The place Ahn Jaeon ostentatiously took them to was a Chinese restaurant they used to frequent during their dating days. Since it was a fairly expensive restaurant, Choi Yeonho’s lips stretched from ear to ear. Without even asking, Ahn Jaeon ordered the course menu and high-proof baijiu. The largest size.
And by the time the last dish appeared, Choi Yeonho was already passed out with his head on the table. In front of Choi Yeonho sat a glass half-filled with baijiu. Jang Juwon frowned as he looked at the now-empty bottle.
“…I’ll take Choi Yeonho and get going now.”
“Wait. Please, let’s talk.”
Ahn Jaeon grabbed Choi Yeonho’s shoulder. He’d taken him hostage so Jang Juwon couldn’t leave with him.
“Haa… Make it quick.”
Jang Juwon stretched out his legs and slouched against the backrest. He wanted to express with his whole body that he had no interest in what he had to say. Especially that face—he really couldn’t stand looking at it. That face had ruined everything. That damn handsome face of his.
“I… I’ve thought about you a lot during this time.”
“…”
“What about you? Did you… think about me?”
There had been times. After breaking up with him, it took Jang Juwon over half a year to be okay again. Even that was only because he’d seen Baek Huiseon’s interview—otherwise he probably would’ve wandered for much longer. It wasn’t because his love for him had been so great. It was because it took a long time to piece back together the heart he’d shattered. What Jang Juwon had felt for Ahn Jaeon wasn’t just love for a partner. He was the first person Juwon had relied on and trusted. And Ahn Jaeon had destroyed all of that with a single sentence. So returning to his previous state was far too difficult for Jang Juwon.
To face those memories again now, after having already endured so much time and pain—
“Fuck, how shameless.”
Jang Juwon blankly stared at the light fixture on the ceiling. The red lampshade swayed back and forth, its light rippling.
“Juwon-ah… Are you still angry?”
“Hyung isn’t worth getting angry over. And I haven’t thought about hyung once during this time.”
“Juwon-ah, you weren’t like this before! Everyone says so. They say you’ve changed.”
Jang Juwon’s gaze, which had been aimlessly directed at the ceiling, turned sharply to face forward.
“Did you go around asking about me?”
“…Sorry. I was curious, how you were doing.”
“Don’t be curious.”
“…”
“Can I leave now?”
The question wasn’t a question. It was a notice. Ahn Jaeon desperately grabbed hold of him.
“…Just one thing!”
“…”
“Just let me ask one thing.”
“…What is it?”
“…Are you seeing anyone?”
Ahn Jaeon bit his lip and flushed. His gaze, which had been fixed on Jang Juwon, finally dropped to his feet. Jang Juwon didn’t answer right away. A little time passed. Ahn Jaeon patiently waited for the silence to break. And soon he was able to get the answer he wanted.
“…No.”
“Then…!”
Bzzt, bzzt. It was the vibration of a phone. Jang Juwon’s phone was vibrating. He glanced at his phone once, then shoved it back into his pocket.
“Answer it.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“…Who is it?”
“Spam.”
“Ah.”
Ah. Ahn Jaeon answered that way, but he could tell at once that it wasn’t some spam call. Jang Juwon’s strangely furrowed brows and anxious body language showed as much. Ahn Jaeon wanted to know who was calling.
Soon the vibration stopped, and this time there were several short vibrations. It seemed the person who’d called was now sending texts. Jang Juwon shot up from his seat.
“I really have to go now.”
“Who just called you?”
“I told you, it’s spam.”
“No it’s not.”
“Hyung!”
Ahn Jaeon wanted to snatch his phone right then and check it, but he also knew now was the time to back off. If he wanted too much at once, he’d likely mess things up. Slowly, just like he had two years ago—very slowly, he needed to approach him.
“…Okay, go ahead.”
Before the words were even finished, Jang Juwon hoisted his friend onto his shoulder and groaned as he left the room. Ahn Jaeon downed the remaining liquor in his glass. His throat felt like it was burning.
* * *
Baek Iseon, who answered Jang Juwon’s call, went to pick him up at the location he’d given. A strong smell of alcohol wafted from Jang Juwon’s body. Judging by Choi Yeonho being completely wasted and out of it, the two seemed to have gone somewhere and drunk heavily.
“Give him here.”
“Okay.”
After cramming Choi Yeonho into the back seat, he started the car. Tonight was Friday evening. Baek Iseon was a bit excited. This was their first weekend since they’d started dating.
“You’re going to stay with me all night tonight, right?”
“Ah…”
However, his lover sitting in the passenger seat didn’t look too pleased.
“Do you have something going on?”
“Well…”
“Then it can’t be helped.”
He glanced at his expression. He was resting his slightly flushed cheek—red from the alcohol—in his hand. His red lips hesitated, twitching as he struggled to answer.
“There’s nothing wrong, is there?”
“It’s not like that.”
Unlike before, the answer came out immediately. This meant he wasn’t going to tell him even if asked. He’d been like this last time too. No matter what happened, he never spoke up first. In the end, Baek Iseon had to find out what happened through his friend. It was a little unpleasant. Instead of his earlier excitement, a faint anxiety settled in.
The traffic light turned red. Baek Iseon reached out and cupped his lover’s cheek. Then he lightly kissed him.
“S-sunbae. Choi Yeonho’s in the back…!”
“Ah, right.”
His lover’s flustered reaction, cheeks reddening as he panicked, was adorable. And that sight reassured him. You do like me. You still like me. So it’s okay.
* * *
Jang Juwon splashed cold water on his face. Water droplets scattered across the sink, revealing his reflection in the mirror. He looked pretty pathetic.
‘Are you seeing anyone?’
‘No.’
He’d lied. He had no choice. If he found out he was seeing someone, he’d suspect every man who spoke to him. And if he ever saw him with Baek Iseon, he’d immediately figure out who his lover was. And if Ahn Jaeon harbored any malice…
“Haaa…”
Being blackmailed once was enough. He didn’t have the confidence to endure it twice. Besides, this time it wasn’t just him. His lover was involved. Jang Juwon pressed his still-wet hand to his forehead. He felt dizzy. It seemed like he’d need to keep some distance from Baek Iseon for a while.
* * *
‘Fuck… I thought he was a grad student…’
Jang Juwon kept unexpectedly running into Ahn Jaeon. When he was alone, it was still somewhat okay. The problem was Baek Iseon. On days he came to campus, they usually ate lunch together, but he was going crazy with anxiety, not knowing when he might run into Ahn Jaeon. He didn’t want to make him go through the same anxiety he’d experienced during the first semester.
So he postponed their plans several times. His heart ached at the disappointed tone in his voice, but he thought this was for the best. They could meet anytime outside campus anyway. They were lovers now.
And on the third day of repeatedly postponing lunch plans with him, Jang Juwon once again unilaterally sent a text canceling their appointment, making up an excuse about a nonexistent group project.
Sunbae, I’m sorry. I’ll come see you at dinner instead.
No reply came.
“Haaa…”
He’d lost his appetite. So instead of eating lunch, he sat in the café on the first floor of the Engineering building to catch his breath for a moment. He planned to kill time during his free period by studying here. Jang Juwon fiddled with the condensation-beaded cup containing iced tea. How did things turn out like this? Why… did he suddenly come back?
‘Your name is Juwon, was it?’
‘Yes, sunbae-nim.’
‘Just call me hyung comfortably.’
‘Okay, hyung.’
‘You’re really cute-looking.’
