Jukyung’s face no longer had any trace of a smile, nor the leisurely gaze observing my expression. The flushed eye corners and slightly parted red lips caught my attention. Panting with rough breaths, he moved his hips fiercely. At the violent thrusting movements, I unknowingly pushed my body up as if escaping.
But even escaping meant just on the bed, and as if that small distance was bothersome, Jukyung immediately grabbed and pulled down my waist or pelvis. Then he pounded in even stronger and deeper as if punishing. My vision flashed and I gradually became confused.
“Hnngh…”
At the moment I thought I couldn’t do it anymore and would faint, Jukyung strongly squeezed the hand holding my penis. Unknowingly, strength entered my whole body. It was a natural progression that my inner walls tightened so I couldn’t breathe. Jukyung collapsed on top of me while breathing heavily. Inside my body, the flesh like a living creature sputtered and spat out thick liquid. Only when the bodily fluids filling my body were leaking outside did Jukyung release the strength from the hand gripping my penis.
“Hnngh…”
While my penis spat liquid and dirtied Jukyung’s stomach, Jukyung found a small protrusion on my heaving chest and swallowed it. He wrapped it with his tongue, licked and pressed it, then gathered his lips to strongly suck it up. My sensitive body that hadn’t escaped the afterglow of ejaculation flinched crazily even at that level of sensation.
While catching my ragged breath, I embraced Jukyung’s head clinging to my chest. Does sex originally make you feel the other person lovingly like this? Like someone afraid Jukyung who’d made me exhausted would separate from my body, I wrapped Jukyung’s body tightly with both legs and arms.
It was a winter night. Though only weak heating was running, the young bodies that had continued moving in a heated state right after showering were covered in sweat. But strangely, I didn’t want to remove this sweaty sticky body from my embrace. A full feeling of happiness was filling my body, so it felt like the moment Jukyung separated, even that happiness would disappear.
Jukyung removed his lips from my chest and raised his head. Just as I was about to feel disappointed thinking he was going to separate, Jukyung pulled his body up, grabbed my cheeks with both hands and kissed me. Everything was moist. The sheets wet with water and bodily fluids, the not-quite-dry hair, the skin soaked with sweat. Even the eyes looking at me and the tongue and lips stuck together.
Everything was damp but my mood alone was fluffy. Soft and light and sweet. It felt like riding a cloud. Though Jukyung pressing down on me was heavy, I didn’t want to tell him to move. Even that weight was lovely. I embraced Jukyung lying on top of me and smiled a bit with our lips pressed together. Perhaps I fell asleep in that state.
***
The realization that I’m beyond saving as a human being always comes the day after something happens. The repetition of recognizing unfamiliar interior design, recalling where I am, and then retracing what happened the night before. At this point, it could be called an incurable disease.
Jukyung’s friends must be sleeping in some other room, so what the hell did I do!
Having woken up alone in a room that was brightly lit even with the curtains drawn, I writhed in self-loathing. I could no longer say that it was the heat, not alcohol, that was the problem every time I caused trouble. I had never once caused an incident because of alcohol before, but from the moment I graduated from university, what the hell is all this? Omega hormones are clearly a dangerous substance. Why do things that never happened once in 23 years of living keep happening frequently after my first heat!
I could say the bathroom incident was because I was drunk, but I thought I’d sobered up when we returned to the room, but apparently not. I definitely must have made noise, but I had no sense of how loud it was. Did they notice? They must have noticed, right?
Even if they thought we were dating, it would be embarrassing, but to think we’re just friends and then hear those sounds—how absurd would that be? Moreover, Jukyung is a beta, and to be in that kind of relationship with a man… It wouldn’t be a situation easily accepted.
I buried my head under the pillow and groaned in agony. I could just run away to Seoul today and never see them again, but Jukyung said they’ve been close friends since childhood… What the hell is he going to do?
Ah, seriously, Kwon Jukyung. If I can’t get my head straight, you should at least keep yours. Did that bastard drink a lot yesterday too? If I come at you, you should stop me, but if you go wild too, then what are we supposed to do?
“You’re awake? Why are you doing that?”
I hadn’t even heard the door open, but suddenly Jukyung’s voice rang out. When I bolted upright and turned around, there stood Jukyung, cleanly washed and even changed into fresh clothes.
“Your face is red. Does your head hurt? What’s wrong?”
Jukyung looked at me with a puzzled expression and reached out to touch my forehead.
“It does seem a bit warm… Do you have a fever? Or is it just because you just woke up?”
Jukyung tilted his head, comparing the temperature of his forehead with mine. No, why is this bastard so calm? Could it be… his friends didn’t notice at all?
“Ya, Kwon Jukyung.”
I grabbed and pulled down Jukyung’s wrist, calling him in a low voice. At my serious tone, Jukyung’s eyebrow lifted slightly. I pulled Jukyung’s arm to sit him on the bed and asked in a whisper.
“Your friends?”
“The guys? They left a while ago. They’re probably snowboarding. Why?”
“No, well….”
Now that I thought about it, while drinking yesterday, I think we said we’d all go snowboarding together this morning. Since Jukyung and I had to leave for Seoul today without being too late, we’d decided to wake up early and play together out of regret.
But we ended up oversleeping like this. Well, at least I don’t have to worry about running into them right away. I was letting out a sigh of relief inwardly when Jukyung watched me and twisted the corner of his mouth slightly, as if thinking something.
“Why do you care about them? Are you disappointed you can’t play with them?”
No, I am disappointed but also feel like it’s fortunate, something like that… I hesitated a bit, then decided to just ask what was bothering me.
“Ya, did your friends maybe… say anything?”
“Say what about what.”
“I mean… yesterday we… you know….”
“What, that we had sex?”
It wasn’t wrong, but hearing it said so openly in broad daylight in someone else’s house made me flinch. Though I’m in no position to say that, having done everything we did last night.
“Y-yeah. Did they maybe notice or anything….”
“What now. That’s what you were worried about? Ya, drink this and go wash up. Doesn’t your stomach hurt?”
Only then did I notice what Jukyung had brought. It was a chilled beverage.
“What is this.”
“Pear, honey, and crushed ice. Drink it.”
Oh, my attention was immediately drawn to it, but I just took the glass and pulled myself together again.
“No, wait.”
I grabbed Jukyung again as he was about to leave.
“So your friends….”
“Don’t know.”
“Don’t know?”
“Yeah. Don’t know.”
“So you’re saying your friends don’t know what we did yesterday?”
“No.”
Jukyung’s voice sounded somehow cold.
“I’m saying I don’t know whether they noticed or not. So what if they did? Does that bother you? Whether we’re dating or not, whether we slept together or not, what does it have to do with them?”
“……”
I was momentarily at a loss for words. Right. Kwon Jukyung was this kind of person. He wasn’t the type to agonize over this kind of thing with his head in his hands like me. But even if Jukyung’s words were rationally correct, the problem is that human psychology and relationships don’t work purely on rationality.
“Whether they know or not doesn’t matter, but seeing as they didn’t say anything, they probably don’t know. No need to worry. We didn’t even leave the window open, and the soundproofing here isn’t that bad. Don’t worry about useless things and go wash up. Let’s eat.”
I stared at Jukyung’s retreating figure with my mouth slightly open. It wasn’t even a hotel but a private residence, so how good could the soundproofing really be, but I truly envied this guy’s steel mindset that dismissed this as a useless worry.
Though I did sigh, since the person who should be most worried had no thoughts about it at all like that, me worrying about it felt completely foolish. I gulped down the drink Jukyung had left behind in one go and shuddered at the coldness. My head rang with a zing and it felt like my sleepiness and hangover all flew away in an instant. Even the worries that had been binding me.
After clutching my head and rolling around on the bed for a while, I staggered into the bathroom. The muscle pain and dull ache that come the day after excessive sex had now become a familiar pain to me. Damn it. As I entered the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I remembered we’d had round one here first yesterday. Thinking about what happened yesterday made my face flush for no reason.
“Ahhh.”
When I deliberately made a sound, the echo was quite significant. The worries that had briefly subsided tried to revive. How loud did I scream yesterday? I didn’t think I was the type to make loud noises normally, but now that I was faced with this situation, I lost confidence. Should I record myself and measure the decibels of my moans?
“……”
I’m losing my mind too.
To shake off the absurd thought, I vigorously shook my head and quickly took a shower in lukewarm water before coming out.
After changing clothes and going to the dining room, Jukyung was preparing breakfast. No, it was too late to call it breakfast, so it was more accurate to call it lunch. The time was pointing to almost 11 o’clock.
“Eat.”
