Jaehwi, sitting in the cafeteria inside the center, kept his gaze not on Aiden sitting across from him drinking iced tea, but out the window.
Raon, whom he thought he knew everything about, felt like a completely different person. Were those eyes that always looked at him warmly while affectionately calling him ‘Hwi-ya’ all lies? The person who stood in one place trying to embrace everything and become a great shelter for him seemed to have disappeared like a mirage. Instead, in that place was one person who was stubborn, wouldn’t listen, was willful, and didn’t know the word retreat itself, only charging forward recklessly.
The problem was himself, who couldn’t reject him whether he looked like this or that. Even now, his senses were searching for Raon. He wanted to confirm where he was moving from and to, and wanted to know who he was having what conversations with.
As he became conscious of being able to naturally eavesdrop, Jaehwi deliberately blocked out auditory stimulation.
“Bonding…”
Did he find out everything now? He said he was receiving guiding coaching and practicing, and it seemed like he was now learning one by one what only he had been feeling until now. How his guiding, which matched the texture of his ticklish and gentle breath, connected with himself. And through that, Jaehwi could know many things.
The moment he first saw him 10 years ago, Jaehwi had already become subordinated to him. He didn’t know exactly because he was young, but finding him who had entered within a certain distance was no work at all. He always noticed his guiding energy that was unrefined and uneven, which he himself couldn’t even feel properly.
Should he say he was imprinted at first sight? And what completely bound him was probably that night before regression. There was nothing like intentional guiding. But energy always flowed out from Raon like thin thread, and he stole and ate it bit by bit while he was unaware. Even knowing he shouldn’t, rejecting that energy was something he couldn’t even imagine.
While stealing and eating like that, whenever he tried to guide in earnest, he refused. Where else was there such a barbaric and sinister split personality as himself? Anyway, having spent the night with him in such a state, controlling himself was literally nothing but torture. While being anxious he might hurt him from being unable to control his overflowing power, he went wild, crazed by the sensations given by him in his arms.
In such a situation, he wasn’t a mature enough human to even consider things related to guiding. So he couldn’t hide his instincts even toward the energy flowing out from him. If he had wanted it at that moment, it would be fortunate, but if he hadn’t wanted it… damn it, he would have forced a bond.
And that bond continued without breaking even through regression. Shamelessly, after bonding with him, he tried to deceive him by bringing up other Guides. Now even that seemed to have been exposed.
‘Won’t you hold my hand?’
At the words Raon brought up as soon as they entered the test room, he almost grabbed that cold, small hand extended slightly toward him. He turned away his gaze that naturally went to him and forced himself to look elsewhere, but with his appearance, his heart began to run wild on its own.
‘Won’t you look at me?’
The sound of slowly walking footsteps. Actions that couldn’t continue naturally and hesitated. The breath that stopped briefly when sitting in the chair and the unstably rough breathing afterward—though he only didn’t look with his eyes, Jaehwi could feel all of Raon.
Around 10%. Creating a graph line that everyone would acknowledge, not worth measuring, wasn’t difficult at all.
‘But I wanted to see you. If only you hadn’t gotten hurt, we could drink together, enter dungeons together. Train Bbobbo and there’s so much we could do together.’
At Raon’s words, Jaehwi didn’t give any answer. If so… if that happened, after we became special to each other, what would remain for us? A fleeting moment of happiness together? Whether he died, or Raon died, or they died together. In any of the results the illusion in the dungeon showed, there was no such thing as hope.
He didn’t want to watch his death before his eyes and survive alone, living the rest of his life remembering him, yearning for him, and continuing to live that way until his life ended just as he had for 10 years.
Conversely, if he died and Raon survived?
He didn’t want him to know the pain of living while gnawing on memories and recollections. If so, he shouldn’t leave even the slightest trace that he might have lingering attachment or regret over. Just an Esper he knew 10 years ago. An Esper who had belonged to his center. That was the most suitable relationship for him to forget. He didn’t want to imagine even a little Raon burying him in his heart, missing him, and hurting.
He couldn’t make him spend time like his own past time, leaning on the thread-thin hope that they might meet someday.
If they died together… why on earth? Why should that happen?
Right now, Raon was living a happy, peaceful, and safe life. In the safest zone as he had lived until now, freely shopping and traveling as much as he liked, meeting friends to drink and go to clubs. He could laugh while spending time with his warm family, so why on earth should he have to die? Dying just for the reason of being with him was something that didn’t make sense.
Couldn’t he not drag into endless darkness someone whose path to meet someone with a respectable and excellent job, love and be loved, and live happily was already all made, just for his own sake? If they had been together even once and seen a happy ending, his heart might have been a little more at ease.
‘You’ll drink with me when I’m all better, right?’
‘……’
‘We’re going into dungeons together too, right?’
‘……’
‘What about Bbobbo?’
‘He’s at my house.’
What Jaehwi could answer was all answers related to the present. He couldn’t let him set foot anywhere in his future. With that thought, one man who had been standing close to Raon came to mind. The white shirt that was always neat without a wrinkle was all undone, and the man’s hand was touching Raon’s lower back. The bandage held in the opposite hand covered Raon’s chest, came down along the chest, and descended to his slender waist.
For the bandage to cover Raon’s body like that, how many times had the man’s hand brushed Raon’s body, and during that time Raon had been obediently in his arms.
That’s right. He should wish for his happiness…
At the emotions that surged up, simultaneously with raising his head, Jaehwi had to swallow a curse inside. Raon’s eyes looking at him were sparkling.
What he showed to such a person was turning his head to avoid even that gaze. After finishing the test as he wanted, the moment he tried to leave the spot, catching him as he staggered was a mistake made by carelessness.
The slender body that fit perfectly in his arms, his body scent that he missed and longed for, and even his cool body temperature that felt endlessly low compared to his own—everything was perfect.
So in the end, the truth of being perfect was exposed, but it was a brief moment. Everyone seemed to believe it was an error. Team Leader Choi seemed to be suspicious, but no matter how many times they tested from now on, if he just didn’t repeat the same mistake, the result they would get would always be around 13%, as clear as day.
“Min Jaehwi.”
Jaehwi, who had been absorbed in his own thoughts, slowly turned his head at the sound calling him and looked at Aiden.
“What’s with you? Did you take a stabilizer without me knowing?”
As soon as their eyes met, his large eyes opened even wider, then he stood up abruptly and before he could stop him, Aiden squeezed into the seat next to him. Aiden’s unhesitant hand headed toward him, and simultaneously with touching the neckline of the training uniform he was wearing, Jaehwi raised his hand and knocked his hand away.
“What are you doing?”
“That’s what I should say? You had cracks on your neck until earlier. Why are they gone?”
He could change numbers, hide the truth, and blow away raging emotions. But how do you erase the guiding traces made by momentary contact with the Guide you’re bonded with?
On the surface, it would appear he was maintaining stabilization above a certain level with Aiden’s guiding as the main source, but in reality, it was Raon’s guiding that was letting him hold on like this. The guiding that happened while passing by coincidentally, guiding he couldn’t know about. Without the refined and pure guiding energy that Bbobbo eagerly brought, made with his sincerity, his body was always a mess.
But after Raon got hurt, the time apart had been long, and since Bbobbo was also practically staying with him, he couldn’t bring Raon’s energy. He was barely maintaining his condition with the energy brought two days ago, but his skin hidden by clothes was nothing but disgusting.
But whether his skin tore, bones shattered, or muscles melted and crumbled, what happened to him wasn’t a problem at all. As long as Kang Raon didn’t know. The pain continued, but there weren’t many days left to live embracing this pain either.
He would somehow prevent Raon from coming to that dungeon, and after sending out all the team members, he would disappear along with the dungeon.
He had lived thinking of the pain as punishment…
With brief contact with someone he had bonded with who had matching compatibility, the wounds had almost all healed. Like magic. Of all people, sharp-eyed Aiden had to notice it…
“Stabilizer.”
Since the most suitable excuse was only stabilizer, Jaehwi tossed out one word and picked up the iced americano glass where much of the ice had melted.
