# Chapter 40
After taking off his shoes, the first place Raon went was the guest room. Leaving the unused space, Raon entered the main bedroom and, leaning against the doorframe, buried his face in his hands. It was this morning that he had opened his eyes in this bed.
He had rolled around, hugging the pillow filled with Jaehwi’s scent in a place full of traces of himself and Jaehwi. With staggering steps, Raon went to the bed by the window and hugged the wrinkle-free pillow, burying his face in it. Instead of the scent he was looking for, Raon inhaled only the cotton scent he usually liked, and then collapsed onto the bed.
What had been the problem? Jaehwi was someone who wouldn’t do anything without his permission. But his death… That end was Jaehwi’s will. What had happened in that dungeon that had supposedly changed to SS-grade?
It felt as if he could still feel Jaehwi’s lips that had been planting kisses all over his face before leaving this bedroom. The terrible noise in the isolation room and the blood-covered Jaehwi. The promise that he would come back and kiss him. Raon searched for the word “Hwi-ya” on his phone, and tears flowed down the corners of his eyes.
The phone he had bought for Jaehwi. With matching last digits in their numbers.
The number he knew by heart without having to search for it couldn’t be found. He could have heard his voice and seen his face just by pressing a button, but now he couldn’t even do that.
Curled up in Jaehwi’s place, Raon dialed a familiar number.
[Yes.]
“Jay. Where’s Jaehwi?”
[K Hotel. 21…]
Raon hung up in the middle of Jay’s words. If he didn’t know, that would be one thing, but if Jay knew even the room number, he wouldn’t be able to stay put.
“Kang Raon. Even if you’re crazy…”
After abruptly ending the call to avoid hearing which room Jaehwi was in, then calling again to find out the room number, Raon ran his fingers through his hair as he crossed the K Hotel lobby. If he was going to come anyway, he should have hurried instead of wasting time thinking alone.
Getting off the elevator and walking down the corridor with plush carpet, Raon hesitated several times. Come to think of it, just as Jaehwi did as he pleased, Raon had also been arbitrary with him. Telling him to come, then to go. Telling him to sleep alone, then to sleep together.
Since when had he lived his life considering someone else and caring for their emotions?
Until now, the only person he had been considerate of was Jaehwi. So perhaps he was still being mindful now.
Standing in front of the hotel room Jay had told him about, Raon rapidly tapped his thigh with his fingertips. What should he say? What reason could he give for coming? What if Jaehwi coldly refused him? What if he got angry? No. He hoped Jaehwi wouldn’t do that. He wished Jaehwi would hold him, tell him he was in pain, and ask him to cover his ears.
No matter how many times he clenched and unclenched his fist and tapped his thigh, no answer came. Only after leaving deep teeth marks on his left index finger did Raon press the bell.
He wanted to ring the bell repeatedly, knock on the door, and shout for Jaehwi to come out right away, but Raon waited calmly, counting numbers in his head. When his count passed ten, he opened his eyes and reached for the bell again.
“…”
Just as he was about to press the bell, the door suddenly opened, and Raon found himself facing Jaehwi like a massive wall. He lowered the hand that had been raised to press the bell. Then, trying to enter the room through the gap between the door and Jaehwi, his shoulder was grabbed by a large hand.
“Let’s talk inside.”
“I have nothing to talk about.”
“Do you want to show people us arguing in the hotel corridor?”
Despite having worried about what to say and how to treat him when they met, Raon was even more brazen with him.
With a sigh, Jaehwi released his shoulder and created enough space for him to enter. As soon as Raon went inside, he took off his shoes and put on slippers.
“What is it?”
Raon took water from the bar as he heard Jaehwi’s voice full of dissatisfaction after closing the door and turning around.
“I came to sleep with you.”
Holding the water bottle with his left hand and trying to open the cap with his right, Raon felt a sharp pain on the back of his hand and put down the cap, lightly clenching and unclenching his fist. It seemed that the bottle cap itself was firmly fixed and difficult to open, rather than because of the wound on the back of his hand.
“Team Leader Kang Raon.”
At the low, deep voice that sounded short and authoritative, as if warning him, Raon slightly raised and lowered his eyebrows. Was this his original personality? It seemed like another side of Jaehwi that he hadn’t shown to Raon. Was he this businesslike and cold to people he wasn’t close to? Well, right now, Raon was not so much “not close” as an extremely rude person who had crossed the line by far.
“You don’t have a Guide. I’m going to be that Guide.”
Focusing on opening the water bottle cap without looking at Jaehwi, Raon spoke as lightly as possible.
“Do you think it works just because you want it to? That?”
“It’s not that difficult.”
After a few more attempts, with his palm and the area between his thumb and index finger turning red, Raon looked up at Jaehwi, who took the water bottle from his hand and opened the cap for him.
“Thank you.”
After taking a sip of the water Jaehwi had opened for him, Raon looked around the hotel. It wasn’t an ordinary room; it seemed to have at least two rooms with a living room and a fairly nice bar.
“Who provided this?”
Guessing that Jaehwi wouldn’t have booked such a room himself given his personality, Raon slowly walked around the room.
“Team Leader Kang Raon. Don’t you think these actions are rude at this hour?”
If he didn’t like it, he shouldn’t have opened the door in the first place. He shouldn’t have moved aside to let him in. Or even now, he could just pull Raon out.
“We’re not the kind of people to worry about rudeness. How many nights have we spent together?”
“…There’s never been any such thing.”
“E1101S Min Jaehwi. Let me formally introduce myself. G0228C Kang Raon.”
Raon, sitting with his back against the sofa, extended his hand toward Jaehwi. Although Jaehwi approached, he remained with his arms folded, looking down at Raon with narrowed eyes. Raon waved his hand once more, but Jaehwi did not grasp it.
“I’m also the Head of the MK Center Management Team. To add a bit more, I’m 6 years older than you. And I have the ability to provide you with free, better hotel rooms than this for life. It’s more my family’s ability than mine, but in any case, I can give you anything you want. You won’t ask me for the stars in the sky or anything like that, right?”
With his extended hand looking awkward, Raon had no choice but to fold his arms as if countering Jaehwi.
“You say you’ll give me anything I want.”
If until just now he had seemed to be speaking bluntly as if dealing with an annoying fly, Raon suddenly lifted his head at the frightening, subdued tone that sounded as if he had become angry.
About three steps? Jaehwi’s expression was coldly hardened as he stood at a distance where he couldn’t be touched even if Raon stretched out his arm, just like when they had met in front of the training room. With his prominent jawline as if he was clenching his teeth and his fierce eyes glaring at Raon, Raon instinctively tried to back away.
But because of the sofa he was sitting on, Raon couldn’t move away from Jaehwi, nor could he escape from his eyes. It felt like seeing an endless abyss in pitch-black darkness.
“…Because it’s me? Or to anyone?”
The distance between them narrowed as Jaehwi took a step closer.
Raon wanted to say, “Of course, only to you,” but his lips wouldn’t part readily, as if they had been glued together.
“Ah, doesn’t it matter? It’s only a brief meeting from just 10 years ago, what kind of feelings could there be? You’re only a C-grade but you want to be my Guide? Someone who faints and can’t even regain consciousness after just a little Guiding? If I just mentioned that I was looking for a Guide, at least A-grade Guides would be lining up.”
Although it sounded like mockery, everything Jaehwi was saying was true, making it even harder for Raon to respond. Moreover, Raon hadn’t even taken proper Guiding classes. So he had urgently made an appointment with a Guiding coach, but that wouldn’t make his Guiding skills exceptionally good or raise his grade.
“Or do you have some special hidden charm? Enough for me to have a 6-year-older C-grade Guide as my exclusive one?”
Jaehwi’s eyes, which had been captivating Raon’s gaze, moved slowly. First it was his head, then his forehead, nose, lips, shoulders, and chest—Raon could feel Jaehwi’s gaze gradually moving downward. When Jaehwi’s gaze, which had swept him from head to toe, returned to his eyes, Raon couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze.
“Hwi-ya…”
“What? Do you still see me as that 10-year-old kid who trembled and was thrilled by your touch? Do you think I’ll cry because I’m struggling, beg you to cover my ears, and plead for you to stay by my side until I fall asleep?”
Each word Jaehwi uttered felt like thorns piercing Raon’s heart. It was as if he had not only regressed but had come to a different parallel world. The Jaehwi he knew wasn’t like this. He wasn’t this twisted, this pessimistic, or this cold-hearted.
