“Aren’t you throwing it?”
His stomach felt ticklish. He’d never missed his hometown, but returning to his family home kept bringing back old memories. Probably because of this guy grinning while holding a faded catchball mitt.
Every time memories of this house came up one by one, Go Seok-jun felt like he was returning to his old childhood. Not money, house, car, expensive clothes, or that kind of crap, but the time when he jumped around the yard happy over a bag of snacks or a single ice cream—Baek Sang-eun was in every one of those moments.
Playing catchball in the yard with Baek Sang-eun. Like that time that was the only pure and spotless period in Go Seok-jun’s life, it felt like even the filth that adult Go Seok-jun wore was cleanly washed away. The family home suddenly became precious. Even if he returned to Seoul, he wanted to keep at least this house.
“Sang-eun-ah. By any chance, are you going to demolish this house and build a building?”
“What’s with that out of the blue?”
“Well. A young guy wouldn’t keep living in a rotten house that’s almost a hundred years old. Why would you spend money to buy a house?”
Go Seok-jun spoke calmly and threw the ball toward Baek Sang-eun. Baek Sang-eun raised his arm high and caught the ball. With his own hand, not the catchball racket.
“Ha, shit. That story again. Aren’t you sick of it?”
“If you’re going to curse, just curse, and if you’re going to use honorifics, just use honorifics. Learn polite speech again.”
Even though Go Seok-jun put strength in his eyes and scolded him, the coldness didn’t leave Baek Sang-eun. He just repeatedly threw the ball up and caught it without answering.
“I’ll return the house to you.”
“Really?”
“Instead, go out with me. So, um… like lovers.”
“What?”
Go Seok-jun even made a “haha!” sound at the absurd words, and in the end bent his waist laughing. Lovers? Lovers with Baek Sang-eun? Sorry to Baek Sang-eun who was dead serious, but that was a funny idea. Wasn’t Baek Sang-eun a man?
“Why are you laughing?”
“Hey, what kind of lovers would I be with you? Do you like me?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I like you too. You know Uncle loves Sang-eun very much, right?”
He poured out words without a trace of hesitation. Go Seok-jun loves Baek Sang-eun. How could he not love the existence that enriched his childhood, that made him forget even the sense of loss from losing his parents on the same day and time?
Even though it was a childhood without parents and without close friends, young Go Seok-jun wasn’t lonely at all. Because there was the unconditional love that the baby gave.
That love couldn’t become romantic feelings. And even if it wasn’t Baek Sang-eun, he’d never been interested in men even once in his entire life. He’d been with a woman and even got married, so wasn’t that saying it all? We even went to the sauna together, did that bastard forget I’m a man? Go Seok-jun crossed his arms in front of his chest and stood straight.
“Don’t joke around, let’s talk cleanly with numbers. How much would it take?”
“Ah. You’ll give me whatever I ask for? Then how about… will you bring a billion won?”
“What?”
Go Seok-jun’s eyes widened as if they’d pop out any moment. Who in all of Joseon would buy a rotten house with no ocean view and no economic value for a billion won? I’d rather just be lovers, that thought briefly crossed his mind and at the same time goosebumps rose all over his body.
“Hey! How is this house worth a billion!”
“Isn’t it up to the seller? If it were me, rather than getting this house back for a billion won, I’d just be Sang-eun’s lover.”
The smile he’d been wearing thinking of Baek Sang-eun’s words as a joke gradually faded. A billion? Even if he scraped together all his own money that wasn’t loans from the jeonse deposit in the Seoul officetel, plus deposits and stocks and everything else—a billion was nothing. Even a hundred million would be tight.
“If you don’t like it, move out.”
“Oh? Move out? This is a house where the Gos have lived for generations. You’re a Baek, so you get out.”
Go Seok-jun’s resolution to act like an adult that he’d repeated over and over until just moments ago scatters like smoke. The toxic smoke spreads in all directions, then heavily pools between Baek Sang-eun and himself.
Baek Sang-eun didn’t pass the ball to Go Seok-jun and just repeated the meaningless action of throwing the ball in the air by himself and catching it with his own racket. Only after doing that for quite a while did he open his mouth.
“Even when we catch fish. If they give a shit price, we just don’t sell and throw it back in the sea.”
“No, no! I’m not saying to throw it back!”
“If you’re not going to give me what I ask for, why bother asking? If you don’t like this and you don’t like that, then what am I supposed to do?”
He silently listened to Baek Sang-eun’s words, whose speech and expression had completely changed in an instant. No, he pretended to listen. He’d learned over a long period that if he interrupted saying that’s not it, or acted like a wise judge saying let’s think rationally, it would be a disaster. Experience is the result of these lessons piling up and accumulating. At times like this, appealing to emotion was best.
“Sang-eun-ah, calm down and listen to the end. The reason I brought up the house was because playing catchball with you brought back old memories and I felt really good. So I was going to ask you not to demolish the house. You think Uncle would try to kick you out?”
When he spoke soothingly in a gentle voice, the fierce expression immediately melted. The face that was furious now clearly showed hurt feelings. To Go Seok-jun, Baek Sang-eun was too easy.
“Liar. You yelled.”
“Are you sulking?”
“I’m not sulking.”
“Really? If you’re sulking, today Uncle was going to sleep with Sang-eun—”
“I’m sulking!”
Baek Sang-eun was so urgent he even cut off his words and approached Go Seok-jun while still breathing heavily. Go Seok-jun spread his arms wide.
Kid, this is what social skills are. No matter how much you act up, you’re in the palm of my hand.
Not knowing he was thinking that inside, Baek Sang-eun scrunched up his whole body as he hugged his waist and rubbed his head against his shoulder. Go Seok-jun was conceited that there was nothing he didn’t know about Baek Sang-eun.
The reason he suggested sleeping together was because it really didn’t matter at all. He didn’t take the words about being lovers seriously either. He’d seen him since he was a newborn baby, so what? Be his lover? The puppy sleeping outside would laugh.
“Let’s sleep now, Sang-eun-ah.”
“Yes. Please lie down first.”
Go Seok-jun lay his body down on the not-even-soft blanket. The drunkenness had flown away, and only the languidness after light aerobic exercise and showering in warm water remained.
He growled sometimes, but Baek Sang-eun was still obedient. Go Seok-jun quite liked that. The only one obedient to Go Seok-jun in this world where he had not a single person on his side. Throughout his life, consistently.
When he opened his eyes, Baek Sang-eun was sweeping in the yard, and other times he greeted the morning alone. When he was preparing to go to work, he’d come and give him a cup of coffee from who knows where and snacks like gimbap, then leave.
Probably because he goes to work early, he slept quietly and left quietly out of consideration for me. A fisherman’s life was truly hard. So he could understand to some degree the growling when talking about money. He also thought the young guy was having a hard time.
With a pitying heart, he combed the long hair with his hand. Baek Sang-eun lay obediently with his hands folded on his thick chest.
I should get him married off soon, but who should I give this guy to so it won’t be a waste? Go Seok-jun scanned Baek Sang-eun’s face proudly as if he were his father. Baek Sang-eun, who felt the stinging gaze, twitched his lips then barely opened his mouth.
“Promise.”
Suddenly he even brought out his pinky and forcibly linked it with Go Seok-jun’s pinky. Go Seok-jun without thinking went along with the childish thing Baek Sang-eun was doing. Baek Sang-eun raised the corners of his mouth enough to puff up his cheekbones.
“Sleep well.”
“Okay. You won’t get to sleep many hours. Close your eyes quickly. Go to sleep.”
“Uncle, tell me to sleep well too.”
“Oh dear… When will this one become an adult? Our baby. There’s a police ajussi next to you, so don’t have bad dreams and sleep well, okay?”
He patted his cheek. Go Seok-jun was also drowsy. Baek Sang-eun turned his body half a circle and stuffed his head into Go Seok-jun’s embrace. No matter how much he folded and scrunched, he was a guy who absolutely wouldn’t fit in one embrace.
***
The speaker constantly broadcast discount items. Something about cherry tomatoes, something about green tea-fed pork. Go Seok-jun hummed the mart CM song while pushing the cart. Thirty minutes by car from Misong Port, he’d stopped at a large mart in a nearby city. Still, since it was a city-level area and not a county, it had a large mart and even branded apartment complexes.
Go Seok-jun picked up and put in two packs of cherry tomatoes on sale, pork, and other sale items. Coming to the mart after a long time made his eyes spin. He also bought a ton of imported beer and some side dish ingredients. Pasta noodles and sauce, mushrooms, onions, and bacon—he put in plenty of ingredients to cook meals at home.
Even though he wasn’t particularly skilled, in his late thirties he could make things edible enough. His ex-wife liked pasta more than rice, so he was confident with pasta. Turns out it doesn’t raise blood sugar either, so Go Seok-jun also ate pasta like a staple.
He couldn’t eat out every day. Uncle is living with his nephew anyway (though actually it’s more like the nephew is living with Uncle), so he should cook him something delicious. With that thought, he stuffed the groceries into the car trunk.
He took out his phone for the first time in hours to set the navigation. There were as many as twenty-eight missed calls from Baek Sang-eun.
“What?”
Muttering to himself, Go Seok-jun called Baek Sang-eun. Before he could even hear the ringtone, Baek Sang-eun’s voice was heard.
―Uncle!
“Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?”
―Where are you now? Why aren’t you answering your phone? I called over twenty times.
“The mart. I’m shopping and coming. Do you need anything?”
The panting breath was transmitted as is through the car audio. Go Seok-jun leaned his head against the headrest and waited for Baek Sang-eun’s breathing to settle in a posture with his arms crossed. He craved a cigarette.
―Can you not hang up until you arrive?
“Wait quietly at home, Sang-eun-ssi. Don’t make a fuss.”
