Moon Heesung served five years in his first prison term, then ten years in the next. He had been through pretrial detention twice, and thanks to that, he was considered a seasoned veteran at a young age. Others called Moon Heesung’s life a truly fucked-up life, a hopeless life. He agreed. A life that takes you through prison twice may be common enough in that world, but it’s not so common in the ordinary one.
But even before prison, Moon Heesung’s life had been hopeless to begin with. He couldn’t even finish school properly because he had a younger sibling to feed, and from the time he came of age, he did nothing but work. The one saving grace was that he developed faster than others, so by sixteen he was already doing manual labor. Living that kind of hopeless life, Moon Heesung had no room for softness. He always had to be rough because he always had to stand up against his large father, always had to keep his edge sharp. Because without that, his life could collapse at any moment.
So somewhere along the way, his life had only one purpose. His younger sibling who knew nothing of the world. Making sure that brother — who could do nothing if Heesung wasn’t there to protect him — could at least function as a human being. Taking care of his brother felt so natural that it became something like his fate. If that child were ever hurt or fell ill, the guilt and responsibility would fall entirely on him. Moon Heesung was obsessed with his brother’s safety, and because of it, he lived with even more venom inside him.
He fought with his father every day. But his brother always ended up getting hit, and though Moon Heesung fought back, he had to take hits too. Getting struck with liquor bottles, beaten with clubs, punched with fists, kicked — all the time he had endured had made him numb to that violence.
Children exposed to violence from a young age split into two types. The ones who inherit that same violence, and the ones who get beaten down until they can’t function as people. The former was Moon Heesung, the latter was Moon Huijae. That was a matter of temperament, of something innate, and that was why Moon Heesung had to protect his brother. Because even if it killed him, he refused to live like their mother who abandoned her children, or their father who beat them.
‘Bring your mother here, your mother…!’
The alcohol-soaked voice always echoed through the mold-ridden basement room.
‘Fuck…, do you think I’m a joke too? Funny to you? Is it funny that your father has come to this?’
The inferiority of being abandoned by his wife, the failure of his business — all of it had driven the father to his limits, and the father had leaned on alcohol to sustain his broken mind, and that alcohol unleashed the violence buried within him.
‘Do you want to run away like your mother too?’
And that violence was directed most at the weakest one — his brother.
‘N, no…. No…. Dad…. Hyung…. Hyung….’
Having been beaten before he could even properly speak, his brother’s cognitive and language abilities were severely underdeveloped.
‘This one always calls for his hyung? Is he stupid? Where do you think your hyung is right now?!’
Moon Heesung, who had just stepped through the door, moved to stop his father, who was already revving up. Three or four times a week. Dealing with a wild-eyed drunk was exhausting for Moon Heesung.
‘Stop it.’
‘Oh, look at this.’
Even with Moon Heesung blocking the way in front of his brother, his father still stood a full head taller than him. But Moon Heesung never once dropped his gaze. It had been that way since he was ten. Looking his father straight in the eye.
‘Look at this little bastard. Who do you think you are, looking at your father like that.’
‘Stop it and go inside and sleep.’
‘Fuck, this little shit is giving orders to his own father.’
His father was young. He had married their mother at an early age, and even when his eldest Heesung turned seventeen, he still had plenty of years ahead of him. The fact that he hadn’t aged made Moon Heesung even more venomous. He always had to live hard, refusing to bend under violence. Without that, even Moon Heesung would have struggled to hold on.
‘I told you to go inside and sleep.’
‘You going to shut up?’
‘Fuck, just how long are you going to keep doing this?!’
‘Ha…, look at this disrespectful little shit. That’s it. Both of you, get over here. Not coming? Get over here!’
As his father staggered and shouted, Moon Heesung hurriedly shoved his brother into the room and locked him in.
‘You little fucking piece of shit…… every time I look at you, you make me sick, you know that? Looking exactly like your mother….’
Once his brother was locked away, from inside came the sound of his brother pounding pitifully on the door, crying out.
‘Hyung…! Hyung!’
‘These little bastards……, treating their father like he’s dirt, you need to get hit before you come to your senses. Hit!’
Listening to his brother’s cries calling for him, and to his father’s curses as he grabbed whatever he could throw and seized him by the hair and threw punches, Moon Heesung sank inward. His lip split and his face was knocked sideways. His throat was choked and his stomach was kicked and he swallowed the pain. Everything felt distant all of a sudden. His brother’s wailing, his father’s curses and violence. In that distant haze of consciousness, feeling utterly fed up, Moon Heesung came to a decision.
To run away from his father.
To trace back his connection with Yoo Sinju, he had to go all the way back to that time. To the day he made that decision.
Having washed and dried a soaking Yoo Sinju and changed his clothes, Moon Heesung stood quietly looking down at the sleeping Yoo Sinju for a long while. It was during his second prison term that he had begun to learn of that child’s life. Thirty minutes a day — in that short window, the moment he spotted Yoo Sinju on the TV, Moon Heesung looked as though he had been struck. Yoo Sinju, who had become an actor. The moment he saw him shining like a pearl on that screen, it came back to him. The existence of that child he had forgotten.
Moon Heesung, who had nothing to laugh about, no hobbies, nothing to enjoy — those thirty minutes were the only pleasure during his prison term. Each time he saw Yoo Sinju on the TV, Moon Heesung would rarely but genuinely let out a small smile. At first it was simply strange to him — that sharp, feisty little kid had grown up and was working as an actor.
Finding it endlessly fascinating, he watched every drama and film without fail, and later he started requesting newspapers separately to search for articles. He spent each day tracking his news, his updates. And it kept coming back to him, fresh each time. The fact that he had completely, utterly forgotten that child. That sin.
“…….”
Heesung looked down at the sleeping Yoo Sinju with an expressionless face for a long time.
The ten years of his second prison term.
Through those ten years, Heesung watched Yoo Sinju every day — Yoo Sinju, who had started his acting career while still a minor. He never missed a single article that came up.
‘Hyunghyung.’
At some point, young Yoo Sinju had started calling him that. Whatever moment had opened his heart, he had been waiting for Heesung every night alongside Huijae.
‘Hyunghyung, hyung, today I got hit instead of him.’
He pointed proudly at the bruises he’d gotten saving Huijae from the neighborhood kids, as if being hurt were some kind of badge of honor.
‘Getting hit is something to be proud of?’
‘I didn’t just get hit. I hit back too.’
‘How many times.’
Moon Heesung crouched down to meet the kids at eye level. At the matter-of-fact question, young Yoo Sinju thought it over carefully.
‘Tw… two times?’
‘Three times tomorrow.’
‘…I barely managed that many. They were coming at me in a pack.’
‘With grit and nerve. Three times.’
‘Aw, come on….’
At Heesung’s Spartan teaching, Yoo Sinju pouted his lips in discontent. At the dead-serious expression, Moon Heesung let out a quiet smile and ruffled his hair playfully, as if proud of him.
‘Good job.’
Yoo Sinju was the same age as Huijae but far sharper. Far more of a fighter, with more guts than Huijae. Seeing a kid like that show up every time with bruises on his face but still holding his head high — he couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. On one hand he was proud, and on the other he felt sorry. That such a bright, clever kid was in the same situation as his brothers.
‘…Hehe.’
In the beginning he had glared back sharply, but lately, when praised like this, he’d smile shyly and fail to hold it back. Finding it endearing, Moon Heesung smiled too, in his own unlikely way.
‘Don’t just blindly take hits in Huijae’s place.’
‘…But that’s what makes you praise me.’
‘You take hits because I praise you?’
‘And besides, he’s dumb, so I can’t help it.’
‘Even so, don’t take hits for him. He needs to learn to work through things on his own too.’
‘Do you… not want me to get hurt?’
‘What kind of question is that.’
‘No……, I mean, wouldn’t you rather I get hit than Moon Huijae.’
‘Don’t talk nonsense.’
‘…….’
‘They’re both just kids — since when is it okay for one to get hit and not the other.’
‘……Huijae, he, he’s your real brother.’
At the uncharacteristically fumbling words, Moon Heesung’s brow furrowed slightly.
‘Real brother or not, it’s the same — no one should get hurt.’
‘…….’
‘Protect yourself. Live taking care of your own body.’
At Moon Heesung’s firm lesson, young Yoo Sinju looked up at him with bright, attentive eyes and gave a big nod, then asked:
‘Are you going to give me a reward today too?’
‘What reward.’
‘…Carrying me home.’
At the absurd demand being called a reward, Moon Heesung let out an incredulous laugh. Thinking well, a kid is still a kid, he nodded and readily agreed — and young Yoo Sinju, face flushing, couldn’t hold back his smile and stamped his feet with glee.
What is there to be so happy about.
At the sight of him being so intensely delighted, Heesung couldn’t help but smile along. Heesung genuinely enjoyed this time. Because he himself had nothing to smile about either. His body was always worn down and his mind was exhausted, so it was only when he watched the younger ones being cute that he could manage a smile at all. Most days Huijae was always already asleep, and Yoo Sinju would stay by his side waiting until Heesung came. And then when Moon Heesung arrived, young Yoo Sinju would wag his tail — playing coy, like a puppy wanting to be praised. Seeing that, no matter how hard things were, a smile came out on its own.
