Jukyung seemed somehow flustered. Of course it was a subject he’d be flustered about, but wasn’t this why he came all the way here—to talk about this?
The strength left the hand holding mine. When I pulled my hand slightly, it came out without difficulty. Was he really just letting go? I felt a bit disappointed as the warmth disappeared.
“Well, as you probably know by now, I’m an Omega, so obviously yesterday wasn’t when I manifested.”
“……”
Jukyung closed his mouth. It seemed like he was looking at me, but this time I was the one who avoided his gaze. I was also nervous about what kind of reaction he’d show to my story.
“Um… it’s not like I hid it on purpose.”
I scratched my cheek.
“Actually, I had an incomplete manifestation. When puberty was approaching and there were no signs of manifestation, relatives started gossiping… Father sent me to Leroy because he hated that. Honestly, since there was no real difference from being a Beta, it was more comfortable to just live like a Beta at Leroy. I didn’t want Alphas swarming around me just because I said I was an Omega, and I didn’t want the incomplete manifestation story getting out there either… Actually, Betas look at you kind of strangely if you say you’re an Alpha or Omega.”
As I continued speaking, my voice gradually faded. I don’t know why I felt like I’d done something very wrong. Since Jukyung kept his mouth shut and just listened silently, I felt oddly uneasy in various ways, wondering what he was thinking.
“Then around graduation I did fully manifest… but it was kind of awkward to suddenly tell people who knew me as a Beta that I was an Omega…. Not telling you was an extension of that. It’s not so much that I was trying to hide it from you specifically.”
“Graduation… time?”
“Yeah, actually at the graduation party I suddenly manifested and it caused chaos, but during that first heat my memory completely blanked out… No, well, never mind about that story.”
I coughed awkwardly. No matter what, I couldn’t tell the person I liked that I had a one-night stand during my first heat. I’m a more sensible human being than Kwon Jukyung, after all.
When I glanced up to steal a look at Jukyung, our eyes met immediately. Jukyung’s mouth was open, looking somewhat surprised and somewhat blank.
What was that strange expression I’d never seen before? I didn’t know Kwon Jukyung could make that face.
“Kwon Jukyung?”
“Huh?”
“What’s with that face? Are you listening, or are you thinking about something else?”
Kwon Jukyung’s expression suddenly hardened. As if he’d never been surprised at all.
“No, what do you mean thinking about something else? I was listening.”
Ah, I should have just left it alone. That dazed expression was cuter.
“So what,”
Jukyung cleared his throat.
“You’re saying your memory completely blanked out during your first heat?”
“Yeah… what about you? Do you remember everything?”
The first heat story was really awkward. To divert the topic toward Kwon Jukyung, I desperately turned the question back.
“I… remember everything.”
Jukyung answered but his brow furrowed deeply. He really did remember.
“Then you remember all the perverted things you did yesterday too?”
Let’s not forget that offense is the best defense.
“Perverted things… what did I do?”
Jukyung slyly averted his gaze.
“Unbelievable.”
I was genuinely incredulous. I forgot what I was supposed to keep asking and glared at Jukyung with wide eyes.
“Is that really your sexual preference or something?”
I can accommodate it sometimes but not all the time. I thought with slight internal conflict. So if it’s only during rut I could accommodate it, but if it’s all the time too, that would be a bit difficult.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Come to think of it, I don’t really remember that well either.”
Jukyung belatedly made excuses.
Shameless bastard.
Looking at his expression, he clearly remembers everything. So was that why he thought I was angry? Because of the weird things he did last night? Well, I mean… I was a bit surprised, but was it something to get angry about? I didn’t dislike it that much… and considering Jukyung was half out of his mind because of rut…. Honestly it was kind of novel. And since it was in Kwon Jukyung’s shell, in its own way….
I shook my head as I felt my face about to flush.
“Next time you be the one tied up. Then I’ll be generous enough to understand and let it slide.”
“Next time….”
Jukyung murmured.
“So you’re okay with me being an Alpha? You don’t mind?”
I couldn’t tell if it was a monologue or a murmur.
“Whether it’s okay or not, is that even an issue? Alpha, Beta, Omega—there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s not a matter of choice.”
“…Then you’ll keep sleeping with me from now on?”
This time Jukyung looked at me and asked in a clear voice.
Ah, it’s Kwon Jukyung-ssi who’s obsessed with sex, of course. Was that what you were worried about?
Was that why you sent stalker-like texts and came all the way here at this hour?
Somehow something inside me deflated with a hiss.
“Yeah, well, if that’s so….”
I was answering somewhat irritably when I stopped. I remembered. The reason Jukyung and I fought and Jukyung ran out of his house. And what I’d been thinking I should say to him if I met him before Jukyung’s rut.
Confess and lay it all out, and if he was going to reject me, let’s get clearly rejected and end it—hadn’t I been thinking that? Now that I’d even confirmed Seo Jehyun’s existence, I didn’t want to drag this out pathetically any longer.
But.
I swallowed hard.
Watching this series of actions—Jukyung chasing after me as if obsessed, asking in a soothing way if I was angry, putting my cold hand inside his clothes to warm it, asking if we’d keep sleeping together next time—made me feel too regretful to end it here. My lingering attachment stretched out like a lump of cheese melted by heat. Anyway, right now it’s me by his side, not Seo Jehyun. He’s treating me like a real lover.
I looked at Jukyung. As if waiting for an answer, Jukyung was looking at me with somehow desperate eyes. I let out a bitter smile. It was a face that made me want to ask if sex was that desperately important to him. Or maybe it was just an expression created by my own heart hoping for that. At least desperately wanting sex was something. It was a dim night with faint light anyway.
The face with deepened shadows under the streetlight was still my type. A sleek face with sharp features and a somehow cold feeling. I’d also come to know the other sides inside that shell that had seemed only cold, prickly, and arrogant. The various Kwon Jukyungs who were also hotter, more perverted, more boyish, and more affectionate. Now I think I like those various sides even more than the shell.
I like Kwon Jukyung.
I like him so much my heart throbs.
If liking him hurts this much, wouldn’t it be okay to call it love?
As I stared blankly, Jukyung suddenly came closer. He leaned forward, cupped my cheek, and quietly kissed me.
“Huh?”
A dazed sound leaked from my mouth.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Hm?”
Jukyung was looking into my eyes from close up.
“You had the face of someone who wanted to kiss.”
My face heated up involuntarily.
“What nonsense, so suddenly.”
I pulled my head back and rebuked him, but my cheeks and neck were already heating up. I desperately thought he wouldn’t notice in the dark, but seeing Jukyung’s lips curl up, it seemed I’d already been caught.
“Want to go home together?”
Still holding my cheek to fix my gaze on him, Jukyung said.
“Home? You mean your house?”
When I asked, a bit dumbfounded, Jukyung smiled slightly again.
“Yeah. Our home.”
“Our” home. My mind short-circuits again. Does he mean “our” as in “the two of us” or is it just the characteristic Korean language habit of attaching “our” to everything? In this situation, even though I said “your house,” he said “our home,” so it must be….
No, is that too much wishful interpretation on my part?
“B-but I’m at our house right now… I mean here….”
“Then should we go somewhere secluded?”
“What?”
This bastard, so right now he’s….
Just as I realized the hidden meaning behind Kwon Jukyung’s words about going back to his house together and got fired up—
Tap tap.
Someone knocked on the car window from outside.
I was startled. I really thought my heart would jump out. It’s not that I’m good with horror and thought a ghost appeared. I’d completely forgotten, but this was right in front of my house’s gate.
