“It’s okay, everything’s okay. You were very scared, weren’t you? I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you anxious. I’m sorry for making you think such thoughts.”
Seianes didn’t know why Abrisius had such thoughts.
But if the child didn’t believe in his love. If he left because of that anxiety, then regardless of who whispered what, Seianes also had responsibility.
The fact that he couldn’t make the child certain of his love. The fact that he made the child afraid. That was Seianes’s sin.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Abrisius, I love you. I love you so much… My baby that I wouldn’t exchange for the entire world. My love.”
So he decided to whisper his love as much as the child wanted, so the child wouldn’t feel such anxiety.
The intention to scold him had long since disappeared. In the end, it was Seianes who lost.
“I’m sorry, I… did everything wrong. Abrisius, so don’t think such thoughts. And don’t leave me. I’ll do anything you want…”
There were many things to talk about, like his changed appearance and his actions so far, but he put those aside for now. The priority was to tell him not to leave him now, that he loved him and would do anything he wanted.
“I can’t live without you.”
With that one short sentence, Seianes could express all the feelings he had.
The past days without Abrisius were truly maddening.
He had abandoned even his duties and searched for the child, feeling as if he was falling into an endlessly deep quagmire.
When hope arose that he could meet him again, and now that they had finally met again. It felt like he had barely escaped from that deep quagmire.
“There’s no way I could dislike you. Just meeting you again like this makes my heart tremble this much, so how could I dislike you?”
“……”
The pounding of Seianes’s heartbeat was transmitted to Abrisius’s ears as well. Only then did he stop crying, close his eyes, and focus on the sound he heard.
A warm and cozy embrace. The familiar sound of his heartbeat. It felt like returning to a cozy nest that protected him from all worries and concerns.
“Huuk…”
Only now did it feel real.
Seianes’s embrace, Seianes’s scent, Seianes’s voice and his smile.
The fact that he, whom he had always repeated he wanted to see, was now by his side.
But that was only for a moment.
As if muddying peaceful emotions, Amina’s form and the fate he had shown him came to mind again. Seianes’s despairing face, his appearance screaming that he hated him felt vivid.
He had to escape even now.
Abrisius was a being who would make Seianes sad, and the two were destined to make each other unhappy.
He would make him unhappy, and Seianes would also come to detest him someday. Rather, even now, while Seianes still loved him, he had to distance himself from him.
It was better to hurt him than to be abandoned.
That’s why he did it. He made a great resolution and ran away from him. Because he was destined to hurt him. And even now that they had met again like this, Abrisius should rightfully leave him.
Yes, he should… but his feet wouldn’t move.
Complicated thoughts tore through his head. He didn’t know what to do or how to do it.
“I, I… will make Seianes suffer. I’ll make you unhappy… Seianes will come to hate me.”
“That won’t happen. Even if that were so…”
Seianes quietly listened to the words spilling out incoherently. Why was he so anxious?
If he just had Abrisius, there would be nothing to be unhappy about, nothing to suffer through.
“Even if that were so, I’ll gladly forgive you and love you. Whatever path you take, even if it’s something that makes me unhappy, I will be with you.”
This was sincere.
Whatever Abrisius did, whatever wrongs he committed, Seianes could gladly forgive him.
And now that he had lost that child once. He vowed before the child that his heart would absolutely never change.
“I love you no matter what you look like. Don’t be scared. Don’t be afraid. There’s no way I could come to hate you. So come here quickly. My child. Abrisius.”
Seianes’s love ringing in his ears pounded on his heart.
‘Come here quickly.’
That one sentence held onto Abrisius who had been wandering until now.
The hardship, the wandering about all the worries—it was all over.
Sincerity that he would gladly embrace him no matter what wrongs he committed, and deep, infinite love. In each and every word Seianes spoke, there was sincerity that could calm all that anxiety.
Before that sincere love, anxiety was meaningless.
“Ah… aah.”
As his worries crumbled, relief washed over him.
At the same time, shedding the grievances of all this time, Abrisius burst into tears in the embrace he had missed so much. Seianes gently comforted Abrisius who was crying sorrowfully.
“Yes, it’s okay. Everything’s okay now.”
“Ueoong… kheup!”
Once the tears burst forth, they didn’t know how to stop.
Damp tears soaked Seianes’s chest, but he didn’t care. Rather, his heart ached as if the child crying sorrowfully was all his fault.
He wiped Abrisius’s wet cheeks and stared intently at the child.
The eyes that had turned black from how much he had cried were stained red like before. He could feel how sorrowful and difficult it had been for the child.
“I’m sorry. I’ll never lose you again or leave you alone.”
“……”
He hugged Abrisius tightly, revealing his sincerity that he would never let go again.
“Huuk…”
His tears were wiped by Seianes’s gentle hands, and Abrisius, whose heart had calmed down somewhat, sniffled and raised his head, only then properly looking at him again.
It was Abrisius who was crying, but Seianes’s eyes were also wet. A heavy pain choked his throat.
‘Why are you making such an expression?’
Both the sad expression he wore and his tears felt like his own fault.
He didn’t want to make him cry, he didn’t leave to make him wear such a sad expression.
He wanted to see him smiling forever… that’s why he left.
“No, I. I’m sorry. I was wrong, Seianes… I was bad…! I’m sorry, so don’t cry!”
Hugging Seianes who was apologizing, Abrisius shouted.
Seianes knew. Abrisius’s birth, the very fact that he accepted all of that proved that he loved him.
Yet for the mere reason that he learned a little bit of the future, he left him.
The Seianes of the original work might be different from the Seianes he knew now, but he got scared prematurely due to needless anxiety and was certain it would become like the future Amina showed him.
Without even thinking about what Seianes’s feelings might be.
“Huong, I was wrong…”
The tears that flowed like a broken dam didn’t easily stop. He felt so sorry that he didn’t have the face to look at Seianes, yet he also felt like a young child who wanted to cling to him even more and act spoiled.
This was behavior stemming from the belief that Seianes would not abandon him now.
“No, that’s not it. I failed to give you certainty.”
At the child’s bursting apology, Seianes patted his back, but Abrisius hiccupped and shook his head while nestled in his embrace.
“I’m sorry. Huuk, for leaving, for only hurting you… I’m so sorry for not trusting you.”
“Don’t apologize anymore, you don’t need to apologize, Abrisius. I love you so much that I wouldn’t exchange you for anything.”
Coaxing and soothing the child, he kissed the bridge of his nose. The brief kiss, love, and his touch were slowly melting Abrisius’s heart.
He would never lose him again. Vowing to himself, he slowly kissed all parts of the child—his eyes, nose, mouth, and so on. As if marking him as his child.
“Let’s go home now. Abrisius.”
“Yeah…”
Home.
Seianes’s Greenhouse Garden where Abrisius grew up, where Seianes raised Abrisius.
Our home where only the two of them lived together. His heart beat at that word he heard after so long.
Brilliant rays of light slowly embraced both of them. Warm light flowed from the God of the Earth who had regained all his love. A brilliantly beautiful light of five colors dazzling enough to make those who saw it marvel.
Feeling that warm light, Abrisius closed his eyes in Seianes’s embrace.
‘I can’t leave anymore.’
The earnest, sincere love he had tasted once was sickeningly sweet.
It broke down even the functions of his five senses, and shattered his proper reason and thought. Because his love that cared for him was so sweet. Because this reality was so sickeningly good.
‘My love who erased even my fundamental worries.’
There was no way Abrisius could leave Seianes who had proven his heart to this extent. Just as Seianes didn’t give up on Abrisius until the end. Abrisius likewise vowed not to give up on him.
“Seianes, I’ll never leave you again.”
Abrisius, who had stopped crying, whispered in his embrace.
Pure love and the dark obsession of shadows. The black eyes that had achieved their purpose gleamed with a red light. That power drew out a dark red desire that Abrisius didn’t know about.
Now Abrisius couldn’t live without his love.
