It would have probably taken much longer for even that fear to become dulled. If I hadn’t met Kwon Jukyung, I might have soon passed that point and become a complete homeless person, or perhaps I would have chosen to go home, unable to endure any longer. Honestly speaking, I wasn’t in a situation where I’d completely cut off the bridge back home. In fact, that too was part of my anxiety—what if I gave up and returned to Father’s shadow and accepted a doll-like life?
Now, at least, I’d become able to escape from that kind of anxiety.
It’s true that the landlord bastard with his perverted cleanliness obsession and compulsions sometimes says irritating things that make me feel humiliated and uncomfortable.
But honestly, how many people in this day and age would let a stranger they barely know stay, feed them, and clothe them just because they’re former classmates? If it were me, I would have been fairly well-off so I might have given them some money, but I would never have continued that relationship for long. Unless it was a close friend I’d known for a long time, who would take someone into their home and keep them close, not knowing what kind of person they are or what they might do in a desperate state?
Of course, Kwon Jukyung knows I’m a rich family’s son and probably has the naive expectation that he’ll be able to get compensation later, believing that I’ll go home. If he’s hoping for a hefty reward for taking care of a rich young master, I’m sorry, but I had absolutely no intention of going home.
The time I spent wandering away from home made me feel anxiety and fear, but it also simultaneously awakened my yearning for absolute freedom. The freedom to live without being touched or coerced by anyone. At least if I just knew a bit more about how the world works, even though it would be somewhat inconvenient, I’d learned that I could get by even without Father’s money.
Once I found a job, I would pay back the money I owed Jukyung cleanly and this time properly become independent. I wouldn’t be able to get a place like this right away, but at first, a small, clean space where I alone could lie down would be enough. They say housing prices are much cheaper if you go to the provinces, so at least that would be less burdensome. If I couldn’t afford a sofa, I could just spread a thin blanket on the wooden floor and lie down. Even there, the sky visible through the window would be equally blue.
I closed my eyes and let out a truly happy sigh now. When I became truly happy and free, then I would contact Father at least once. I wanted to tell him that I could live this happily and well without Father’s money, without living the life Father dictated. I didn’t know whether Father would acknowledge that kind of life of mine or not.
***
At the sound of the ding-dong doorbell, I opened my eyes with a start. It seemed I’d dozed off at some point. I walked unsteadily to the entrance with steps swaying from not being fully awake.
“Just a moment.”
I called out first, then hesitated in front of the unfamiliar door lock before coming to my senses and unlocking it. At the open door stood the landlord Jukyung, as expected. Now that I saw his face, I wondered why he didn’t enter the password and bothered to ring the bell, but of course I didn’t bother to say it out loud. I was at least more socially adept than Kwon Jukyung.
“You’re here?”
I greeted him warmly—strangely, I really was glad to see him—and stepped aside to let Jukyung enter. But Jukyung didn’t come in right away and looked intently at my face. It was an odd expression. As if seeing something unfamiliar or seeing something fascinating.
“What’s wrong, aren’t you coming in?”
When I asked with a tilt of my head, Jukyung suddenly lowered his gaze. His ears were red. Was it too hot outside? Did he run here? What would he have to run for? As I stared at him, Jukyung smoothly entered with an expressionless face.
“Were you sleeping?”
“Huh? Yeah.”
Was it obvious? Embarrassed, I rubbed my face.
“Not your face, your hair. Are you a kid? It’s all sticking up like this.”
Jukyung’s large hand suddenly approached and pressed down on the back of my head. With unnecessarily strong force, not just my head but my body that had been relaxed swayed.
Ah, why is this bastard showing off his strength for no reason?
I glared at him, but Jukyung had already removed his hand from me and was walking away with his back turned, taking big strides. Looking at his broad, firm shoulders and back without any excess fat, I thought anew that the suit looked both manly and elegantly becoming on him.
Lucky you with that nice body.
I was muttering like cursing behind his back when the guy suddenly turned around, so I hastily shut my mouth. Damn. I almost bit my tongue.
“You haven’t eaten dinner, right?”
Of course I haven’t. It’s still a long time until dinner…
I checked the clock on the wall and flinched in surprise. It was already past 7 o’clock. Because it was summer and still light out, I hadn’t realized so much time had passed. I thought I’d only closed my eyes briefly, but it seemed I’d been asleep for two hours.
“Here.”
Jukyung held out the shopping bag he was holding to me as I followed behind.
“What’s this?”
“Dinner. Put it on the table. No, wait.”
Jukyung pulled back the shopping bag he was about to hand over. His frowning gaze looked at my awkwardly extended hand, then scanned me from head to toe.
“What, you haven’t washed yet?”
His expression of disgust was blatantly obvious. I knew it. I scratched my cheek with an awkward feeling.
“Ah… I was going to wash up but I ended up falling asleep.”
Jukyung clicked his tongue.
“Go wash up.”
“…Okay.”
I obediently went into the bathroom without a word. It wasn’t just because I noticed the logo of a famous Japanese restaurant engraved on the shopping bag’s surface. I was going to wash up anyway. If you go out and come back, it’s natural to wash before eating. It really was for that reason.
If I came out too quickly, it was obvious he’d nag that I didn’t wash properly, so I took sufficient care washing my body and even dried my hair. When I changed into the t-shirt and shorts Jukyung lent me and went outside, the landlord was still washing up, so the living room was empty.
I looked into the shopping bag placed on the coffee table. Sure enough, the restaurant’s characteristic packaging materials filled the bag. An “ooh” of admiration burst out naturally. A high-class fragrance wafted even from the packaging. It would be sushi or sashimi. Come to think of it, it seemed like quite a while since I’d eaten this too.
Should I set up the food on the coffee table or the dining table? I pondered for a moment. Yesterday, Jukyung had set up porridge on the coffee table for me so I ate sitting on the floor, but honestly I couldn’t imagine Kwon Jukyung sitting like that. I moved the paper bag onto the island table in front of the kitchen and began taking out the food.
I took out the boxes one by one and carefully opened them. As expected, it was sushi. And premium-sized assorted sushi at that. There was also soup, salad, and large fried shrimp. Just looking at it, the crispy tempura gave off its distinctive rich aroma. My mouth fell open naturally at the generous feeling.
I placed the boxes with food in the center and set out plates, soup bowls, utensils, and such. Then I sat in a chair, wiggling my fingers and toes, anxiously waiting for Jukyung. I somehow felt like a dog waiting for its owner’s permission with food in front of it.
I was just gulping down my saliva when Jukyung finally appeared with wet hair. He was wearing gray sweatpants and walking over while just threading his arms through a white t-shirt. I swallowed hard. Momentarily, the sushi that had been completely occupying my consciousness until then disappeared from my brain. My nerves were entirely focused on Kwon Jukyung’s bare body.
I’d sufficiently anticipated from just his clothed appearance that his body would be beautiful, but it was more wonderful than I thought. Most importantly, his skeletal structure was well-formed and straight, and the sleek muscles attached to it were so well-defined they seemed perfect. Straight shoulders and collarbones, firm chest with elasticity, slender waist without excess fat, stomach with firmly built muscles. The iliac bones positioned beautifully above his loosely worn pants prominently caught my eye.
At this point, lest I be considered a pervert drooling over a man’s bare body, to make an excuse that’s not really an excuse—while it’s true I’m interested, I’m not interested in a strange sense. I’ve been interested in beautiful human bodies regardless of gender from long ago. Though it’s a childhood dream that’s already passed, I was once so absorbed in Rodin’s sculptures that I dreamed of becoming a sculptor like him.
Especially since lines are important, above all the skeletal structure had to be well-defined. Lines from forehead to nose, jaw and neck, shoulders and collarbones, lines from waist to pelvis, the straight spine, things like that. And muscles had to be attached elastically to bring out those lines as well as possible.
Until now I thought women’s soft, curvaceous bodies were more beautiful than men’s, but Kwon Jukyung’s body definitely had masculine yet beautiful lines and volume that made me want to carve it as a sculpture at least once.
Smooth marble would be good. I wanted to produce it in a classical style, exactly full life-size. Not just the studio—since I only did it for a few years as a child and stopped, with my current skills it would be absolutely impossible. If I couldn’t sculpt, I wanted to at least draw it as a figure drawing. That’s how perfectly his physique matched my taste, from face to body type, as a subject.
But then, would that prickly bastard agree if I asked him to be a model?
“What are you looking at?”
At the somewhat sharp voice, I realized I’d been staring intently at Jukyung’s body to the point of being rude. Jukyung, who had already covered his upper body with the shirt, approached from the side and looked down at me with a glare. Was it hot right after showering? He was fanning his flushed face with his hand.
“Oh, nothing.”
After hesitating a bit, I decided to just be honest. It’s a compliment, a compliment. Better than fumbling around and being misunderstood as looking in a strange way.
“I was just thinking you have a nice body.”
“Huh?”
“Can I draw you sometime?”
“Huh huh?”
Jukyung made a very flustered sound. Why is he so flustered? It’s not like he didn’t know his body was good. Things like proportions are innate, but to grow lean muscles that look this good, you have to manage them with some degree of attention. Plus, with that level, there’s no way people around him didn’t compliment him. Even now, honestly, didn’t you come out half-dressed on purpose to show off?
