Ahn Jaeon had nothing to say. Instead, he blinked his large eyes rapidly.
“I’m going.”
Jang Juwon turned his body and turned his back on him. And moved forward.
“I love you.”
A voice mixed with tears was heard from behind. A desperate phrase. Jang Juwon stopped abruptly in place for a moment.
“I guess it’s really over. It doesn’t affect me anymore.”
He didn’t turn around. He didn’t feel even a shred of sympathy anymore. Jang Juwon walked forward again. With this, Jang Juwon completely parted ways with Ahn Jaeon and with himself who couldn’t escape from the past.
**7. The Endless**
For over a week, there was no contact from Baek Iseon. Jang Juwon hadn’t reached out either. At first, he thought about sending a long, detailed message, but quickly gave up. Written words don’t contain emotion. He at least wanted to talk while looking at his face. But he wasn’t sure what to say, or whether Baek Iseon would even listen.
‘Right now, I don’t want to hear what you have to say.’
‘I need time to think.’
Those words kept holding Jang Juwon back. So he couldn’t contact him first. Since they started dating, this was the first time they’d been apart for so long. He missed him.
But Baek Iseon probably didn’t. He would hate him. It was natural. Perhaps, as he said, not seeing each other for a while might be the best option. So he could ease his anger toward him even a little. But how long should he wait? Either way, there was no answer.
“Haah……”
A sigh came out naturally. The more time passed fruitlessly, the greater his anxiety grew, but his thoughts just went in circles. Jang Juwon slumped his body over the lecture room desk.
“It’s been a while, guys.”
A welcome voice was heard from afar. Rolling just his eyes to glance in the direction of the sound, Shin Jisu was approaching with her characteristic relaxed smile. Choi Yeonho, who recognized her, shouted happily.
“Shin Jisu! Hey, stop skipping so much!”
“I’m actually on my way back from getting scolded.”
Shin Jisu smiled awkwardly and squeezed in to sit between Jang Juwon and Choi Yeonho. Choi Yeonho moved his body to the side and made room for her.
“Why’s this one like this again?”
Shin Jisu leaned her back against the backrest and pointed at Jang Juwon with her finger. Her friend was letting out deep sighs as if protesting for someone to notice he had worries.
“I don’t know. Jang Juwon, are you hungry by any chance?”
“Crazy bastard.”
At Choi Yeonho’s question that didn’t feel malicious at all, Jang Juwon was dumbfounded and spat out a word as he sat up. Then Shin Jisu chuckled and casually draped her arms over both their shoulders.
“Guys, were you very lonely because noona was busy dating lately?”
“Not at all.”
“As if.”
“Hahaha! Playing hard to get.”
Shin Jisu shook her head and laughed loudly.
“Should noona give you some advice?”
Suddenly, Shin Jisu lifted her back from the backrest. Her head turned toward where Jang Juwon was sitting. Soon as their eyes met, she narrowed her eyes. That gaze was quite sharp, so Jang Juwon held his breath and listened to her words.
“When there’s a problem in love, the best thing is to talk honestly.”
“Hey, stop saying cringy things.”
Choi Yeonho rubbed his arms as if he was getting goosebumps. However, only Jang Juwon caught her intention. Shin Jisu was talking to me right now.
“You don’t even have a love to have problems with. Who are you teasing right now?”
If there was one problem, it was that the other party had no intention of listening at all. Jang Juwon didn’t dare nod at her words. Then Shin Jisu spoke once more with emphasis at the end of her words. It was almost as if she had read my innermost thoughts.
“If the other person has no intention of listening to me!”
Shin Jisu brought her face close to Jang Juwon. Jang Juwon unconsciously swallowed dry saliva.
“Just go for it. If their eyes are closed, poke their eyes, and if their ears are blocked, shout into their ear holes!”
Her tone seemed playful, but her eyes were quite serious. So Jang Juwon quickly nodded.
“You have to go that far.”
“…Mmm.”
“Love is difficult to begin with.”
Shin Jisu, with a smile on her lips, leaned back against the backrest again and muttered.
“I wish I could at least try that difficult thing.”
Choi Yeonho grumbled. Shin Jisu closed her eyes tightly and lifted the corners of her mouth, smiling as if satisfied. Even though Shin Jisu wasn’t looking, Jang Juwon kept nodding. Her words were right. Just waiting forever was a foolish thing to do. Whatever the result, it was time to confront it directly now.
* * *
He said he needed time to think. So I’d only been waiting, but that ends today too. Jang Juwon recalled once more the words he’d heard from Shin Jisu and picked up his phone. His heart pounded. Still, he firmly pressed the call button. After a few ringtones, the voice he’d wanted to hear so much recited my name all too easily.
“Do you still need time to think?”
– …No.
“Then let’s meet.”
– I’ll come to your place.
“Ah, okay.”
His unexpectedly docile attitude made me scared. If there had still been signs of confusion, saying he needed more time, I would have pushed hard to quell his confusion and anxiety, but he seemed to have already sorted out all his thoughts.
What did Baek Iseon think about during our time apart? Did he ruminate over that day’s events and resent me, or did he regret turning away so easily?
Jang Juwon chewed on his nails. He was anxious because he couldn’t predict what he would say. Whatever it was, today would be the end of it. Whether this stagnant fight or this relationship. Jang Juwon took a deep breath and hurriedly put on his outerwear. Even if this was the last time, I wouldn’t let him go until I’d said everything I wanted to say. At the very least, I couldn’t stand for it to end with him misunderstanding.
Even though I knew there was still time before he arrived, I went outside early and waited for him to come. While waiting for him, I organized in my head the things I wanted to say. I had to speak before him. Before he brought up breaking up, I would convey all the words I’d prepared. With that resolution, I tried to calm my trembling heart.
Soon a familiar figure appeared in the distance. Baek Iseon in light clothing was walking this way. When I confirmed his face and our eyes met, my heart that I’d tried so hard to calm began pounding again.
I didn’t want to wait any longer. Jang Juwon ran straight toward him. Suppressing the desire to be held in his arms, I stood facing him quite resolutely. Baek Iseon raised his eyes slightly as if a bit surprised. And finally, Jang Juwon poured out words like rapid fire.
“Sunbae, I’m sorry for hiding it all this time. I can explain everything. What happened that day was Ahn Jaeon…!”
“It doesn’t matter.”
At that single phrase from Baek Iseon cutting off my words in one stroke, I was at a loss for words. All the words I’d prepared went back down my throat. It doesn’t matter. It was a strong statement that he didn’t want to know anything.
“What…?”
“I said it doesn’t matter anymore, Jang Juwon.”
“What, what does that mean?”
The voice asking back trembled. I thought there would at least be a chance to make excuses. Even if the end was a breakup, I thought I could at least clear up the misunderstanding. But for Baek Iseon, all of these things seemed to have become nothing now.
“Whatever relationship you had with Ahn Jaeon, whether you still have feelings for him or not, none of it matters anymore.”
“Ha!”
It was ridiculous. Those words that it didn’t matter anymore were blatant words that didn’t even need interpretation. Jang Juwon clenched his fists tightly. His body trembled. Son of a bitch, that bastard. How long has it been that his feelings have already cooled. How, how could he so easily… This wasn’t because I kissed Ahn Jaeon. “It doesn’t matter anymore” meant that incident had no value to him, and that was probably because it wasn’t love.
“How, how could you…”
His voice choked and the words didn’t come out to the end. I wanted to curse him out and beat him up, but I couldn’t do that because it would be admitting it was really the end. My breathing quickened. How could he be so cruel?
Unlike Jang Juwon, whose body was trembling with excitement, Baek Iseon looked very calm. He carefully wrapped Jang Juwon’s tightly clenched fist with his large palm. And he too let out the words he’d been holding back.
“I like you, Jang Juwon.”
Jang Juwon’s head snapped up. Just now, I think I heard words that don’t fit this moment at all. I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he joking right now? Was he playing with me again?
“What did you just say…”
“I said I like you.”
Jang Juwon felt the strength slowly draining from his tightly clenched fist. At the same time, he felt his well-formed fingers digging through the gaps between my loosened fingers. It was annoyingly warm.
“Are you messing with me right now…?”
“No.”
