two eyes that had been wandering through the air at a loss immediately stabbed toward me. Since he erased his usual smile and furrowed his brow, his appearance that had already resembled him became even more like Cha Jeoh.
“…By any chance, can you tell me exactly what meaning of ‘like’ you’re talking about, Hayoung?”
This time I furrowed my brow slightly.
“There are multiple meanings to ‘like’?”
“Just… I was hoping you could explain it in detail.”
I had no idea what Cha Woodan wanted from me. Looking at him with dubious eyes, I reluctantly turned my head.
“I mean, I knew from the start that you guys had favorable feelings toward me.”
“What kind of favorable feelings?”
“Favorable feelings are favorable feelings, what else is there?”
Cha Woodan’s hand that had lost strength fell away from his mouth and hovered in the air.
“So Hayoung, you want to say human favorable feelings, right?”
“Then is there something other than human favorable feelings?”
“…No. There isn’t.”
Cha Woodan, who answered low, let out a tired sigh. After rubbing his face several times with rough hands, he added with a face that had become much more haggard in a few seconds.
“Don’t say those words from earlier in front of Cha Jeoh. Like you like me, or that you know I have favorable feelings. Anything related.”
Why? Without bothering to ask that, I just threw my gaze. Cha Woodan, who tactfully noticed my intention, curled up his trembling lips.
“Because he might charge at you without discrimination.”
Charge at… what?
“Don’t worry too much. I’ll protect you.”
Feeling like I too would become a haggard figure no less than Cha Woodan if I continued the conversation, I turned my head as if avoiding it. Then I stared beyond the window covered with hazy dust from infrequent cleaning.
The schoolyard was just quiet without monsters or survivors. The commuting path and walking path continuing at the edge of the schoolyard were no different. I knew the twins exterminated monsters wandering the schoolyard while going in and out of the school.
Moving my blank gaze along the empty schoolyard, I suddenly fixed my gaze on one point. The one located near the school gate among the two goalposts erected on both sides of the schoolyard. Looking at it, one memory I thought had been erased to the far side of my head suddenly came to mind.
Some middle school student who had lived together at Hanbit Orphanage had once come all the way to school for some reason.
It had already been well over half a year ago. Since it was something that happened around last autumn.
***
The wind that had met a new season after passing summer had become quite cool, I thought idly while packing my bag after closing homeroom. The wind that seeped in through the open window tousled my hair. Enjoying that pleasant sensation, I slowly shouldered my bag.
Since I didn’t attend academy and had no friends worth mentioning, there was only one place to head after school. Just as I was passing through the hallway, stairs, and hallway again with such unhesitating steps and leaving the school main building.
The school gate beyond the schoolyard was noisier than usual. Students who had stopped while leaving school seemed to be gathered cozily centered around some area. As if they were surrounding something in a circle and watching.
After throwing my gaze there briefly, I quickly extinguished my interest. I hated noisy things and crowded things. Whatever it was, I didn’t want to be entangled even as a bystander in a situation where a major incident seemed to have broken out.
I firmly fixed my gaze on the empty air with nothing. Just as I was about to pass by the school gate moving steps neither fast nor slow.
“Fuck, you call that an apology?”
As if reacting instinctively to the sudden profanity, I unknowingly turned my head carelessly. Then what I discovered through the gap between students was the owner of a face I knew well.
Naturally, I didn’t know who was making a fishy expression and spouting vulgar curses. The familiar subject to me was on the opposite side, a boy with a weak impression trembling while thoroughly cowed.
Height and build that seemed to be about middle school age, a school uniform with a different design from Hanul High.
‘…Kwon Woojoo.’
At the sight of the boy unable to make a proper rebuttal with a pushover-like face, the other party became even more overbearing.
“If you hit someone, you should apologize properly and beg for forgiveness.”
“I, when did I…”
“You hit me just now, just now. All the guys gathered here saw it. Or what, I’m making up bullshit to catch you even though you didn’t even bump into me?”
I stared at those high schoolers with a dry gaze. The sight of faces resembling their personalities gathering together in groups and catching one middle school student younger than them and somehow finding fault was a spectacle.
Though I didn’t know how Kwon Woojoo got entangled with such guys, if left like that, the situation might swell uncontrollably. Moreover, I was the only person from Hanbit Orphanage attending Hanul High. So the reason Kwon Woojoo bothered to come all the way here couldn’t not be because of me.
Swallowing my breath softly, I turned my head. The students surrounding them were either murmuring or hurriedly avoiding the spot. No one rashly thought to step forward and intervene between them.
‘They must be guys famous for being quite bad-natured.’
Then, Kwon Woojoo’s voice, shaking helplessly, was heard.
