“…I can do it!”
Cesare, who had been hesitating, answered in a voice with his military bearing straightened at his urging. Even though it should be a father-son reunion after a long time, such a stiff appearance—the family affection was so dry that it made this side watching more uncomfortable.
“Then continue. The estimated time for the sweep is approximately….”
Lampel even just slightly nodded his head and explained the operation to the people again.
‘This family is absolutely not normal.’
Only after hearing that I wasn’t going did Cesare smoothly release my wrist. He stared at me blankly, and perhaps displeased with my face that had lost its soul due to Lampel’s rough attitude, he turned his head away.
From his profile flowed an inhumanly cold air.
‘My baby…. What kind of childhood did you have?’
The person who should appear on the golden child program wasn’t Cesare but Lampel. Apart from Cesare’s childhood, the prospect of receiving an artifact from that shitty middle-aged man made my future look bleak.
* * *
In the tent where all the meetings had ended, only Cesare, Cedric, and I remained alone.
“I wondered why Yanox hoobae-nim suddenly applied to the tour group, but you were watching for an opportunity to contact Lampel.”
“To call a father and son meeting a ‘contact,’ I don’t know what more I should say.”
Between the brightly smiling Cedric and the glaring Cesare, only my back was bursting. Feeling cold sweat dripping down while just looking down at the table, Cedric said to me.
“Mellans. Lord Heiss must have hinted to you too, but you have a good power. Someone will be watching eagerly to use it. But I know you’re a good guy. So I believe you’ll make the right choice someday.”
At those words, Mitche, who was sitting on my shoulder, sent jeers while going ‘pupu.’ Whose guts did this cutie take after—it was fortunate that others couldn’t see it.
“You’re really putting in effort to coax a clueless kid. Let’s go, Lionel.”
“Uh, yeah!”
Cesare pulled my hand and came out of the tent. His steps were so fast that I was almost being dragged along. Having been choked up by his rough touch since earlier, I whined a little to him.
“Cesare. Can’t you go a little slower? And you seem too excited since earlier, so calm down a bit….”
“Do I look like I can calm down?”
Cesare stopped abruptly, cut off my words, and shouted loudly. Having exhausted all my energy running away from the magical beast earlier, honestly I wanted to lie down and rest right away, but exhausted by his attitude of just being irritable, I also burst out in anger.
“It’s because you keep getting angry! Even if I speak nicely, you should understand!”
Standing there barely squeezing out what little strength I had left, when he said such things, no matter how much I liked Cesare, I couldn’t stand it without getting angry. Then Cesare shot back as if even more venomous.
“Do you know where Cedric was trying to send you? And you were like ‘yes yes’ while grinning saying you liked it, so why are you trying to climb over me who saved you earlier!”
“Ah! I’m soooo grateful you saved me, but I don’t know why Cedric sunbae-nim’s story is coming up here! I never went ‘yes yes’ while grinning either!”
However, even at my triumphant retort, Cesare sneered in his characteristic arrogant tone.
“Lionel Mellans. What are you good at, what makes you so great that you act like that? Are you good at using magic? Or are you excellent at swordsmanship?”
“Wh-what?”
“Did I say something wrong? When all you’re good at is crying, are you mistaken that you’re special after seeing the magical beasts run away from you by luck earlier? Do you feel like you’re something because Cedric and the Grand Temple are supporting you? I’m sorry, but absolutely not. They’re sugar-coating because you look pathetic clinging to me, Lionel! Wake up! You’re nothing!”
Each and every word from Cesare flew and stuck in my chest. I was struggling hard to survive in my own way, but receiving such accurate fact violence like this, I had nothing to say.
What was more annoying was that there was nothing to refute. His words that I was nothing were exactly right. I wasn’t good at swordsmanship, I wasn’t good at using magic, and I wasn’t even a smart strategist. I really could only cry.
I was just someone who, like someone who earns today to eat today, fearfully endures each day nervously fearing tomorrow. Even if he didn’t remind me like that, I knew better than anyone that I was an idiot who couldn’t do anything. It was a conclusion I realized dozens of times every night looking at a bleak future.
Still, I tried in my own way while taking comfort in the fact that I was by Cesare’s side….
“When you’re just distracted by kissing men.”
“……!”
At those words, my lips burned as if scalded and shame washed over me. Like water piled up to the limit in a cup overflows with the last drop, at that one phrase, it felt like one side of my chest was collapsing, so I clenched my fists tight.
‘I knew it would be like this. I knew again it would turn out like this. I was prepared from the beginning that my heart would be torn many times. Why am I acting like an amateur?’
Feeling like I would collapse somewhere, whether body or mind, I kept pulling myself together. I must have forgotten anew what kind of bastard Cesare was, due to the ecstatic kisses lately and the occasional kindness he showed. Stupid Lionel.
“Huu. What I mean is, since there’s nothing you can do, go to Ilbrun safely first. I’ll go back after dealing with the magical beasts with Father.”
Perhaps because I looked too dejected with my head hung low, I heard his voice that had softened a level. However, that voice that seemed to be doing me a favor made me feel even more pathetic, so I bit my molars.
“Lionel?”
He called me again and placed his hand on my shoulder.
– Smack!
“Don’t touch me.”
When I coldly shook him off, the white hand stopped in midair. His pupils narrowed vertically like a cat’s turned toward me with an indescribable light. Then, along with a faint wave of mana, I began to feel a fine vibration from the thin bracelet tied to my right hand.
‘The bracelet Priest Heiss gave me is blocking the flow of mana. Was he trying to use brainwashing magic again?’
I was dumbfounded. The fact that even in this situation, he tried to smooth things over with magic. I was astounded at how much he must deceive and look down on my existence to do that.
Perhaps realizing that mana wasn’t working, Cesare stared bewilderedly at my right wrist where the bracelet was attached and stepped back half a step. That action was so pathetic and absurd that I barely held back my reddening eyes and said in a trembling voice.
“I really hate it. Cesare Yanox.”
“Lio….”
“Even at this moment when you’re calling me incompetent, the fact that I love you… I hate it so much it makes my teeth chatter.”
“……”
“I’m more pathetic of myself who really can’t do anything than you who criticizes me. For the single reason that I like you. Is this normal? Is this right?”
I questioned him while barely swallowing the tears that seemed about to flow.
“Should I have talked back to the Crown Prince and gotten angry to please you earlier? Should I have kicked my chair and left saying what’s the big deal about magical beasts running away from me, saying I’d survive on my own? I don’t know either! Because I’m stupid like you said!”
Every word I spat at him was true. I was angry. But even in this situation, I was angry at myself for blaming me instead of him.
“I’m really sorry for being crazy about kissing, which you hate so terribly. I’ll never do it again from now on.”
At the resigned sigh, Cesare approached as if making excuses.
“Th-that was, I swear… I didn’t say it with the intention to hurt you. I promised you before, didn’t I? That I’d protect you! I was just trying to protect you.”
But saying it wasn’t that intention didn’t change anything.
“Cesare. Just… just. Haa.”
A deep sigh leaked from deep inside my heart.
“I wish I hadn’t loved you….”
So why did you cast a love spell on me of all people?
“That would have been really good…. *hic*.”
Having spat out honest words, I was caught by uncontrollable emotions and eventually buried my face in both palms. If I showed my crying face too, it felt like my complete defeat.
* * *
“If I say go, you think I won’t go? I’ll leave without looking back. I don’t want to be in such a dangerous place either!”
At the base camp, the principality troops had already arrived and were preparing for tomorrow’s Mad Crow sweep operation. Since it was decided that I would evacuate to Ilbrun with Cedric’s group, I packed Mitche and my luggage with reddened eyes.
“Ppyo.”
“Did I do something wrong? That’s anger management disorder. He really needs to fix that.”
“Ppyo?”
“Why is his personality so shitty? I don’t know. He probably takes after his dad’s personality!”
“Ppyoppyo~!”
Mitche, who was sitting on top of the suitcase, clapped as if realizing something at my words. It’s not that I’m communicating with Mitche. I’m just venting and talking to myself.
“Prickly bastard. Does he think he’s sweet just because he’s handsome? When his manners are eaten with rice.”
“Ppyo! Ppyoppyoppyo!”
“Mitche, don’t you think so too? A cold-blooded with no blood or tears. Crazy butcher. They say Dark Lord, and his son is also so great….”
At that moment, someone entered.
“Here, is Cesare not here?”
“Hik!”
Because it was a tent, the entrance was wide open, so Lampel Yanox, the owner of the voice, had already entered here. He ignored the frozen me and looked around inside, then seeing that Cesare wasn’t there, indifferently crossed his arms.
“One piece of advice. If you’re going to badmouth me, at least close the door.”
“I-it wasn’t Your Grace’s badmouthing…!”
One of Lampel’s eyebrows twisted. It was the ‘Yanox Family Exclusive Body Language’ asking who I was cursing then. Having done so much lackey work for Cesare, it was a language I naturally learned.
‘Now I have to read even the villain dad’s body language?’
“Uh, your son…?”
I answered hesitantly, but Lampel was silent. He was staring at me intently with his arms crossed. The space between Lampel’s brows narrowed slightly as his glass eye pupil bounced around. At his gesture of ‘what’s this,’ I sighed and offered an introduction.
“I’m Cesare’s academy classmate. I came with the tour group this time.”
Soon after, an expression of ‘I didn’t ask any questions’ appeared.
“You had that asking expression.”
Next was an expression of ‘ridiculous.’ These are faces that others can’t read, but I can read.
