In the Name of Lebesi
Several days had passed since leaving the Black Wildwood. And during that time, it seemed like they’d spent time no different from before on the surface, but…… At first he wasn’t sure, but now he was certain. Ban clenched his fist tightly with strong conviction.
“……Where are you going?”
It seems my god…… Orma…….
“I’m going to wash the dishes from dinner.”
“I want to go too.”
Has separation anxiety…….
“……Is that not okay?”
“It’s not that…… Is there a need for you to follow me, Orma-nim?”
Even before, Orma would ask if there was somewhere Ban wanted to go or something he wanted to do, but if it seemed like nothing special, he would nod and wait quietly in that spot.
But recently, Orma tried not to be separated from him for even a moment. So much so that even when Ban went to relieve himself, Orma would be restless and ask if he couldn’t follow along too. Only after Ban sent him a cold look could he guarantee freedom at least for the bathroom.
Why is he acting like this? It wasn’t this bad before. Ban put down the dishes and stared intently at Orma with both hands on his hips. Then Orma frowned as if feeling somewhat wronged and opened his mouth.
“Don’t blame me. You’re the problem.”
“Me?”
“If I take my eyes off you, I feel like you’ll disappear right away.”
……So, it was definitely separation anxiety. Ban couldn’t hide his bewilderment and stared at Orma before carefully opening his mouth.
“Have I shown insufficient faith to you during this time, Orma-nim?”
“……No.”
“Then why do you say I’ll disappear the moment you take your eyes off me? I’m not an active personality like Jaena-ssi…….”
“…….”
He clammed up again as if he didn’t want to answer that. Well, okay…… If he doesn’t want to talk, there’s nothing to be done; as an apostle, he couldn’t interrogate a god. Ban shook his head and picked up the dishes again, approaching the waterside where there was almost no water left due to the sunlight and began rinsing them.
He decided not to say anything more about Orma following him with a face full of dissatisfaction from behind. It was because he somewhat understood what anxiety had encroached on Orma’s inner self. It wasn’t something to blame Orma for, as he said.
‘Since he can only perform all human actions like breathing and sleeping when I’m there…….’
It hadn’t even been many days since passing through the Black Wildwood, but Ban had noticed Orma’s strange behavior.
Even while seeming to sleep with an indifferent face, he would quietly wake up and check if Ban was properly in his arms, if he was breathing well, then hug him tightly. Situations different from before when Ban would always wake Orma in the morning also occurred. It wasn’t once or twice that when he woke from sleep, Orma had already gotten up and was staring at him, startling him. To the question of whether he hadn’t slept, he would reply casually, “I slept well,” but there wasn’t a trace of sleepiness in his golden eyes.
Orma didn’t stop there; he would chase after Ban trying to wash up and utter nonsense asking if they couldn’t wash together, getting kicked out. Then he would wait in front of the bathroom until Ban came out, stare intently at Ban’s wet hair and face dripping with water, then slightly bend his waist and stand awkwardly while muttering quietly.
“……Washing together really won’t work, will it.”
“Pardon? What did you say?”
“Nothing.”
Saying that, he would roll his eyes as if avoiding Ban and say he should wash up too, sending Ban far away. ……So, that was the only action where Orma voluntarily tried to separate from Ban.
Even so, was there a reason to be this anxious? To Ban’s question of whether the faith he’d shown was insufficient, Orma couldn’t easily answer yes. He thought he’d been quite devoted until now, but even if he could no longer breathe, would it cause separation anxiety?
How should he fix this? Ah, if only he’d raised a puppy or kitten, it would be helpful at times like this…….
“Orma-nim.”
“……What.”
It was a voice full of wariness, wondering if Ban would detach himself. He didn’t know exactly what the source of Orma’s anxiety was, but wouldn’t it be okay if he gave him conviction that he wouldn’t leave him anyway?
Ban thought that and slowly turned his head to meet Orma’s gaze and said.
“If you’re that anxious, brand me.”
“……Brand?”
“Yes, you can engrave your mark on me. Then you’ll be able to sense where I am no matter where I go.”
Actually, this was something he said recalling part of Orma’s pattern that he’d figured out while fighting him in the game.
When Orma branded a player character, a golden pattern would appear on part of the character’s body and simultaneously apply a debuff called ‘God’s Brand.’ Reading the description of that debuff, it said ‘Orma is watching you. He is sensing your existence.’ At first they didn’t know what this meant and fumbled around, but from then on Orma would do what users called so-called ‘prediction shots’ or ‘prediction moving.’ In other words, predicting the player character’s movements to attack in advance, or moving first to where the user would head, one step ahead.
So if he branded him to always confirm his existence, wouldn’t he be less anxious without having to move his body to directly follow him around? That’s what he said, but Orma just stared at Ban with a flustered face.
“……Why are you like that?”
“Do you know what that means when you say that?”
“Um, isn’t it a kind of divine punishment?”
“Right, it means to punish you. That’s like a tattoo…….”
“If doing that lessens your anxiety, Orma-nim, I don’t mind.”
“…….”
He thought it was a good method, but does this not please you either?
At first Orma looked at him as if he couldn’t understand Ban at all, then gradually his face began to crumple. Orma, who had been looking Ban up and down, shook his head saying absolutely not.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“There’s nowhere on you to mar.”
“…….”
Even while pretending otherwise, Orma cherished Ban quite a bit.
He especially liked his beautiful and sacred appearance, and when showing Ban to others, he would be proud for no reason. He gave Ban all the sparkling and pretty things that caught his eye, and enjoyed decorating and adorning Ban.
Didn’t he even attach the talisman that Jaena handed over as a gift to show well to his teacher to Ban’s sword in the end? He even brazenly said he’d overlook extravagance if it was spent on his things…….
Remembering up to that point, Ban unconsciously looked at Orma with slightly pathetic eyes and said.
“Engrave it in a very visible place.”
“No.”
“Preferably somewhere like the forehead would be good. Choose—forehead, cheek, back of the hand…….”
“I said no!”
Was it something to be that shocked about? It was close to putting on a kind of collar or…… attaching a bell. At the sight of him cherishing Ban’s body more preciously than himself, a sigh deeply escaped from Ban’s mouth.
“Orma-nim, we’ll arrive at Gillia soon.”
“So?”
“There will be very many people there. It’s a large city much bigger even compared to Siol, and no matter how few ships there are now due to the disaster, it’s such a famous trading port that if you take your eyes off me for a moment, you might lose me.”
“……Wait, are you treating me like a lost child right now?”
How dare you treat me? Orma looked at him with bewildered eyes, but Ban smiled brightly and even nodded while affirming it.
“Yes, well, you do seem like a 7-year-old child chasing after their mom.”
“Ban!”
“I have no idea why you’re so anxious like this. If you won’t brand me, how can I give you conviction that I won’t leave you, Orma-nim?”
“……It’s because you’re human.”
“Pardon?”
“Because your end is decided. Because you’ll die someday too.”
“But I resurrect.”
Ban thought that Orma felt a kind of kinship with him in that he resurrected even if he died. However, Orma slowly shook his head.
“You said you knew you wouldn’t die even when you were young, right? But compared to then, how are you now? You’ve grown taller and aged. Your body’s aging continues.”
“Hmm…….”
He hadn’t thought of it that way. At most, he only thought that if he could only die from aging, wasn’t that fine? Does having a decided end make Orma this anxious? But as Orma said, death was ultimately outside Ban’s control. Enough to distinguish gods and humans—it was in the realm of the inevitable…….
“I…… am gradually becoming accustomed to you. I’m completely dependent. Without you, I’m nothing but a monster pretending to be human.”
“Orma-nim.”
“I’m so afraid of a future without you. The more you become an essential existence to me, the more I’m scared of you disappearing.”
“…….”
To Orma, time was just fleeting and tedious. But after meeting Ban, for the first time Orma began to fear the future. He kept thinking of himself being left alone someday, and was so terrified each time. Just imagining such a day was enough to naturally wake from sleep and check if Ban was properly by his side, if he was alive and well.
Would a day come when he’d become numb? Would a day come when he could bid farewell to Ban with an indifferent face? Could he send off Ban, who would face death with a peaceful face saying he was so happy because you were there?
No matter how much he thought about it…… Orma couldn’t do that.
“I don’t know what to do. For the first time, I understand Banan.”
Did Banan feel this kind of emotion toward me? Even if I hate him, is he satisfied just by me being alive? Was being alive eternally what mattered?
He thought and thought again. But no conclusion came.
Orma slowly raised his hand with a lonely face and carefully stroked Ban’s face. The warmth touching his hand was both pleasant and frightening.
