It wasn’t that he was shocked that Wookyung was alive. He couldn’t believe his appearance and attitude carrying a prostitute up to the second floor as if it were natural. The way he so casually tried to buy someone with money to satisfy his desires—that person really didn’t seem like the person he’d known.
Who was the you I knew?
Choi Wookyung, did I even know you at all?
“Ahh… huk… aah, heu…”
Tears flowed down ceaselessly, wetting his cheeks, his neck. If he’d been unlucky, he might have ended up entering his room.
Laughing merrily with people dressed in fine suits, crossing his legs with an arrogant expression like all the customers who visit this place, watching as he entered the room. With an expression wondering what kind of plaything would please him today?
And the moment their eyes met, he would look up at him with an expression of disbelief. What would he think when the omega he’d briefly been intimate with before stood before him with an emaciated body clad in a single shabby shirt?
What emotion would the fact that he had been disgustingly receiving men at this place, still tenaciously maintaining his life, bring to him? Would he think it was unfortunate? Would he think tonight of all nights when he visited this place was a mistake, that he shouldn’t have come? Would he think things had become troublesomely complicated?
…No, would he even care about me enough to think that way in the first place?
‘You’re… really okay now, without me. Enough to want to… hold someone else too.’
Tears streamed down from his closed eyes, painfully wetting his heart.
However, the nightmare that made Lee Jeong more miserable in the midst of all this was something else.
‘…Haa… it can’t be.’
The fact that the smell wafting from him as he leisurely carried Min and disappeared was the sandalwood scent clearly engraved in his mind.
The smell flowing from his body was heavily pooled in the air. Even among alpha customers, there weren’t many who exuded pheromones with such thick concentration. And it was also a smell he’d encountered several times at Yoonkyung’s house. As a manifested person, there was no way not to know. But he’d rather not have known.
His head was blank. With the world being this wide and people being this numerous, he couldn’t believe why he was caught between people who shouldn’t have been entangled. If he could speak, he wanted to scream and demand why, why of all people it had to be you.
How far do you plan to make me miserable? Why of all people are you that kind person who like an angel willingly gave time and money and heart for Dokyung? Why of all people are you the biological older brother of Yoonkyung, my lifelong benefactor? Why of all people are you… that person who’s even planning to get married now?
Why. Why. Why. Why on earth. If you abandoned me and disappeared, you should have lived quietly somewhere out of sight, why…
“Ahuk, heu, heuung, uak, aaaak…!”
Lee Jeong writhed and clawed at his chest in the empty room. He grabbed and tore off the thin shirt draped over his thin body like gauze to seduce men. He tore apart everything he could get his hands on. Even after that, having no way to release the resentment lodged in his chest, he clawed at his tender chest with his nails and struck it with his fists.
A wound more severe and larger than any wound left by any cannibal began to be carved into Lee Jeong’s body. Even as his fingernail tips were stained red and thick fresh blood flowed down to his thighs, soaking them, his anguished writhing didn’t know how to stop.
“Aaaak! Uuh, aaaah!”
His body pitched forward as if a dry branch had snapped and broken. Convulsing in bright red blood and tears, Lee Jeong cried. No matter how much he poured out the lava-like rage boiling in his chest, red pain continued to surge from within. No matter how much he cried making beast-like sounds, no matter how much he clawed and tore as if to dig out the resentment lodged in his chest entirely, the hatred toward him showed no sign of subsiding.
Betrayal, emptiness, and hatred. Black, seething emotions were raging through Lee Jeong’s inner self to a piercing degree. As if they would eventually devour even Lee Jeong entirely.
*
“So, did you happen to meet that omega again?”
He was in the middle of counseling with that dominant alpha man who had visited again around the time the prescribed medicine ran out. The man said the previous medicine had been quite effective and smiled, slightly pulling up the corner of his mouth where the scar was. Quite satisfied with the clearly much more advanced rapport formation than at the beginning, Hyunjin pleasantly placed his clasped hands on the chart.
The man slowly nodded his head.
“…I did meet him again.”
“Oh, that’s welcome news. How has your sleep been since then?”
“Mm…”
His gaze turned not toward Hyunjin but toward somewhere far away. The gaze that had been briefly cast obliquely onto the desk was staring at the window behind Hyunjin where sunlight was pouring in. He’d deliberately chosen a room with good lighting as his examination room to create a bright and comfortable atmosphere. Abundant sunlight would synthesize serotonin in the body and be mentally helpful. Even if it was only temporary for patients who came for counseling.
“It wasn’t enough exposure to pheromones to get sufficient sleep like last time. Just…”
“Yes. Please speak comfortably.”
“…I was surprised that he was in a closer place than I thought.”
“Oh, then you’ll be able to meet often from now on.”
At Hyunjin’s friendly encouragement, the man smiled slightly but shook his head firmly.
“No. That probably… won’t happen.”
Fuck, again. Acting aloof all by himself again.
His previously good mood began to slowly draw a downward curve. Hyunjin tried to revive the smile that was growing coldly, but it was futile. Both corners of his mouth were about to tremble.
Tap, tap, tap.
Without letting the patient notice, he took a deep breath and tapped the chart with his finger.
It’s okay. It’s okay. That bastard in front of me is nothing. He’s just a beast-like manifested bastard. He just pretends to be clean, pretends to be aloof, but with just a thread of omega pheromone, he’d throw off that luxury belt wrapped around his waist and come running like a dog… Fuck, if he’s just that kind of bastard anyway, where does he dare act so fastidious?
“…Anyway, thank you as always. Please prescribe the medicine like last time.”
It was around the time bright red anger was slowly pooling like a puddle of blood in his chest. The man who had announced it as bluntly as a totem pole was already standing. Watching his back as he slowly turned around and walked toward the door, Hyunjin belatedly came to his senses.
“Ah, yes. Then… I’ll see you next time.”
He hurriedly offered a greeting, but the man had already opened the door and left. Hyunjin glared at the closed door from behind his glasses. The cold gaze as if it would pierce through the lenses continued until he heard the nurse’s voice asking if she could let the next patient in.
“…Doctor. Doctor…?”
“……”
“Um… Doctor? The next patient…”
“Wait. Just! Wait, I said wait!”
A voice like an angry bull rose from his lower abdomen. The nurse jumped in surprise at the screamed sound, her body even bouncing. The flustered Hyunjin bit his teeth tightly, trying to calm his heaving chest.
It was the first time. Getting this angry at work. He had never once gotten angry at the nurses or other staff members.
The nurse stood frozen with widened eyes, clearly very flustered. Seeing that made him feel even more shitty. More than the fact that he’d made someone else uncomfortable, what angered Hyunjin more was the small crack discovered in the dam he’d thought he’d built up stably and solidly all this time.
But he had to calm his anger. Not now, not here.
With only a thin door between them, countless patients were waiting for him. To them, Hyunjin was various kinds of existence. To some he was like a god, to some he was like a parent, and to some he was a competent teacher and guide who effectively prescribed well-working medication.
So, he couldn’t continue like this. Not in this place. This is my workplace.
This is a place that will gift me the stability I can build up and accumulate. And this place has no dam to block the flood that burst out, no dark glass window to hide my face, no door or wall to completely hide my body.
With his fists trembling, Hyunjin lowered his head slightly. And he anxiously tapped the chart with his fingers.
Tap tap, tap tap, tap tap.
Taking plenty of time, he tried to summon peace of mind.
“Whew…”
Finally, he felt the surging anger subside a little. At the welcome signal, Hyunjin smiled faintly to himself.
Right, I’m different from my patients. Fuck, I’m different from those people outside the door who come seeking treatment. There’s no way someone like me who knows how to control myself so excellently could be like them, right? So it’s fitting that I remain in a position to reign over them and treat them.
At the well-organized conclusion, relief finally flooded into his inner self like a tide. Satisfied with his much more stable state, Hyunjin apologized to the nurse in a much softer voice. This came first for now. He didn’t want to plant the image of a bad person in anyone’s mind in this workplace.
“I’m sorry. Nurse Kim. I… had something bad happen, so I was needlessly oversensitive. I’m sorry.”
“Oh… it’s fine.”
The nurse glanced at Hyunjin cautiously. Right on cue, Hyunjin smiled gently through his glasses. Fuck, just let this slide. While chewing on that like a mantra inside, Hyunjin slowly apologized to her once more.
“You’re not hurt, are you? I… haah… I seem to be under quite a bit of stress these days.”
“Ah… it’s okay. These things happen. Don’t worry about it too much.”
Fortunately, the nurse seemed to have softened considerably at Hyunjin’s apology that appeared sincere. She even hurriedly waved her hands at Hyunjin and instead comforted him.
