Baek Iseon picked up the side dish he had pointed to with his chopsticks and shoved it into his mouth. His appetite was surprisingly bitter. Damn it, of all things, the side dish had to be bland…. And so his third attempt ended in failure. Today, luck really wasn’t on his side. Baek Iseon forced a smile and pushed the remaining food down his throat.
After dinner, the two decided to watch a movie. It was a comedy film Jang Juwon had wanted to see for a while. Baek Iseon sat on the sofa and naturally placed his hand on Jang Juwon’s shoulder while pretending to stretch. When he sneaked a glance, Jang Juwon had his gaze fixed on the TV screen, quite absorbed in the movie.
Now—if he was letting his guard down now, couldn’t he say it? There were no more photos to drop, no more bland side dishes. Baek Iseon tightened his grip on the hand holding Jang Juwon’s shoulder and pulled him closer.
“Jang Juwon, I lo—”
“Ahahaha! Hyung, did you see that just now? That was really funn—. Hm? What are you doing?”
Jang Juwon asked, pulling his head back slightly. It was because Baek Iseon’s face was so close it seemed like it would touch at any moment.
“…The movie’s funny.”
“Right?!”
At that face laughing brightly as if he knew it, Baek Iseon had no choice but to back down once again. Fuck, what a shitty movie…. It wasn’t funny at all.
As night fell, the two went to bed together as usual. In the dark room, lying in bed, Baek Iseon had a gut feeling that there wasn’t much time left for him. When he turned his body, Jang Juwon’s straight back came into view. Baek Iseon naturally embraced that back.
“Jang Juwon….”
“I don’t want to do more today…. I’m tired….”
That voice murmuring softly was already drifting into sleep.
“No, it’s not that…. Jang Juwon, I lo—”
“We did it during the day too. If you can’t stand it, do it yourself. I’m going to sleep….”
“…….”
Baek Iseon closed his mouth. All day long, he hadn’t been able to say what he wanted to say. And the suspicion he’d dismissed turned into certainty.
He’d actually noticed it a while ago. That Jang Juwon was deliberately cutting him off right now. And only when he was trying to say ‘those words.’ That’s why he kept holding back his words.
But why?
Didn’t he want to hear it? Why? For what reason? Baek Iseon couldn’t understand. Wasn’t Jang Juwon the one who’d said those words first? Naturally, he should receive the same words in return, confirm they felt the same, then share a passionate embrace—and if they were lucky, have sex too—and live happily eating well together…. Wasn’t that the ending to the story everyone hoped for? But he didn’t want to hear him say those words. Why on earth…?
“…Sleep well.”
He didn’t know why Jang Juwon kept trying to deflect, but if that was what he wanted, then Baek Iseon decided to take a step back. So he just hugged that warm back tightly and whispered good night.
Long after his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, Baek Iseon still couldn’t fall asleep. When he shifted his body once, a small rustling sound came out.
“Jang Juwon, you asleep?”
“…….”
He didn’t answer. Baek Iseon listened to the deep, regular breathing and pulled his shoulder into an embrace. While he couldn’t fall asleep like this, the other was sleeping soundly without a care.
“Jang Juwon….”
Since he’d decided to wait, it would probably be the next opportunity for Jang Juwon to hear his words directly. Baek Iseon whispered quietly into his sleeping lover’s ear. Those words he’d been holding back all day.
“I love you. I’ve wanted to say this for a very long time.”
And he kissed his shoulder. Even if he couldn’t hear it, just uttering those words made his chest feel full. Why hadn’t he said he loved him sooner? When he loved him this much. Baek Iseon smiled faintly in satisfaction.
“Hk….”
At that moment, what broke through the deep darkness was, incongruously, a high-pitched breath. Jang Juwon’s shoulders, trapped in Baek Iseon’s embrace, were trembling slightly. Flustered, Baek Iseon lifted his head.
“Jang Juwon? Are you crying?”
“…Ngh.”
“You weren’t asleep?”
“…I am, asleep…. Hk….”
Tears were leaking from his tightly closed eyes. Even in the midst of this, he didn’t give up pretending to be asleep. So Baek Iseon decided to pretend to be fooled by those ridiculous words.
“I see, I see. You’re sleeping.”
“…….”
“Then you can’t hear anything I say, right?”
“…….”
“I love you. Yeah, I love you.”
“…What? What do you love?”
“A sleeping person is talking now.”
“Don’t you know what sleep-talking is? Just answer the question!”
Jang Juwon had now completely given up pretending to be asleep and had turned his body toward him, eyes wide open, staring straight up at him. Moisture filled those eyes. Baek Iseon raised his hand and gently brushed his eyes.
“You. I love you, Jang Juwon.”
“…Ugh. Hngk….”
The tears Baek Iseon had barely wiped away started filling Jang Juwon’s eyes again.
“Why are you crying? Hm? Jang Juwon, what did I do wrong?”
“I don’t know…. Don’t ask me….”
“Okay, if you don’t want to talk about it, don’t. But can’t you at least let me comfort you? Watching you cry is so hard on me.”
As if to prove his words, Baek Iseon buried his face in Jang Juwon’s nape with a pained expression. He felt a hand gently cup his head.
“Don’t lift your head, Baek Iseon.”
“Mm.”
“…Because I’m happy.”
“…What?”
“I cried because I’m happy….”
“What?”
Baek Iseon immediately lifted his head. Wavering black pupils were facing him. The corners of Baek Iseon’s mouth started twitching like crazy.
“I told you not to lift your head….”
“Because, because I said I love you?”
“…….”
“Jang Juwon, hm?”
“Damn it….”
He saw Jang Juwon squeeze his eyes shut and open them again. Baek Iseon knew that was an affirmative answer to his question. Ah, really, what should I do with this kid?
“Did you do it on purpose today?”
“What?”
“You avoided me every time I tried to say I love you.”
“…You knew?”
“How could I not when it was so obvious?”
“…….”
“Why did you do that, hm? When you’re this happy about it.”
Jang Juwon hesitated for a moment, then opened his mouth.
“…In case this happened. In case I ended up crying like this. How embarrassing, fuck….”
“I’m sorry, for saying it so late.”
“At least you know.”
If he’d said it sooner, more often, he wouldn’t have reacted so intensely to these words. Baek Iseon realized that Jang Juwon’s tears were his fault today too.
“I thought you already knew. So I forgot to say it, like an idiot.”
“I know. I was the same way.”
He saw Jang Juwon, who had stopped crying by now, grinning at him. Baek Iseon knew this was the next opportunity to properly return his words to him.
“Jang Juwon, I love you.”
“…Yeah. I love you too, Baek Iseon.”
I love you, Baek Iseon. At those words, Baek Iseon felt an intense pain piercing one side of his chest. He never thought the day would come when his name and the word love would be connected as one. Every moment with him, he was making him into a complete human being. As expected, Jang Juwon was too good for him.
“Jang Juwon, what should I do?”
“Hm? What?”
“I… can’t hold back.”
“…….”
“Really… should I do it alone?”
Baek Iseon looked at his lover with desperate yearning. Jang Juwon hesitated for a moment, then lowered his gaze and muttered quietly.
“Actually, that too… that’s the same for me too.”
After that, neither of them spoke. More precisely, they couldn’t speak. Baek Iseon urgently ravaged inside his mouth as he raised his body. He felt Jang Juwon’s arms wrap around his neck. He wanted to devour him like this and make him entirely his own. There was no room for leisure. Baek Iseon slipped his hand inside his pajama top. As his hand moved higher and higher, the clothes rode up, revealing his white waist. When he brushed down his chest with his palm, a small protrusion caught on it. Baek Iseon didn’t miss it. This time he took the pink, appetizing nipple into his mouth. As he rolled it with his tongue and sucked it up, he felt it immediately harden and rise.
