“At least if I cover your ears, you can escape that terrible noise.”
“You really have a talent for making something any Guide can do sound like it’s so impressive.”
He could only watch as Jaehwi, who seemed like he was going to get closer, moved away instead. He could see Jaehwi’s hand reach for the doorknob as he approached the door.
“If you’re done saying what you came to say, please leave. I was curious what you’d have to say since you were looking favorably at MK Center, so I opened the door for you, but if I’d known it would be like this, I should have turned you away from the start.”
At the clear order to leave, Raon slowly inhaled and then exhaled. It was true that he had been hasty. He had never properly tested his Guide abilities, nor had he ever officially done a compatibility test with anyone.
Raon straightened his body that had been leaning against the sofa. He wanted to hug him as soon as he saw him, cover his ears, and ask if he was okay, but things had gotten incredibly tangled. Still, Jaehwi was alive. Whether he was angry at him or pushing him away, he was alive.
“Even if the grades don’t match, the compatibility might be good.”
Raon felt like laughing at how forced his own words sounded even as he spoke them. Just the day before, he had thought he wouldn’t be Jaehwi’s Guide because his grade was too low. That’s why he had been searching for other Guides, but now it felt like he had to become his Guide no matter what.
Since they didn’t know what would happen in the dungeon, he would accompany him. If he couldn’t become an exclusive Guide, what about a sub? If not even that, there was a way to accompany him as a combat Guide. If he covered both combat and guiding instead of being someone’s exclusive Guide. Plus, he was a Center team leader. If he said he would join, who could stop him?
“Us? In what way?”
Jaehwi’s cold words stabbed into his chest once again.
Right. He didn’t necessarily have to become Jaehwi’s exclusive Guide. If it was about watching over his safety, there were countless other ways to accompany him. Before that, he needed to bring Jaehwi to MK Center.
“…Are there any contract conditions you consider important?”
“S-grade or higher. A male Guide around my age who’s cute, affectionate, and won’t let me get bored when we’re together.”
At Jaehwi’s words, one person came to mind and he nodded. Bringing Aiden Jung wouldn’t be a problem at all.
“Other conditions?”
With his hands pressing both temples, Raon didn’t raise his head, trying to suppress his complicated emotions. He didn’t even know what expression he was making right now.
Happy that Jaehwi was alive, followed by sadness that he was different from before.
Hurt by those words that coldly pointed out reality, yet grateful that he still answered all his questions.
“Did you take a stabilizer?”
Knowing that his guiding was woefully insufficient, Raon murmured quietly. Even without showing his face, even though his voice was so small he could barely hear it himself, Jaehwi would be able to hear it all.
“No.”
It was such a small sound that he would have missed it if he hadn’t been concentrating all his senses on Jaehwi, small enough to wonder if he had misheard or understood correctly.
“You’re not happy to see me.”
“Should I be?”
“I’m sorry.”
He should have said this from the beginning. Starting from not being able to bring him out of that place 10 years ago, and even after meeting him again, not knowing what kind of pain he was living in, being so eager to push him away. He had tried to place him in his palm and control him.
Guiding, what was it really? He should have done more of it, even though he wasn’t good at it.
He had told him not to with words, but when he sent even a faint energy, Jaehwi had meekly accepted his touch.
His actions and choices had been to lessen the guilt of not finding and bringing him out sooner. The things he hadn’t been able to enjoy. The things he hadn’t been able to do—he wanted to let him enjoy them now. But he hadn’t asked what he wanted. Now that he thought about it, even that had been an action for his own emotions. He covered his eyes with the hand that had been pressing his temples.
Come to think of it, he was being unreasonable even now. Doing everything he wanted to do, living as he pleased. A disaster that occurred because he hadn’t learned how to be considerate of others.
He rolled his lower lip inward and bit it, trying to stop his chin and lips from trembling. His chest felt heavy and his eyes were hot, and he wanted to hold that in too… But he was a person who couldn’t even hold this in. He wondered if there were any injuries on the parts covered by black clothes, places that looked fine on the outside—he wanted to check.
From some point on, he had stopped being able to sense his energy, but now he had a small power that could relieve him from pain.
“Hey. Team Leader Kang Raon.”
“……”
Tears had welled up to his throat and he couldn’t answer.
“Do you know you’re really a strange person? Barging in late at night, acting all familiar, shouting about becoming a Guide, and now… Are you crying?”
Had he always been this ridiculous? He had received evaluations that he was quite cold and his career was flawless. But everything went wrong only in front of Jaehwi.
“You said you’re six years older than me.”
Jaehwi sighed and brought up the age difference. Raon’s chin, which had become wrinkled like a walnut from holding back tears, relaxed.
“I’d believe you if you said you were six years younger instead of six years older.”
At the considerably softened tone, Raon covered his face with both hands. Had he always been this rational in how he spoke?
“If you sign a contract with MK, will you stop crying?”
At the tone that sounded like he was coaxing a whining child, the words that welled up were swallowed by tears. He heard the sounds of daily life as if Jaehwi was doing something while leaving him standing alone in the living room, but he couldn’t easily remove his hands from his face. Taking deep breaths and cooling down the heat rushing to his face came first.
“It’s late. Drink this and go home. I’ll pretend what just happened didn’t happen.”
Raon’s body stiffened at the force grabbing one of his wrists. Knowing he couldn’t beat him with strength, he released the tension from his arm and a mug was placed in his hand.
“You’re not allergic to honey, right? They say warm milk with honey is good for insomnia.”
Fuck… A teardrop fell from Raon’s eyes and dropped into the mug with a plop. The last food he had given Jaehwi was warmed milk with honey added.
After drinking the milk with tears in it instead of tear-soaked bread, Raon was led by Jaehwi’s hand and banished from his room. He had entered with a trembling heart, boldly made loud declarations, and his final exit was an unsightly and lonely one.
* * *
“Team Leader Kang. You’re a Guide?”
At the guiding coach’s question, Raon stood up from his seat and moved to the sofa.
“Since when?”
“I manifested at sixteen, so it’s been 10 years.”
“Uh… Um. Your grade probably isn’t very high.”
“Right. I was rated C-grade at manifestation. That’s why I didn’t properly attend guiding classes even during the mandatory NCSC education period. I’ve never done guiding and I never did any additional precision measurements.”
Though she had followed him, she hesitated, not knowing where to sit, so Raon gestured for her to sit next to him.
“But why did you call me?”
“I wanted to get some proper guiding coaching. It’s a talent if you can call it that, but it seems wasteful as a Center team leader to keep letting it rot.”
At the absurd excuse, as expected, Jiwon was looking at him with an expression that said this was ridiculous. But she wisely suggested he try radiative guiding instead of asking “Why?”
With his palm facing up, Jiwon told him to think about drawing out the energy inside his body and sending it to his palm, and Raon closed his eyes.
“Team Leader. Your guiding is quite ticklish.”
“What?”
“How should I put this? It’s like a gentle breeze. A cool and refreshing softly blowing wind. But it’s not abundant or strong. It’s also like water trickling from a spring deep in the mountains. I’d have to measure it precisely, but quality over quantity? Still, I think Espers would like it. It would be a problem in an emergency, but if you think about going all the way to the final stage of contact guiding, it might be covered.”
At Jiwon’s assessment, her palm facing his with a slight distance above it, Raon ground his molars. Jiwon was packaging nicely what she meant: that his grade wasn’t high and it wasn’t sufficient. In this short time of guiding, Raon could already feel that all the energy in his body had drained out.
“Don’t reduce the guiding, maintain it.”
Raon, who had squeezed out everything to his limit, shrugged his shoulders and clenched his fist.
“Team Leader?”
“That’s it. I don’t have any more energy to draw out.”
“…Team Leader. Aren’t you already busy enough with your current work? I heard rumors that you work overtime every day.”
“I know Coach Lee’s training skills are good.”
He hadn’t expected anything from the start. But he couldn’t help the bitter taste in his mouth at the sight of Jiwon shaking her head seriously.
“How can you draw water from a well that has no water? When there’s no groundwater to begin with.”
“Then. I just need to make groundwater appear.”
“Get a precision test first. At this level, even C-grade seems difficult.”
After waking him up to the harsh reality and telling him that next time, if he wanted to call her, he should come directly to the coaching room with his grade results, Jiwon disappeared, and Raon immediately collapsed sideways on the sofa. He felt like it was over before it even started.
“This is the dungeon occurrence prediction report for our area.”
At the sound of knocking, Raon barely sat up and reached out one hand to receive the file. As Jiwon had said, work was overflowing. He had to secretly retake the Guide test, and if he wanted to become a combat-type Guide, he’d have to build up his stamina too… There was too much to do to start lightly.
Raon stared at Jay, who had set down warm lemon water on the table in front of the sofa, and added the perfunctory reminder, “You know this is all a secret, right?”
