Friday afternoon, Jang Juwon was sitting alone, monopolizing a wide lecture hall desk. This was decidedly not a desired situation. Jang Juwon looked at his phone once more.
Shin Jisu
This noona is taking a personal day off today too ^^
Choi Yeonho
Me too… I have an upset stomach so I can’t go out ㅠㅠ
Wow you guys really killed the loyalty
Fuck, what great friendships you’ve got. Shin Jisu being out of her mind because she’s dating was one thing, but even Choi Yeonho. And of all times, during this lab session on Friday. No, it was probably because it was Friday. Jang Juwon nervously shoved his phone into his pocket and chewed on his lips.
Trying to conduct an experiment that generally required four people sticking together was indeed not easy alone. In any case, they were friends who were no help at all.
As Jang Juwon kept fumbling, the professor glanced toward Jang Juwon. He probably looked pitiful struggling alone. The professor made eye contact with Ahn Jaeon, and Ahn Jaeon nodded as if he’d been waiting. Thanks to that, Jang Juwon ended up receiving unwanted favor.
“Juwon-ah, I’ll help you.”
“I can do it alone. You don’t have to help.”
“Don’t be so wary. If I just leave, the professor will think it’s strange. I’ll help you.”
“I’m really okay though…”
Jang Juwon himself knew very well that the experiment was currently being conducted in a complete mess. In his head, a quality report and his pride began to fight. And that was completely decided with a single phrase from Ahn Jaeon.
“…You, everything’s completely wrong right now.”
“Ah.”
Ahn Jaeon, who had been glancing at my report out of the corner of his eye, said. Damn it. In embarrassment, I scratched out the numbers I’d written down with my pen. Ahn Jaeon casually pulled out new paper and placed it on top. It seemed I’d gotten it incredibly wrong.
I should have done well alone. Goddamn group lab. If I’d known this would happen, I should have gotten the report from Baek Iseon in advance. I wanted to accomplish it without his help as much as possible. But who would have known that two friends would betray me at the same time.
With Ahn Jaeon’s help, the experiment caught a tailwind again. He wasn’t too detailed, nor too sloppy. He appropriately engaged and disengaged, helping Jang Juwon obtain the correct values. He didn’t forget to occasionally go around the lecture hall taking care of other groups.
He was certainly clever and sincere. He interfered with me just enough to be helpful, but not so much that the students in other groups or the professor would take issue. Jang Juwon thought he hadn’t changed at all. Because I used to like that about him.
The experiment concluded smoothly. Students were leaving the lecture hall one by one, submitting their reports in turn. Jang Juwon was also standing in front of the desk, looking over the numbers one last time to submit his share of the report. Even until then, Ahn Jaeon hadn’t left his seat. He was looking at my report under review with slightly furrowed eyebrows. I wish he’d leave now, but surely something else isn’t wrong? Jang Juwon unconsciously read his mood. Thanks to that, their eyes met, and Ahn Jaeon seemed to interpret it as a sign for help.
“Juwon-ah. Don’t leave, wait a moment. I’ll review it with you.”
“No, you don’t have to go that far…”
However, Ahn Jaeon was already walking toward the professor to get permission before I could finish speaking. Jang Juwon hoped the professor would say no. I’d already received enough help. Any more help might be unfair. But the professor smiled kindly and nodded, then soon left. Ah, this is bad. No, the grade isn’t bad but… Anyway, something seemed to have gone wrong.
Having gotten the professor’s permission, Ahn Jaeon showed me a gentle eye smile. It seemed like he was saying, Don’t worry, it worked out well. The problem was that Jang Juwon’s worry wasn’t about that.
I didn’t want to be left alone with just Ahn Jaeon. It wasn’t that I disliked him. The feelings of resentment had already turned to pity long ago. I was just afraid. Afraid that he would say he loved me again. Afraid that he would say he’d give up something else in his life for me. If the things he kept giving up for me continued to increase, then…
“Why are you standing? Sit down.”
“Uh, yeah. Okay.”
Jang Juwon hesitated and sat in his seat. Ahn Jaeon naturally sat next to him. He rolled his pen and bowed his head to look at the report. Because Jang Juwon had placed the report in front of me, their shoulders brushed with a rustling sound.
“Ah, this part is wrong.”
“Yes…”
He seemed fine. With his gaze fixed on the report, he pointed out the wrong numbers one by one. Jang Juwon wondered if this was okay as his report gradually became perfect. Excessive help clearly different from during class time. But it was hard to stop Ahn Jaeon because copying Baek Iseon’s report and submitting it didn’t seem that different.
“…Juwon-ah. So here…”
“Yes.”
“The flow characteristic classification is wrong.”
“Ah.”
“It’s laminar flow, right? After calculating the flow rate first…”
“Yes.”
“Record the temperature we measured earlier again…”
“Yes, I did.”
“I like you.”
“Yes… What?”
Tok. The pen fell from my hand. The moment I’d been afraid of had arrived. Ahn Jaeon’s gaze was still fixed on the report.
“…Really not possible?”
“Yes. It’s not possible.”
The silent him raised his head and looked to the side. The eyes that met were holding moisture. Jang Juwon closed his eyes tightly and opened them. Before and now still, he was making me struggle. Just like that time in the past, one corner of my chest stung.
“…Why, why Baek Iseon of all people?”
“I don’t want to hear that.”
Jang Juwon furrowed his brow slightly. This was already the second person to ask why it had to be Baek Iseon. Choi Yeonho too, why does everyone only talk badly about him?
“Has Baek Iseon, has he ever told you he loves you?”
“…That’s, hyung, it’s not your business…”
There was no confidence at the end of his words. It took quite a long time to even hear him say he liked me. Because Baek Iseon wasn’t someone accustomed to giving and receiving this kind of affection. Still, there had been a lot of progress during that time. So I just needed to teach him little by little from beside him. He wanted to have his affection confirmed, and Jang Juwon was also gradually gaining confidence now. But I’d never heard or said the words “I love you.”
“Are you really confident that he truly likes you?”
“……Of course.”
“As much as when you were with me?”
He was at a loss for words. As much as when he was with Ahn Jaeon. Certainly, he had poured infinite affection onto him and knew how to express it.
“No one loves you more than I do.”
So perhaps those words might be true. And at the same time, it was also Jang Juwon’s weakness. But what mattered wasn’t who loved him more.
“……It doesn’t matter. Because he’s the person I like.”
What mattered was only his own heart. Who the person in his heart was right now. That fact alone was enough for Jang Juwon to know.
“That kind of person will only hurt you.”
“Ha!”
Ahn Jaeon’s words made Jang Juwon laugh.
“That’s not something you should say, hyung.”
Jang Juwon lifted the corners of his mouth and did his best to sneer at him. Even if it wasn’t intentional, even if he had made a greater sacrifice than himself, the wounds he had given didn’t become nothing.
“Juwon-ah!”
Ahn Jaeon urgently grabbed both of Jang Juwon’s arms. The desperation he felt from his fingertips was somehow laughable.
“Ahn Jaeon, don’t touch my body carelessly.”
“……I don’t want to.”
“Let go. I have to go.”
“I can’t let go!”
“I said I have to go now!”
“……Did you arrange to meet Baek Iseon?”
“Yes. So let go now.”
He thought he didn’t care anymore what happened to the report or anything. Jang Juwon wanted to leave this uncomfortable place immediately.
If he was too late, he would worry. The person he loved now, even if he didn’t give as much love as the man before his eyes.
“Juwon-ah.”
“Hyung, stop now……”
“I said back then that I didn’t have the courage to protect you.”
Jang Juwon felt strength enter Ahn Jaeon’s hands gripping both his arms. The desperate eyes had already changed to determination, and that gave Jang Juwon a not-so-good premonition.
“Not anymore.”
“……”
“I threw everything away for you. And if it’s for you……”
“I…… I never wanted that……”
“I don’t care even if you come to resent me.”
Ahn Jaeon pulled him in strongly. Before he could react, the moment Jang Juwon’s body was caught in Ahn Jaeon’s embrace, their lips touched. And before he could push him away, the voice of the person he least wanted to hear at this moment was heard from behind.
