In truth, that’s right. Seok Iseo was nothing without money. If he hadn’t been his aunt’s son, he would never have met him. Rather, Taeju should have been the one sneering at Seok Iseo for asking such a question. ‘Did you think you were something else?’
“Yeon Taeju.”
He called his name. It was a call with the end stretching down long. Rather than powerless, it was a voice without confidence.
“Of course. What sincerity would you have for me?”
Unlike his voice, Iseo’s eyes were sharply slicing him. For a moment, Taeju’s eyes wavered.
Strength left the hands gripping his shoulders and the edge of his lips trembled. Suddenly he thought that he might have bitten his own lips. It seemed like he, who had woken up first in the morning, had wounded him with sharp teeth.
“Couldn’t you act even this far? You did well, like lovers. You should have done it to the end.”
Cold derision filled his face completely. Seeing that face, his lips stung more. Seok Iseo reproached him while looking down clearly as if seeing his own palm.
He couldn’t stand it. Taeju wanted to deny anything. Whether his words or Seok Iseo himself. Absurdly, what Taeju felt toward Iseo was a sense of betrayal.
“Why should I?”
“What?”
Taeju released his hands gripping Iseo’s shoulders. He straightened his waist. The distance between himself and Iseo leaning against the door increased a bit more.
“I’ve gotten everything I can get here. If you won’t come with me, there’s no need to say such things.”
Iseo’s mouth corners that had curved up stiffened. Taeju felt no thrill at having drawn a crack from him. Even though he had deliberately chosen words that could provoke him.
Taeju finally clearly knew what he had been hoping for from him.
It was the sight of Seok Iseo unable to part from him, clinging to his pant leg. Then he would command him to follow with his broad magnanimity. Iseo would gratefully follow even that with the joy of being able to be with someone he liked.
All expectations were off the mark. This wasn’t simply a matter of money. It was something more intimate. It was a matter of pride and, going further, about the superiority of emotions.
“They keep telling me to come back here. I find that laughable. When there’s nothing I want, why would I?”
Taeju’s tongue sharpened a bit more. It wasn’t difficult. Taeju finds the other person’s vital spot too easily. It’s like an innate talent. But right now it wasn’t very pleasant.
His pure white face seemed to gouge out his eyeballs. It seemed to hurt and also seemed cumbersome.
“You’re the one who should come find me, hyung. When you miss me. You like me.”
Taeju tried to give a farewell kiss while pretending to be relaxed. The moment their faces drew close, Iseo’s face blurred. A face both familiar and unfamiliar. As if about to cry but resolute.
After stirring him up this arbitrarily, he made such a face as if nothing had happened. When he had excluded all other possibilities for his comfort.
Taeju turned his back just like that. He strode up the stairs. Thud thud, the stairs rang. He chewed his lower lip. The wound that had been continuously crushed by his tongue and soaked in saliva must have opened again. The fishy taste of blood was in his mouth.
Taeju, who flung open his room door loudly, immediately tore open his suitcase. His face turned red and blue as if he wasn’t leaving voluntarily but being kicked out.
“Fuck. This is fucking like a dog, really.”
He threw belongings into the suitcase as they were. Clothes flew around haphazardly, making fierce wind sounds.
His anger exploded now. Why act that way? So what? Isn’t it not difficult? After doing so well until now, did some nonexistent moral conscience suddenly appear?
In the first place, it was Seok Iseo who made the proposal first. He just responded to it. And since it was regrettable to end it like this, let’s do more…
Crash!
At Taeju’s rough kick, one nightstand leg broke and the lamp and miscellaneous things tumbled to the floor.
“Ah, fuck! It fucking hurts.”
Taeju gripped his foot tightly and flopped down on the bed. All kinds of curses poured out. Taeju sat grinding for a long time. He wanted to storm out of this house right away, but whether it was anger or irritation, it was hard to get his wits about him because of the emotions bursting out.
After roughly spewing curses for a long time, Taeju finally stood up abruptly as if he’d made up his mind. He didn’t even glance at the remaining belongings he hadn’t fully packed. He immediately closed the suitcase and roughly pulled it.
In fact, packing the suitcase was also for show. It meant he was leaving without leaving anything behind. In truth, his inner feelings were just wanting to throw away everything left here and get in the car right away.
The suitcase, twice as light as when he came, dangled from Taeju’s hand. Coming down the stairs with thuds again, Seok Iseo was still standing there. At the far end of the hallway opposite the stairs, deep inside.
Taeju looked at him. Iseo was also looking at him.
“Oh my, Taeju student… you’re leaving? I prepared lunch, at least take that with you.”
The employee who had been nowhere to be seen when he was fighting with Iseo appeared. Taeju withdrew his gaze from Iseo and looked down at the woman below his chest.
“Huh? So suddenly…”
Whether she had heard the fighting or not, her complexion was ashen. It wasn’t his concern. Taeju rubbed the mucous membrane inside his mouth in circles, thinking about what to say.
Then he just turned away from Iseo. There was nothing more to say.
“Yeon Taeju!”
Smoothly, Taeju’s head turned. Seok Iseo still stood at the shadowed end. This time he rubbed his torn lower lip with his tongue. Why did he call? To come, or to go?
“I said I’ll wait.”
He wasn’t sure if those words reached Iseo. Taeju immediately opened the door and left that house. Iseo didn’t call him anymore either. The moment he shoved the suitcase into the car and sat in the driver’s seat, an empty laugh burst out.
He had thought that when he left that house, after taking care of everything, he would feel light and refreshed. He had expected that afterward he would be with Seok Iseo. Both were off the mark.
Starting the engine, Taeju looked left and right. Would Seok Iseo really follow him out here?
Even after a long time with the engine running, Seok Iseo didn’t come out. He slowly turned the steering wheel and changed gears. The rectangular box where Seok Iseo lived was quiet.
Seok Iseo wasn’t visible until the car slowly entered the downhill road. Was he watching him disappear through the glass window? Or was he still hiding deep in the hallway? That thought continued until Taeju got on the highway and arrived at his own home.
—
**06**
It was the last semester of his fourth year. Classes consisted of only one 2-credit liberal arts course and one retaken major course. When he clustered the classes on Thursday, his weekly schedule became leisurely.
Even though the opening week ended last week, the school was bustling chaotically. Taeju frowned and hoisted up the bag slung over his shoulder once more.
“Yeon Taeju, that face of yours.”
Kang Suhyeon, one of the friends from the trip that received Seok Iseo’s jealousy, picked a fight as soon as he saw him.
“Where did you come from?”
Taeju asked as if spitting, frowning as much as possible at the scorching sunlight. His expression wasn’t the problem. He was dying from not wanting to come to school anyway. These days Taeju couldn’t properly focus on anything. Even playing wasn’t as exciting as before.
He thought maybe it was because he was getting older, but thinking about how he had played just fine until earlier this year, that was wrong.
“I had a class at the business school. Gotta eat.”
Taeju nodded roughly while checking his phone. There was nothing much besides useless SNS notifications. Taeju clicked his tongue softly as if the contact he was waiting for hadn’t come.
“Let’s go, what are you eating?”
“Let’s just go to the cafeteria.”
“Fuck, what cafeteria? Are you a goat? Eating paper.”
Taeju got angry while shoving his phone into his back pocket. Suhyeon’s eyes widened then distorted fiercely. Having suddenly received curses, he lowered the arm that had been around Taeju’s shoulder and smacked his back repeatedly.
“Then cross the whole school by yourself to find something fucking delicious.”
Hearing it, it made sense. To get from the Culture Hall where he had class to a proper restaurant district, he’d have to go back up a long way from here. Rather than going up to the main gate to eat, it might be better to just grab something at the cafeteria.
“It’s annoying when I run into people I know.”
“Fuck off, damn. Now no one gives a shit about an ancient Gojoseon like you.”
Even at Kang Suhyeon’s words paying back equally with curses, Taeju wasn’t particularly affected. Meeting people he knew and having to greet them and whatnot was more annoying. Last Thursday when he came, just walking around near school, he’d run into a junior he knew.
“Someone like me has to take in a fossil fuel like you, who else…”
Kang Suhyeon seemed unaware that he was also a fossil fuel. Former student council presidents from the student affairs department who were well-regarded regardless of senior-junior relationships sometimes forgot their status.
While swatting away his arm that had settled on his shoulder again, Taeju changed direction and turned his steps toward the Student Union building.
“Get your arm down, bastard.”
Wherever he went, Taeju’s head towered above. Since he had a noticeable face, being focused on was natural. Suhyeon, who was as tall as Taeju, glanced at Taeju while standing in the payment line. He tapped his phone screen to check if there were any new contacts.
“Do you only have classes on Thursdays?”
