He barely managed to lower his head and look down at his trembling hands. Fingertips pale white like a corpse and wrists ragged with blue bruises engraved on them. Though they were shabbily hidden inside a cheap padded jacket, the bite marks left by men who’d bitten him all night like crazy people would surely be all over his neck and chin too. His red eyes clotted with tear stains and his body that had lost weight miserably from not eating properly. He absolutely didn’t want to show this shabby appearance to him, even if he died.
The fact that he was desperately caring for the child that he was taking time to look after as if doing charity. That he had burned like a blazing fire to brighten the child, and he had become lonely ash… he absolutely didn’t want to let him know at this point when he was trying to make a new start.
At that thought, his trembling legs suddenly dropped with a thud. He had to run away. That was the only thought in his head. Lee Jeong backed away from Yoonkyung like a completely terrified person. He saw Yoonkyung’s surprised face asking why he was like this. But with his head constantly transmitting only one thought, he couldn’t do any proper thinking.
I have to run away. I have to run away. Not now, not now. Not now…
As if under a spell, his legs moved. Lee Jeong frantically grabbed the emergency stairwell door handle, turned it, and escaped into the stairs. Yoonkyung didn’t even have a chance to catch him. There wasn’t even a gap to ask Lee Jeong, who was hurriedly running away as if he’d seen a ghost, why he was like this.
He ran. Leaving behind the child he cherished like life itself with Yoonkyung, he just ran like a crazy person. His body that had been creaking from being tormented all night moved unbelievably fast. He ran down to the first floor, gasping with breath caught up to his chin. Lee Jeong, who had escaped the apartment, didn’t stop and ran with all his strength outside the complex.
He didn’t have the confidence to see him right now. He didn’t want to meet him now, who was facing the most brilliant and leisurely time. The encounter with Wookyung that he’d wanted to avoid was right before his eyes without any preparation. That fact made Lee Jeong lose his rationality enough to leave even his child behind and come out.
He was suddenly frightened. At the fact that he had to show Wookyung his miserable appearance working as a prostitute. At the expression he would make the moment he learned that the child he had been ‘helping’ out of goodwill like charity was actually his own child. At the fact that to him, who was trying to make a fresh start by marrying someone new, he and his child would be perceived as obstacles.
‘No. No…’
He felt like his lungs would tear from lack of breath. Because he’d never run this fast normally, even the leg muscles and pelvis and shin bones he didn’t usually use hurt. However, Lee Jeong didn’t stop running. He ran until he tasted metal in his mouth and arrived across from the bus stop where he’d gotten off earlier. Lee Jeong hurriedly got on a bus that was just coming in. He was going back to the place where he’d been exploited by men all night.
He was bound to Yeodan anyway. Even if he couldn’t escape Yeodanhwa, so even in the worst case if he encountered him coming as a customer to Yeodanhwa, he wanted to hide at least the fact that he was raising Dokyung.
Dokyung. Our Dokyung… is still there.
‘…What do I do.’
The realization that he’d irresponsibly run away leaving Dokyung behind at Yoonkyung’s work time rushed in like a tide and struck Lee Jeong’s chest. Lee Jeong covered his face with both hands while sitting on the bus seat. He felt like he would collapse under the rushing guilt and heaviness. He felt like tears would come out, suddenly missing Dokyung terribly, who would innocently call for him and look for him.
‘Dokyung-ah… I’m sorry. Yoonkyung-ssi… I’m sorry…’
No matter how much he wanted to avoid Wookyung, this wasn’t right. This… really wasn’t right. At the very least, he should make sure Yoonkyung going to work wasn’t inconvenienced. Lee Jeong hurriedly took out his phone. There were two missed calls from Yoonkyung. After hesitating for a moment, Lee Jeong sent a message.
[Yoonkyung-ssi, I’m so sorry for coming out like that without any explanation earlier. I’m truly, truly sorry, but just for today… could you drop Dokyung off at daycare on your way to work? I’m so sorry for making such a shameless request. I’ll explain everything later.]
After sending the message, Lee Jeong squeezed his eyes shut. A long sigh burst from inside, clouding the window with fog. At the vibration that soon rang with a buzz, Lee Jeong immediately checked the message.
[Okay. I’ll take Dokyung straight to daycare. Don’t worry about Dokyung and take care of your business well, Lee Jeong-ssi. But Lee Jeong-ssi, is something wrong? I was a bit worried because your face was so pale white earlier.]
Even at this moment, she was this endlessly kind person. Recalling the debt he could never repay, Lee Jeong clenched his fists until they turned white. The kindness he only received from this grateful person was also… over now. With trembling hands, Lee Jeong sent a final reply and put his phone in his pocket.
[I’m fine. I’m sorry. And thank you so much. This kindness, someday… I will definitely repay it.]
Right after sending the text, a call immediately came from Yoonkyung, but he didn’t answer. The phone that vibrated buzz, buzz several times soon quieted down. Sighing several times and forcibly fixing his gaze beyond the fogged glass window, before he knew it the bus had stopped at the stop near Yeodanhwa.
When he got off the bus, cold wind hit his face. Walking with heavy steps into the Yeodanhwa building, he suddenly remembered Dokyung’s voice calling from inside.
‘Appaaa.’
No, thinking about it, that wasn’t a voice calling for him. If Dokyung had known Lee Jeong had arrived, he would have immediately run out to him. And he would have clung to him insisting on being held.
The one he’d been calling “appa” in a whining, petulant way wasn’t him but Wookyung.
‘Our Dokyung is so smart… recognizing his own father.’
At that thought, tears streamed down. A hollow laugh burst out and he chuckled a few times. Foolishly, and emptily laughing alone, Lee Jeong wiped his tears with his hand.
The child who called a strange man “appa” without knowing he was his real father, and the man who bestowed generosity with a magnanimous heart without knowing he was his child. It was hard to gauge which of the two was more pitiful.
‘…Let’s stop.’
It was a useless thought. He was someone who would soon marry. There was nothing to gain from him learning he had a child.
Because he was a kind person, he would surely be distressed. Even if it was true that he had abandoned him at that time, he didn’t think he would have been so easily comfortable afterward. Because he was a person with a lot of affection. Perhaps for a few months after breaking up with him, he was a little distressed. No, even if not that much, wouldn’t he have shed at least a few tears? If the feelings he’d whispered to him before were truly sincere, that is.
But even if they were sincere, that would have been it. In any case, because he had circumstances, he wouldn’t have looked for him. Or perhaps he didn’t particularly want to look for him… and maybe he never intended to look for him from the beginning. He still had no way of knowing his heart that hadn’t looked for him after abandoning him at that time.
However, the one who remained had to live on anyway. So even if his heart toward him had been sincere, he would now try to bury him in his heart. That’s why he would have made the decision to shake him off completely and meet someone new to make a new start.
He really didn’t want to see his expression of being at a loss and distressed, learning about him and Dokyung now, at the timing when he was trying to forget everything and make a new start. He didn’t want to forcibly insert himself and his child into a heart that had already erased him.
Even if he had to live through the painful reality alone, to him, Lee Jeong wanted to remain just as someone he once loved. Rather than a shabby person of reality who thrust responsibility at him, he’d rather remain as a passionate love of the past.
‘I can… do it.’
Wasn’t it a child he’d been raising alone all this time anyway? Hadn’t he been doing well without him all this time anyway?
Thinking that, he tried to steady his staggering steps. His footsteps entering inside Yeodanhwa were like a ghost’s. Seeing Lee Jeong reappear with his shoulders drooping weakly, the manager who was in the middle of wrapping up business widened her eyes and shouted.
“Oh my, isn’t that Lee Jeong-ssi? Why did you come back? Did you forget something?”
[Manager-nim.]
Lee Jeong, who walked up to the manager and took out his notebook, hesitated for a moment.
“What is it? What is it that you’re like this? Write it down.”
Watching the manager with round eyes waiting for him to write in the notebook, Lee Jeong brought the pen to the notebook with difficulty.
[Well, I… was wondering if I could ask to get an advance of a few million won. And I… wanted to ask if I could take just today and tomorrow, two days off.]
“An advance? What are you suddenly talking about? Lee Jeong-ssi, is something wrong?”
[Well…]
In the situation of having to make two difficult requests, his hand wouldn’t move easily. However, having nearly encountered Wookyung, and having decided to live in a reality without him, he had to gather courage. The pen that had paused briefly brushed across the paper again.
[I have circumstances where I need to leave my child with a different sitter instead of the current one… and for that I need money… and I need to meet a new sitter too.]
It was the moment the manager was about to open her mouth with a surprised face. Along with the sound of the door opening, the manager, who glanced toward the door, hurriedly bowed at the waist.
“Oh my, President-nim! Welcome. What brings you at this hour…”
“Ah, Manager Kim. Have you been well?”
The face of the man in his early fifties smiling sluggishly was familiar from seeing him a few times. It was President Jeong, the head of Yeodan. The moment he recalled the man’s identity, he felt his fingertips grow cold. It was because the contents of that Beta man’s threats from last time flashed through his mind.
He had been a bit insincere when receiving Wookyung as a customer due to the shock of meeting him recently. About that, that Beta man had gotten furiously angry.
‘Are you really not going to do this properly, Lee Jeong-ssi? Did you forget everything I said last time?’
Even so, surely… the head of an organization wouldn’t come all the way here with men just to punish one prostitute working at an establishment. Thinking that, Lee Jeong clenched his fists tightly, trying to calm his pounding heart.
“President-nim! First I’ll serve you tea. Please come in here and sit…”
The manager also seemed quite flustered by his unannounced visit, even as she hurriedly greeted him. However, President Jeong waved his hand dismissively as if annoyed and dropped a bombshell question.
