“What am I really supposed to do with you?”
“Sorry….”
I was lying on the sofa in the reception room attached to Cesare’s dormitory, haggard and just staring at the ceiling. I was in this state after putting on quite the vulgar vomiting show in the dining room just moments ago. My stomach was still churning.
In the end, I had carefully folded away Rossi’s damn glasses.
“I don’t want to hear an apology, Lionel! If you’re not feeling well, then say you’re not feeling well! Why are you so frustratingly dense?!”
I had nothing to say to Cesare’s voice full of anger, so I pointlessly started observing the patterns on the ceiling. Mm, that one looks like a puppy shape.
“You deal with other guys so sharply, but I don’t know how you only cause accidents in front of me.”
Oh, that one looks like a squid shape.
“You’re embarrassing to show off.”
That one looks like a woman wearing a skirt.
“Young Master. I’ve brought an ice pack. How is Mr. Mellans?”
“Still in that state.”
“Oh my. I should go get medicine from the infirmary. I’ll call more servants to attend to Mr. Mellans.”
“No. It’s fine. I’ll watch over him, so hurry back.”
Cesare let out a deep sigh as he received the ice pack. Old man Chad stroked my forehead worriedly before leaving the dormitory.
This pretty trash seemed to have calmed down a bit, but was still huffing as if his anger at my stupidity hadn’t fully dissipated.
Right, honestly even I would understand if my friend came to my house and put on a freak show on the dining table, but would also be annoyed about why they didn’t quickly say they felt sick.
‘But I can’t tell you this happened while trying to avoid your brainwashing magic.’
*Sigh.* Go ahead and brainwash me. Just brainwash me! You do whatever you want!
I even thought that rather than feeling the dizziness-accompanied queasiness and nausea for life while wearing Rossi’s glasses, it would be better to be brainwashed and have my senses castrated.
Just then, a cold ice pack was suddenly placed on my head.
“Move a little that way.”
As Cesare sat by the head of where I was lying, he laid my head on his thigh. Then he properly placed the ice pack on my forehead again.
This is totally… a lap pillow! Kyaaaa.
At the too-flustering skinship, I forgot to even brag to mini-Cesare and ended up grabbing his arm.
“Cesare!”
“Stay still. You shouldn’t talk when you’re dizzy.”
“You can’t do this kind of thing!”
When I quickly tried to get up, Cesare pulled me back down onto his thigh.
“What do you mean ‘this kind of thing’?”
“This kind of menial task! You’re the Young Duke of Yanox!”
“Menial task? That’s funny. Is the Young Duke someone who doesn’t bleed even a drop when pricked? Lie down.”
You are like that though, you trash who used Addiction on me—I wanted to answer that but held back.
Actually, I didn’t have the leisure to say that. One ear touching his abdomen was hot and about to explode, and my mind dizzily sank at the firm thigh I felt behind my neck.
And the Adam’s apple and white jawline visible right before my eyes.
‘I’m crazy. I’m done for.’
I thought this must be the premium royal seats you can’t buy even with money.
Thump. Thump. My heart pounded so loudly and rapidly that my chest hurt. If not for the ice pack on my forehead, my face might have already burst.
“From now on, if you’re in pain, say you’re in pain.”
Though it was a casually spoken statement, the vibration of his voice transmitted through my whole body creating a tingling feeling.
“Don’t just stupidly keep quiet. Would I kill you just because you’re in pain?”
“……”
“Why have you been so out of it lately, Lionel? You used to be at least somewhat sharp.”
As Cesare’s hand began stroking my hair, I couldn’t even twitch my lips. Because if I opened my mouth, my heart felt like it would pop out.
“Were you nervous?”
“Huh…?”
“Was eating breakfast with me something so nerve-wracking you’d vomit?”
He lowered his head to look down at me. His eyes pointed straight at me to the point where all my efforts to avoid them until now felt meaningless.
My breath caught at his eyes sparkling so beautifully like dark red pomegranate seeds. Is this human? If there was a god of beauty, wouldn’t he look like Cesare?
I answered as if entranced.
“Yeah…. I was nervous.”
His slight tremor as he chuckled in disbelief rang pleasantly through my body. A sweet floating sensation wrapped around my body as if it was bobbing up.
‘Is this brainwashing magic?’
No. My mind was too clear for that to be the case. I didn’t hear that unpleasant ‘shh’ sound, and a strange sensation like feathers tickling just captivated me.
“Lionel Mellans. Why do you keep getting nervous and distancing yourself whenever you see me lately?”
“Because.”
I’m afraid of you. I like you.
But right now, the pink emotion of liking him struck me more strongly than fearing him.
The damn word ‘I like you’ filled my head completely, but I couldn’t say it. Because I suddenly remembered the invitation that had been torn to shreds yesterday.
My heart was no different from that to him.
My heart was something he created to play with as he pleased and destroy as he pleased. If there was a difference between the invitation and my heart, it was that the invitation wouldn’t stick back together, but my torn-to-shreds heart melted smoothly and hardened firmly again.
So that he could tear it apart again. Thinking about that made my chest ache.
‘This is hard even once, so how many times will I have to be torn apart by you in the future? Dozens of times? Hundreds of times? Thousands of times?’
Already feeling wronged, I choked up and my eyes stung. Yet my chest kept pounding.
‘Addiction really is a vicious magic.’
I turned my head away, forcibly ignoring my desire to see more of his beautiful eyes. I had the intuition that if I kept looking, I might do something to him rather than him doing something to me.
“Cesare, I thought you were angry at me. So I wanted to make up for it.”
“You thought I was angry at you?”
“You hate the Crown Prince’s clique, but I did something embarrassing in front of Sunbae Cedric and damaged your reputation.”
“So you do know that.”
“About Jaina Fellox too. I thought you were upset because it seemed like I’d get a homecoming partner first. I’m nothing compared to you, Cesare Yanox.”
“……”
“I’m not good at anything. I can’t be a good sparring partner in swordsmanship like Cain, and you’re way better at studying so I can’t teach you anything. Lately I’ve been feeling more impatient. That’s why I always get nervous whenever I see you.”
Perhaps the effect of Addiction became a bit stronger, as my mouth started babbling on its own.
“I want to be your number one. I wish you’d rely on me more than the other guys. I think about how to make you need me more every day.”
I couldn’t tell if the words I was spouting now were sincere or lies. It seemed like I really did want to be his number one, but also seemed like I didn’t.
Because Lionel before the possession also truly admired Cesare and liked him as a friend. Those memories and emotions mixed together all at once, making me even more confused.
“But it doesn’t work out as I think. I just keep causing accidents. I feel like I only bother you. Like right now too.”
“You’re not bothersome.”
“No. Even I find myself pathetic and bothersome, so how could you not be bothered.”
I quickly covered my face with my hands because tears felt like they’d burst out.
“Lionel. You can’t believe me? I said you’re not bothersome.”
“I can’t believe you….”
Of course I couldn’t believe him. Because Cesare only liked my money. Since my money was his only goal, it was obvious he was sweet-talking me saying I wasn’t bothersome even when I was. While leaving openings to suck my money dry.
As if he too was frustrated, he let out a small sigh and asked me.
“What would make you believe me?”
Just then my mouth, cursed by an artifact, answered promptly without even going through a filter in my brain.
“Dote on me.”
“…What?”
At Cesare’s shocked expression, I was even more shocked. I quickly covered my runaway mouth, but I couldn’t gather back words already spilled.
‘What did I just say? Did I ask him to dote on me? I’m crazy!’
“You want me to… dote on you…?”
The ice pack on my forehead had already melted and was drooping.
‘Hurry and turn this around. Try to resolve this. Damn Addiction. Try to fix this quickly!’
But my heart said ‘I didn’t do that?’, my brain said ‘The mouth did it?’, and my mouth said ‘The subconscious isn’t my jurisdiction?’—each just evaded responsibility without providing any clever solution.
Just then, Cesare, who had been dazed, spoke first.
“Right, Lionel. I am certainly a bit blunt with affection. Thinking about it, you had reason to feel hurt. You’ve been with me since middle school after all.”
Seeing an escape route in Cesare’s words, I quickly replied.
“Right! Because you speak harshly and are blunt, I felt even more hurt! Earlier you called me ugly too!”
“Then if I dote on you like Cain does, will you believe I cherish you?”
How does Cain treat me? Before I could recall, Cesare stroked my head and hummed softly.
“My cute Rye.”
