Like a wary beast, I glanced furtively at Jukyung in the room while meticulously lowering the blinds to completely cover the window. Only then did I relax and crouch down in the bathroom. A groaning sound automatically leaked out from the stiff pain.
I rubbed my face and scratched my head while sighing. From being classmates who barely knew each other’s faces to creditor and debtor, benefactor and freeloader, landlord and tenant, and now we’d become close enough to roll around in bed together. We weren’t even dating, so what was the point of this? I’d lived a fairly decent life, but since manifesting, I’d been filming a complete makjang drama.
When I finally came out after washing in a gloomy mood, Jukyung went in like a baton touch. The funny thing was that after a moment, the guy opened the blinds I’d carefully closed. My eyes widened. What the hell is he doing? Did this bastard originally have exhibitionism? Is he asking me to watch him shower? Even though we rolled around all night yesterday, isn’t this being too familiar?
As I stood there staring with my mouth agape in a surprised face, Jukyung began showering with his naked body as if it was nothing. Our eyes met briefly a few times, and somehow I felt like he was monitoring me—was I being too sensitive?
I shook my head and forcibly tore my gaze away. Of course, it was true that even viewing with a clear mind, he was an excellent subject. Honestly speaking, I wanted like crazy to openly look and engrave it in my eyes, then transfer it to a sculpture later. A body that’s pretty just to look at becomes even more beautiful when it receives sunlight, lighting, or water streams, as the shadows and curves become vivid.
But staring openly felt like I’d be satisfying the guy’s perverted exhibitionism, which strangely didn’t appeal to me. No, the fact that it didn’t feel so bad made me feel worse because it seemed like I was becoming a pervert too.
I turned my back to the bathroom, dried my hair with a towel, and approached the mirror hanging on one side of the room. Seeing my reflection in the mirror made me sigh first. Swollen eyes were the least of it. That would subside in half a day. But what about my red, swollen lips and the congestion marks on my nape?
Even if I let slide the bite marks on my body that would be covered by clothes, what about my swollen, angry nipples? They looked like they’d hurt if rubbed by clothes, and thin clothes wouldn’t seem to cover them. It could get quite hot at midday—what if I carelessly took off my jacket?
Surging with irritation, I whipped my head around to glare at Kwon Jukyung in the bathroom. But then our eyes met again, so I slightly turned my head and moved toward the closet pretending to look for clothes. While pulling together my creaking body and putting on clothes, waiting briefly for Jukyung to come out, my thoughts continued endlessly without breaking.
Let’s say I wasn’t quite in my right mind because of heat, but why did Kwon Jukyung also fall over so easily? Wasn’t he even the one who kissed first? He wouldn’t know I’m an omega, so it’s between two beta men… Even if I seduced him first, why would a beta man who dated women well fall for it? What a ridiculous guy, that one.
He couldn’t have noticed I’m an omega, right? Betas can’t sense pheromones, so even if I accidentally leaked some last night, he wouldn’t have noticed. He probably just thought I got excited while drunk. If there’s a difference from a beta man, it’s that my back gets wet on its own, but Jukyung couldn’t know that. Plus, by the time Jukyung put his hand on my back, everything front and back was already a mess from what flowed from the front…
Even just thinking alone, my face somehow reddened. I felt like I’d become an incredibly messy, lewd person.
Well, normally, unless you have experience with both beta and omega men, wouldn’t you not know the difference well? I’d never heard rumors of Kwon Jukyung dating a man. But wait.
Come to think of it, that bastard seemed quite skilled at holding me yesterday. Does he actually have experience? Is he originally a guy who likes men? Then did he notice something different?
“……”
Thinking alone brought no answers. Should I ask? Do you like men? Is the person you have a crush on by any chance a man? But what right do I have to ask? We suddenly got swept up and slept together yesterday, but I didn’t ask him to date.
Recalling the fact that Kwon Jukyung liked someone specific, my mood somehow sank coolly. But why me? We’re both adults anyway, and as long as it’s not adultery, what does it matter who likes whom or who sleeps with whom? It’s not like Kwon Jukyung cheated on me while dating that person.
Even thinking that, my mood strangely worsened.
While Jukyung washed up, dried his hair, and prepared to leave, I kept avoiding eye contact with Jukyung due to various awkward feelings.
“Let’s eat first, and since we came all the way here, let’s look around the arboretum too. Or… do you want to go straight home? How’s your body?”
What made me awkward included Jukyung’s annoyingly soft attitude. It was needlessly awkward and embarrassing. Isn’t he treating me like a date partner, and not a man but a woman at that? I bluntly brushed off Jukyung’s hand grabbing my elbow.
“I’m fine. If you want to see the arboretum, let’s go. So it doesn’t feel like you came all this way for nothing.”
“…Okay. Let’s do that.”
I flinched a bit at the brief pause before his answer. Was he angry? But the following tone was still calm, and I couldn’t gauge his mood since I wasn’t looking at Jukyung’s face.
After that, neither Jukyung nor I had much to say. I quietly ate lunch at a Korean set meal restaurant with wild vegetables and bulgogi that Jukyung led us to, then headed to the arboretum.
Since it was an autumn weekend, perfect for outings, the arboretum was naturally crowded. Families together, lovers together, friends together. Watching them laugh happily, chatter, and take photos, I suddenly became curious. What exactly are we? What would we look like to people? Brothers? Friends? Lovers? None seemed right. We actually weren’t any of those either. Whatever we were, standing side by side just looking at different places, it was certain we wouldn’t look close enough to have come out to play alone together.
We wandered through field paths carpeted with cosmos and forest paths with autumn leaves while keeping silent amidst the commotion. When our bodies occasionally bumped from being pushed by the crowd or our hands swayed and touched, we flinched in surprise and created distance. I suddenly thought that if anyone saw us now, no one could imagine how we looked last night. A laugh leaked out from the absurdity.
“Why?”
Jukyung glanced over. I covered my mouth, flustered.
“No. Just.”
“Should we go back?”
When Jukyung brought it up, I realized this suggestion came quite late. Both Jukyung and I had just been reluctantly swept along in the crowd, drifting, and neither of us liked crowded places. We weren’t the type to endure doing things we didn’t want to out of consideration for the other person. But why.
I didn’t know Jukyung’s mind, but at least I didn’t mind just being here together with Jukyung. The funny thing was that I realized this fact only after hearing Jukyung’s suggestion to go back. Though the atmosphere became awkward from yesterday’s incident, I still liked being together. I wanted to stay together longer in a place like this with good sunlight, good air, and good scenery.
What kind of feeling is this exactly? Am I feeling lonely or something?
Maybe so. I’d left home and my close friends were far away in foreign countries. I played well alone, but I also had a personality that enjoyed hanging out with people. For me, having become a person with only Kwon Jukyung as someone I could call close on Korean soil—wasn’t that plausible?
“Come here.”
As I stood staring blankly with no intention of answering, about to be swept away by people, Jukyung pulled me. I obediently followed since there was no reason to resist, but my mood became a bit strange. The body heat transmitted through the thin clothes felt hot. I thought I was just missing people, but still, since we’d done things that only dating couples would do, I couldn’t help being conscious of our skin touching. Feeling like my face would redden, I became needlessly troubled.
The place Jukyung led me to was a forest path with few people. As the noise heard from the roadside grew distant and signs of people around also disappeared, Jukyung stopped walking and sat me on a nearby wooden bench. Then with a serious face, he crossed his arms and sat astride the fence next to me.
“Are you regretting what happened yesterday?”
And abruptly, Jukyung directly brought up yesterday’s events. My eyes widened as I looked at Jukyung. His usual cold expression had returned.
“Did you get swept up and sleep with me, then come to your senses and feel bad?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“What do you mean what am I talking about? Your attitude right now is exactly like that. You won’t even try to look at my face, and you avoid eye contact when our eyes meet. You’re blatantly showing you feel bad. Was I that terrible? Or is it originally your style to wag your tail sweetly when you’re desperate, then treat me like chewed gum once you’re done?”
As he spoke, Jukyung’s expression gradually hardened coldly. I just stood there with my mouth agape in bewilderment at the bombs Jukyung unexpectedly poured out. Wag my tail when desperate? Treat him like chewed gum? What is he talking about?
“That’s why I asked if you’d regret it, if you were okay sleeping with me. After that, what the hell is this behavior? Am I that laughable to you?”
“Wait, no. That’s not it. Why would you think that?”
“Why would I think that!”
Jukyung exploded.
“You keep your mouth completely shut and barely say one word reluctantly when asked, and you brush me off as soon as I touch you like I’m some kind of bug. After doing that, you ask why I’d think that? You really…”
“W-wait. It’s not like that. It’s not that—I’m just embarrassed!”
I frantically waved my arms.
“What?”
This time Jukyung made an expression like he’d heard an answer he never expected.
“I mean, aren’t you bothered at all? Until yesterday we were just friends… or a similar relationship, right? No, maybe a bit worse than that. Anyway, we had an ambiguous relationship that was hard to even call friends, and then suddenly we… did that, so… I’m so embarrassed and ashamed to look at your face…”
Jukyung’s face twisted subtly. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but I was desperate to clear up the immediate misunderstanding.
“I’m embarrassed and awkward… I’m like this, but I don’t really understand why you slept with me either, and my head is complicated in many ways—it’s not at all that yesterday… that… I hated it or it was bad or anything like that.”
When the thought occurred that Kwon Jukyung’s crush might be a man, I honestly felt bad. Maybe because I thought I might be… a substitute. But we’re not in a relationship to talk about such things, are we? And honestly, we’re not actually dating, so whether I’m someone’s substitute or not, how important is that really?
“And honestly, I don’t understand why you’re getting this angry.”
“Ha…”
