“Haa.”
He ran away again. If his condition were good, he’d follow and catch him, but all Raon could do was watch Jaehwi’s retreating figure moving away without looking back. All he had was a rat-tail-sized guiding ability, so he couldn’t even keep watching him after he disappeared around the corner.
He couldn’t resent the one who left after putting up an even sturdier wall than before. Anyway, the other party was only just twenty years old, wasn’t he? And it was himself and the people around him who had piled misunderstanding upon misunderstanding. As Mom said, Jaehwi would have kept his mouth tightly shut.
To avoid showing emotions, he would have worn the mask of expressionlessness and maintained silence. Because he’d been like that since he was young. He said that even when he spoke, no one listened to him. Even when he said it hurt, there was no one to help him, and even when he said it was hard, Jaehwi grew up in a place where there was no one to lend an ear.
Even though he said he’d been by his side for a very short time, when he himself was going through the stormy adolescence, did he properly take care of young Jaehwi? Even rummaging through his considerably faded memories, nothing remained.
Raon’s fingertips, caressing the black jacket placed on his knees, were full of regret. Was I cruel to the end? Jaehwi, who was far more sensitive than himself, clearly already knew his condition.
Even disguised with nonchalance, emotions wavered, and though he pretended to be okay, his body was in pain. Though he might be able to hide his honest heart from him, hiding other things was close to impossible.
But why having grown big enough to brag about? Why everyone knowing ‘Nox’? His incomprehensible answer that had come back to his question weighed on his heart. What am I saying where? He couldn’t understand what that had to do with contracting with MK Center.
He said he chose because he was there. He said he only needed him. Of course, it was what Jaehwi had said before regression, but the raw words that Jaehwi had said back then contained his honest feelings more than what he was saying now.
Raon, who finally put on Jaehwi’s jacket that he’d only been touching, could neither cry nor laugh. It was because the warm body temperature and his unique body scent wrapped around Raon, causing an illusion as if he’d been embraced in his arms.
The shoulders came down to his upper arms, the long sleeves completely covered his fingertips, and it covered his entire buttocks—a black jacket he would never wear normally, even if it killed him.
When he raised both hands, what he saw before his eyes were the sleeves of the black jacket. And Raon buried his face in the jacket sleeves as they were.
Should I just honestly tell him everything? Whether Jaehwi believes it or not.
The fact that you and I, whose skin was torn to shreds wrapped in something like black ripples in a void space with nothing, were in the same space. That even though it might be an auditory hallucination, for a short time I felt the pain of hearing all the sounds in the world, and I saw the cracks on the skin disappear with just tracing along the wounds with my fingertips, not even proper guiding.
I wanted to cling and beg for a chance because I don’t want to see such an end.
And when I went to the Donghae dungeon last time, I had healed the cracks appearing on his skin. Didn’t he see that together then? Not only seeing with his eyes, but he must have definitely felt my guiding. Even if the grades don’t match, the compatibility will be okay. Won’t it work if I persuade him? To let me guide you. Even if I’m not your only Guide… Raon, who had been thinking that far, bit down hard on his teeth.
I don’t like that—I don’t want someone other than myself to become Jaehwi’s Guide. In words, I said it was okay, I said it was fine if he wasn’t struggling, but soon the greed that had been hiding at the very bottom of my emotions raised its head.
I wanted to see lust settle in his black eyes armed with indifference, to caress that firm and hot body, and to become the only existence that could free him from endless pain. Like 10 years ago. I wished Jaehwi would only look at me and only listen to my words, like a duckling following a mother duck.
I wanted him to be at the end of his gaze, my body to be where his fingertips touch, and my embrace to be the only place he could rest.
“I’m crazy. Kang Raon.”
What remained for Raon, who realized the possessiveness beyond his feelings of liking him, was only guilt. How easy it would be if I just liked him purely as a younger brother.
“Chwi chwi.”
Raon, who couldn’t boldly raise his head to look up at the blue sky, couldn’t lower his hands covering his face even at Bbobbo’s sound. He had to open his eyes that had been closed because of Bbobbo, who rubbed his small, soft body against his head and cheek and finally squeezed in between his palms and face, but he couldn’t stop the sigh that flowed out.
* * *
Raon, who left work straight from the garden because his condition had rapidly worsened from getting some cold air for less than an hour, had to lie sick in bed for a full additional day. The next day his body was still just as heavy, but he couldn’t roll around in the warm and soft bed.
“Young Master.”
“Don’t even think about telling Mom. I’m just doing the compatibility test and coming back. I know my body is precious too, and I know I need to rest. Wait outside.”
Although he hurried as much as he could, when Raon entered the situation room, the compatibility test was already in progress.
“When is my turn?”
Instead of sitting in the chair prepared next to Hyukjin, Raon chose to stand. It was because he didn’t want to show others his appearance struggling to sit down and stand up, unlike usual.
“Last.”
“How many are left?”
“Three people.”
“I’m not late then.”
With his arm lightly resting on the back of the chair where Hyukjin sat, Raon silently stared into the test room like the other people.
Unlike last time, Raon’s eyes darkened as he looked at Jaehwi sitting on the couch in front of the screen showing the garden. Unlike the Guide sitting in the designated chair showing an anxious appearance, Jaehwi was flipping through a magazine with an indifferent expression, his long legs crossed.
It seemed like a model in a magazine pictorial would suit him rather than someone reading a magazine. What was incongruous in his comfortable appearance was the bracelet fastened on his wrist.
“Should we stop the test?”
“What’s the number?”
“It’s 28 percent.”
“That’s enough. Next.”
As Hyukjin listened to the researcher’s words, Raon shifted his gaze to the file Hyukjin had spread out. It seemed like there were more people and it had gotten a bit noisier than when he’d arrived…
Was it because it was Aiden’s turn? Jaehwi, who hadn’t taken his eyes off the magazine until the Guide who had just been doing the compatibility test left, was already looking at the entrance door.
-Hello.
Aiden, with a bright smile, greeted Jaehwi in a cheerful voice. Although he didn’t give any particular answer to his words, Jaehwi closed the magazine and stood up from his seat. More than anything, the position of Jaehwi’s lips had changed.
-Why even do something like this? It’s awkward. Want to hold hands?
Aiden, wearing the bracelet, naturally extended his hand to Jaehwi, and the two comfortably held hands.
“Team Leader-nim.”
“Just leave it. Nox’s Guide is Aiden anyway. More than that, check the numbers carefully.”
-You weren’t in the training room in the morning, where did you go?
-Dungeon.
-What? You didn’t say you were going to a dungeon.
The conversation between the two in the test room wasn’t a secret, and the people in the situation room also didn’t show much interest in their conversation.
-Center-owned dungeon. I needed some ores.
-Ah! Bbobbo’s food. But Bbobbo seems to dislike me. You know I still haven’t been able to touch Bbobbo?
The person leading the conversation was Aiden.
-Is there anyone besides you who’s touched Bbobbo? Among the center people, there are many who’ve seen Bbobbo but no one who’s touched him?
“Me.”
Though Aiden wouldn’t hear it, Jaehwi didn’t answer Aiden’s question, and Hyukjin answered briefly. At Hyukjin’s words, the laboratory staff laughed quietly.
“Have you really properly touched him?”
“…I know the fur is soft. That’s that. Report the numbers.”
At Hyukjin’s sigh-mixed words, laughter filled the situation room again, even if briefly.
“It’s passing 60 percent. Should we continue?”
“It’s not bad to see how high it goes. It’s only been about 30 seconds since we started.”
The atmosphere in the situation room confirming the compatibility numbers gradually rising was better than ever. Since their purpose was to check the numbers anyway, Hyukjin even turned off the speaker connected to the test room.
Only the sight of Aiden’s smiling lips moving ceaselessly and Jaehwi answering with brief responses or head movements could be seen.
Unlike when he first entered the situation room, the expression gradually disappeared from Raon’s face. And the smile slowly disappeared from Hyukjin’s face as he checked the two’s appearance and the numbers.
“Are these numbers certain?”
“Yes. Is there a problem?”
An ideal graph came into hand—the relationship between the Esper and Guide was good, the grades matched well, and even the compatibility numbers were perfect.
